War-N-Wit, Inc. – MeanStreet, LLC (15 page)

* * *

Kaxchotx’s phone rang yet again. “Excuse me, boys. That’s probably final confirmation my world’s my own again.” He turned his head and answered. “
Tchatachan
?” His green face took on a decided yellowish tinge. “
Ranchantzal?!
”

He turned to the Smith
s and bellowed.

“
Get them out of there! Please!
Before I don’t have a dimension
left!”

Micah grinned. “I love the sound of desperation in the morning. Or afternoon. Or whatever it is down here right now.”

Gabriel sat back down in one of Lucy’s armchairs and propped his feet on the desk.

“Well,
well. Guess that’ll teach you to underestimate
humans
. So, big boy. Things not going according to plan?”

“They’re—I don’t know how—
some of the ships are just disintegrating! Some of ‘em are just crashing down like something’s pulling ‘em. And the others—they’re firing on
each other!
You gotta get them out of there!”

“Well,
Kaxchotx, you tell me. Exactly how do you propose we do that? Seeing as how the only way
you
can get humans in and out are through those cute little elevators of yours. And seeing as how I don’t think any of your boys got a prayer’s chance in hell of herding those three back into one. Even if any of your boys spoke English. Which they don’t.”

“I don’t know and I don’t
care
!
Just do it!
”

Raphael smiled.
“Well, there is
one
thing we could try. But it’ll cost you.”

Kaxchotx’s eyes narrowed. “How much?”

“Damn, you must not be as desperate as you sounded. You might have misunderstood. Nothing’s up for negotiation here, we’ll let ‘em run wild over there till there’s nothing left to save.”

“
I didn’t misunderstand. I just want to know the price first.”

“Un-huh-huh! First you agree. Then we retrieve our people. And
then
we tell you the price. Trust me. It’s an offer you can’t refuse.”

Chapter
Nineteen

“Okay, okay!” Kaxchotx said. “So go ahead—do your thing! Get ‘em out!”

“Okay.” The Smith trio headed out the door.
Gabriel looked back over his shoulder. “You guys coming? Because it’s gonna take all of us.”

“Go where? What do you mean, all of us?”

“Look, Einstein,” said Michael. “The open breach is at your fancy inter-dimensional elevator. That’s not where our people are. And they’re not about to head back there. So we have to go to them. And we need
all
of us to open a breach big enough. We
all
have to go through to have enough power to hold a breach open long enough to pull ‘em out. Lucy, get your ass up from that chair, that includes you. Jerahmeel, stop cringing like a girl over there, we need your power, too. Such as it is.”

“
Hey, watch that!” Gabriel warned. “Those are my girls and their girl power raising hell over there. Don’t insult them by comparing that to little brother.”

“So true. My apologies to the girls.”

“I’m not going anywhere!” Lucifer glared at the group. “Why the hell should I help—”

“Because we’ll make sure before we leave
Razkaal Kaxchotx’s willing to forego any and all damages he thinks you owe him.”

“
What?!
Like
hell
I will!”

“Oh? Not as desperate as you say you are? Yet? You want to wait till they work their way back into one of your big cities?”

“
No!
”

“Then I suggest we start moving.
Unless Lucy wants us to disintegrate his office by using it as our departure point.”

* * *

The last fighter ship crashed to the ground.

“Another one for Mom!” Stacy cheered. “That had to be hers!”

“You been keeping score, Antsypants?”

“Not particularly but face it—it’s easy to tell.
Mine just disappear, Micah and Mia’s explode, Mom’s crash, and yours are always two at a time ‘cause they explode each other.”

“That’s all of them? No more?”
Mom scanned the horizon, disappointment in her voice.

“
Having fun, Mom? Who’d have thought you were such a warrior princess.”

“Anybody who knows you two,” Micah said. “You had to get it from somewhere.”

A horrendous crash sounded on our left, like a jet breaking the sound barrier.

“
Owwww!
” Mom and Stacy and I clapped our hands to our ears. It didn’t seem to bother Micah and Mia much. “What was
that
?” I turned and scanned the terrain, prepared for another attack. “And who the hell are
they
?”

A group of men—or so I assumed—stood about fifty feet away from us. Well, five men and an octopus, anyway.
I thought I’d caught sight of some extra equipment folding into the men’s backs, though. Extra equipment that looked like wings. One of the men stepped forward and held up his hand.

“Yo! Whut up?”

“G.” I smiled. I’d always wondered what he looked like. He opened his arms.

“C’mon,
Ari! Give us a hug!”

I laughed and moved into his arms. Into
wow
power. I’d thought Micah’s angel hug was something but this?

“Gabriel,” I said. “As in—archangel?”

“In the flesh. And these guys behind me—”

“Don’t tell me. If you’re Gabriel, Michael and Raphael can’t be far behind.”

“Michael.” The archangel on the far right raised his hand.

“And Raphael.” The archangel next to him waved.

“And the other two?”

“Well, that’s Jerahmeel beside Raphael.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t recognize—”

“The name.” Jerahmeel shrugged and sighed. “Story of my life.”

“And the other dude you’d know as Lucifer. We call him Lucy. Not with any terribly great affection, I’m afraid.”

The octopus scowled. “Can we get this show on the road? And get them the hell out of here?”

I stared at him and narrowed my eyes.
You’ve stepped into a bed of fire ants, buddy. They’re all over you. You’re covered in ‘em. Havin’ fun yet, you slimy bastard?

He
might not know what fire ants were, but he was damn sure finding out what they felt like. He shrieked and started hopping up and down, his three legs throwing tentacles everywhere as his arm appendages slung wildly, trying to shake off stinging marauders who weren’t even there.

“Good one, Ari, but stop now, please, we have some final business to conduct with our boy Kaxchotx
.”

I pulled back and
the demon settled down. He glared at me.
Keep glaring, asshole
.
I can bring ‘em right back
. He dropped his head and backed away from me.

Gabriel smiled over my head at the group.

“You did good, guys. Real good. Mia, for a first assignment, you got a doozy. Micah was right, you’re an angel to be proud of. Miss Grace, always knew you’d be a force to be reckoned with if you ever cut loose. Figured Stacy’d pop up with some version of that inherited telekinesis some time or other, damn good timing, sweetheart. Now let’s get you all home. Before Chad and Spike come after
my
ass.”

“What about them?” I pointed to the humans we’d liberated, lying on the ground close together in the spot where Mom had deposited them after pulling them out of the fire zone. Drained, spent, exhausted, apathetic. They weren’t actually dead but their eyes were. They broke my heart.

“We’re taking them with us, don’t worry.”

“The
hell
you say!” Demon boy Kaxchotx’s head shot up at that. “Those are
my
humans! That wasn’t part of the deal!”

“You don’t know what the deal was, old son, we haven’t told you yet. And part of that deal is we’re taking
all
the humans you have over here. Every last one of ‘em!”

“
Or what
?”

I narrowed my eyes again.
The ants are back, asshole.
In your mouth. In your nose. In every hole you got on that body
.

Kaxchotx howled, flung himself on the ground and rolled furiously from side to side.

“I’ll take that as an ‘uncle’,” said Gabriel. “Let him loose, Ari, I still have some business to talk with him.”

I pulled back, but Kaxchotx didn’t get up. Gabriel leaned over him.

“Now, here’s the rest of the deal. You’re never going to cross over again. Not even if a breach as big as the Grand Canyon opened up out of nowhere. You’re never going to hunt in our dimension. Ever. Again.”

“Deal! Deal! Just keep her away from me!”

Lucifer laughed. “Oh, that’s rich! And you three gullible fools are just gonna
believe
him and trot off home!”

“
Well, here comes the part about making sure he’s not gonna try and collect any damages from you, Lucy.”

“
Damn straight he’s not gonna try! Like he could actually
collect
any!”

“Oh, he won’t have to try, Lucy. You’re going to pay up. And then there’ll be no
need
for them to replace worn out humans. Because they’ll never need a replacement.”

As one, Gabriel, Michael, Raphael and Jerahmeel turned to stare at Lucifer.
They raised their hands and lightning bolts sizzled from their fingertips, encircling him in a cage of electric blue.

“
What the hell?!
Have you lost your freakin’
minds?!
You can’t
do
this! The Grand Conductor won’t let you! He didn’t let you last time! There has to be a balance! Between the light and dark! You
need
me! I’m the
balance!
”

“You
were
the balance. But everybody’s got a replacement. You supplied your own. When you had Sera whisper in Jerahmeel’s ear. See, we don’t need but one fallen archangel for the balance, Lucy. And this time—that ain’t you.
Especially
since Jerahmeel’s available to move right into your office. You don’t seriously think it was an accident he just strolled in right after we did, do you?”

“The Grand Conductor’s gonna fry your asses when he hears about this!”

“Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.” Michael shook his head sorrowfully. “Whose idea do you think it was?”

“
No!
He wouldn’t!”

“Guess there’s a limit for everybody, Lucy
. You had your free pass. This second attempt of yours to take over the world did you in with the Grand Conductor. He’s had it. But Jerahmeel’s not getting off scott free. He’s got to keep Sera with him, can’t have her running around loose in public. So to speak.”

“I do?! You’re kidding, right? Nobody said anything about that! You can’t stick
me with that bitch for eternity!”

“Guess again, little brother. And that name thing you got going? As in nobody knows yours
and how much you hate that? They still won’t. They never will. Because from now on, everybody’s gonna think you’re Lucifer. Forever and always. Deal with it.”

“But that’s—that’s not
fair!
”

Raphael shrugged.
“My heart bleeds, Jerry. You can be Lucifer or you can stay behind here in his place. One fallen archangel’s as good as another for this job. So which is it?”

“Sera’s not so bad. And Lucifer’s easier to spell than Jerahmeel, anyway.”

“Yeah, we thought you’d say that.” Gabriel bent over Kaxchotx and offered a hand. Kaxchotx wrapped a few slimy tentacles around Gabriel’s wrist and pulled himself up. “So, old boy, this close enough to where you need him to be?”

“Yes, but
what am I supposed to do for the actual miners? You know, the ones that swing the actual pickaxes?”

“Get all that archangel power hooked up and moving, Kaxchotx, those picka
xes’ll just swing by themselves. This is one battery won’t lose its charge. So we’re solid? No hunting. Ever again. That’s the deal.”

“Deal. I’ll get my men up here to move the cage.
It will hold, won’t it?”

“Forever.
Reinforced with a little extra containment the Grand Conductor came up with. Just for this one special occasion.”