“I know what you mean.”
“That’s all I seem to be doing lately, thinking. My mind is so jumbled with questions. I can’t seem to settle on the answers.”
Gray asked, “What kind of questions? Maybe I can help.”
Lizbeth searched Gray’s eyes for something. Was it trust? She was honest when she answered, “I don’t know if I want you poking around in my head just now.”
Gray chuckled. “What, afraid I might find out your darkest secrets, your deepest desires?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact. A girl has to have some mystery.”
Gray sat up, looking down at Lizbeth. “Oh, you’re plenty mysterious.”
“I could say the same about you,” Lizbeth said.
“Like you said, a little mystery never hurt anybody.” Gray paused, and then clearly feeling strongly about the subject, she said, “Why do some people feel the need to share their worst tragedies and heartbreaks with the world?”
“I don’t know, Gray. Maybe it helps them deal with their grief.”
Gray stared into the fire. “The best thing they could do with that shit is put it to rest and never wake it up again. Take whatever lessons you can from it and walk away.”
“Damn, Gray, that’s harsh.”
Gray was on a roll and didn’t pay much attention to Lizbeth’s comment. She continued, “And you know what gets me, those drunks on the barstool, lamenting their broken hearts, while you watch them make the same mistakes over and over again. They never learn.”
“And what lessons have you learned, Gray? Whatever they were they don’t sound pleasant.”
Gray hesitated. Lizbeth had promised not to ask about what happened in Texas, but Gray had opened the door. She waited to see what Gray would say. Lizbeth hoped the pall that ruined last evening did not return. To her relief it didn’t. Gray took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, appearing to have decided to answer Lizbeth’s question.
“I learned that trusting someone doesn’t make them infallible. I learned not to trust like that again. Isn’t that what you learned, too?”
Lizbeth thought about it, and then said, “Yes, at one time I felt that way, but I think it’s passed. I don’t want to go the rest of my life without falling in love again. Just because I chose poorly the first time, doesn’t mean there isn’t somebody out there I can trust with my heart and soul. I have to say, it’s a pretty depressing future, if I don’t think like that.”
Gray let out a faint laugh. “I’m more a once burned, twice shy kind of person.”
“Wow, somebody did a number on you.”
Gray sighed. “Yeah, something like that.”
Lizbeth shivered. The sun was sinking over the dunes. The sky above them had gone dark. Twilight had descended over the island. Gray saw that Lizbeth was cold. She got up, went to the jeep, and returned with Lizbeth’s canvas bag. Lizbeth thanked her, took out the jacket, and slipped it on. They were both quiet again for a few minutes. Finally, Lizbeth had to say something.
“I met James, my ex-husband, when I was sixteen years old. He was two years older, a senior, and the star quarterback. He was from the right family, had a bright future, and was the handsome the All-American boy. I fell madly in love with him and he fell for me. We were the perfect couple.”
Gray was listening, while she got two more beers out of the cooler, exchanged them for the empties, and returned a cold one to Lizbeth. Lizbeth took a couple of swallows, watching the sparks from the fire carried off by the wind, wondering if she should continue. Lizbeth had never really told anyone, except her divorce lawyer, exactly what happened to her marriage. Most people assumed correctly that she had caught James cheating, but there was so much more than that. She sighed loudly.
Gray reached for Lizbeth’s hand. She squeezed it, saying, “You don’t have to tell me this.”
“I want to tell you,” Lizbeth said. “I need to tell you.”
Gray seemed to understand, but looked away, as if she couldn’t bear to watch while Lizbeth finished her story.
Lizbeth began again. “I got pregnant in the spring of my senior year, got married right after graduation, and had Mazie at age eighteen. Now, that could have been a devastating blow to a young couple, but it wasn’t. We were happy. James comes from money, so that wasn’t a problem. Mazie was the love of both our lives. James went to college, I kept house and played mother and wife, and we were happy, still madly in love.”
Lizbeth drank some more beer, and then continued, with no comment from Gray. “James finished law school and started working in his father’s firm. My life was a dream come true. The handsome prince, the beautiful daughter, the big house, everything I had ever wanted was within my grasp. The one thing I knew that separated me from so many of my friends was I loved my husband and he loved me, unconditionally. That was a fact I knew like I know the sky is blue. My life was perfect.”
Lizbeth felt the tears coming, but she didn’t try to stop them. Although this was painful, she felt the uncontrollable need to say it aloud, set it free, and watch it float away on the island winds. Gray remained silent, still holding Lizbeth’s hand, but not looking at her.
“When Mazie was eight, James and I were asked to be in the wedding of a couple we knew. We were all in this one hotel at Hilton Head. I ate something that made me very sick and I was left in our hotel room, throwing up, during the after rehearsal party. I started feeling better, cleaned myself up, and went looking for my husband.”
Lizbeth took in a shuddering breath, the tears coming freely now, not in sobs, just gently falling, trailing down her cheeks. Gray squeezed Lizbeth’s hand again.
“I found him on the beach with one of the other bridesmaids. I came over the dune and there he was, fucking another woman. I swear Gray, until that very second, the thought of James cheating on me had never crossed my mind. I trusted him with every ounce of my being. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I fell completely to pieces.”
Lizbeth sniffled and wiped the tears with her jacket sleeve, but she kept going, unable to stop. A faint sarcastic laugh escaped her throat as she said, “I forgave him. I believed him when he said it was a mistake, that he was drunk, that he would give anything if I would just forgive him. Eventually, I was able to let it go, but it nagged at the back of my mind on occasion. James was even more attentive after that. My friends were jealous of how he showered me with gifts and affection, especially my best friend Chelsea.”
Gray suddenly dropped Lizbeth’s hand. She ran the fingers of both hands through her hair and then held them up in a sign for Lizbeth to stop. Still she had not looked at Lizbeth. “Stop, just stop,” she said.
“No, Gray, I want you to know.”
“I know where this is going. I don’t need the details.”
“Yes, Gray, you do. Just let me finish,” Lizbeth pleaded softly.
Gray took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then whispered, “Okay.”
“As you may have surmised, James and Chelsea were having an affair and had been for some time. I soon discovered how naïve I really was, when James’ true nature was exposed. He had been cheating on me, on quite a regular basis, the entire time I had known him, all the way back to high school. Now, this man was the basis for my existence. I loved my daughter, but she too was a part of him. He was my world.”
Lizbeth drank more beer. The next part was easier. “He, of course, begged me not to leave him. I was the only woman he would ever love and all that bullshit. I tell you Gray, part of me died that day. I couldn’t leave. Where would I go? I had not gone to college. Mazie was almost twelve by then. James was still building his career. So I let my heart go dormant. I went through the motions of perfect wife and mother. I devoted all my attention to Mazie and kept James blissfully unaware of what I was planning. The day Mazie graduated from high school, I presented him with divorce papers detailing every sordid affair he had for the past ten years. By then he was worth a whole lot more money and Mazie was grown. Ten years, Gray, ten years worth of feeling dead inside. I took him for everything I could get and then some.”
Gray chuckled a little, saying, “Ah, revenge. A dish best served cold.”
Lizbeth smiled for the first time since she had begun her tale. “Yes, and it was delicious, but it didn’t heal my heart. That has taken awhile.” She paused. “Gray, I told you this because you need to know. Whatever happened to you, it will get better. It just takes time. I let that part of me go to sleep, as you say, but then it woke up all on its own, with no help from me, and I’m finding that I do think I could love someone again.”
Gray finally turned around to look at Lizbeth. She had tears in her eyes, one having fallen over her eyelid, dripping onto her cheek. She whispered, “But aren’t you scared?”
Lizbeth smiled. “Yes, but I’m more alive than I’ve been in years and I feel like being crazy and throwing caution to the wind.”
Gray touched her fingertips to Lizbeth’s cheek. Gray’s eyes danced back and forth, as if searching Lizbeth’s face for some kind of sign. She whispered, “What am I going to do with you?”
The distance between their lips closed slowly. Gray’s hand slipped from Lizbeth’s cheek into her thick hair, sliding to the back of her head, and gently pulling Lizbeth to her. Lizbeth felt her heart stop. She gasped just before Gray’s mouth closed on hers. Every fiber of her being exploded, as a short distance away, the waves crashed loudly into the shore. If Lizbeth hadn’t already been sitting down she would have swooned, and all of that was just when Gray’s lips first touched hers. When Lizbeth’s lips parted, she melted into the sweetest, most intense, absolutely breath-taking kiss she had ever experienced. Now if only Lizbeth could remember how to breathe.
Gray released Lizbeth’s lips, but hovered there inches from her face, her crystal blue eyes registering something that looked to Lizbeth like astonishment. Gray had felt it too. That had been an earth-shattering kiss. Lizbeth chest was now heaving, as her burning lungs sucked for air. She had fallen back against Gray’s hand and it was the only thing keeping her head from impacting the sand below. Lizbeth had done the very thing she swore she wouldn’t do again. She had not eaten since lunch, she was drinking, and she had touched Gray, a lethal combination.
Gray finally smiled and the look of confusion faded from her face. She began to study Lizbeth’s expression. “Are you okay?” Gray asked.
Lizbeth said weakly, “I think I need to lie down.”
It suddenly dawned on Gray what had happened. She helped Lizbeth down on the blanket and jumped up, running to the Jeep, all the while talking fast. “Oh my God, I forgot to feed you. I brought hot dogs to cook, but I just blanked it out.” She returned with two coat hangers. She reached into the cooler, grabbed two dogs and stuck them on the ends of the hangers. Holding them out over the fire, she continued to talk. Lizbeth just listened. Her body was still tingling and she wasn’t sure if it was her blood sugar levels or the fact that Gray had kissed her.
Gray hadn’t just kissed her. She had changed Lizbeth’s whole perspective on what a kiss was supposed to feel like. True, Lizbeth wasn’t that experienced. There had only been James and a few others to compare it to, but Lizbeth knew that a kiss like that didn’t come along very often. That kiss had rocked her in to her current trembling state.
Gray was chattering away about how sorry she was for not feeding Lizbeth and turning the wieners in the flames. Lizbeth, who was just holding on to reality by a thread, stared above her at the now deep black sky, peeking out from between the whirling clouds. It was hard to believe Earl was out there in the ocean, churning toward them. Gray babbled on, but Lizbeth wasn’t listening. She tried to focus but drifted through the clouds in the sky full of stars. Here on the island, the stars twinkled unimpeded by city lights. A shooting star arched its way across the heavens. Lizbeth closed her eyes, but didn’t make a wish. Instead, she thanked the powers that be for that kiss and prayed for clarity.
When Lizbeth opened her eyes, Gray was over her again, grinning down at her. “Hey, ya’ gonna make it there, Miss Throw Caution to the Wind?”
Lizbeth smiled back, feeling better. “Yeah. You gotta Coke in that cooler?”
Gray dug in the cooler, pulling out a can. She handed it to Lizbeth, who had pulled herself up onto her elbows. Lizbeth took the soda and chugged until she had to stop and catch her breath. Once again, the southern champagne coursed through her body, restoring her senses. After a few more sips, she was able to sit up.
Gray was holding two hotdogs in dry buns in one hand. “What do you want on your hotdog?” she asked.
Lizbeth was never picky when she had gone too long without eating. She took one of the dry dogs, saying, “Just like this is fine.” She immediately bit the end off the hot dog and began to chew heartily.
Gray laughed at her. “You know, you should have said something. I had no idea you were starving.”
Lizbeth swallowed and took another swig of Coke. “I meant to eat something before I left the house. I get around you and I forget to eat. I forget to think.”
The corner of Gray’s smile crept higher on one side, when she said, “I got a little of that going on myself.”
They had eaten in silence for a few moments, when Lizbeth blew out a breath of air, signifying the world had come back into sharp focus. She looked at Gray, who was watching Lizbeth’s resurrection unfold before her.