She would have to leave him. As soon as they got to the Professor’s safe house, as soon as she knew he was going to be okay, she would leave. It was the only way to really protect him.
“Abby, look at me!” Tah’s command pulled her from the pain of her thoughts. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but forget it. This is not your fault.”
“He’s dead. I just talked to him this morning.” She laughed without any mirth. “I thought he was paranoid.” She let her inner turmoil reflect in her eyes. “I just thought he was paranoid.”
“Pull over, Reno.”
She felt the truck move as he followed Tah’s demand. The truck had barely stopped when Tah threw his door open and shifted the seat forward to reach Abby. He pulled her out and sat again, cradling her on his lap in the passenger seat. “This isn’t your fault. So stop thinking that.”
She shuddered. Her teeth clenched as she fought to hold the tears at bay. Professor Mueller had been her family. And Jess. How did she tell her friend she was the reason he was dead? They’d all gone their separate ways after Africa. Jess off to follow a lead on her wolves and Professor Mueller back to his papers and stuffy office. And she’d started her search for Tah. But she’d always known they were there if she needed them, just as they knew she was.
“Abby.” His eyes flashed brown, yellow, brown, yellow. His shoulders twitched as he rolled his neck as if fighting to keep control. “I don’t know what’s going on or why I feel like you plan to run. But I promise you, if you run, I will hunt you and find you. I will find you and do whatever I need to, to make sure you never leave me again.”
Her eyes widened. How had he sensed that? “I don’t want to be the reason you die,” she whispered.
“Then don’t leave me, Abby. Never leave me. That’s the only thing that will kill me. You’re my life. My reason to keep fighting. I’d lose everything if I lost you.” He kissed her softly on the lips. “Do you understand me? I’d cease to exist if I lost you. There is no
me
without
you
.”
Her shoulders shook with the force of her emotions, and tears spilled down her cheeks. “I won’t leave you. I promise.” He held her while she cried.
God help anyone who tried to use her to get at him. She wouldn’t run, but she would fight with everything she had. And if the time came, she didn’t doubt she would kill to protect him.
Chapter Eight
From the journal of Abby Lane
I’m at the bar again, watching Utah Pearce. I can’t stop myself. I may never find the nerve to approach him, but I’ll never be able to deny my need to see him. There is just something comforting about being in his presence, and knowing that occasionally, he looks my way and notices me…even if it’s only for a brief moment.
He brings me a coke and nachos now without asking. I’ve ordered the same thing every evening since I first came in. I’m nothing if not predictable. And isn’t that one of the reasons why a man like Utah will never give me a second glance. Predictable doesn’t seem to be a quality that attracts him.
It’s hard sometimes. To watch the women who come in and flirt with him. To know one of them will probably get lucky and leave with him. I wish it were me. I sit watching and waiting, and wish it was me he was taking home.
* * * *
Abby cuddled closer to Tah’s side in the sleeping bag. They’d finally stopped for the night. She hadn’t been prepared for the tents and other camping gear Reno and Logan had brought with them, but she was no stranger to roughing it. And as long as she was sleeping with Tah, it didn’t matter where they were.
“How did you know?” The question had been running through her mind since he’d pulled her into his lap and held her tightly, demanding she not leave him.
Tah sighed beside her, one hand wrapped around her back holding her close, while the other played with her hair.
“I don’t know how to explain it, Abby. It’s as if whatever this is inside me knew what you were thinking. It knew, and it was terrified.”
She lifted up on her elbow, so she could see his eyes. “It’s your lion, Tah. How can you still be in doubt?”
‘‘What am I supposed to do? I feel like I’m being torn in two. Every thought, every emotion is a battle of wills. And it’s all happening inside me. I’m fighting in here.” He tapped his fingers against his temple.
“That’s because you’re still fighting in here.” She rubbed over his chest above his heart. “You have to accept him, or you’ll never be whole.”
“How do I accept what I find so hard to believe?”
She was shocked by the pain and rage she saw in his gaze.
“Do you know what I felt when Reno just shrugged his shoulders and accepted that I might have a lion inside me, might turn into a lion some day? I felt rage. I hated him in that moment. The best friend I’ve ever had in my life, and I hated him.”
“He loves you.” It was easy for her to see how they acted more like brothers than friends.
“Reno may talk about me saving his ass, but he pulled mine out of the fire more than once too. His reflexes are better than any man I know. I swear he’s always known what I was going to do almost as soon as I make the choice.”
“He sounds like a great friend to have.”
“He pointed you out to me more than once. I think he knew we’d end up together.”
“I don’t think anyone would have pictured the two of us together.”
“The first time he saw you, he told me to keep my eye on you. Said he just had a feeling there was more to you than anyone would imagine.”
She gasped in surprise. “Reno said that? I remember him telling you I was looking at you again. You said I was probably looking off in space.”
“I’m sorry, Abby. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I knew you were too good for a guy like me. You’d stick around long enough for me to fall in love, then leave when you finally realized I would never be at your level.”
“My level? What the hell does that mean?”
He was making her sound like a snob. Abby might be a lot of things, but she wasn’t snobby.
“You were right when you said you were the smartest woman I’ve ever met. I just assumed you would want more than a jarhead.”
“Tah, I’ve wanted you since the first day I walked in the door of that bar and saw you. I came in every day just to see you, to hear your voice. I would watch the women flock around you and wish I could be the lucky one you took home that night.”
“You’ll be the only woman in my life, for the rest of my life. I don’t want anyone but you.”
“I fell in love with the idea of you when I was just a child and you were no more than a story. I fell in love with you as a woman who couldn’t seem to give up the little girl’s dreams that you might exist. I walked in that door and took one look at you and felt my heart fall at your feet. Then I touched you, held you, and I knew.”
He turned on his side, so they could lie face to face. “What did you know?”
“That no fantasy compared to the flesh and blood man. That no emotion compared to the love I feel inside just looking at you.” She cradled his face in her hands and kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you, Tah. All of you. Even the parts that scare you.”
“I love you, Abby. And whatever is in here,” he placed his palm against his bare chest. “It loves you too. You seem to be the only thing we agree on.”
“What is it that scares you, Tah?”
“Other than the whole prospect of shifting into an animal?” he asked sarcastically, then sighed. “Sorry. That wasn’t fair.”
“Tah, I may understand the possibility, but it isn’t happening inside me. I can only watch you. And I’m scared.”
“I’d never hurt you. I swear.”
“I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid for you. If I could fix this, I would. I did this to you.”
“How did you do this to me?”
“If I hadn’t kept searching and looking, then no one would have been the wiser. I’m the one who couldn’t let it go, who kept searching until I found you. Then I couldn’t stay away.”
“I’m glad you couldn’t stay away.”
“But if not for me, you’d still be in that bar. And none of this would be happening.”
“Which means I wouldn’t be lying here with the woman I love tucked beside me. I’ll take the unknown over the past any day as long as I have you.”
“What can I do to help you, Tah? How do I help you?”
He pulled her tighter and buried his face in her hair. “Just love me, Abby. No matter what comes at us. Just love me.”
“Always.” It was a promise she knew she’d keep.
She lay awake long after Tah finally fell asleep. She had too many things on her mind. Memories of her parents. Would she ever get the answers to what had really happened that day? Harlan was the only one who knew for sure, but his story of the lion going crazy and attacking her wasn’t true. The lion hadn’t been attacking her. So how was she to believe Harlan’s tale of how it killed her parents?
And Professor Mueller… How did she forgive herself for pulling him into this? Had Harlan killed him? If he’d followed her in Africa, then he would know how close she’d become to the Professor and his daughter.
Oh, God! Was Jess safe? Was she already at the cabin? Or was Harlan even now hunting her down to get to Abby? What had she done?
She looked down at Tah, brushing his hair softly from his forehead. What would she do if anything happened to him? She’d survived the loss of so much already in her life, but she didn’t think she’d survive losing him. God, please don’t let her lose him.
She lay awake, finding comfort in the simple act of watching him breathe. He was so warm, like a big electric blanket warding off the night chill. So strong and powerful. She was blown away that he loved her.
It startled her a bit when his eyes just popped open. Brown with a swirl of yellow around the pupil.
“You’re awake,” she whispered.
“I need you.” He moved against her, and she felt the brush of his arousal.
“I’m right here,” she whispered.
It took some maneuvering, but they managed to strip without leaving the sleeping bag. Tah rolled her over and used his knees to spread her legs wide. One hand dipped down between her thighs, touching just the way she needed him to, while his mouth claimed hers in a heated kiss that caused more liquid to spill and coat his fingers.
“You’re so wet,” he moaned as he slid his lips over her jaw and up to nip at her earlobe. “So tight and hot. I can’t get enough of you, Abby. I want you all the time. Always.”
She moaned and arched up into his touch, rubbing her nipples against his chest as she rode his fingers.
“I want you too, Tah,” she promised, slipping her hand down to curl around his cock. “Now. Take me now.”
She heard the deep rumble of his sexy purr just before he moved his hand, wrapping it around hers where she griped him. Together, they rubbed him along the seam of her sex before pressing the head against her opening.
“Yours, Tah,” she swore. “I’m yours.”
“Mine,” he growled, his teeth flashing, as he thrust deep.
“Yes,” she agreed, trying to muffle her cries against his chest as he moved inside her.
“Feel me,” he crooned. “Feel me, Abby.”
“Yes,” she cried out again. All she could do was feel him. Then his earlier comment tickled her memory.
Pay closer attention when we have sex later, and tell me if you think it will work for me to use a condom.
She did her best to fight back the waves of pleasure that sought to steal her thoughts. It was hard to focus on the feel of his cock without losing herself in the sensations drowning her. God, he felt so good, rubbing along her walls. He was stroking every nerve to life, and her pussy was rippling and clenching around him. God, what was he doing?
“Tah?” She couldn’t keep the slight rasp of fear out of her voice. What was happening to his cock?
“Feel it? Feel how my cock is changing inside you?”
“Yes,” she whimpered as she felt her orgasm fast approaching. “I need to see,” she forced the words out, though the last thing she wanted was for him to withdraw.
“Can’t stop,” he growled, fucking her faster, his cock surging deeper with each thrust. “Abby.” Her name was a moan of pleasure on his lips.
“Tah!” There was no way to smother her cry. It was too much. The small swellings along his cock were growing even bigger. They rubbed her walls, increasing the friction and sending her into a cataclysm. Pleasure crashed over her, ripped through her, and sent her flying into an abyss.
“Feels so good,” he growled. “Too good.”
He lowered his head, and she felt the stroke of his tongue over the bite mark. Just that little touch had the power to throw her higher. Then he bit, his teeth piercing her skin again and sinking in to hold her in place as she felt the first heated splash of his cum. She shuddered and shook as tremors coursed through her. She couldn’t focus on his cock, on the changes in it. She could only hold tight to Tah in an attempt to keep from flying apart.
She was still trembling when he pulled his teeth free and licked over the bite.
“It’ll never heal with my constantly biting you there,” he whispered against her skin.
“It doesn’t hurt,” she assured him. “It feels…like nothing I’ve ever known. The pleasure increases when you bite me. I can’t explain it.”
A throat cleared outside the tent.
“We’ve got another hour before we should hit the road again.” Reno’s voice was soft as he spoke.
“We’ll be ready,” Tah answered just as softly.
Abby lay beneath him, his cock still inside her, and tried to sort through what she’d felt. He was still changing.
“I didn’t notice that the first time we were together,” she whispered.
He lifted his hips from her, pulling free and rolling to his back beside her. She turned to her side, lifting up on her elbow to look down at him as she waited for him to talk.
“It didn’t happen the first time.” He began to run the fingers of one hand through her hair, whether to soothe her or him, she wasn’t sure. “I noticed it the second time. Hell, if I didn’t know better I would have sworn I’d put on a ribbed condom. I don’t know what’s happening to me.”