Authors: Shey Stahl
It pissed me off that I
couldn’t have a moment to myself. I’d given him so many moments this
summer,
I needed a few to myself to think.
My hurt turned to
anger, raging anger. A glass cup on the dresser broke against the wall. My
anger could be destructive at times.
Propping up the door,
some privacy, Dylan turned around with a flinch and the smug set of his lips
just threw me into more of a spin. “Do you fucking hate me now?”
He stepped in my
direction and I took two more steps back. He looked at me and it made me
nervous. Grievingly desperate, his eyes were begging me to listen.
He turned and smacked
his palm against the wall. “You don’t know shit.”
Dylan stared me down,
his eyes were lost, and I kept mine on him. He licked his lips, studying me to
see how I was going to act.
“Yeah, you’re right. I
don’t.
Because of you.”
His smirk from earlier
turned into a condescending grin. “Don’t spin this all on me. That’s not fair
and you know it.” He was spitting acid through a smile I used to love.
“You could have told
me!” I shouted and all it did was
provoke
him.
“Goddamn him!” Dylan
yelled until his voice gave out. This sound of his fist going into the wall
shook my
bones,
my hands went to my ears.
He took a step forward,
an angry step but he wasn’t going to hurt me, I knew that.
“Don’t touch me,
Dylan,” I warned but my voice shook and I pulled my hands out of his reach.
Dylan laughed but he
stepped back and appeared nervous but I knew he wasn’t. “Don’t touch you?” He rolled
his eyes, looking at the wall to the glass on the floor and then back to me.
“Okay,” he said nodding his head like I was playing a game with him and he was
playing along just to appease me. But it wasn’t a game and he fucking knew it.
This shit was real. My hurt was real but so was his.
“Why did you get in my
car that day?” He sounded honestly curious again but his eyes told me
otherwise.
“You asked me.” My hand
swept over my tears, trying to breathe and focus. “Remember?”
“No,” he interrupted,
his voice sharper now. “Tell me the fucking truth, you didn’t have to. Why? Why
did you get in my car? Why did you throw away everything, the perfect life, for
me?”
I choked on my tears
trying to clear my throat and then gave up and cried into my hands. My chest
and lungs struggled to gain control. I hated that nothing made sense to me
right now but him, feeling him near me.
“Jesus.” He pressed his
head into the doorframe, tightly gripping the back of his neck with both hands.
The way his chest was heaving, I could tell he was attempting to control his
anger. His breath began to come in short gasping spurts attempting to control
himself
. “I fucking hate him. I hate him!”
He put his hands on his
hips, still facing the
wall,
his head dipped forward,
contemplating, regretting, realizing. “For the record, I never meant to hurt
you.” He looked at me with what seemed like disappointment. “I wanted…god…brown
eyes,” he swallowed choking back tears but it did nothing, they fell. “I tried
to tell you.”
I reached for
him,
I couldn’t take it any longer. All anger and emotion
aside, I wanted his touch.
He held me tighter,
pulling himself to me while I cried, he cried, we cried. I put aside the
reasons and lived in this moment, the one that was crying, begging for me to
listen.
“If you want to know
anything, ask me,” he said looking down at me when we finally sat on the bed.
“Why did you lie?”
He
squinted
his eyes and pondered my question, then shook his head. “I’ve never lied to
you. But I also never thought it was my place to tell you. Think about what I
would have been saying. You’re dad took my mom from me. He took my childhood
from me. He took yours from you. Think about it.”
His words, the truth,
crushed my soul, broke my bones and poisoned my blood.
It was late now. I
didn’t want to move, still wanted to be numb and my body was drained. “Stay
here with me?” Dylan asked. Megan said she wasn’t coming back tonight and that
I could be alone tonight. I knew we were alone.
Hoped that we
were.
“Where’s my dad?” My
drained body fell back against the bed, my heart stayed with Dylan, in his
hands.
Dylan sat on the edge
of the bed and wrestled off his shoes dropping them with a thud onto the wood
floor, the sound echoed. His knees brushed against mine, I watched him, breathless
after his display of anger earlier to this now, restless. “I don’t know. I lost
it and left. Drew said he’d keep him away.”
“I meant what I
said.” Turning me around, his hands framed my face, his eyes, bloodshot and
pleading. He wasn’t going to beg and deep down I knew he wanted to. “I mean it
brown eyes, I love you. I do.”
Nodding, I focused on
his lashes and then deeper into his eyes wanting to trust him, his touch heavy
and slow.
“You don’t.” Once the
words left my lips, I regretted them because they weren’t true.
His lips curved at the
corners, but the smile wasn’t one of amusement. He was being serious. “Oh, you
couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. I meant
everything
I said to you.”
A bitter laugh escaped
me, my arms folded over my chest. “Then what was it?”
He broke eyes contact,
his head turning to the side, his jaw tight. He was closing down, shutting the
door.
“Answer me.”
His gaze returned, but
he said nothing, at least nothing in words. My face was suddenly between his
palms, so close to his own. His fingers were electric on my skin, the sensation
calming yet terrifying. His lips barely touched my own. “You know goddamn well
the answer to that question.” There was no lust to his voice, only anger but
underneath that, was the love I knew, the layers were peeled.
He lowered his mouth to
my ear. “Please hear me.”
I did hear him.
“Tell me this is okay,”
he said breathlessly against my skin.
I knew what he was
asking and I couldn’t deny him. There’s something about heartache that makes
you want to feel what broke it one last time. We both knew this was the last
time.
I could feel him
struggling within, not wanting to stop. He pulled me from his chest, his hands
on my shoulders. “Please don’t leave,” he gasped. “We need this.” Dylan took my
face in his hand pressing his lips to my forehead. He kept his lips there
trying to convince me he meant everything he had said.
Pulling himself closer,
he stroked my cheek with his thumb but didn’t say anymore.
He gasped, his tears
mixing with mine, searching for himself within me. Gripping my shoulders
firmly, his body shook as he drew me closer. “Just be here, with me, one last
time, be here.”
My hands shook when I
brought them to cover his over my cheeks. His expression shifted again, his
anger seemed to shatter like glass and then the slightest pressure against my
mouth drew me in.
The sound of metal and
leather unfastening brought me back and I opened my eyes to see him staring at
me, wanting, needing, and begging.
When I reached for him,
he grabbed both my hands and held my wrists together in one hand above my head
near the headboard. “Tell me to stop, tell me to leave and I will,” he said
through his teeth. “Tell me that you don’t love me.” His hips pushed forward,
his glare on me, burning me. “Fucking
say
it,” he
growled, low, primal.
But I couldn’t.
Reaching between our
hips, he pushed his clothes aside with his right hand. My breath caught when I
felt him press himself against me, there, stomach to stomach, chest to chest.
It felt
wrong,
it felt as if we were destroying the very last bit of
anything we could have had.
21.
Lost – Dylan Wade
She
tried to shove my hands away when I went for her shirt but she wasn’t strong enough
or wasn’t pushing enough. Instead I placed my hand between her breasts and
pushed her back down onto the bed, not hard, but enough to let her know I was
serious.
Gripping
her hips, I pushed closer forcing her thighs apart pressing myself against her.
Through my jeans, she could feel what I wanted most, her.
Bailey’s
lips fell open, her neck arching. That’s when her back arches curling her
fingers into the sheets, no more fighting, now she’s holding onto me, bending
her knees to squeeze me, begging me closer.
Circling
her hips, I knew she was done.
I let
go for just a moment to pull my shirt off watching her rock against me,
desperate for more. Her eyes watched me when my hands moved to my belt. The
sound of the metal clanking brought her eyes to mine.
She
reached for my belt but I shook my head. “Stop it.” Placing my hand on her
chest once again, I pushed her back again. She’s not running this shit tonight,
I was. I was going to fuck her until she begged me to stop because I know it
was the last time.
Bailey
seemed to understand and placed her hands over her head when I pressed my body
forward. My buckle pressed into her stomach, she winced, so I pulled back to
remove my jeans and then found my place between her legs again.
At the
contact, she moaned again, her head tilted back further and I bent my own,
dragging my lips and teeth over her throat. I wanted her to have marks from me,
remember me, memories only she knew. Her legs trembled, heels dug into my
thighs.
She
knows what I’m doing. Maybe it scares her but regardless, she knows.
Grasping
her wrists tighter, I pushed into her at the same time I bit her neck, she
knew.
When
she cried out, I covered her mouth with mine silencing her cries.
She
fucking knows what this is. She does.
Dragging
my kiss, my tongue, my body against hers, I didn’t ease up, no, I pushed harder
than before. Possessiveness runs through my veins not wanting to let go, this
girl was mine and I didn’t want to let go. These screams were mine, the way her
body curled into mine, that’s mine too.
I
didn’t fuck
around,
I didn’t tease her, or me. Knees
apart, I gave her what we wanted, needed, desired, and begged for.
Digging
my fingers into her hips, I fucking groan at the contact of being wrapped
around her, spread out before me, loving me the way she knows how to.
The way
she watches me makes my fucking knees shake, it takes my air from my lungs and
gives me chills, that kind of shit. It takes my world and crushes it knowing it
will never be the same.
That’s
when she started to cry, feeling it too.
“
Shhh
,” I whispered rocking my hips and watching her body
take all that mine is giving her as it sows my own control.
A
soulful surrendered heart, I gave every miserable ounce of frustration and
aggression that I’ve shouldered this summer, that I’ve shouldered my entire
goddamn life. I fucked her as hard as I wanted to fight for her, for us, and I
didn’t stop until she screamed for me to as I came, we both came, both my arms
wrapped tight around her, rolling through my release.
“Don’t stop, please
don’t stop,” she begged.
I pulled her legs
over my shoulder, moving deeper, feeling more. “Never,” I moaned pushing deeper
yet again, shaking my head lightly.
“Tell me,” I whispered
between pants. “Even if it’s a lie, tell me.”
The truth fell from
her lips. “I love you.”
22.
Truth – Bailey
There I was, another sunrise, another
decision. It ties into the beginning right about now. I was back in that
sunrise the morning I left. A change, a thought, a feeling never happens right
away. You never see it coming. Just like the sunrise creeping over us, chalky
warmth, a glow in the distance. Just as the night’s mistakes, regrets and stars
were shaken from the sky, a decision was made.
What would you do for a
piece of forever? What would you do to love more, feel more, and live more?
What would you do to
find yourself? Would you give all that up to find just a small piece of
yourself, a side you’ve never known?
When the light
flittered in, I felt his touch, soft, warm, wanting, his finger skimming.
I knew he never meant
to lie to me. He knew the truth would break my heart. I remembered his words,
the first song of his he ever sang, his eyes on mine. He tried to tell me so
many times.
Hide you from the
fear
You find deep inside
Dylan’s eyes were
focused on the same window, lost in maybe the same thoughts. We both know what
last night was and what this morning was I wanted to stop looking and not
remember anything but I couldn’t. I wanted to stop noticing every small detail
I loved about him.
I could feel him behind
me, warming my skin just as the sun did and the fiery ache in my chest and the
ice blue that melted it.
He was quiet, his
breathing light as the breeze through the open window. I twisted and looked
over at him. He was on his back staring at the ceiling.
I remembered, briefly,
the morning we spent skin-to-skin, laughing, living for moments and memories
that only we knew, words only meant for us, moving above me or under me with
reverent curses and parted lips. The way he would gaze down at me in a heated
expression, the feel of my fingertips meeting his hard muscles, begging him not
to stop and knowing he held every string to my heart if only just for a summer.