Waking Up with the Boss (14 page)

Kristen entered the room and closed the door. She pulled a chair closer to Carol's desk and sat on the edge of it.

Then she said, “I know you haven't agreed to marry Jake or anything. But everyone at the office knows that he asked you. He's made that pretty clear around here.”

Yes, Jake had spilled the beans, professing his intentions. “Are you here to try to talk me into marrying him? Because I've already been—”

Kristen cut her off. “I'm sorry, but that's not why I'm here. It's just the opposite. I saw him today with another woman.”

Carol's heart nearly jumped out of her chest. “What?”

“I went to get some food at the taco place where a lot of us go, and when I was waiting for my take-out order, I saw Jake and one of his old girlfriends having lunch, with margaritas and everything. They looked pretty cozy to me. She was even reaching across the table to touch his hand.”

Carol felt sick, a wave of nausea roiling through her body. “Was it Susanne Monroe? The baseball player's ex?”

“Yep. That's who it was, the one who used to parade around here like a Kardashian.” Kristen frowned. “What made you assume it was her?”

“She was at the charity event on Saturday, and Lena told me I should be wary of her. But I brushed it off. I ignored the way Susanne had been staring at me.”

“I'm so sorry, Carol. I hated to even tell you that I saw Jake with her. But I don't want to see you get hurt.”

She was already hurt, torn up inside. “You were right to tell me. Did he know that you saw him?”

“No. They were in a booth and his back was to me.” Kristen scooted her chair a little closer. “Do you think it's possible that I misinterpreted what was going on?”

Carol looked into the younger woman's eyes. Now she was backpedaling, after everything she'd said? “Do
you
think that's possible?”

“I don't know. I just hate to be the one to ruin things for you. And since Lena warned you first, I guess what I saw was real. It's just hard to believe that Jake would go off with another woman, not with how much he wants to marry you.”

“It's hard for me to fathom, too.” Especially in light of how kind and protective he'd been. “I'll get Jake's side of it, and if he has a reasonable explanation, I'll take what he says into consideration.” And pray, with all of her heart, that it wasn't what it seemed.

“What if he is messing around with Susanne?”

“Then I'm going to pack my belongings and leave. There's no way I could keep staying at his house with him.”

“Would you quit being his assistant, too?”

“Yes, I would stop working here.” Seeing Jake every day would destroy her. She would need to separate her life from his, at least the best she could. But either way, they were still having a baby together.

“I don't think I could fill in for you, not like I did when you were sick. I'd be too mad at Jake to help him out like that.”

“Don't worry, I'd find another replacement. I wouldn't expect you to pick up the pieces.” Carol would have to do that all on her own.

* * *

Jake sat across from Carol in his sunken living room, with his heart sinking, too. How could everyone think so badly of him?

“I wasn't having a romantic lunch with Susanne,” he said, responding to the accusation that had been thrust upon him. “And her interest in you at the party wasn't sinister. She wasn't giving you the evil eye or trying to get back together with me. She was just curious about you.”

Carol didn't reply. Apparently she was waiting for him to expound further.

So he continued by saying, “When she saw you and Lena, she wanted to come over and talk to you, but then she got nervous, so she just stayed away.”

Carol folded her arms across her stomach. “Why would Susanne even care about me?”

“Because when I spoke to her at the party, I told her about you and the baby, and she thought it was romantic that you tamed a guy like me. It made her want to get to know you a little better.” Jake reached for the ice water in front of him and took a swig. “Susanne is mixed up about her own life. She's still not over her ex. That's why she texted me today and asked me to lunch. She wanted to talk to me about how she can win Kenny back.”

Carol raised her eyebrows. “She wanted advice from you? About relationships?”

“I know. Crazy, huh? She assumed that you and I were a couple. I didn't give her all the sordid details at the party. I just told her that I was planning on marrying you. So when she invited me to lunch today, I figured that I'd set her straight about us and tell her that I wasn't qualified to help her with Kenny.”

“Kristen said that Susanne was reaching across the table for your hand.”

“That's true. She did that. But it was only after I admitted that you've been refusing to marry me.”

Carol unfolded her arms. “I'm sorry, Jake, that everyone jumped to conclusions.”

“So you believe me?”

“Yes, I do. And I'm sorry that Susanne is still hurting over Kenny. But we aren't the role models for her happiness.”

“I wish we were.” He got up and sat beside her. “I still don't understand why you won't marry me.”

“I was thinking about it, before Kristen came to my office and threw me for a loop.”

“Really?” His mood brightened. “You were?”

“Yes, but I was thinking about love, too.”

Damn. Did that she mean was still going to hold out for another guy? “What if you never find the love of your life? Or what if you think you found him and he turns out to be a jerk. Will you marry me then? Or am I never going to measure up to your dream?”

“Oh, Jake.” She sighed. “If only you knew.”

Now he was really confused. “If I only knew what?”

Her voice jittered. “That I already met the man I love. That he's already part of my life.”

Suddenly he felt as though the world was caving in on him. “There's someone else? How is that even possible? The only person you've been spending time with is me.”

She just stared at him.
Really
stared at him.

Holy hell. Realization dawned in his stupid male brain. “So it's me?” He even tapped his chest, identifying himself. “I'm the one?”

She nodded briskly, shakily.

“You actually love me? Like
love
me,
love
me?”

“Yes,” she replied, leaning closer to him.

This should have been good news. He should have rejoiced in her admission. But Jake panicked instead. He didn't know anything about that kind of love. He'd done everything in his power to avoid those types of feelings.

He stood and moved toward the window. And as soon he turned back around, facing Carol once again, he panicked even more. Her eyes were filled with pain.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I wasn't expecting...”

“I have to go,” she said. “I have to pack.”

“You're leaving? What? No.” His freak-out was getting worse. “Stay and we'll figure this out.”

“There's nothing to figure. I can't live here anymore. I can't handle this.”

He wasn't handling it, either. But he couldn't bear to lose her. “Please, I still want to marry you. I still want to create a life for our child.”

She looked at him as if he'd just lost his mind. “How can you marry me when you won't even sit next to me? What kind of example is that going to set for our daughter?”

As much as he wanted to prove that he could still be a good husband and father, he couldn't bring himself to return to her side. He was struggling to breathe, forcing air in and out of his lungs. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was losing his mind. “I just need a minute.”

“Take all the time you need, but I have to get out of here.”

She got up from the sofa, and when she left the room, Jake was still standing with his back to the window, his feet frozen to the floor.

Fourteen

C
arol moved swiftly, getting her suitcase ready, needing to escape. She hadn't intended to tell Jake that she loved him, and now that she had, it was the worst day of her adult life.

In the middle of her packing, Jake entered the room, invading her space, torturing her heart.

“You didn't have to follow me in here,” she said.

“Yes, I did. It just took me a minute to get my feet moving.”

Right. The minute he'd needed to get his emotions together. Thing was, he didn't look any less stressed. Even now, he was pulling a hand through that messy hair of his. The troubled rebel, she thought. The man who'd burrowed his way into her soul.

“I wish I hadn't fallen for you,” she said.

“No one has ever been in love with me before. I don't know what to do with it, Carol.”

“You're supposed to accept it and return the feeling. It's funny, because when I was contemplating marrying you, I wondered if you were falling in love with me, too. But I was just being silly and dreamy.” And wrong, she thought, so very wrong.

He lowered his hand from his hair. “I'd rather just keep things simple.”

“And marry someone you don't love?” That was far from simple to her. “That isn't how marriage is supposed to work.”

“Not traditionally, but it can be whatever people decide to make it.” He shifted his stance. “And maybe in time I'll get used to...”

She studied him from beneath her lashes. “Get used to what, a one-sided relationship where I love you but you don't love me?”

“I'm just trying to hold on to what we have.”

“What we have is a wreck.” Carol took an audible breath, the sound engulfing the room. “I'm going to call Shirley and ask if I can stay there for a few days.” She didn't want to be alone, and she knew that Garrett's mother would comfort her more than any of her other friends could. “I'm not taking everything with me today. I'll come back for the rest of my belongings, but you won't see me at the office again. I can't work for you, Jake. I'll call a temp agency and arrange for my replacement, then you can hire someone permanently when you're ready to tackle that.”

He glanced at the hastily folded clothes she'd placed on the bed. “I don't want you to do this.”

“I know. You still want me to marry you. Do you know how crazy that sounds?”

“I can't help it. In my mind, you're still meant to be my wife.” He glanced at her stomach. “You and me and our daughter. We're supposed to be together.”

She disagreed. “Not like this we aren't.”

“There's nothing I can say or do to keep you here?”

“No.” She couldn't force him to love her, to feel things he didn't feel. Still, he looked so lost, so confused, that she wanted to wrap her arms around him. But what good would that do? She was just as lost and confused as he was. “It's better for us to live separate lives and share custody of the baby, like we'd planned to do originally.”

When she reached down to remove her ring and return it to him, he held up his hands, like a gunslinger who was about to be shot.

“Don't you dare give that back.” He lifted his hands a little higher. “I refuse to take it.”

“Jake, please.”

“No. No way.” He shook his head, as stubborn as a man could be. “Besides, what does it matter if you keep wearing it? It still says that you're single.”

“It's different now.” Single or not, wearing it was hurtful. The ring represented everything she loved about him. His warmth. His generosity. The kind and caring father he'd become. The
Kindred Spirits
legacy they shared.

After she removed it from her finger, she placed it in its original box. Then she put the box inside her medicine bag and packed it. With Jake's refusal to take the diamond back, it was the best she could do. Just leaving the ring behind would seem unkind, and she couldn't bear to create more pain between them.

She said, “When I thought something might be going on between you and Susanne, I was prepared to walk away. But I never thought I'd be leaving under these circumstances.”

“I never imagined it ending at all.” Jake cleared his throat. “On the night of the fund-raiser when I came into the room to check on you, and you opened your eyes and looked at me, it seemed like we were already married.”

“I felt like a bride when I woke up and saw you. A princess, waiting for her groom. I even fantasized about you kissing me.”

He stepped a little closer. “I wish I would have.”

She backed away from him. “It wouldn't have mattered, not now.”

He didn't move forward again or try to close the gap between them. He conceded, allowing her the distance she needed, but it didn't help ease her pain. She hurt just the same.

“I'll let you finish packing,” he said. “Just let me know when you're ready to go, and I'll put your luggage in your car for you.”

“Thank you.” She didn't know what else to say. “It's just the one bag.”

“You still shouldn't lift it.”

He exited the room, and she fought the urge to cry. Carol dreaded the future, afraid that no matter how many years went by or how separate their lives became, she would never stop loving him.

* * *

Jake spent the next two days holed up in his house. His big, hollow mansion. He hadn't felt this alone since his family died. He missed Carol something awful.

He understood why she left. But he couldn't bear not having her here with him. He wanted nothing more than to make her his wife. And not just because of the baby.

It was the joy of being with Carol.

The same type of joy that had been snuffed out when his family's car had crashed and burned.

Was that the reason he'd been unable to return Carol's love? Yes, he thought, it was. Creating a family,
a true family
, like the one he'd lost was frightening to him. So he'd offered her a half-assed marriage instead.

What was he going to do about it? Sit here and wallow in his mistake, in the heartache of being an idiot? Letting Carol go made no sense, none whatsoever.

Still, he was scared. Since she'd been gone, he'd been dreaming about the crash, his childhood nightmares returning with a fiery vengeance. The dream catcher beside his bed hadn't saved him from reliving the pain. Nothing would, except facing his fears.

Determined to conquer them, Jake went out to the garage and climbed into the SUV he'd bought to accommodate the baby. Only, his daughter wasn't arriving today. Today he was going back to his own youth, to the house where he'd grown up.

For him, that was as close as it got to his family having a grave site. If their spirits were anywhere, it would be at the home where all of them had lived.

Lived and loved, he thought.

Jake drove to the San Fernando Valley, heading toward his old neighborhood. His parents didn't own the home where they'd raised him and his siblings. It was a well-maintained rental, a house that had belonged to a corporation, much like the company Jake owned now.

Was that why he'd started buying properties? To give other people nice, safe places to live? He'd never really analyzed the emotional impact of his investments.

He turned onto his long-ago street and parked in front of the ranch-style house. It looked different yet somehow the same. The paint was changed, the windows trimmed in blue instead of red. The lawn was less green, a result, most likely, of water conservation associated with the current California drought. The tree that graced the yard was bigger, though, its branches reaching toward the sky.

When Jake was small, he used to offer to help with the yard work. Then later, it became a chore that had been expected of him. Sometimes he'd complained, but mostly he'd enjoyed spending time alone with his dad.

Reflective, Jake sat back in his seat. Since he didn't want to intrude on the new residents, he stayed in the car. He couldn't tell if they had kids. There were no outward signs of children, not like when he used to leave his bike in the walkway.

It felt good to be here, to think about the sweetness from his youth. He wanted to provide that kind of family for his daughter. He wanted it for himself and Carol, too. Being afraid to love her was wrong. He needed to give her his heart, openly, fully.

He understood his feelings now. They were so clear, so obvious. But was he ready to do this, to admit that he loved her?

Yes, he thought. He was ready, willing and able.

Should he text Carol ahead of time or just show up unannounced? He opted for the phone, giving her a chance to prepare. He typed,
A lot going on. Need to talk.

After he sent the message, he waited. Then waited some more.

He tried not to panic about Carol not responding. She might not be in the vicinity of her phone. It didn't mean that she was ignoring him.

Trying to keep from going stir-crazy, he shifted his attention to the tree that had grown so big. Sometimes his sisters used to sit beneath it, surrounded by their friends, paging through fashion magazines and yapping about the styles they liked. He also remembered when a neighbor's cat had gotten caught in the tree. Nobody called the fire department the way they did on TV. Jake's bold and beautiful mother had climbed up there, via a ladder, and coaxed the cat down. The frightened little tabby went home to its owner, only to run away another time and never be seen or heard from again.

Jake frowned, disturbed that the story didn't end well. But that didn't change the purpose of coming back to his family, of seeking them out. It didn't change how he felt about Carol, either. If anything, it was a reminder that life was neither good nor bad. It was simply what you made of it, and he wanted it to be good and happy and whole.

When his phone pinged, he grappled with the device and nearly dropped it.

Carol's response was
What's going on?

Sitting in front of my old house.

What old house?

From when I was a kid.

I don't understand.

Will explain in person. Things are different with me now. Can I come over?

She agreed with a simple
Yes.

But that was all the encouragement Jake needed.

Grateful for a second chance, he took one final look at the house. He was wrong about his family's spirits being here. They'd moved on a long time ago. What Jake had encountered was his own spirit, the boy he once was, growing into the man he'd become.

* * *

Carol was anxious to know what Jake meant when he'd texted that things were different now. But she was nervous about seeing him, too. Overall, she was a mess, inside and out.

Before she'd seen his text, she'd been watching TV, mindlessly, in her pajamas, without a stitch of makeup. So now, she rushed to get herself together, applying lip gloss and mascara and putting on a maternity blouse and leggings.

She hadn't told Shirley that Jake was coming over. The older woman was napping in her room.

As soon as a knock sounded on the door, Carol tried to center herself with a calming breath. But it didn't do any good. She was still nervous.

She opened the door, and there he was. The father of her child. The man she loved with every troubled, aching beat of her heart.

He looked strong and beautifully wild, much as he always did. Yet something about him
did
seem different. It was his eyes, she thought. She saw a sense of calmness beneath the wild, as if the restlessness that normally drove him was gone. So what did that mean? How did that affect what was happening between them?

Carol gestured to her surroundings. “Come in.”

“Thanks.”

He entered the suite, and they stood in the living room. She longed to touch him, to put her hand against his jaw and feel the slight bristle of beard stubble there, but she fussed with the hem of her blouse instead.

“Where's Shirley?” he asked.

“She's resting. Do you want to go to the guest room where I'm staying?” She didn't want to have a private discussion out in the open, in case Shirley got up.

“Sure. That would be good.”

She led him down a short hallway, and they went into the colorfully decorated room and closed the door, silence streaming between them.

Then he said, “I'm sorry I hurt you, Carol.”

“I'm sorry I hurt you, too.” She'd never meant to cause him pain. “I still don't understand why you're here, though, and how going to your old house factors into it.”

“I was searching for my family, hoping to feel their spirits and find a sense of peace. Since you left me, I've been having nightmares again, like I did after they first died.”

“Did it work? Did you connect with your family?”

“No. But I connected with myself and the reason I couldn't commit fully to you. It was because I was afraid that if I loved you the way my parents loved each other, something would go wrong. But if I only went halfway, loving our child but keeping you at arm's length, everything would be okay.”

Now she wanted to touch him even more. But she listened to him instead, letting him get all of his thoughts out.

He said, “After you got pregnant, and I started worrying about you finding another husband and involving him in our daughter's life, I didn't even stop to consider that I might be falling in love with you. Or that you were on the verge of falling for me.” He moved closer to her. “So when you finally told me how you felt, I panicked and pushed you away. But I do love you, Carol, and I want to marry you for all the right reasons.”

Tears rushed to her eyes, and she reached out to skim his jaw, allowing herself the touch she craved. Beneath her fingers, his skin was warm, his beard stubble rough. She ran her hands over his entire face, smoothing back his hair to trace his childhood scar.

“I would be honored to marry you. For all the right reasons,” she added. What she'd seen in his eyes when he'd first arrived, the change in them, was love. She knew that now. “I missed wearing the ring you gave me.”