Whenever she thought about missed opportunities for happiness, she thought about Bryan and how his disappearance had ruined her chance at a normal life. She learned how to compartmentalize her pain. She put Bryan behind door number one and locked it. But the unexpected email managed to shatter the lock and rip open the door. The memories flooded her defenses. The acute heartbreak returned, leaving her insides aching as if he’d left only yesterday.
How was she going to face him and block him from her emotions? He could never know how much he’d hurt her, never know how he still could—if she let him. She could never give him that power over her again.
She was going to ride into the hills and recall every tear she’d ever wasted over Bryan and the Cauldwells, find the anger she needed to face him, and then she’d figure out how to get even.
If he did still care, she’d give him a sample of the heartache. His damned email was five years too late. This time, when Bryan left, it would be his sorry ass wanting more.
God help him.
No, she thought. God help her.
Lacey Hampton hadn’t changed much. If anything, she was more of everything Bryan remembered. Better.
He watched her tight, efficient body hop up onto the horse. She whipped the mare around as her loose, golden curls, pulled back in a clip, glistened and bounced around her shoulders.
She’d grown prettier, if that was possible, but looked stronger, more fit and yet, at the same time, more fragile than he remembered.
Fragile.
The word formed in his mind as if Hunter had actually spoken it. Not possible since Hunter was presently purring contentedly in the sun, still in his mountain lion form. He lounged on the rock above Bryan and his horse as if he didn’t have a care in the world. If his tail wasn’t flipping with interest as he watched Lacey ride off, he wouldn’t have known the big cat was alive.
Hunter’s interest made Bryan turn deadly still, jealousy pulling at him as his brother studied the woman he was bound to. He shook off the irrational thoughts and explained what it was that fooled people about Lacey.
“She’s not fragile. Don’t believe that for a minute. Everyone underestimates her. She’s competent, sexy, smart—”
“Must be if she handles all this land, works at the university, and looks like a wood nymph.”
“Looks can be deceiving.”
“Yeah, don’t we know that?”
His thoughts returned to the reason he was here. “Hell, she’s more than I deserve.”
“Mmm, probably.”
Bryan glanced over his shoulder and shrugged at the golden cat who sounded more attentive than he looked. It appeared nothing concerned him until he noticed a sharp glint in the cat’s eyes.
Bryan forced back the jealousy again. The sudden urge to follow Lacey, as he had in the past, hit him hard. Her scent still haunted him. Her taste… Thinking about the way they’d been together…
Blood rushed to his groin. He squirmed. His jeans suddenly felt too tight, forcing him to adjust them. Not an easy accomplishment while seated in his saddle.
“She’s hard to define.”
“Almost as hard as your cock.”
“Leave my cock out of this.”
“Can’t. It’s very important to our plan if you want to survive and if you want to help her through the change
.”
“I know. Just. Not yet.”
There’d been a reason Bryan rode out here to meet her, but after seeing her, he hesitated. Something kept him from stepping forward. He wasn’t ready to face her and explain.
“A plan is what you need…and courage.”
Hunter was right. He’d have to think this through and gather the guts from somewhere because they couldn’t wait much longer. “What a helluva mess.” He scrubbed his hand over his face and frowned. “She didn’t know there would be these kinds of consequences for loving me.” Neither had he.
Correction, it wasn’t loving him that caused this. It was declaring that love while making love that bound them.
They’d made the mistake of falling in love with each other, and when she claimed she loved him, without realizing what he was doing, he’d spoken the vows that unwittingly claimed her as his mate.
“There has to be a way to explain what I am. What she is. What she will become. What I did to her—”
“Unintentionally.”
“True, but that’s not going to make a difference. I have to convince her we can’t live without each other. And I’m pretty damn sure she hates me.”
“Facing her, angry or not, is inevitable. You can’t let your mate suffer. It’s something your cat will fight.”
“I’d never let her go through what I did, not alone. Not if you and I can help her through her transition.”
Bryan breathed a sigh of relief as he watched her gallop off in the opposite direction. He still had to face her and explain everything. She deserved to know why he’d left.
“You going after her?”
“Yeah. But not now.” Bryan shook his head and looked up. “You follow her and keep an eye on her while I check the house…”
Hunter stood next to the rock, a man now, naked and muscular.
“What the hell?” Bryan spun around, glancing in all directions. “Why did you shift?”
“We have to go down there and look around. I don’t want to spook her horses. My cat would rile ’em up. They’re not used to our scent the way our horses are.”
“Well, for fuck’s sake, put on some clothes before someone thinks we’re playing Brokeback Mountain out here? These people know me.”
Without commenting, Hunter whistled one short, sharp trill. An Appaloosa rounded the brush-covered ledge and trotted to him giving him a playful nudge.
“We’re shifters and you’re worried about someone thinking we’re gay?” Hunter raised a sarcastic brow at Bryan and chuckled before he reached into the saddlebag and pulled out a set of clothes.
“The people around here are closed-minded. It almost would be easier to explain someone catching you shifting.”
“I don’t get why you’re worried.”
“People around here shoot first and consider the questions later.”
“Then they’d shoot me either way, covered with mountain lion fur or naked man skin?”
“Yeah, either way you’re not safe. So stay dressed or out of sight as a cat.”
“Sure thing. Is there a back way to wherever she’s heading?”
“You can track her from the ridge behind the ranch. It’ll give you a clear view, and she won’t spot you up there.”
“You’ll meet me out there later, then?”
While Hunter finished dressing, Bryan worried, mumbling, “Sure. How the hell can I explain?”
“Honestly.”
“Really, Hunter? What if she turns me down?”
“It’s a chance you have to take, and we both know she isn’t going to have a choice sooner or later.”
“So, should I dump the whole thing on her and wait for her to laugh in my face before she calls 911 for the mentally deranged? You think that’s the way to go?”
“Show her. Don’t tell her.” Rising into the air with a swift, graceful move, Hunter mounted the horse bareback. After giving the Appaloosa a gentle pat, he started down the winding path toward the ranch. “You claim she’s tough. Then she’ll handle it.”
“Maybe you’re right.” Bryan followed. “I hate feeling like this…so uncertain. I’ve never stopped wanting her.”
“And you won’t. The need will only get stronger between the two of you.”
Bryan wasn’t sure that was possible. But until he could explain his disappearance, he figured he was in for the cold shoulder from the one woman he needed more than air. When they said good-bye, they expected he’d be back in five weeks, not five years.
His damn balls tightened and his cock pressed tighter against his zipper, remembering their last night together. The promises. How he’d loved her. How he’d infected her and bound her without realizing what he was doing.
Hell, he was damn certain Lacey wasn’t going to be anxious to relieve his needs any time soon. Not until she believed his story, as fantastic as it was. He had to convince her he’d stayed away for her own good, at least until he discovered she’d started developing symptoms.
“Sun’s not going to come to a halt in the sky and time’s a-wasting. You should do this before we see her at the reunion.”
“Hell, I’m not completely sure I understand my reasons for leaving back then. After the attack I wasn’t myself.”
“Maybe it was some kind of subconscious awareness.”
“But my reasons for not coming back before now—I understood them.” Damn straight he understood. He’d justified every one of those reasons a million times. And they all boiled down to what he’d become, what he’d always been, and the lies he’d lived with.
“Why stall?”
“I don’t know.” He wasn’t sure why he’d come out here, today. Was it too soon or too late?
“Why come here today and not confront her?”
“I’m keeping an eye on her, keeping her safe…”
“And?”
“Hiding out here was one way of seeing her without her seeing me—a way of gauging her reaction.” Unfortunately, the reaction was the one he’d feared. Bryan hadn’t missed the pained look on her face when she came out of the house or the anger in her stride as she stalked to the barn.
“She’s hurtin’. Plain enough to see that on her face.” Hunter stroked his horse’s mane.
“I know.” Bryan felt her emotions as if they were his own and had ever since the first time they’d made love to each other. He’d always been able to feel her moods when she was anywhere within his vicinity. Today was no different.
“Yeah. So what are you waiting for?”
“It doesn’t bring me any satisfaction knowing I’m hurtin’ her again.” Bryan’s horse tripped then sidestepped a rock. Usually surefooted, the horse surprised him. Bryan sensed his rotten mood was affecting the animal. He gave him a few pats to relax him then finished his thought. “…or that I still have the power to do it.”
“No, but it does mean she still cares. And you need that on your side.”
By now, she’d received his message. He knew how much it hurt her, yet there was something else he sensed that concerned him more. She was seething angry. How was he going to get past that?
He groaned.
“What?”
“She’s pissed.”
“It’s better for her to be angry than hurtin’, Bryan. She’ll get over anger. And you can’t deal with the pain you bring her. It makes your lion crazy. Anger is better.”
“I get that. But, Hunter, you know it’s that internal strength that I love most about her.”
“Let’s go. You find out what you can at the house, and I’ll watch after her ’til you get there.”
“She’s going to the planning meeting tomorrow. Thomas said the committee will head over to O’Malley’s for happy hour.”
“Good, you can catch her off guard with everyone all around, since she won’t be expecting you until the next day.”
“Look, Hunter, I’m not sure surprise is the best way to deal with Lacey.”
“It’s a public place. She’ll be forced to be civil—”
“Maybe…” He doubted public surprise was the best way to handle a dangerous five-year reunion. “I don’t know. The waves of anger rolling off her were significant. She wasn’t showing signs of civility returning anytime soon.”
When the final run through with the caterers hit a snag, Lacey stayed behind to smooth out the details. Thomas and the others agreed to hold a chair for her at O’Malley’s.
Lacey’s skin prickled the minute she’d walked through the door. She looked around the old bar and grille and didn’t notice anything different except a sizzle in the air. Her skin tingled that way when she thought about Bryan. For a moment, she wondered if her rash was returning. She stood on her toes, looking for her friends, and tried to put Bryan out of her mind.
After reading his email, she was almost determined to skip the actual party. But as head of the planning committee, she wouldn’t be able to play hooky tomorrow no matter how badly she wanted. It seemed safe joining everyone tonight, and she planned to set the stage for an early retreat tomorrow. There was no reason to stay once everything was underway. Maybe she’d have a convenient relapse of whatever it was she’d had these last few months. If she was lucky, she’d end up hospitalized again before the reunion party. Surely, a hospital stay was a sufficient excuse for bailing. Everyone would understand that.
Above a few heads in the crowd, she spotted Thomas’s tall frame with his hand up, waving wildly at her from the other side of the bar.
After a quick internal evaluation, a relapse didn’t look like it was likely to happen any time soon. Other than being frustrated and hot, she was actually feeling stronger tonight than she had the last few months…if she ignored her lousy mental attitude. She attributed the blame for that to Bryan, but she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had this much pent up energy. Maybe the anger strengthened her resolve.
Smiling and greeting her way past a few old friends, Lacey forced herself to block all thoughts about Bryan and to focus on the jubilee.