“Nothing professional since
Clean Slate
.”
She looked at me incredulously. “That’s an absolute travesty.”
“I didn’t plan it this way. The films kept coming and the idea of turning down steady work in this business, well, it just seems to go against nature.”
“There’s some truth to that, yes. But you’re in a position now where you can be a little more particular, don’t you think?”
“Try convincing Latham of that.”
She sighed and sat up straighter as if on a mission, trying to explain herself another way. “Andrew Latham is a great agent, Jenna, but he works for you. You need to remember that. It’s your career we’re discussing, not his. Don’t let him pressure you into projects. Ever.”
She had a valid point and it reminded me of how much I’d learned from Adrienne when I’d first started in the business. I decided right there to take what she said to heart. “If you want to go theatrical, I think you’d be able to find the work.”
“It would take some time to get myself in physical shape for a job in musical theater again.” I rested my head in my hands. “Hell, I don’t even know if I’m capable of it anymore. It’s just been too long.”
“It’s been longer for me and you’re telling me to jump back in.
Hypocritical much?” She arched her eyebrow knowingly. “Apparently.” I lowered my head.
“All right then, it’s settled. You’re going to get yourself back in primo dancing shape. Put it on the list.”
I blinked at her. “What makes you think there’s a list?” “Please. There’s always a list. I’m guessing it’s
color-coded
.”
She was right. It was. I was surprised to find out she still had my number on that kind of thing. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “Okay then. It’s on the list.”
She winked playfully. “Progress. I love it.”
We both turned simultaneously as her phone on the coffee table next to us began to dance around from the vibration of an incoming call. Adrienne leaned over to read the caller ID before settling casually back onto the couch. “I wonder what happened to Michelle? Maybe she’s ditched us after all.”
I shrugged but couldn’t take my eyes off the phone as it conspicuously continued its notification. It occurred to me that Adrienne might be choosing not to answer the call because I was in the room. “If you’d like to take that, I can go.” I gestured toward the door of her trailer. “I should probably head out anyway.”
“No, please stay,” she said. “I’m just not feeling especially ‘on’ right now.”
“And you would need to be ‘on’ to take that call?”
“Kind of. The truth is it’s a woman I’m sort of…talking to.” “Ah, that kind of call.” I smiled knowingly.
“No!” She swatted my arm, hard. “Not that kind of call and stop teasing me.”
“All right, all right.” I laughed with my hands up in mock surrender. “Just please don’t hit me again.” We both relaxed a little and settled back onto the couch. I looked at Adrienne expectantly, urging her to continue.
“All right, so here it is. I think I like her, and I haven’t liked someone in well, a while. We just don’t know each other well enough that we’re to the point of, I don’t know, comfortability yet. Is that a word?”
“I don’t think it is.” I laughed. “But wait, so the problem is you’re not comfortable with her yet?”
“You know the point where you’re completely yourself with someone, one hundred percent, flaws and all?” I nodded and tried my damndest to look interested and at ease even though it felt completely weird talking to Adrienne, my ex-girlfriend, about her love life.
“Well, we’re not there yet. I’m still going out of my way to put my best foot forward, impress her, that kind of thing, and I don’t think I have the energy for that in this particular moment. It’s been a long day.”
“I see. And where did we meet this charmer?” “You’re still teasing me.”
“A little. Answer the question.”
“At a party in the Meatpacking District. She works in fashion, mid to upper level.”
“Aha. Does said fashionista have a name?” “Kimberly. Kim.”
“Kimberly is a very nice name. A sexy name.”
“It is a nice name, but that’s all you’re getting out of me tonight, Barbara Walters. We should talk about you now. Who has your cell phone ringing lately?”
“No one really.”
“No one? How can that be?”
“Well, I guess there is a girl I talk to, to use your words.” “Aha. I knew it. Spill.”
“There’s nothing to spill. We enjoy each other, but it’s very
casual
.”
“Are you to that ‘comfortable’ stage?”
I thought of Paige and all the things we’d done together. “Yeah, I think you could say that.”
Her eyebrows bounced up. “Would you say—”
Adrienne didn’t have a chance to inquire further, however, as Michelle chose that moment to race into the room. “All right, chicas, I’m ready for some grub. Ready to head out, Age?”
I smiled at Adrienne victoriously.
“You’re not off the hook. We’ll talk more later.”
I rose from the couch. “Of course we will,” I answered innocently. “Give Lanie a hug for me. Tell her I’m looking forward to the
wedding.”
“I will. ‘Night, guys. Stay out of trouble.” I opened the door and started out before I simply had to turn back. “Oh and, Adrienne, you have nothing to be afraid of. I mean it.”
She looked back at me pensively and smiled, saying nothing.
❖
“Well, you haven’t killed each other yet, that’s something,” Lanie said through the dressing room door. “Try this one.” She slung a yellow satiny dress over the door.
I wiggled into the hideous cotton candy pink thing the salesgirl had dropped off and frowned at myself in the dressing room mirror. “No, that’s just it. We’re getting along really well. It’s nice.” I turned sideways. “I’m not wearing this, by the way, and if you care about me at all you wouldn’t want me to.”
“Open the door.”
I obliged and even took my fashion model runway walk through the length of the boutique. Lanie rolled her eyes at my shenanigans. “Okay, so it’s a little too pink. You know what I’m thinking? Blue.
You’re my only attendant so this dress should be all about you. When I think Jenna, I think blue. We need to match those eyes of yours.”
I returned to the dressing room. “I could do blue.”
“So when you’re with Adrienne, in your new and mature friendship capacity, there isn’t a part of you that wants to rip her clothes off like the old days?” The mere mention of that made me freeze partway out of the dress, envisioning Adrienne four years ago, naked and beautiful in my bed. The truth was I hadn’t allowed my thoughts to fully move in that direction until Lanie’s remark. My mouth went completely dry. I stared at myself in the mirror and noticed my reddened face. Rallying, I forced the very powerful image from my mind and focused on the conversation.
I opened the door and peered out at Lanie, serious now. “No, absolutely not. We’re friends.”
“Do you want to just be friends?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I want. Now let’s find us a dress, shall
we?”
“Your wish is my command. Finish getting out of this thing. I think I saw a contender over yonder.”
I pulled back. “Yonder? Really, we’re going with yonder?” “Uh-huh.” She tapped my nose and walked away. Her comments
had
started the wheels in my head turning, however. As I undressed, I contemplated my state of mind. Did I still have feelings for Adrienne? But the answer was immediate. No. Adrienne and I were ancient history, and though at one point I was hurt by the fact she didn’t fi
for our relationship, I was past all that. We were covering new ground and getting to know each other in a different capacity and so far, it was a very good thing. Okay, so she was still smokin’ hot, maybe even hotter now than four years ago, but that didn’t change anything.
Lanie was right about the dress she’d spotted. It was gorgeous and seemed to fit like it was made for me. When I came out of the dressing room, Lanie said nothing at first and then nodded, exhaling. “And there it is. Wow.
Wow
. I think we have to take this one, kiddo. What do you think?”
I looked at myself in the mirror, turned sideways, and smiled. I felt elegant and beautiful. I’d never been one who was self-conscious
about my looks, knowing I was attractive enough, but there was something remarkable about putting on an outfit that can transform the way you see yourself. The dress was midnight blue with thin straps holding up the fitted bodice. It fell freely below the waist but still outlined the curves my body offered. “I like it.”
“Sold!” Lanie called out to the salesgirl, waving her charge card in the air.
❖
“Sky, you’re killing me. Are you going to deal?”
“I don’t know that I want to play another round with you. I’m
down fifty bucks already.”
I looked at my very handsome fake boyfriend and wiped an imaginary tear from my eye. “That’s a pretty sad story. You should sell it to
Access Hollywood
.”
He grabbed his heart as if I’d shot an arrow through it. We were killing time in my trailer until we were needed on set. The day had been fairly light for me, just a lot of waiting around. Sky was eager to show the little lady how to play cards, so I decided to let him.
Adrienne knocked twice on the door and wandered into the trailer just as Sky begrudgingly dealt the cards again. I surveyed her outfit, baggy jeans and white T-shirt with something orange spilled down the front of it. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail with long pieces falling haphazardly out. She looked not at all like herself. “Nice outfit,” I said sweetly, glancing up from my cards.
“Isn’t it? We just shot the scene where my child throws a tantrum and spits up all over me in the grocery store. Hard times for Delaney.”
“Sounds like it,” Sky said apologetically.
“I liked holding that little guy, though.” She sat on the arm of the couch. “I could see myself with one like him someday.”
I tried to imagine Adrienne with a child and it wasn’t hard. She was nurturing and warm and the thought of her cradling and singing to a baby made me smile. I looked up at her. “You know, I could see that too. You would be a great mom, I think.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Maybe in a few years. You never know. Better hurry up with that game though. They’re going to need you guys next. I’m going to go get changed. Just wanted to say hi.” She turned to leave. “Oh, and, Sky, just give her the money now. She’s hustling you.”
I leaned in and whispered, “I am not. She’s just jealous because she’s not as good as you are.” He nodded knowingly as I proceeded to take him for another fifty and change.
❖
I had a love-hate relationship with snow. I loved how it looked from the cozy safety of the indoors, a mug of hot chocolate warming my hands as I gazed out at its white drifts. I hated it when I was forced out into its cold, slushy reality. Wouldn’t you know it? It was snowing in New York on this particular day of shooting, and to my utter dismay, our scene du jour took place outdoors. Production decided the snow was not a problem and would enhance the scene. So instead of rescheduling the day, we were shooting in the damn snow. My mom had been nice enough to ship my heavy coat a few days earlier once the forecast was in, but the chill seemed to follow me everywhere I went.
“So you think they’re going to get to us any time soon?” I asked Adrienne, who sat to my right in a matching director’s chair. It was about five thirty in the afternoon and the sun was already completely down. The temperatures were dropping and I was growing concerned about my ability to remain calm in such frigid conditions. I simply wasn’t built for cold.
“Well, judging from the fact that they’ve still got two pages to shoot before we arrive in the scene, I’m going to go with no. Sorry.” “Damn it. I was afraid you were going to say that. I say we make a break for it. I think there’s a hot toddy somewhere with my
name on it. No one will miss us. Are you with me?”
Adrienne looked over at me, clearly enjoying my distress. “Jenna, it’s twenty-eight degrees out, and there’s a few flurries in the air. I would hardly call this a blizzard. You can do this.”
“Speak for yourself. I don’t like snow.” “Aren’t you from Boston?”
“Yes, and I didn’t like snow there either.”
“Tell you what, why don’t you drink some more hot chocolate?
It’ll make you feel better.”
“Adrienne, I’m going to level with you. If I drink any more hot chocolate you’re going to have to play back my scenes in slow motion. My sugar level is already through the roof. How is it you’re so calm? I’m expecting a family of Eskimos to walk past us at any moment followed by their friends, a waddle of penguins.” I realized my tone was verging on childlike and petulant, but it simply couldn’t be helped. These particular working conditions were torturous as far as I was concerned.
“All right, all right, you’ve forced my hand,” Adrienne said. “Come here.”
“What?” I asked, completely confused.
She held her arms open and gestured with her head for me to move into her chair in front of her. “Body heat. We can keep each other warm.”
I literally leapt at the idea, desperate to try anything. I moved quickly to sit in the front of Adrienne on her chair, nestled between her legs, my back against her stomach. She wrapped her arms around me from behind and I covered her arms with my own, settling in. It was nice to snuggle up to someone else when the weather was getting the best of me. I shivered once and instinctively pulled her arms tighter around me, already feeling a bit more warmth, and maybe a butterfly or two in my stomach at Adrienne’s close proximity. God, not this again.
“Better?” she asked, her mouth close to my ear.
“A little, yeah. Thanks.” And it was, in more ways than one. Stop it, I told myself. These thoughts were not okay. Adrienne was off limits. She was my friend now. A highly attractive friend, who apparently still used the same melon-scented shampoo she did when she was with me.
“Now you just need to think about heat.” “Heat?” I managed, swallowing hard.
“Yeah. For example, imagine yourself sitting in front of a fire, the warmth from the flames caressing your cheek. If you do a good enough job of imagining, you’ll begin to feel warmer. It’s psychological.”