Authors: Kyell Gold
It took me a week to get Master Xoren to talk to me about Dewanne. Master Ovile is useless, unless I want to know what happened there a hundred years ago. But Master Xoren told me he’d heard that it was just a rumor that I was going to be Lord Dewanne, because I was the only red fox coming of age at the right time. But he thought personally that it would make a lot more sense for Lord Dewanne to find someone in Dewanne with noble blood, and that maybe he was going to do that instead.
He said my father should know, but I said I didn’t want to ask him. Even Diplomacy doesn’t work with father, at least not for me. So he told me I should ask the Steward, and he even walked me to her office and introduced me.
She’s a porcupine, her name’s Jinna, and I’d met her a year ago when I came here, but I hadn’t talked to her in a while. You can always tell when she’s coming because she has beads in all her spines and they rattle when she walks. She remembered me and said that it was true that I wasn’t the official successor yet. She’s really nice about it and we talked for an hour, though I had to walk along with her while she ran around doing things. In the end, she promised to tell me if she heard anything about Dewanne, and she didn’t even ask why I didn’t want to wait and hear from my father.
I felt okay until dinner, and then that vixen was there again, and her parents too. Father was upset that I hadn’t cleaned up more, never mind that I just got to dinner and didn’t know it was special and didn’t have time to. I said as little as I could and the vixen, her name is Haley or something, didn’t talk either. I think she might have something wrong with her. I asked Father that afterwards, and I used Diplomacy, but like I said, it doesn’t work on him and he got mad and sent me to bed. I can’t wait to come of age.
19
Haley’s parents wanted me to come to their house for dinner because they said I was kind of quiet in the castle. I said I could find my own way there and then I just skipped out and went to hang out with Sinch. We walked down to the river and threw stones at the boats until they chased us away. Then we sat in a park under a tree and I complained about Haley and my father. Sinch just listened, but when I was done, he said he thought it was terrible that they were making me marry someone. Then he said I didn’t have to let that ruin my life, that I could still do a lot of things I wanted, and like for instance I decided I didn’t want to go to the dinner tonight. I knew all that, and I thought he didn’t really get what I was saying, but now I kind of think he did. Anyway, it made me feel better. He brought me a meat pie for dinner and I didn’t ask where he got it. He got some kind of pie stuffed full of vegetables for himself.
We went back to his house after that and his mother gave us cookies. He has a really nice garden with an apple tree that’s just borne fruit, and he said the apples were sweet. We sat out there and talked for a while. Even over the apple tree, I could smell what he was thinking, but I don’t think I’m ready to do anything like that with him yet. But when he got tired and leaned against me, that was okay. It’s all dark now and he’s kind of dozing, so I’m writing this. I’ll get up in a minute and go back home, but not right away. Father’s going to yell at me again, and it’s so quiet here.
20
I left this journal at Sinch’s, so it’s been a month since I wrote in it. Maybe more. But I’m pretty happy now. Sinch is asleep in his bed and I’m sitting on the floor, but I’ll crawl up there in a minute. The bed’s kind of small, so I can’t sit in it and write.
I guess I’m not really writing this journal for Mother anymore, or I wouldn’t be mentioning that. This was the first night I was allowed out of the palace since the last journal entry, and Sinch and I got food at the tavern, and then we came back here, and he has a room all to himself, so we made use of that. It felt okay to do it now, not like it did a month ago. I’m pretty happy. I know there’s a lot of stuff I’m not thinking about, but I’m pretty happy.
I’m also happy because Haley is gone for the next three months. Her family goes south for the winter. Vellenland or something, I don’t know. Not Vinton. I would have hated that, because I don’t know if I would have gone with her just to be able to go home. It’s been bad enough being confined to the palace, where she doesn’t live and only comes to dinner twice a week. In Vinton she’d be around all the time. At least she finally stopped trying to talk to me.
For the first week, after Father took away my papers so I couldn’t leave the castle, I thought I’d never get away from her. She’d show up to dinner and then people kept trying to leave us alone afterwards so we could “talk.” Once we were alone, I grabbed my history books and started reading and ignored everything she said, which wasn’t much, because I think she was waiting for me to say something. But I couldn’t even read history properly because I was just sitting there thinking, Canis, don’t let her say anything, please.
After that, when her parents tried to leave her alone with me, she said she’d rather go home. Father wasn’t happy about that, but all he said to me was “you make your bed, you’ll have to lie in it.” I told him I never wanted to go to bed with Haley, and he said I didn’t always get to make that choice.
But I’m practicing Diplomacy and History. There’s got to be a way out of marrying this stupid vixen, and I’m going to find it.
21
Back at Sinch’s. He’s asleep again, and I’m sitting on the floor writing. Just looking back at the journal, that was the first night I spent with him, when I was pretty happy. I wasn’t sure if I’d have second thoughts or if things would change, but they didn’t. So it’s been a week and we just did stuff again tonight, and I’m still happy.
It’s not as big a deal to him, I think. It sounds like he kinda does stuff with other people a lot, too, like some of the thieves he hangs out with (he doesn’t call them thieves, but I know). That’s good, ’cause it means I don’t have to worry about it if I’m too busy to see him. But he’s usually free if I do want to, which was three times this past week, even though I only got to visit his house today.
I asked him if he could think of any reason I wouldn’t have to marry the vixen. He said if we could prove she was barren, or wasn’t really noble, that I wouldn’t have to, but I don’t think I can really do either of those. Not quickly, anyway. Then I thought that if I don’t become a lord, I won’t have to marry her. But I can’t think of a way to not be a lord. I tried saying I don’t want to do it, and that didn’t work. I’m not sure how, but I guess it doesn’t matter what I want. Father made me go talk to Master Ovile about what happens when heirs say they don’t want to be lords (it’s called “abdicate”). I had to sit there for an hour and listen to three stories of bloody fights about who got to be lord (“wars of succession”) and how hundreds of people died.
It’s not really fair to make me do something I don’t want to just so hundreds of people won’t die. I mean, what if I fell into the river and drowned? Would all those people still die? Would it be my fault? But there are some things I can control. They can make me be a lord, but they can’t make me marry a vixen who cares more about what scent she’s wearing than about what the people around her are talking about.
22
I think I’m just going to keep this journal at Sinch’s. I don’t trust Volyan not to be looking at it. He already sniffs at me funny when I come back from Sinch’s even though I wash with water and everything. He doesn’t try to drag me down to the Cup and Crown anymore, so I only really see him at lessons and meals. And sometimes not even lessons, if he’s got a girl of some kind hanging around.
But anyway, Sinch had a really good idea today! He said if we could show that Haley’s family wasn’t all respectable and noble, that I wouldn’t have to marry her. He said that sometimes girls were kicked out of the palace if they had any stain on their family, even if the lord already had cubs with them. So that was good, but I didn’t know how we’d prove it. He thinks we can sniff around and see if any of her relatives have been in trouble.
I got a letter from Mother a couple days ago. I guess I hadn’t written her in a while because nothing was going on here, but her letter made me feel guilty and homesick again, so after classes I went and stared at the river and the boats going down it. If I jumped on one of them, they’d have to take me at least to the next port. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this stuff. Volyan would do that in a minute if there was some responsibility he wanted to get out of. Sometimes I wish I was more like him.
I’d miss Sinch, too. But I could send him a letter and he’d come meet me. He can read and everything.
At least, I think he’d come meet me. He’s pretty attached to his mom. And I’d miss her bread, too. Even at the palace there’s nothing that good.
I gotta think about how I can ask around about Haley’s relatives. She doesn’t get back for another month so there’s some time.
23
Sinch and I started practicing weapons together. He has a dagger that he can throw. So we can go to the shooting range and he can throw at the closer target while I shoot at the farther ones. He’s better than I am, but I’m learning fast. And I practice all the time, not just when he’s around. I almost beat him this time, and he said that the first time I beat him, I get to go first when we get back to his room. It doesn’t really matter ’cause we both get a turn, but now I really want to get that good.
He’s asked around a bit about Haley’s family. There’s a house where the main branch of them live, but there’s an old grandmother who’s infirm and always there. That makes me think of Grandmother, and how she died. But this grandmother is still alive and that makes it harder to break in. Her family does do business with a bank and a law clerk, but we’re not sure how that will help. Sinch is checking his contacts and I’m telling him I’m talking to mine, which I would be doing if I could think of anyone who would be helpful. In the meantime, I’m trying to find out more about Dewanne. Like maybe whatever vixen becomes Lady Dewanne has to be able to string two sentences together without giggling or folding her ears down and going all quiet.
In the meantime, I have another nice vacation coming up, because Father and Volyan are going on the King’s winter retreat, and taking
him
along. So for two weeks I will have the chambers to myself, just lessons and Sinch and whatever else I want to do. It’s going to be great.
Sinch’s mom is baking again. The house smells fantastic right now, and if I weren’t so tired I’d be going downstairs to get one of her small bread rolls. It’s cold, but not too bad now that my winter coat is in, and it’s quieter here than at the palace. If I get really disgraced, maybe I can just come live here. Maybe Lord Dewanne will hear about me and disinherit me. It wouldn’t be so bad, I don’t think.
24
Father and Volyan left last night. Sinch and I made some plans today about what we’re going to do tomorrow. I don’t want to write too much of it down even though Sinch is sure there won’t be any danger. I don’t know how he can sleep. Normally after we come back to his room, I’m pretty sleepy, but my fur feels all prickly and my stomach keeps dancing and my tail twitches every minute or so.
Today was great. I got Sinch into the palace and we had dinner in Father’s chambers, all alone. Even Vinnix was gone. I wanted to just leave the plates, but Sinch insisted we clean them up, so I helped him. I took him into Father’s bedroom, but the scents were too strong in there for us to stay long or do anything.
Sinch says it’s nice practice for when I’m a lord and have my own rooms, so for a while I pretended I was. I told him I would have to see some of my people to settle their disputes, and then meet with a neighboring lord to talk about something boring like trade policies or farming lands. Sinch wanted to be the neighboring lord, and then we talked about things we could trade, and we ended up trading things right on my bed anyway.
But we came back to Sinch’s place because we need to get up early, and his place is closer.
I can’t go to sleep, but I should try.
25
Things could not have gone more wrong. Sinch is asleep, under my cloak. I’m sitting with my back against the wall of the city. I don’t know where we’ll be tomorrow, but at least I grabbed the journal before we left. I didn’t want to leave it behind. Thank Canis it was at Sinch’s and not at the palace.
I don’t think the guard followed us out here. Sinch knew some back alleys that got us to the wall, and the guards there hadn’t been alerted to us. Around the wall, off the road, there was a little stand of trees, and we stayed there all day. Sinch went out and got some food, while I looked to see if there were any caravans we could hook up with going south. I spotted a couple likely ones, but I didn’t want to go out today in case the guards were still looking for us, especially since we’d got enough food.
It’s possible that the guards would only be looking for Sinch, but I can’t just abandon him. Sure, he was the one looking through the law clerk’s chest of documents. All I was doing was talking to him, the clerk, I mean. I don’t think he even noticed--weasels have small ears too. But then I went through all of my story and I didn’t have anything left to ask about, so I asked the clerk to walk me outside. Sinch picked that moment to try to get out of the window. He saw me and the clerk and started running right away, so before the clerk could ask any questions, I said I had to go and walked very quickly around to meet Sinch. He had a guard chasing after him, but we lost him pretty easily--he was a big stag--and got back to Sinch’s house. His mother wasn’t around, so we just grabbed some things and ran outside.
In a way, this is kind of a relief. Just me and Sinch, on our own. I think we should go down to Vinton first and see if Mother will let us stay there. I’m sure she will.
26
I was worried about staying in the same inn I stayed in on the way up, but they must see hundreds of foxes in a year and a half. Nobody recognized me. I had some money in my pouch, and it’s certainly enough to get to Vinton, even counting the extra Royals I had to give the merchant to let us ride with him. Sinch and I are in a little room on the second floor, and I’m writing this by the light of the moon at the window. There are bugs making loud noises outside, even though it’s night out, and I can’t hear anything else.