We Only Know So Much (23 page)

fifty-four

M
ake Your Own Reality
actually gathers some viewers—10,471 last time Priscilla checked, ten minutes ago. It’s not fully viral, but Priscilla has a couple thousand online friends now, and a lot of them have “liked” it and shared it, too. Priscilla’s done three more webisodes since the first. She can’t seem to avoid talking about her family, her personal life, but the primary focus has shifted to fashion. It’s a strange hybrid of topics if there ever was one, but it works. It’s actually the reason it works.

Priscilla handwrites a sign for her bedroom door in block letters, in preparation for the fifth episode: taping in progress. There’s no one home at the moment though, thankfully. She’s got Ashley over in an outfit they put together intentionally to show how to improve it. Priscilla positions her laptop to get both her and Ashley in the picture, puts a little piece of tape on her desk to mark the spot, sits down, turns the computer back toward herself. She also has a couple of index cards in front of her with notes for things she wants to remember to talk about.

What’s up, it’s me Priscilla, again, back with another episode of ‘Make Your Own Reality.’ Today I’m gonna stop yapping about my family and show you how to take an iffy outfit and make it better. But first I want to say a few things about my general fashion philosophy, because I’ve been thinking about this. To me, it seems so super-easy to dress cute, but then, you know, you go out of your house and you see that it’s not that easy for everyone else. And there are, like, so many different ways people dress badly. Like those people whose wardrobes are entirely made of T-shirts from places they’ve been plus cargo shorts and Crocs.

Priscilla shakes her head as though even the word “Crocs” makes her ill.

Or even, to the other extreme, people who try way too hard to be different and so put weird shit together or maybe cover themselves in tattoos but are still kind of weirdly the same. And, um, also, very obviously? Having the money to buy expensive clothes does not necessarily mean you’re going to know what to buy or how to wear it when you get it home. I do not have a lot of money, I am for sure on a fashion budget.

We could mention here that, while this seems true to Priscilla, who knows that she can’t afford the higher-end designer pieces she’d like, she still spends beyond her means—and though it’s true that she wears what she buys, if she were to truly stay within her budget, she would pretty much be limited to shopping at Express or Target.

So but here’s what I think.
She glances down at the first card.
These are my ABCs of how to dress like a normal person: (a) It’s
so
all about having a few really nice things than it is about having a lot of things.

Priscilla picks up her laptop and positions it in front of her closet.

Look, I’ll show you.
Ashley, open the closet door.
Ashley opens the closet. Inside are Priscilla’s clothes and shoes, neatly hung, and it is by no means jam-packed. She has been buying and returning a certain amount of clothes and accessories for this purpose, but keeps just enough so the stores don’t harass her.
See? There’s space between the hangers. I’m just saying. Also you’ll see I’m not a fan of bright colors, but I’m not saying they’re not okay for you. In moderation, please.

Priscilla sits back down to finish.

Okay, so anyway, (a) a few nice things, (b) it’s all about how you put things together, and (c) if you have to spend money on something, spend it on accessories. You can build entire outfits around a great pair of boots or shoes.

She gets up, turns her laptop back around to where the tape mark is. Ashley is wearing black leggings, a pair of flats, and a T-shirt.

Okay, so here’s Ashley in what is clearly a weak outfit. I’m not gonna lie, Ashley doesn’t really dress this bad, and if she did I wouldn’t let her go out this way because that’s what friends do
—
so, side note, if you yourself dress well but you see your friend dressed bad, do everyone in the world a favor please and tell them. Anyway, I work in retail, so trust me I know a lot of you people are out there dressing like this for real, but you shouldn’t.

There are two big problem areas here, the top and the bottom, adding up to one giant problem area. Maybe, maybe the T-shirt on its own would be all right, but it’s a little on the trendy side with this kind of swirly paisley thing going down the side here, I’m not a big fan of this look
—
oh, and that reminds me, I want to talk to you another time about how to wear trends without looking like, you know, an idiot. Anyway, the main thing here is that these pants? Are not pants? Are leggings? They go under things? I don’t care if you have the tightest butt ever, please, just
no
. Look, Ashley has a totally cute butt, but no.
Ashley smiles and sticks it out for the camera a little bit, they both crack up.
I’m not a fan of leggings really so much anyway, but if you’re one of those people, just please try to remember that
they go under things
.

Priscilla leans closer into the camera fake-sternly; then a corner of her mouth turns up into a smile. She’s cracking herself up.

So I’m going to solve two problems here today, actually. All right, Ashley’s going to change now, so I’ll talk to you for a minute while she does that.

Okay, last time I was kind of freaking out, obvs, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my grampa since he died, and how much I miss him. Or, I miss who he used to be anyway. When I was a little kid and I first was into clothes, he used to take pictures of me, and I was already reading the magazines and I’d pick out these outfits and pose like I’d seen the models do, and then I’d save the pictures into a fashion file for myself.
She thinks about this for a moment, realizes only now that this isn’t what most kids do for fun, that she is in some way different, has been all along. Huh.
Well, anyway, here’s one of those pictures.
Priscilla holds the photo up to the camera; she’s not just wearing a sophisticated outfit for a child, a gray pleated skirt with a pale pink eyelet blouse with gray tights and a pair of gray Mary Janes (Jean had gone to some lengths to find these for her), but she has a look on her face that, at the time, only her grandfather could have captured. Sweet. Priscilla gets a tear in her eye, isn’t quite ready to share that much of herself with the world, sits up straighter, redirects.
I told you what happened, right, that he went out for a walk and died on the porch while nobody was looking after him? Well, but I mean, I wasn’t there either, so.
Priscilla looks off, purses her mouth almost the exact same way her mother does, looks over and sees that Ashley is ready and waiting.

Okay, so here’s Ashley now, in the new improved outfit.
Ashley still has the leggings on, with a long printed top over them.
I got this dress at H&M. Not expensive, like, nineteen ninety-nine or something. Except I need to say something. This dress?
Not a dress!
People! It’s a
shirt
. You can tell by the way it just barely covers her ass. Just because Jessica Simpson or whoever is doing it doesn’t mean you should. She shouldn’t either. Although FYI her line of shoes is not bad at all if you’re on a budget. Anyway. Unless you are five-foot-one or something, this is not a dress. It’s a shirt.
Priscilla grabs a double-wrap belt she has handy and puts it around the dress, blousing the top of the dress slightly over the top of the belt.
Right? Super cute. A million times better.
Ashley smiles and poses with her hands on her hips to indicate how much better it is now.
The shoes are fine, but if you want to dress this up just a little you can put it with maybe a wedge sandal with a heel or something.

Jean knocks on the door but comes right in without waiting for an answer.

Mom-
muh
, there’s a sign! We’re taping.
Priscilla has yet to figure out how to edit, does everything in one take, for better or worse.

I’m sorry, Priscilla, I didn’t see it.

Priscilla tilts her head and leans into the camera again, widens her eyes.
Do you see what I’ve been talking about?

I just wanted to know if you’re going to be home for dinner.

Yes, Mom.

Okay.
Jean starts to leave, Priscilla notices her mother’s outfit, a pair of pleated khakis and a blouse tucked in.

Wait, c’mere a minute, Mom. Wanna be on the show?

It’s somewhat unprecedented that Jean has just been invited all the way in. Conversations between Priscilla and Jean in this room usually tend to last only as long as Jean’s willing to stand in the doorway or until Priscilla hints loudly that she’s busy. But Priscilla sees an opportunity.

Oh, I don’t know.

C’mon, I can fix that outfit for you.

Jean was unaware that her outfit needed fixing.

C’mon, it’ll be fun. Over here.
Priscilla gestures for Ashley to move out of the way, positions her mother in camera view.
Okay, so look, there’s nothing super tragic here, just some little mistakes, although, well, these pants need to go. Ashley, would you grab me those J.Crew khakis I showed you before? There are two basic things wrong here: pleated pants from, like, 1984, and the top is tucked in.
Priscilla untucks the top, the outfit is quickly improved.
Put these pants on.
Priscilla turns the camera away so her mother can change, looks into the camera again.
Yes, they’re showing pleated pants again, but listen, you know who looks good in them? Supermodels with teeny waists and giraffe legs. Are you a supermodel? Or a giraffe? Then you can’t wear them. And what else is . . . never tuck anything in. If you’re a man who wears a suit to work you can tuck in. Otherwise no. I need to write down a list of rules, they’re so simple.

Jean finishes dressing; Priscilla turns the camera her way. Jean looks at the outfit in Priscilla’s mirror. She’s never been clothes-conscious at all, but she can see the difference.
See,
Priscilla says, pleased.
Better already, right?
Ashley has been instructed in advance to nod vigorously at statements like these. Jean has not.
It does
, Jean says, studying her daughter for a moment. She sees that Priscilla’s entire demeanor is different in this arena. She’s kind of sparkly, even more so on camera. It’s the reason she got called back for the reality show as many times as she did, though she doesn’t know this.

The shoes are heinous though, Mom.
Jean looks down at her scuffed slides.

Priscilla sits down in front of the camera again.
Here’s a really good tip
—
if you look at yourself in the mirror, and you think, what would this outfit look like in ten years if I looked at a photo, really think about it, and the answer is Oh, wow, this crop top or whatever, is maybe not such a timeless look after all, you know, there’s still time for you to change.
She holds up the picture of her again as a kid.
Like, this holds up.

Next week, how to be yourself, but not too much, and busting fashion myths. For a preview I’ll just say that that thing you read in every magazine about how a must-have item is a trenchcoat? Whatever. A trenchcoat? We’re not spies in old movies. You don’t need a trenchcoat.

Thanks Ashley and Mom for helping me out with the show today. Later everyone!
Priscilla mugs for the camera, closes the laptop.

THE VIEWERS KIND OF root for her in spite of themselves. They’re not loving to hate her. It’s a kind of love. And she loves them back. There’s a thread of 368 comments, mostly from preteen girls with usernames like JoDiDaBomb and LuvScilla:
Keepz it realz! Totally like me! Luv Ur Style! That’s like,
my
house! Where did u get that rad ruffle vest? Go bitch!
(Also a few comments from horny dudes.
Hotttt. Rubbin my dick 2 U.
) It moves slightly outside of the circle of sixteen-to-twenty-one-year-old girls and catches the attention of some more well-known style bloggers. Some of them say she’s a natural, others aren’t buying it. A conversation begins. The word “hoax” comes up. A few contend that this is just a typical vacuous American girl telling the truth as she sees it and she’s maybe not super insightful, not right now, anyway, but there are tiny moments, tiny moments when Priscilla tilts her head a micrometer one way or the other, or casts her eyes away from the camera in tiny moments of actual contemplation, that are definitely real, for better or worse. Priscilla isn’t dumb like we’ve said, but she’s not smart enough to concoct a hoax. But this is the discussion. There have been precedents set in online fakery. P is more than happy to address this directly, insisting she’s just her, she’s
real
, come up to her and ask her to her face if she’s real.
Easy to type some shit in and hit send, Anonymous
, she says, with a face that says I dare you. But she doesn’t really care about the haters. She’s got their eyes and ears. Let them hate. QVC just called her up. So did TVLand. They fucking looked her up and called her up on the phone. She’s flying to L.A. next week to meet them and some agents, too. QVC is starting a new, younger-focused channel, needs hosts. TVLand asked for a pitch. It should be stated that out of these calls, at least one is interested in the idea of a reality show that includes Priscilla’s entire family. Our guess is that this would not be her first pick, if she even has a pick, but having lost what she thought was her original chance, she is now willing to consider all options.