Wes and Toren (19 page)

“Damn,” Wesley panted beneath me.

I smiled and kissed the nape of his neck.

I pulled out and I felt like something had changed, something was different. I always worried that, sometimes, Wesley forgot that I was a guy too. I felt equal to him now. I felt stronger and even more connected to him. I was inside him, like I staked my claim or something. I smiled at the silly thought and flopped down beside Wesley. He turned to his side, facing me, and rested his head on his hand. He looked down and groaned.

“Geez, maybe we should start using condoms so we won’t have to wash the sheets every day,” he said with a laugh.

My face reddened with the mention of the word. I knew I was naïve and everyone preached about protection, but somehow, it never really dawned on me. I was a virgin when I met Wesley and he was the 138

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only person I’d ever been with, but I didn’t know how many girls he’d been with. I swallowed hard and balled my hands into fists for courage.

“Wesley? Um, how…how many girls have you slept with?” I didn’t look at him.

“Does it matter?” He rolled back onto his stomach and stared at the wrinkles in the sheet.

I took a deep breath. With that answer, I knew it had to be a lot.

“C’mon, I wanna know.”

“I told you, it doesn’t matter,” he said, furrowing his brows. His voice wasn’t angry, just frustrated.

“Is it more than five? Or ten?” I asked.

Wesley looked at me briefly and then bowed his head. “Just one.”

I didn’t think I heard him right. “What?”

“Just one, all right?” His cheeks were red and he seemed embarrassed. He held his head in his hands and closed his eyes, though his brows were still furrowed.

“One?” I asked.

“Yeah. Okay? I mean, I knew the reputation I had and yeah, I fooled around a lot, but I never went all the way. I just wasn’t interested in girls. The one I did sleep with, well, she sorta pressured me, and hell, she opened her legs. Besides, I was going through stuff at that time and I thought that if I actually did it, I’d prove to myself that I wasn’t really gay. But….” His words broke off and he took a few audible breaths.

I stared at his handsome profile that suddenly seemed so vulnerable. I didn’t care how many girls he’d been with, but my mind had been preparing for the worst. I never would’ve thought it was just one, though. This man, this boy I loved, was just as confused, and worried, and uncertain as I was—which only made him more attractive.

“I’m so uncool,” he murmured with a pathetic laugh.

“No way,” I said, slipping my hand over his shoulders. “You’re the coolest person I know. And somehow, you’re even hotter now,” I told him, turning his face to mine.

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Wesley smiled at me and kissed me gently. He turned to his side to free his hands. He gripped my wrists and flipped me onto my back. With my hands pinned above my head, he crawled on top of me and kissed me hard. He released my hands and sat back between my legs, pushing them up against my chest.

“Now it’s my turn,” he said with a grin at the corner of his mouth.

He pushed teasingly at my backside, driving me crazy with anticipation. He pressed into me and I accepted him eagerly, rocking into him to pull him closer. He pushed forward, then scooped me up in his arms so that I was sitting on his lap with my legs wrapped tightly around his middle. Despite how good it felt to be inside him, I liked this way the best.

I spent deliriously and felt soggy inside when Wesley was done. I remained on his lap, his arms holding me tightly, and I felt so happy that I thought I was dreaming. Eventually, I leaned back and stared into Wesley’s dark eyes, running my finger over his lips. I kissed him sweetly, deeply, lovingly, and whispered, “Welcome home.”

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MY lower back hurt and my rear end was a little sore. I felt like I was walking kinda funny, but Wesley assured me I wasn’t. I made a pot of coffee for him and we watched TV for a while. We had a lot of shopping to do and I wrote out a list of things we needed.

Our first stop was at a discount furniture store. We needed another chair for the living room and Wesley had his heart set on a recliner. After we browsed a little, he found one he liked. I talked him into getting the neutral, brown leather model so that it wasn’t too mismatched with the sofa. We asked to have it delivered the next day since I didn’t have to work and after a little begging, the clerk made room for us on the schedule.

We went to a bed, bath, and kitchen store next. There were so many things we needed, it was a little overwhelming. So we decided to shop by room, starting with the bathroom. Wesley let me pick out the color of towels, the soap dispenser, toothbrush holder, and shower caddy.

I looked at shower curtains, but we decided we didn’t need one since there was a curtain liner.

We needed the most items for the kitchen. We got dishes for four settings—the cheap ones that come in one box for about thirty dollars.

We also bought silverware, mixing bowls, cookie sheets, a casserole dish, mixing spoons, an electric can opener, measuring cups and spoons, and an off-brand toaster.

I looked in the shopping cart and I knew we were spending a lot of money. Wesley didn’t seem to mind though. He teased me about being Wes & Toren

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so excited to go shopping. But I couldn’t help myself; this was my first apartment with Wesley and we started out with next to nothing.

“Oh, we should get another set of sheets too,” Wesley said, steering the cart toward the bedding department. “Or maybe two, so we don’t have to wash them every day.”

I slapped his hand playfully but I agreed. I walked up and down the aisle, trying to decide on a color and pattern. There were a lot more choices than I expected and I asked Wesley for his opinion, but he would just nod and say “sure.” I finally decided on a solid navy set and a white set. It was funny; I never had white sheets, but I always wanted some.

“Well, let’s get going before we spend any more money,” I said, leading the cart down the aisle. “Oh shoot! We forgot to get washcloths.”

We had the bath and hand towels, but I completely forgot the washcloths. “I’ll run and get them and you can head up front.”

Of course, the towels were in the back of the store. On the opposite side of the same aisle were shower curtains and I paused after grabbing four washcloths. There was one curtain that I really liked. It was a dark royal blue with a square pattern woven into the fabric. I hemmed and hawed for a moment, then grabbed the curtain and shower hooks and ran to the front of the store.

Wesley had most of the stuff out of the basket and as I got closer, I recognized the cashier. My stomach tightened; I didn’t know Jen worked here. I slowed my pace as I neared the register and Wesley noticed me with a peculiar smile.

“Oh. Hi, Toren,” Jen said coldly, glancing back at Wesley.

I set the washcloths down on the counter and then the shower curtain and hooks.

“You went back for washcloths and came back with a shower curtain? I thought we—nevermind.” Wesley gave in with an honest smile.

“All right. Four seventy-six sixty-three,” Jen announced, putting the last of the things in a bag.

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Wesley took his credit card from his wallet and I pulled out my debit card too. I wasn’t going to let Wesley pay for all of this.

“What are you doing? Put that away,” Wesley said predictably.

I shook my head. “At least let me pay for half.”

“No,” Wesley answered decidedly.

“Put three hundred dollars on mine and the rest on his,” I told Jen, handing her my card.

“Toren….”

“It’s okay. Go ahead,” I said to Jen and she swiped my card through, glancing at Wesley and me suspiciously.

“God, you’re stubborn,” Wesley said. I smiled and took it as a compliment.

Jen slid Wesley’s card through the reader while I signed a copy of the receipt. “So, are you…roommates or something?” she asked.

I figured that she and Wesley chatted while I was getting the washcloths. He must have told her about the apartment, but didn’t mention me. Wesley hesitated with the question, but I didn’t.

“Oh no, we’re more than that. He’s my boyfriend,” I said with a satisfied grin.

Jen’s eyes widened and she stared at Wesley, but Wesley looked at me with a slow grin taking over his face. He put the bags in the cart and took my hand. I blushed and bit my lip. Jen stared at us with a disconcerted look.

“See you around,” Wesley said without looking back. I had to though; the look on her face was priceless.

We filled the trunk of Wesley’s car with bags. I couldn’t lose the small smile I had on my lips. Wesley closed the trunk and looked at me.

“That was so cool,” he said with a laugh. “I didn’t say anything

’cause I wasn’t sure if you wanted her to know, but…that was great.”

The last stop was at the grocery store. We already spent a lot of money and I knew this was going to be at least another $150 or $200

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dollars. The only thing we had was coffee, so we really needed everything. We shopped according to my list, buying the basics like bread, milk, eggs, cereal, as well as toothpaste, dish soap, and laundry soap, and also what I would need to make dinner and lunch for the next few days. In the end, we spent $150 on groceries.

We got home a little after six and we were pretty tired carrying all the bags up the stairs, but mostly because we didn’t actually fall asleep until five that morning. I let Wesley rest while I put the groceries away and I decided I’d put away all the other stuff tomorrow. I put in a kung fu movie and Wesley lay on the sofa with his head in my lap. I never thought I could be this happy, but there was one tiny, nagging thought in the back of my mind.

Wesley fell asleep during the movie and I watched him more than the TV. He looked so sweet and innocent when he was asleep. As I watched him, the little thought in my head kept growing bigger and bigger. He woke up after the movie was over and smiled at me. My mind whirled and my heart thumped; that little thought was all I could think about.

“Wesley?”

“Hmn?”

“Um, the girl you slept with—” I said hesitantly, taking a deep breath.

“Hunh?” Wesley looked up at me from my lap.

“Was it Jen?” I finally asked.

Wesley sat up quickly. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and stared at the floor. “Does it matter who it was?” He seemed aggravated.

I furrowed my brows; his response told me everything. My stomach felt hollow. “It was her, wasn’t it?”

Wesley clenched his hands together. “Why do you wanna know?”

“I don’t know. I just do.” It was because I wanted him to say it wasn’t her. Anyone but her.

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Wesley sighed like he was defeated. I was wrong. He wasn’t aggravated; he was ashamed. “It was when I was in tenth grade. She kept asking me out and I just finally gave in. I was over at her house one night and…it just happened.”

“What do you mean?” I asked in a small voice.

“Why? You want details? Fine. She was sucking me off and next thing I knew, she was on top of me. I told her to stop, but she wouldn’t.

And it just sorta happened. It wasn’t like I wanted it to. Hell, I had to think about someone else just to get it up for her,” he said, dropping his head into his hands. “Fuck. Fuck!”

“She…she forced you? Then—”

“No! It wasn’t…. I mean, I could’ve pushed her off if I really wanted to. I just thought that if I did a chick, then I wouldn’t be gay. It didn’t matter who it was.” He still wouldn’t look at me. I scooted closer to him and rubbed my hand on his back. “Hell, I couldn’t even cum!” he said with a pathetic laugh. “Of course, she told everyone the next day and it wasn’t like I could deny it. She just pissed me off so much, and I broke it off with her a couple days later. She went crazy, saying I took what I wanted and then dumped her. But what could I say? That she forced me? That I could only get it up for guys? God, I was just so pissed off.”

I leaned into him and hugged him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.” Tears rolled down my cheeks. He struggled so much more than I thought. When I met him, he was so confident and carefree. It seemed like nothing got to him. Was he just hiding it all this time? How did I not notice?

Wesley glanced at me, at the tears in my eyes, and his face softened. He turned to me and wiped away the tears. “Tor, it’s okay. It’s in the past. I got over it, so you have to also,” he said, bringing my head to his chest and hugging me tightly.

How could he be so strong? All this happened to him, and I was the one crying like a baby. I rubbed my face against his shirt. “I don’t like her,” I whispered, my voice muffled. “I don’t like the way she looks at you, like she owns you or something. I can’t stand her.”

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“But that’s the thing: it doesn’t matter anymore. She doesn’t matter. Because I have you. Everything’s okay because I have you,” he said, ruffling my hair. I glanced up at him and he smiled gently at me.

“To be honest, I did struggle with everything that happened, with being gay, all that, until I met you. You were the first person I really wanted, not just to fuck you, but that I really cared about. The first time I kissed you, it was like my head was suddenly clear. I realized that everything that happened didn’t matter. I didn’t care that I was gay. I knew that everything would be okay if I could be with you. It was like I hadn’t been born until I met you. I know this probably doesn’t make any sense, but it was honestly how I felt.”