Authors: S Jackson Rivera
He glanced up at her joke and gave her one of his crooked grins. His eyes sparkled with mirth, but then he looked down again when she continued on about him.
“I already knew you weren’t really as mean as you wanted me to think you were—well some of the time—but that’s
one
thing I love about you, your big, generous heart. You not only look out for me, but you’re always stepping in for the underdog. You’d take care of just about everyone on this island if they needed help.
“Then there’s your big . . .” She left him hanging a minute, flashing her eyebrows up and down, going for the double entendre. He tilted his head at her, and blinked slowly. “Brain.”
She giggled and sneaked in for a quick peck on his lips.
“Apparently, I’m a sucker for an intelligent man. Next, I love your hard work ethic, your passion for life. You work hard, play hard—you give everything you do, everything you’ve got—it’s
so
hot
!
“I love you because you listen to my long, boring stories. You call me beautiful and make me believe you, even though I know I’m not. You deny it, but you are very romantic. You’re so patient—well, not really—not by nature, but with me, you’ve been so patient. You always know what to do, and you take charge. I don’t have to worry about anything, and the pathetic wimp in me needs that. You’re
always
there for me.” She choked up on the next words, “You make me feel precious.”
She cleared her throat.
“My parents are the only ones who’ve ever really loved me—they had to. That’s what parents are supposed to do—” Her eyes darted to his, remembering that he didn’t have that. She lifted her hand to his cheek, believing that he wanted his parents to love him, that it was more important to him than he let on. She rushed forward to get away from the topic. “They’re
supposed
to, but
you
had a choice . . . I don’t understand why. I think sometimes—sometimes I know that someday, you’re just going to walk away, and leave me . . . but . . . even the past few days . . .” Tears had filled her eyes, and she looked up into his and whispered, “You’re still here.”
She sniffed a few times and tried to gain her composure, knowing how hard she had to fight to make sure that it stayed true, knowing that it might not be true much longer. She wiped her eyes. She gave him a watery smile.
“You make me feel safe.” She purposely ignored how unsafe she’d felt the past few days. “I have an absurd, voracious need to feel safe, and I feel safe with you—I know you’d die to protect me. That’s how I know, positively, that it’s not just some passing crush or infatuation.
“When Creepy grabbed me—” A sob hiccupped from her throat, and she fought to hold it together to get the rest out. “Normally, I would have freaked out, wondering how that could possibly be happening to me again, and obviously, that part hit me later, but at
that
moment, I didn’t care.”
Paul pulled her into his chest again, and she took a deep breath, using the gesture to borrow his strength.
“For once in my life—I realized my love for you is stronger than fear—I didn’t think about how terrible it would be—what was about to happen to me—because all I could think about was you. I knew there was no possible way you weren’t going to try to save me, and I knew they were going to kill you for it. I actually thought, hanging over Creepy’s shoulder, that
I’d rather get raped by a million low-life scumbags than watch you die.”
She felt his chest rise with a long inhale, but then he held his breath and didn’t say anything to challenge her statement. Instead, he lovingly caressed her, holding her with one hand, while he trailed the other up and down her arm.
“I can’t see my life without you in it. I don’t want to ever have to. I love you, Paul.” She stuttered in a few gulps of air. “I love you.”
She felt him reach up and wipe his face, and she wondered if he was crying too, but she didn’t break the closeness to look up and check. She wrapped her arm around his neck instead.
“We’re good for each other. You said I make you feel redeemable. I don’t know how, but I know you make me feel . . . not so afraid all the time. So together, we’re better, we make each other better.”
He blew out a long, loud breath.
“I wish it were that simple. We are just so different, so opposite.” He rested his chin on the top of her head and sighed.
“That’s not a bad thing,” she said, looking up at him.
He licked his lips and chewed on them, she knew he was thinking about that, skeptical of its validity, as it applied to him.
“I’m so torn. The battle raging in my heart is tearing me apart. The desire is so strong, to do what I always do, and just ignore my conscience, do what I want. I’m a predator, and you’re the prey. I could keep you, and I think you’d be fine with that, for now, in your condition, but that’s not right to take advantage of your . . . frailty. That’s what I want to do, but that’s not what you need. If it was anyone else—but it is about you, the most important person to me—I need more time to work through it.”
“Okay, take the time,” she said, trying to read hope into his need. At least he wasn’t packing his bags, or telling her to pack hers. “But for now, we’re good, right? No more babysitters, separate sleeping arrangements, mental institutions . . .”
He laughed at her insistence about calling Keene’s retreat an institution.
“No more drunken binges for sure.”
“Last night—
after we
—I got mad when I thought you got drunk because you didn’t want to come home to me, but it was because you felt guilty about your decision to commit me, isn’t it?”
“No! For the last time, it isn’t a mental institution, Rhees,” he huffed, exasperated. “I felt guilty for
nawt
wanting to send you away.” He paused.
“Even though I know it’s what you need, I don’t want to lose you. I’m just that selfish!”
She tried to hug him, but he grabbed her hands to stop her. She stared at him for a long minute wondering how they’d gone from warm and cuddly, to the cold shoulder again.
“What’s wrong? You afraid you might
accidentally
make love to me again?”
He deadpanned.
“No.” He sighed. His inflection rose at the end, making him sound unsure, so he just admitted it. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
The look she gave him made him think of a sad puppy and he started to hate this conversation.
“I’d like nothing more than to pretend all this can just go away, but I won’t make promises I can’t keep.” He paused to yawn again. “So, yeah, for now, I need time to sort this out.”
“I’m afraid time might be my worst enemy,” she mumbled.
“Will you promise me something?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.
“No.” It came out without a second’s thought.
He sighed again but ignored her refusal.
“If you won’t go to Keene for help, will you at least work with him? We can set something up. I’ll take anything you’re willing to give on this. I’ll see about bringing him here, once a week, or maybe you can talk to him over the phone, for now. I’ll feel better knowing he’s aware of what’s going on with you—because I have no clue.”
The minutes ticked by in silence.
“Okay,” she whispered. “I promise . . . and I’ll give you time, but only because I love you, and you’re so sure there’s no other way we can get past this.”
She rested her head against his chest and felt the huge, relieved exhale he let out with a grateful, “Thank God.”
A few seconds later, his breathing had slowed and became deep. He’d fallen asleep. She held perfectly still, hoping she wouldn’t wake him, worried that if she did, he’d move away from her.
“Please, get past this,” she whispered, and then looked up at the sky, heavenward. “Please, help him get past this.”
oOo
The next morning, Dobbs and Claire went to the mainland for the day, leaving Rhees alone in the office. She decided to work on Daily’s, but she’d left her little camera on her BC after dives that morning. She went to retrieve it so she could download the day’s diving pictures, but stopped when she overheard Tracy, Regina, and Dorene having a heated discussion with Ronnie and her friends, just outside the outer equipment room door.
“You’re wasting your time. We’ve been here since the day Rhees stepped foot on the island. Paul hasn’t even looked at another girl since,” Dorene said.
“You don’t know Ronnie,” Marcelle said in her French accent. “Veronique gets what she wants.”
“
Who
she wants,” Sophie said, and Ronnie laughed about it.
Rhees inched closer to see if she could get a look without getting caught, and found she could see the girls standing just outside the door through the crack.
“They’re married now,” Ronnie said. “Married men get bored. They start looking for a little spice.”
“You do not know Paul,” Regina growled.
“Yeah,” Dorene agreed. “You’re not the first girl who’s wanted to help him forget about Rhees.”
Ronnie huffed out a bored laugh.
“A man who looks like Paul is used to playing the field. He’ll get bored. Don’t underestimate my powers of persuasion . . . or seduction.” Ronnie giggled at herself.
“They’re happy together,” Tracy whined. Rhees could tell she was upset. Tracy’s tender heart couldn’t fathom how anyone could be cruel.
“Paul doesn’t look so happy to me.” Ronnie sounded flippant, not concerned. “Rhees either, for that matter.”
“Well, they were hijacked, almost killed, on their wedding night,” Dorene said. “That would be tough on anyone. They’ll work it out.”
“They’re doing that already,” Tracy said, resonating with hope. “I saw them having coffee and donuts together in the gazebo this morning, just like old times.”
“Oh! Coffee? What was I thinking?” Ronnie feigned remorse for ever thinking she could catch Paul’s eye.
“Sounds like marital bliss to me.”
“To me, it sounds more like Veronique’s number is about to be called,” Marcelle said. “I told you. She gets whatever, or whomever, she sets her sights on.”
“Look, we like Rhees . . .
now
.” Dorene glanced guiltily at Regina. “Leave him alone. I don’t think you’re going to succeed, but if you did manage it—it would really hurt Rhees. She’s really sweet. Please, don’t hurt her.”
“I don’t give a fuck about Rhees,” Ronnie said. “I get what I want, and I don’t let anything stand in my way. At the moment, I want Paul—I may even keep him a while.”
Rhees had heard enough. She backtracked and made it to the office to think. After a few minutes, she went in search of her husband.
oOo
“I want Ronnie out of here.” Rhees sounded overly determined, like she thought she needed courage she didn’t really have, to stand her ground. She stood before him, her unyielding eyes on his, her back straight, and her head held high.
Paul was in the middle of his regular maintenance on the air compressor, but because of her tone and stance, he stopped and grabbed for a towel. He watched her carefully as he wiped the grease off his hands, trying to gauge what had her so worked up. He wondered if he’d ever know what she was really thinking again—if he ever had—he’d once thought he’d known her pretty well.
“I’m
not
interested in her,” he said, wanting to reassure her, again. He didn’t understand why she kept coming back to this. Keene’s prediction came to mind again, about her insecurities.
“I don’t care. I don’t want her here.”
“This is not like you. You see the good in everyone.” He moved closer to give her his full attention. He felt bad about giving her a reason to feel so insecure. He’d been selfish and self-absorbed the last few days, letting his own feelings get the better of him.
“Give it a few more days. She’ll figure out I’m not interested, and she’ll give it up, just like all the others.”
“No.” Rhees shook her head. “This is different. Ronnie is different.”
“Rhees, she’s a paying student. If she goes, her friends go too. Do you know how much that’ll cost?”
“Sometimes there are more important things to consider. I thought the money didn’t matter to you.”
She looked so hurt. He wanted to take her in his arms and reassure her. He reached for her but she stepped away.
“You keep saying you’re not interested in her, so why are you so adamant about keeping her around?”
“I’m not. It’s just business.”
“You said you knew the shop would never be a very profitable business. You can’t say, one minute, that you don’t care about how much money the shop brings in, then the next, try to tell me it’s all about the money, especially when it comes to her. There has to be another reason. You like her.”
“No. I don’t. It’s just . . .” He hadn’t put what was going on in his head into words yet, and he wondered if he’d be able to make her understand. “You’re right. I didn’t care—before. But the shop’s been doing better than I ever expected. I’ve always been good, no, great, at assessing businesses, knowing their strengths and weaknesses, but I’ve never had my own. I’d tell my dad which ones to buy, and then we’d sell them, or pull them apart and scavenge the assets.” He put his hands on his hips and looked at the floor before finally admitting the truth.
“I need to win, I can’t help it. You know that already. Suddenly I’m—
we’re
winning. I know you’re the biggest reason for the new success, but—we’re talking about
three
students,
and
we’re talking about a stupid girl with a stupid crush. Why is Ronnie suddenly any different than any of the others?”
“Because,” Rhees almost whined. “I want her out of here, but you don’t care about what I want anymore.”
“That’s not true.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. “I care, I’ve always cared, and I will forever care.” He pulled away enough to take her face between his hands, and looked earnestly into her eyes. “I care! I really do.”
oOo
“You can’t do that!”
“I just did.” Rhees held her voice as even as possible. She stood just outside the office, her words directed at Ronnie even though Ronnie’s friends were a part of the conversation, too. “Sophie and Marcelle can stay, the choice is theirs, but you need to move on,
today
.”
“You can’t do that,” Ronnie repeated in her typical,
how do you not know I’m supposed to rule the world,
manner. “Where’s Paul? This is his shop, and he wants me here. I refuse to talk to anyone but him.”
Ronnie stood, her arms folded in defiance while Rhees held an envelope out to her. Ronnie refused to take it. Finally, Paul poked his head around the corner, guardedly. Rhees had noticed Tracy take off to get Paul when the confrontation with Ronnie started. Rhees braced herself, sure it would be five against one. She’d have to be strong and hold her ground.
“Actually, we were recently married. It’s half mine now. I have just as much say in what goes on around here as he does.”
“This isn’t the United States,” Ronnie laughed scornfully. “Women have no rights in this country. You have half of nothing!”