Authors: Kyell Gold
He slouched into the common room and flopped down in one of the cushy chairs. The tapestries on the walls recounted the few glories of the history of the barony, and at the moment Jherik could not have explained what a single one of them was. He was cursing himself for a fool for not having noticed Benton’s attraction to him before, and wondering whether it had always been there or if it had just developed. Of course, he thought, every time I saw him it was right after I’d been with Mishel, so there wasn’t much desire in me... He remembered the time he’d talked with Benton after falling asleep, running into the barracks without having bathed, with the coyote’s musky stickiness all over his stomach, and winced.
He thought of Mishel’s sculpted body, the power and grace in those muscles, the lovely ripples they made under the fur, and then he thought of the skinny fox, the light in his eyes when he understood something, the pride in the tilt of his ears when Jherik praised him, the calm understanding as he tried to make Jherik see that his brother really did care for him. Then he remembered the look in Benton’s eyes after he’d kissed him and how quickly he’d run. He could be in town by now, or on his way to anywhere. If only Jherik had been quicker to respond. Or to notice.
“I’m an idiot,” he said aloud.
“That is a self-defeating statement.” He looked up from the chair and saw Viana standing in front of him. “An idiot would not have the perspicacity to observe his idiocy. Mind if I join you?”
He shook his head and waved her to an adjacent chair. She swept her dress under her and took the seat, sitting gracefully. “May I ask why you think you are an idiot?”
“It’s a long story.” He looked her up and down. “I’m sorry I didn’t greet you properly earlier.”
“Marhik said you were a tormented soul. I didn’t quite grasp the extent of what he meant until I saw you.” She rested a paw on his knee. “Are you really jealous of his marriage to me?”
“No,” he said automatically.
“Well, there it is.” She laughed softly. “I suppose a lady can’t always catch a compliment when she fishes.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I wasn’t really fishing,” she said, and patted his knee. “Just trying to understand you better. Marhik is quite upset at the moment, and if we’re going to be married, I should probably figure out if I can make that better or if I should just leave it alone.”
Jherik shrugged. “You love him. What’s to figure out?”
Viana coughed delicately, and looked around. “My dear boy, you really don’t understand politics, do you?”
“I thought we were talking about you and Marhik.”
“We are.” She sat back and sighed patiently. “You think we’re in love? This marriage is a political alliance. We get along well, but we’re not in love. That may come in time, I suppose, but we don’t expect it to. Love is not the purpose of our marriage, or rather, I should say, our marriage is not the result of love. It is the result of a negotiation between your father and mine, with the desired end of obtaining heirs to both baronies with ties to each other.”
“You’re not in love?” Jherik tilted his head. “But he’s perfect, and you’re so beautiful.”
Viana laughed, a sparkling sound in the warm room. “There’s my compliment, and unsolicited to boot. Well, we may be perfect--though we’re not--but that doesn’t dictate love. Hopefully we can get along and be wise and just rulers, and have healthy cubs. That is all that is required of us.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to do that.”
“Thank you, Jherik. Now please, tell me why you are so upset.”
Jherik sighed. “I can’t. It would take too long.”
“All right. Will you take the position in Caril?”
He noticed that she didn’t say “that Marhik arranged for you” when she asked. “I don’t know if I can. I should apologize to Marhik. But there may be...considerations...keeping me here.” On the other paw, if Benton were gone, truly gone, then maybe it didn’t matter where Jherik went. Caril might be a good place to meet new people.
She eyed him shrewdly. “You should talk to Marhik, then. Would you feel better if I were present? He’s in your father’s office now.”
Jherik rubbed his whiskers. At the moment, he felt more despair that he would never see Benton again than anything else. He didn’t think Viana’s presence would affect his mood one way or another. “Sure.” He levered himself up from his chair. “Let’s go.”
Marhik looked up from their father’s large desk as Jherik and Viana walked in, and Jherik thought that it wasn’t fair how natural Marhik looked there already. Then he remembered what Benton had said about his brother, and the bitterness faded into sadness and self-recrimination.
“Hi, Jherik,” Marhik said. He put down the pen and looked steadily at his brother.
“Hi.” Jherik swallowed and looked at Viana, who nodded, encouragingly. “Listen, Mar, I’m sorry. I really appreciate you doing all that for me with the position in Caril and all. I want to go, but I don’t know if I can. There’s some stuff here...”
“He’s in love,” Viana put in, and both Jherik and Marhik shot her amazed looks.
“That’s great, little brother! Who’s the lucky guy?”
“I...uh...” Jherik couldn’t understand why his tongue felt suddenly like a corkscrew. He didn’t know how Viana knew, but he wanted to tell her, and Marhik too, now that it was out there. “Benton.”
“My valet? Former valet, I mean. Well, that’s great! He’s a really sweet fox.” Marhik was beaming. “You know, you’re allowed to take someone with you. I’m sure he’d go. He’s been training, hasn’t he? Master Winson mentioned him, I think. There’s room in the regiment if he wants to fight.”
“I don’t know if he’d want to go,” Jherik said. “He said he didn’t want to leave when you went.”
“Well, just ask him.”
Jherik looked down, holding the end of his tail and rubbing it in his paws. “I don’t know. I’ve been an idiot. Anyway. I just wanted to thank you. For thinking of me, I mean.”
“Aw, little brother, I think about you a lot.” Marhik smiled.
“I know. I think I think about myself too much.” Jherik took a breath. Another thing Benton had taught him. “I really appreciate it, Marhik. I’ll let you know as soon as I can. And I wish you two the best. I hope you find love.”
Viana took his paws and kissed him gently on the cheek. “Thank you,” she said softly.
He found, as he left, that the bitterness wasn’t completely gone, but it wasn’t taking over him, either. If he hadn’t been feeling so down about Benton, he would have been surprised at the civility of the exchange he’d just had with his brother.
Drifting through the day now, he wandered down to the barracks to find out that he’d arrived halfway through the class he was supposed to be assisting with. Master Winson said something about him leaving for Caril soon, and Jherik didn’t contradict him. He helped out and observed the rest of the training, but afterwards, Master Winson didn’t ask him to stay and talk as he normally did. “You obviously have a lot on your mind,” he said, patting Jherik on the rump. “Go on back to the manor and take care of business.”
Jherik took one more walk around the barracks in the hope that he’d see the fox somewhere. He checked the woodworking shop again, but Master Stephan still hadn’t seen Benton. “I’ll tell him you’re looking for him if I see him,” he said.
He knows
, Jherik thought, but said thank you anyway.
He dressed slowly for dinner, and as a result it had already started when he was descending the stairs from his room. At the bottom, he turned right to get to the dining hall and nearly ran right into Mishel. The coyote laughed and hugged him. “Well, hello, lover. I’ve been waiting here a while for you.”
Jherik looked back at him and returned the hug briefly. “I’m late for dinner.”
“I know. I just wanted to tell you I’ll miss you tonight. We’re taking the soldiers who returned out on the town. And I wanted to congratulate you on your appointment to the city guard. It’s quite exciting. If you wanted to have someone to keep you company on the journey, of course, I would love to see Caril, and I would be happy to serve under you when we get there, m’lord.”
Jherik folded his arms. “I haven’t decided whether or not I’m taking it. But I don’t think I’ll need your company. Thanks anyway.” He pushed past the coyote.
“What did I do?” Mishel said as he passed, but the emotion in his voice was a fake echo of Benton’s.
“Nothing,” Jherik said without turning. “It’s just...there’s someone else I’ll be taking if I go.”
Mishel snorted. “Who? You won’t do better than me, my lord.”
Jherik stopped and turned his head. The coyote was staring defiantly at him, paws on his hips, showing off as usual. “You are beautiful,” he conceded. “But I don’t think that’s what I want.” He left without waiting for an answer and went in to dinner.
At dinner, he managed to be polite, if not talkative. Viana had taken his old seat next to Marhik, and he took the seat on the other side of his father. Marhik and his father were engaged in conversation, and Viana split her time between following them and trying to draw out Jherik. At one point, she mentioned how roomy their quarters were, and Jherik frowned.
“You must have grown up in a closet,” he said, “if you think Marhik’s room is large.”
Marhik heard this and looked across at Jherik. “Oh, we’re not staying in my old rooms. We’re in Papa Iothik’s old chambers. Dad thought they’d be more suitable for a couple.”
“Oh,” Jherik said, and then sat upright. “Oh.”
“What?” Viana asked, and Marhik and their father were both looking at him now, but he didn’t see any of them.
“Excuse me,” he said, putting his plate down. “I need to go do something right away.”
Their confused murmurs followed him out of the dining room, but he didn’t hear. He sprinted up the stairs, taking them three at a time, and passed the door to his chambers, stopping in front of the door to Marhik’s old rooms. The scent of fox still hung in the air. Slowly, he pushed the door open.
Marhik’s chambers were laid out almost identically to his. The first room held toys, trophies, projects, books, and chairs, as well as a small desk. On the opposite side of the room, exactly paralleling the place that Yakua slept in his chambers, there was a small cot.
And on that cot, a blanket covered a lumpy shape, with a bushy orange tail hanging down.
Jherik closed the door softly, but not softly enough. Benton sat up with a start.
The cougar held up a paw. “Don’t run away. Please.”
Benton blinked sleep from his eyes and nodded. “I’m sorry, sir. I shouldn’t have...”
“You shouldn’t have waited to tell me,” Jherik said, kneeling beside the cot.
Benton’s expression changed from wariness to a weak smile. “I thought you’d notice. I wasn’t exactly subtle.”
“I’m not exactly perceptive.” Jherik took the fox’s paw in his. “You may have noticed I spend a lot of time thinking about myself.”
“You should! You’re the son of the baron.”
Jherik grinned. “I know. But you showed me that if I think about other people once in a while, things go a bit easier.”
Benton nodded, and then looked down at his paw. He squeezed Jherik’s back tentatively and looked up. “I just got confused. I thought you’d be leaving and you said all those things, and I just couldn’t help myself.”
“I’m glad you did. It made me think a lot.” He tilted his muzzle and smiled at the fox. “But you didn’t give me a chance to return the favor.”
Before Benton could muster more of a reply than the surprise in his eyes, Jherik had leaned forward and pressed his muzzle to the fox’s slender one. He licked at the soft fur and felt the jaws open willingly to admit his tongue.
The kiss was his first deep one ever, and he liked it. He pulled back and smiled at Benton, resting a paw on the fox’s hip. “I hope that was okay. I haven’t done much kissing.”
“Yes,
sir
.” Benton’s eyes were sparkling. He said, “If you want to try again...” and that was all he got out before Jherik’s muzzle was pressed to his, tongue sliding through his sharp teeth again and rubbing against his. There was more passion this time, more heat between their muzzles. The touch of Benton’s fur and tongue was not simply nice; it was intoxicating. Jherik panted over the fox’s whiskers, and his paw moved down to Benton’s tail, hesitated, then moved up to his back to hold the fox closer.
Jherik felt the wagging of Benton’s tail as his arms slid around the cougar, and though they were slender and not very muscled, they felt good; they made him feel warm and right in a way that Mishel’s never had. He tried to be careful at first, wary of his own strength, but the fox’s wiry build was deceptive. He was tough, and when he squeezed harder, Jherik returned the favor and found there was very little give.
Benton was tugging at his tunic, so he helped himself out of it, then took Benton’s off as well. The fox hunched over, but Jherik gently straightened him up with a paw.
“I’m so weak,” Benton protested as Jherik’s paw traveled down his reddish sides, his soft white chest fur. He could feel the fox’s ribs, and his stomach was soft, though Benton tried to tighten it against Jherik’s paw.
“You’re beautiful,” Jherik said sincerely.
Benton searched his eyes and then kissed him again, his black paw exploring Jherik’s chest in response. “Mmm.” Jherik felt its soft touch around the curve of his pectorals, and down his side, where he shivered and giggled in response. Benton brushed on the other side and giggled in sympathy as he got the same response, then dropped his paws to tease at the waist of Jherik’s pants.
Before they went further, Jherik got up and sprang to the door, throwing the lock. Benton remained sitting on the cot, but stood as Jherik came back. “Sorry,” he said, but he didn’t look it. “I’ve dreamed of this for a while now.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Jherik said, and grasped Benton’s paw, placing it right on his sheath. The fox smiled widely, keeping his eyes on Jherik’s as he gently rubbed up and down, making a soft sound of contentment.
They kissed for another long, luxurious moment, during which Jherik’s large paw found its way to Benton’s pants as well. Compared to Mishel’s--he stopped himself. Don’t compare, he said, and slid his paw up the long, hard ridge, enjoying the fox’s response and the increased pressure on his own hard sheath.