Warped (4 page)

My core clenches around Damon, pulling a groan from his lips. He grinds his pelvis into me, staying deep inside. My clit swells and throbs with every rub.

Our moans, groans and whimpers mix to create music that is just us. My orgasm tears through me as wave after wave of pure pleasure explodes around my body. I cry out Damon’s name, seeking his lips with mine.

He gives me the connection I desperately need as he spills his seed deep inside me. We lie panting, both of us coming down from euphoria. Damon whispers words of love, and our future. I’m not so certain that our future will be as he thinks.

Damon peppers kisses all over my face before rolling off me and pulling me into his side. I rest my head on his shoulder, place my hand across his chest and shut my eyes. Tiredness takes over and I drift into a deep sleep, safely tucked in the demon’s arms.  

CHAPTER NINE

When I wake I reach over to feel for Damon, but his side of the bed is empty and cold. As I sit up my head swirls with everything that’s happened in the last few days, so I take a second to gather myself before slipping out of bed.  Grabbing Damon’s dressing gown off the back of his door, I make my way downstairs to find him.

He is sitting at the kitchen table talking to someone on the phone and when I sit down he looks up and smiles, and reaches for my hand across the table.

“Yes she’s here... We are both very happy...Hold on I’ll ask her.” He covers the phone by pressing it against his shoulder as he speaks to me. “It’s my mum. She wants to know if you’re free this week to go for lunch. She wants to discuss our engagement party.”

The panic that has been in my stomach since I tried to sleep last night is slowly rising, and my throat clogs. I realise that I haven’t replied but I can’t get the words to form in my throat. Damon must sense my hesitance because he makes up some excuse and ends the call. He pulls me up from my seat and sits me down in his lap.

“What’s wrong, Ella?” I can feel tears prickling behind my eyes. I’m so unsure of how I’m feeling. Everything is whirling around in my mind. As much as I try and ignore my feelings, ignore the kiss that Damon shared with Leona, and Damon’s nightmare, it’s killing me. I feel so full of rage and jealousy that I can’t think clearly.

I feel hurt.

I tell myself everything will be okay, but now that I’m pregnant, I’m not sure I can deal with this. With us. Now I’ve thought about it, I’m not sure I have the strength.

Damon lifts my chin so I’m looking directly at him, his eyes glowing with concern. I can’t help the tear that escapes, as he gently rubs my back in soothing circles.

“Talk to me, Ella. Please.” He waits while I control my emotions.

“I’m sorry. It’s all just too much. I feel like everything is happening so quickly. I didn’t expect this.” I tell him honestly, trying to turn my head away. Damon holds my face steady though, refusing to let me look away. “I didn’t expect us to be like this and now with the...” I stop myself in time before I say baby. Taking a deep breath I continue, “Engagement, I feel like I’m drowning.”

Damon continues to rub my back. It’s comforting so I lean my head against his chest and we stay like that for a moment before he speaks.

“I’m sorry. I know this has happened quickly, and I didn’t expect this either Ella. I didn’t expect to love you like I do.”

My heart contracts at his words. I want to believe them more than anything but then I think of what he did to Lydia, and my feelings are unsure again. Is it all a game? Thinking of him kissing Leona, and playing me, my heart almost breaks. I feel weak.

Defenceless.

All my plans changed, each day my hate diminished, and some days I even forgot why I was doing what I was doing.

It’s then I realise I don’t hate Damon.

I hate myself for loving him. 

I reach up and move my mouth to his, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. I don’t want to say anything because I’m not sure I know how I feel yet. I can’t say the words he wants to hear. I have never said the words he wants to hear. 

In the past when a guy told me he loved me I never said it back. I instigated sex, I used them. Men have this weird notion that when a woman has sex it’s a sign of love, but it’s not. It’s a sign of fucking, or for me, manipulation.

I have always used sex as a weapon, a gain, a manoeuvre towards getting everything I want. I can make a guy promise me the world while my lips are around his cock. It was mine for the taking, but I never lost focus. My whole reason for continuing to live was to get to Damon.

I never made love until last night. The way Damon was so gentle with me, protecting me, felt good. It felt natural. It was perfect.

Now sitting here with him like this, I don’t want to fuck, I want the real thing. I want this to work. I want him to want me more than anything or anyone else in the world, and not for any other reason than because he makes me feel safe.

But it’s wrong to want this. I need some distance, need to think. I feel so erratic. One minute I hate him, the next I don’t. I want him to kiss me, then I hate myself for wanting him so much. How did I let this happen?

I can feel myself getting upset again so I push Damon away and stand up, moving away from him as he reaches for me.

“I need to take a shower. Please give your mum my number so we can arrange something. I’m sorry Damon I just need to think. Please just give me some space to think.” The look in his eyes kills me. I feel like I’m tearing myself in half trying to figure it out, and no matter how much I want to throw myself back into his arms, I turn on my heel and head for my room.

When I get to my room I feel exhausted. I just want to sleep, but I really need to get to work on the emails Spencer sent me. He wanted me to look over his new plans for his business.

Pulling out my laptop I start to read through my notes on what I think he can do differently that will save him some money. I love his idea, however some of it will not be possible. He wants the whole hotel to be able to be hired out and decorated as the customer wishes, but to do that each time will cost a fortune, more than what I think will be financially feasible.

What I am suggesting is that he sections the hotel off. He has four main themes that can be adapted to what the customer wants. This will also allow a quicker turn around. By making sure that one section is as the customer wishes will allow other staff members to focus on another area, allowing two events at the same time, or even run night after night.

It takes me about two hours to finish what I’m proposing. I hit send on the email to Spence, and close my laptop. Looking at my watch I realise it’s nearly lunchtime. The house has been pretty quiet so I presume Damon has gone to work.

Moving to the kitchen I make myself a sandwich. I pull out my phone and notice I have a text message from Spencer saying “thanks” with a smiley face. It makes me smile. I have grown attached to him, and he’s so easy to talk to. I reply before sending Damon a message.

Hey, I don’t fancy cooking tonight. Do you fancy a takeout and a movie? My treat.

I hit send and place my phone on the table while I eat my sandwich. My phone beeps with an incoming text.

Demon: I thought you wanted space? I have made plans. I can change them.

No it’s ok, don’t worry about it. Enjoy your evening. Who are your plans with?

It takes longer than I thought for the reply to come through and when it does I feel sick to my stomach.

Demon: Just a few friends but I can come back if you want? I don’t need to be there. I was just trying to do as you asked, Ella.

It’s fine. Have a good evening.

I throw my phone down on the table, ignoring it as it beeps again. Picking up my sandwich I collect my bag and move outside. It’s actually a really nice day so I sit on the patio, on a really comfy looking chair that is as big as my bed. It’s covered in pillows with a canopy above and there are curtains that can be closed for privacy.

I try to relax but my mind keeps drifting to Damon and his plans for the evening. Who is he going out with? He was vague in his answer. Friends he said. That could be Leona.

Jealousy burns inside me. Hate coils tight in my veins. I hate these emotions. I hate myself for feeling jealous. I’m weak. Damon breaks me.

He was going to cancel his plans for me though. That has to mean something right? He was just doing as I asked. He was just trying to give me time to think, giving me space.

My head is all over the place. I need this time to decide my future. To decide Damon’s fate.

I lean over to rummage in my bag for Lydia’s diary. That always makes me think clearly.

April 15th 2011

Damon wants me back!!

I knew he still loves me. I knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away too long. When I got his text message asking me to meet tonight for food and to dress nice for him I felt like I could finally breathe again.

I’M GOING OUT WITH DAMON!!!

I’m so excited. It’s been too long since he held me, since he made love to me.

I can’t wait for him to love me again.

Lydia was someone to love. There were so many things to love about her. She deserved love. Unlike me. I don’t deserve to be loved. I can’t be loved.

Tears flow freely down my cheeks. I know what comes next. I know the pain I’m going to feel at Lydia’s next words but I can’t stop myself from turning the page and reading her next entry.

April 16th 2011

It was a joke. He tricked me. Fucking made a joke of me.

I turned up and he was there with another woman. He made a scene and got me kicked out. He told me I need to stay away from him.

Why does he keep hurting me? What have I done to deserve his anger? My heart hurts.

I’m broken.

I don’t know if I can keep playing these games with Damon. I just need him to love me the right way. Leona told me that he’s just trying to see how much I love him. How much I need him. I can’t show him any more than I already am. Do I have to beg?

I will. I fucking will beg him of that’s what it takes.

I don’t want to be apart any longer. I need him. He needs me. I won’t be apart from him. I’ll make him see how much I love him. I’ll do whatever it takes for him to believe me.

The pain she went through hurts me but not as much as what I’m feeling now does. I just want to shut everything down. Just numb my emotions.

I lay down for a few minutes and before I know it my eyes have closed as I drift off to sleep.

****

When I wake something is wrong. The room is dark, and I’m no longer where I was. I panic when I feel someone at my side. Giving myself a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, I realise I’m in Damon’s room. Looking at the clock it’s almost 7pm and the day has flown by. I’ve slept it away. Turning my head I see Damon asleep behind me.

He’s not supposed to be here. I untangle myself from his arms and sit up, trying to sort through my sleep filled mind. He said he was going out with friends to give me space.

“Damon, wake up... you’re supposed to be going out.” He opens his eyes and pulls me down back into his arms so I’m cocooned, my head resting against his shoulder.

“I’m not going out Ella. I’m staying here with you.” His sleep filled voice is raspy and sexy. His words slowly sink in. I look at him and can’t hide the happiness that creeps onto my face. He came home for me even after I told him not to. He still wants to be with me. A sense of hope floods me as I ask Damon why. His answer has me melting into a pool of love.

“If I can be anywhere in the world Ella, I will always choose to be with you.”

I kiss him hard on the lips, showing him my appreciation. A smile spreads across my face as I pull away from his mouth, and excitement seeps through my body. I pull away and jump out of bed, flicking on the lamp.

“Let’s do something fun.” I’m practically jumping up and down on the spot with excitement. I feel happy. Not the happy I pretend to be, but happy like before. Before Lydia, before Pops.

Damon looks suspicious but is obviously pleased at my enthusiasm. A smirk graces his lips before he replies. “Like what? And before you say anything else, I draw the line at doing our nails and putting makeup on each other.” 

I throw my head back and laugh, picking up a pillow and hitting him with it in the chest.

Damon jumps up and I can see in his eyes he wants payback. I shriek with laughter as he throws me over his shoulder and then tosses me down on the bed. He looms over me, and before I realise what he is about to do, he starts to tickle me. I can’t stop laughing. It hurts so much I think I’m gonna pee myself.

“Damon.... Stop. I’m going to wee,” I plead. He kisses me then climbs off the bed. I jump up and head to the toilet. When I come back in he is no longer in the room. I go down stairs and find him going through the drawers of the coffee table, pulling out menus. He holds one up

“Pizza?” I move towards him giving him a kiss on the lips.  The softness of his mouth against mine, along with the pressure he’s applying as he returns my kiss makes me body melt. I pull away and I smile at him.

“Perfect.” He returns my smile as we look through the menus and choose what we want to eat.

Knowing that Damon has blown off his plans for me makes me feel like I have achieved something. Knowing he cares about how I’m feeling is a massive step in the direction of finishing this thing.

I have to keep telling myself that this is what I want, who I am. All the other stuff – the falling in love, the wanting to live happily ever after – it isn’t meant for me. I don’t get to find prince charming and have him love me back. No, I get to find prince charming, screw him over for everything he has. Take it all.

His money, his heart, fuck even his soul will be mine.

That’s if I play the game. If I just leave I will deal with the heartache I’ll feel. It will be nothing compared to how I felt when I lost Pops and Lydia. At least I will have
my
baby. I will make sure Damon never finds us if I leave.