Wedding Bell Blues (20 page)

"Thanks, Jess. He always said you were a real lady." His voice
choked, and tears glistened in his dark eyes before he turned his head
away for a moment and fought for control. "And he taught my brothers
and me to live up to our obligations. So, please, tell your parents
that we will have everything they ordered for your sister's rehearsal
dinner and wedding delivered according to schedule."

"Rod, no." Dear God, that was the last thing I wanted, and it
should
be the last thing he worried about. "Please, you don't have to. You
need to be with family now. Not worrying about business."

"Please, my father would expect this. Besides, running the
business
as he did, as he wanted us to, is the best way to honor him."

"Your father would be very proud of you, Rod. Now, go inside
to your
family. Tell them I send my condolences. And remember, if there is
anything any of you need, anything at all, please let me know."

He nodded and straightened. I sat there, watching as he slowly
made
his way inside, my heart going out to him. Then I started the car and
carefully backed out of the parking space. It was time to go home and
face the music.

I should have known.

My foot eased off the accelerator and the Cadillac slowed to a
crawl. Not that I minded. Just the opposite in fact. Until I'd turned
the corner, I'd almost looked forward to getting back to my parents'
house, if for no other reason than to reassure my mother that I was all
right and she didn't need to call out the National Guard. But that was
all forgotten in the blink of an eye and all because of the car parked
in front of the house.

Colton's car.

Damn.

I wasn't ready to deal with him. I'd probably never be
ready to deal with him. There were too many emotions, too many memories
and hurt feelings to be anywhere close to rational where Colton was
concerned. If I was honest with myself, I'd never been totally rational
where he was concerned, even back when things were good between us. So
why should today be any different?

Worse, the temptation was there to simply pull into the
Abrams'
driveway, turn the Caddy around and drive off in the opposite
direction. It would be so simple and, if I did, there'd be no
confrontation with Colton, and no having to explain why I'd acted
foolishly, selfishly to my mother. Best of all, there'd be no need to
wear that horrible bridesmaid dress.

Tempting as it was, I only considered it for a moment - well,
two
moments - before discarding it. I was tired of running. I was tired of
relying on everyone else to figure out what was going on. Most of all,
I was tired of feeling I no longer controlled of my own life.

Besides, I hadn't been able to deal with the cop at the
impound yard
the way I wanted, so Colton would fit the bill nicely. Maybe a good
knock down-drag out would do me some good.

I carefully eased my mother's Cadillac away from the curb and
continued down the street toward the house. As I turned into the
driveway, the front door opened. No big surprise there. What did
surprise me was who stepped outside to greet me. Not Colton and not my
mother, but my father. He was the last one I'd expected and the sight
of him reassured me some. He was the calm and rational one after all.
Still, I swallowed hard and screwed up my courage before turning off
the engine and stepping out of the car.

Only to come up short, my mouth open and no sound coming out
when he
shook his head. His expression was enough to stop me in my tracks.
Without a word, he held out his right hand and it was all I could do
not to fidget like a teen caught trying to sneak a ride in the family
car. Damn, maybe it would have been better to deal with Colton. All but
digging my toe into the concrete of the driveway, I dropped the keys
onto his palm. His fingers closed over them and he stuffed that hand
into his pocket.

"Not one word," he said. The steel in his voice made me wince.
He
didn't get mad often, but there was no doubt he was supremely pissed
just then. I'd like it better if he'd yell at me, if he'd rant about
how irrational I'd been. Anything was better than the disappointment
reflected in his green eyes.

"Dad-"

"I said, not a word," he repeated. "I suggest you get yourself
inside and let your mother know you're all right. She's about out of
her mind with worry. It was bad enough you left without a word. But to
ignore her calls, to do nothing to assure her you were all right and
that nothing else had happened to you was cruel, Jessica. I thought you
had more respect for her, for us, than that."

His words bit through me, stinging because he had every right
to be
upset. As much as I wanted to try to explain, he wasn't ready to hear
it. Instead, I simply nodded once, hoping my regret showed. Then I
hurried toward the front door. Hopefully, I could deal with my worried
parents before Colton decided to take a strip off of me. I don't think
I could take all of them having a go at me at one time.

The moment I stepped inside, my mother hurried out of the den.
One
look at her and all my anger, all my frustration dissolved. Never
before had I seen her look so scared. She was so pale. Her blue eyes
were bright with unshed tears. Relief washed across her face, and she
crossed to me in three quick steps. Her arms went around me and she
held me close, her grip so firm it was as if she might never let me go.

Then, with an exasperated sigh, she pushed back. She still
held my
arms, but she moved far enough back that she could study me. Those
all-too-alert eyes seemed to check every pore, every hair on my head.
She nodded once, as if satisfied I was all right. Then her hands
suddenly dropped from my arms, and she took a step back.

For a moment, I just stood there, afraid to move. The fear I'd
seen
just a moment ago was gone, replaced with an anger so great it worried
me. No doubt about it. If I still lived at home, I'd be grounded until
my fiftieth birthday. As it was, she still might try to lock me in the
basement where I couldn't pull such a damn-fool stunt again.

"I'm sorry."

That's it. That's all I said. I was smart enough to know that
any
attempt to justify what I'd done would only make things worse. That, at
least, was one lesson I'd learned the hard way growing up.

She didn't say anything. Instead, she held out her hand to my
father
as he joined us. He took it and drew her close. Then they just stood
there, looking at me, waiting for some sort of explanation.

Wonderful. They hadn't forgotten just how to make me want to
dig a hole and crawl in.

"I really am sorry." Best to keep reminding them off it. Maybe
if I
did, they would at least try to understand. "I should have left you a
note, Mom, but I wasn't thinking."

"Obviously."

Ouch. She wasn't about to make this easy.

"I just had to get out of the house, be by myself for a few
minutes."

"You should have let me know, Jessie. I was so scared when I
got up and realized you weren't here."

"I didn't think, Mom. Truly." I reached out and lightly
touched her
arm. "I didn't mean to worry you. All I can say is I'm not exactly
thinking straight right now."

For a moment, she didn't say anything. Instead, she just
looked up
at my father. Thankfully, his expression had eased a bit. Still, it
would be a long time before either of them forgave me.

Crap.

"I promise it won't happen again."

"Damned straight it won't," Colton said coldly from the top of
the stairs.

I turned toward him, barely noticing as my parents slipped
back into
the den. I'm not sure I'd notice the SWAT team storming the house or an
atomic bomb going off outside. The cold fury emanating off of Colton
just then seemed to block everything else out. I swallowed hard once,
searching for something, anything to deflect his anger. Then I stepped
forward, resting a hand on the banister as he slowly climbed down
toward me.

"I was a fool and stupid and all the rest of it," I said
simply,
stopping him in his tracks. So far, so good. If I could keep him
off-balance, I might be able to avoid arguing - or worse - with him.

"Foolish and stupid doesn't even begin to describe it,
Jessica." He
took a deep breath and closed his eyes, visibly struggling for calm.
"And I don't think we need to discuss this here."

"I agree we need to talk, but there is no way I'm leaving the
house
just now. I've already scared my parents. I'm not going to disappear
again so soon after getting back." I crossed my arms and stared up at
him, hoping he realized how determined I was. I'd made one major
mistake so far. I wasn't about to make another.

"Fine. We'll go
upstairs to your room." He reached down and grabbed my hand, tugging me
after him. I had one quick look at my mother standing in the doorway to
the den, a slight smile on her lips. Then I had to turn my attention to
the stairs. It was either that or break my neck as Colton dragged me
upstairs.

"Now, what the hell were you thinking?" he demanded as he
slammed
the door behind us. At the same time, he spun me so my back was to the
door, his hands planted on either side of my head. His face so close to
mine all I'd have to do was reach up a little to kiss him, to nibble at
his lower lip.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I couldn't believe it.
Here I was, about to have the mother of all arguments with the man and
I was fantasizing about his mouth. I'd lost my mind. That's it. There
could be no other explanation. Everything that had happened the last
few days had been too much and my mind had snapped.

Of course, the fact that my mental soundtrack now switched to
Rocky
Horror also didn't help. Somehow, I had to find my way out of this
nightmare before I was trapped in it forever.

I've got to stop this. It's the situation I'm reacting to. The
stress, the demands and, damn it, the fear. That's all.

Hadn't I read somewhere that people react to extremely
stressful
situations on a sexual level? That it's human nature to want to be held
and comforted, even to make sure the species continued? And that, given
time and a return to sanity, the relationship couldn't be sustained.

No, wait, that's basically what Sandra Bullock said to Keanu
Reeves
in Speed. Or maybe he said it to her. Not that it mattered who said it.

Damn it, now I'm blathering to myself. Get a grip.

Still, there must be something to it. I'd spent the last ten
years
without Colton in my life. So why, after all this time, did I suddenly
feel the need - that's right, the need - to jump him almost every time
I see him? If the stress theory was right, wouldn't that mean I'd feel
the same way about any other guy?

That's it, Jess. Think about someone else, someone without
that
mouth you really want on yours, those hands that would feel so good if
he'd just touch you with them.

God, stop it!

I closed my eyes, picturing Rick Kinson from school. Single,
fairly
good looking and so very different from Colton. Blond hair and blue
eyes. The lean, taut body of a runner. And, unlike Colton, he'd spent
the better part of the last year trying to convince me to go out with
him. I hadn't, not because I wasn't intrigued, because I was, but
because he had the reputation of being severely commitment phobic.

Not that I was looking for a commitment. Nope. Not me.

Nor was the thought of Kinson doing anything to take my mind
off of Colton.

Crap, obviously Colton had gotten under my skin again and I
was just going to have to figure out some way to deal with it.

"God damn it, Jessica, do you have even the faintest idea what
could have happened to you out there?"

Colton's face was flush, his eyes blazing. Without waiting for
my
response, he pushed away from me and stalked across the room. For once,
I didn't go into automatic defense mode. I wouldn't let myself.
Instead, I stood where I was, head cocked to one side, watching him and
reeling as the truth hit me.

He wouldn't be this upset if he didn't care. This went beyond
his
being a cop. It even went beyond our history. Obviously, the situation
was affecting him just as badly as it was me. That meant somewhere down
the line we really were going to have to have a long talk, but not now.

Now I needed to explain to him not only why I'd slipped out
but what I'd learned - and not learned.

"Colton." I took a step forward, and then stopped when he
turned to
face me, his expression cold. Damn it, he had a right to be upset, but
I wasn't going to let him intimidate me.

"Colton," I began again, carefully modulating my voice so he
couldn't take offense at my tone. Well, he could, being male and all,
but at least I was trying not to upset him. "I'll start by saying I'm
sorry. I didn't think." He snorted at that, and I slowly counted to ten
- again - and reminded myself this wasn't the time to lose my temper.

"That's right. I didn't think, and I've been acting foolishly
a lot
recently. But you have to understand that everything that's been
happening is driving me crazy. In the last few days, I've been shot at
on two different occasions, someone's tried to rearrange my face and my
house has been burned down.

"I'm scared, Colton, more scared than I've ever been. I'm not
used
to relying on others for my safety. Nor am I used to having to look
over my shoulder when doing things I did without a second thought less
than a week ago.

"And I'll admit that I'm royally pissed. Add all that together
and
I'm not exactly thinking straight. As a result, I did what I promised I
wouldn't. I went off on my own. I'm sorry I worried you and I'm sorry I
scared my parents. But try to look at it from my point of view for a
change."