Wasted (12 page)

“
Was it that way the whole
time you grew up?”

“
Pretty much.”

“
So y’all never really had
a male role model in your life? No grandfather? Uncles?”

I rubbed my thumb over her fingers, savoring
her presence. “No. Most of our family lives in the Northwest. We
saw our grandparents once every year or two. We got cards for our
birthdays. Occasionally, we got a letter. That was about it.”

“
That’s so sad. Are they
still alive?”

“
Both of my grandmothers
are, although I couldn’t tell you when the last time I saw them
was.”

“
What about your mom? You
talked to her the other day, didn’t you?”

I groaned softly. “She needed money. That’s
the only time I hear from her.”

“
Did you give it to
her?”

“
She knows I won’t give her
cash. So she calls me when she needs me to pay something for her,
like her rent or her electric bill.”

“
And you do it?”

“
Yeah.” I released her
hands and stood up, pacing in front of the couch. “You remember
when you asked me the other day if I loved her?”

“
Yes.”

“
That’s why I do it.
Despite everything, she’s still my mother, and as pissed off as I
get at her, I can’t stand the thought of her living on the
streets.” I breathed out as I ran my hands through my hair. “And I
can’t stand the thought of her having to depend on one of those men
to have a roof over her head. They don’t care about her any more
than she cares about them. Her apartment isn’t much, but it’s
somewhere she can go no matter what else is going on in her
life.

“
I think I do it because I
can remember the way she used to be—before life sucked everything
good out of her. I think I do it because I can kind of understand.
You were right the other night when you said that I was a lot like
my mother. That’s the one thing that scares the hell out of
me.”

“
I shouldn’t have said
that.”

“
I needed to hear it.”
Watching my feet as I paced, I tried to reason everything out in my
head. “I don’t want to go through life like my mother—one
meaningless relationship after another. I want something more, but
at the same time, I’m terrified that I’ll screw it up.”

She stopped me mid-stride and took my face
in her hands like she’d done before. Her touch promised all the
tenderness I craved, the caring, the compassion.

“
You have to let people in,
Mason. If you want a real relationship, then let people in.
Let
me
in.”

Wrapping my fingers around her slender
wrists, I pulled her palm to my lips and placed a kiss in the
center. “Lexi, are you saying…?”

“
I’m saying I want to know
your story, Mason. All of it. I’m saying you should ask me out on a
date—an official date.”

“
Well, there it
is.”

Her full lips curved into a smile. “There it
is.”

I leaned toward her and lowered my voice.
“So, Lexi, will you go out with me tomorrow—on an official
date?”

“
I’ll have to check my
schedule.”

“
Check your
schedule?

“
Yeah.”

“
I’ve already checked your
schedule. I know you don’t have to work tomorrow.”

She smirked as she smoothed her hand over
her ponytail. “Doesn’t mean I don’t already have a date. I’ll let
you know tomorrow.” She turned and walked away, heading toward the
hall.

“
You’re really going to do
this to me?”

“
Really am. Good night,
Mason.”

I held my hands up in question, but she was
already gone. Standing akimbo, I shook my head. Not so long ago, I
was sitting in a dark room with dark thoughts. For all the things
that weren’t going for me, I felt better at this moment than I had
in a very long time.

Lexi gave me something I thought I had
lost.

Hope.

Chapter
10

Blue Lagoon

Mason

Since I wasn’t used to getting up early, I’d
picked the most annoying alarm available and laid my phone across
the room on my dresser when I went to bed. While most people
wouldn’t consider ten o’clock early, it sure as hell felt early
when one didn’t hit the mattress until almost daylight.

When the sound of sirens jarred me out of my
sleep, I wished that I had kept the phone within arm’s reach, so I
could manage to turn it off or sling it against the wall, whichever
came first. Instead, I whipped the cover off, flung myself from my
warm sheets, and crossed the room in a matter of seconds, so that I
could once again be surrounded by blissful silence.

I carried the phone back to the bed and sat
down on the edge of the mattress, trying to remember why I’d wanted
up so early.

As remnants of sleep dissipated, my
conversation with Lexi flooded my brain. Today was the day that she
would tell me whether she would go out with me, and considering it
was her idea, I certainly didn’t expect her to turn me down.

I took a hot shower and ordered pancakes to
go from a local restaurant. After I picked them up, I rushed back
to the apartment, trying to get breakfast ready before Lexi woke
up.

The apartment was still quiet when I pulled
out two plates and arranged a stack of pancakes on each one. I set
the bar with service for two and poured us each a glass of
milk.

Lexi still hadn’t made an appearance, so I
walked to her bedroom door and knocked on it with one knuckle.

“
Yeah?”

I could tell I had woken her, but I was
finding her as hard to resist as a shot of the Tennessee whiskey I
loved so much.

“
Want some
pancakes?”

Listening for her reply, I heard shuffling
noises, and I leaned toward the door, so I could hear better. The
door whipped open. Lexi greeted me, her pink silk robe pulled
tightly around her narrow waist, her tousled hair falling around
her shoulders. Covering her mouth with her closed fist, she yawned.
“What time is it?”

“
Eleven.”

She groaned. “And you’ve already gotten up
and made pancakes? What’s wrong with you?”

“
Technically, I didn’t make
the pancakes, but I did order them and pick them up. As far as
what’s wrong with me, I might need to lay down on the crazy couch
for that one. The list is too long, and we’ve got things to do
today.”

“
We do?”

I leaned against the door frame, admiring
her in her disheveled state. My fingers twitched to reach up and
smooth the strands of errant hair from her face, and I gave in to
the urge, brushing them to the side. “I guess it really depends on
whether you agree to go out with me or not. But either way, you
should come and eat pancakes with me.”

“
Either way, I see no point
in passing up a free breakfast.”

“
Prolonging the suspense, I
see.”

She grinned. “I believe in keeping it
interesting.”

“
So do I.” Stepping back, I
signaled her to step into the hallway in front of me. “So do I,” I
repeated, thinking of all the interesting things I could do with
her as I watched her walk toward the kitchen.

After drowning her pancakes in butter and
syrup, she began cutting them up. “My mother used to make the best
pancakes when I was growing up. She’d add chocolate chips and
sprinkle powdered sugar hearts on them.”

“
Is your mother a good
cook?” I asked, watching her stuff a forkful in her
mouth.

Smiling, she held her finger up for me to
wait while she chewed and swallowed. “Yes. She cooked dinner every
night and required us to sit at the table while we were eating. No
television or cell phones allowed.”

“
Did she work? Outside the
home, I mean?”

“
Not until I went to
school, and then she got a part-time job working at an accountant’s
office. After my dad was transferred, she stayed at home. So yeah,
she was always around to make sure I didn’t get into any trouble. I
definitely remember some days in high school when I wished she was
working.”

I stabbed a bite of pancakes with my fork.
“You were lucky.”

“
Yeah,” she said softly. “I
guess I was. I was just too stupid to realize how lucky. I used to
get so mad at her for not letting me go where I wanted to go and do
what I wanted to do. She always had a million questions, and if the
answers weren’t to her satisfaction, then I didn’t step foot out
the front door.”

“
My mother never asked any
questions. I know a lot of times parents tend to be more lenient
with boys, but she never asked Haley any questions, either. It
probably suited her for us to be out of the house.”

“
I hope to find some nice,
middle ground in there somewhere when I’m a mother.”

“
You want to have
kids?”

“
Yeah, not now, but at some
point in the future. Don’t you?” she asked.

I turned my attention back to my pancakes,
realizing that the conversation was heading in a direction I didn’t
like, and I was the one who had directed it there. “I don’t know.”
I needed to change the subject. “So are you going out with me?”

“
I don’t know. What’d you
have in mind?”

Finishing my pancakes, I pushed my plate
back and licked a drop of syrup from my thumb. “Do you have a
swimsuit?”

“
I do.”

“
Then put it on, and let’s
go.”

“
Where are we
going?”

“
You’ll know when we get
there.”

“
Let me put these dishes in
the dishwasher.”

I took her plate from her. “I got this. Go
get ready.”

She scurried down the hall, and I put the
dishes in the sink. Knowing she’d come back and put them in the
dishwasher, I went ahead and loaded them and swiped at the counter
with a dishcloth. Then, I went to change, too.

We met back up in the living room. I grabbed
my backpack, and we walked out to my truck. I unlocked the door for
her and held it while she climbed in. Then, I slid behind the
wheel, and we were on our way.

“
No hints?” she asked, a
wide smile on her face.

“
It involves
water.”

“
Uh!” She slapped her palm
against her leg. “I’m no Einstein, but I’m pretty sure I figured
that much out.”

I laughed at her frustration. “It’s not that
big of a deal, but it’s something that I thought might be fun. If
you keep on building up the suspense, I’m afraid you’ll be
disappointed.”

“
There’s no way I’ll be
disappointed,” she said. “I’ll be with you.”

Her words shocked me, a rush of warmth
flooding me as the meaning of her words penetrated my brain. I
glanced at her, wondering if she knew how much they’d affected me,
but she was watching the scenery blur by out the passenger-side
window.

After four years of fumbling my way through
life, trying hard not to feel anything, I wasn’t prepared for the
way Lexi chiseled at my carefully constructed barrier of numbness.
Part of me wanted to shore up the cracks, but the other part of me
wanted her to continue chipping away. Other than Haley, I doubted
if there was a woman on the planet who cared whether I lived or
died. I had friends, women who might be temporarily saddened. Some
of them might even attend my funeral, but that’s where it would
end. Hell, it probably wouldn’t take a full week for some other guy
to draw their attention and I’d be nothing more than a distant
memory.

A funeral. I could head off on a totally new
tangent with that. If I died, I probably wouldn’t even have a
funeral. My mother certainly wouldn’t spend the money, and Haley
wouldn’t be able to afford it, although she may see to it that I
was cremated, my ashes tucked into an old liquor bottle. Wouldn’t
that be fitting?

Knowing that you wouldn’t be missed after
your demise was a sobering thought.

“
How much longer until we
get there?” Lexi asked, cutting into my morbid musings.

“
It’s not far. Maybe five
more minutes.”

When I pulled onto the dirt road that led to
our destination, she turned to look at me with surprise as my truck
bobbed through the woods along the uneven terrain. “Where’re we
going?”

“
You’re impatient, you know
that?”

She laughed. “It’s called anticipation.”

The woods opened into a clearing, and I
pulled my truck onto the edge of the grass and parked. “Stay right
there,” I instructed Lexi.

I hopped out of the truck, shrugged into my
backpack, and walked around to open the door for her. Offering her
my hand, she slid her palm into mine and stepped down.

“
Come on,” I urged her,
entwining our fingers as I tugged her in the direction of the
stream.

The water gurgled over a bed of river rocks
as it glistened in the sunlight. Periodically, boulders rose from
the stream, their masses too heavy to be carried away by the
current. Glancing at the sky as I shielded my eyes from the sun, I
noticed two hawks circling above like majestic sentinels.

“
It’s beautiful.” She
paused, bringing us to a stop as she soaked in her surroundings.
“Are we going to swim in it?”

“
Hell, yeah. There’s a
swimming hole not far from here. Come on.” I pulled her hand, and
we continued along the edge of the bank, navigating our way around
rocks and shrubbery.