We head inside to all the flashing lights and
loud
sounds. After getting quarters we play a few games before we grab a drink and sit down in one of the booths. It reminds me of the place back home we used to hang out at
,
only this place is actually bigger. My drink is about halfway done when I
'
m tired of playing his game.
"
So what
'
s up? You decide to play counselor today or what?
"
I slouch back in the seat. My hair flops down in my face and I push it away before biting at the hoop in my bottom lip.
Sebastian
looks way more serious than I need him to look right now. What I want is for him to make some smart-aleck comment and for me to counter it with something else.
After what feels like
...
I don
'
t know
,
a long time
,
he says
,
"
Things are changing.
"
Yeah
,
no crap.
"
Things always change.
"
I shrug.
"
Not the four of us. We
'
re not supposed to change.
"
I let my head rest against the back of the booth and close my eyes. I totally don
'
t feel like doing this right now. A lot of people think Bastian
'
s all talk—that he doesn
'
t take things seriously or that he doesn
'
t really think about anyone but himself. Those people don
'
t know anything. He
'
s seen a lot—had a lot of people come in and out of his life and the one thing he
'
s always serious about is holding onto the people he doesn
'
t want to lose. I feel like shit that I
'
m pulling out the serious Sebastian.
I don
'
t open my eyes when I say
,
"
My head
'
s all screwed up right now.
"
"
Then tell me why.
"
"
I can
'
t.
"
"
Then find a way to get it together yourself.
"
This makes me open my eyes. I know he
'
s right
,
but it
'
s not like I can snap my fingers and forget every single word that
'
s been embedded into my brain.
Can
'
t forget that I
'
m a screw up.
That Mom obviously couldn
'
t care less and
...
surprise
! I don
'
t even know who my real dad is. It
'
s embarrassing
,
and I don
'
t want everyone feeling sorry for me.
"
It
'
s not that easy.
"
Sebastian groans.
"
Then talk to someone or whatever. I don
'
t know. If you don
'
t wanna tell me
,
talk to Pris or Aspen or something
,
but—
"
"
Pfft
. You have said so
yourself
,
Pris has always wished I would die a fiery death and I
'
m pretty sure things are double as bad now.
"
"
Nah
...
I used to think that was it
,
but it
'
s more than that and you and I both know it
,
man.
"
I don
'
t answer him
,
not sure how I really feel about what he says. It
'
s easier to pretend things don
'
t exist than to talk about them and make
them
real.
"
Whatever
'
s going on
,
you need to find a way to squash it
,
because we can
'
t keep going how we are. Last summer
,
it felt like shit when everything went down and none of you guys were talking to me. Now your dumbass is going all the way to Texas. Do you really want
to
be out there knowing
you left things like this?"
He
'
s right. I know that and I feel like we keep going over and over the same thing.
My fault?
Yep
,
and I definitely don
'
t think I can keep going the way things are going right now. It
'
s not fair to
Pris.
To
any of them
,
actually.
For once
,
I just want us to
be.
Simple.
Without complications.
I want to have fun and everything to be cool
,
before things change in the exact way Bastian is talking about.
I start to laugh. Sebastian looks at me like I just lost it and maybe he
'
s right.
"
What?
"
"
You actually make sense now! After always thinking you know what you
'
re talking about
,
you actually might now. It
'
s scary as hell.
"
Sebastian flips me off.
"
Whatever. I
'
ve always known my shit.
"
That makes one of us.
***
We hang out at the arcade a little longer before heading back to the hotel.
Bastian texts Aspen to find out our room number.
When we get up there
,
the girls
are sitting
in the middle of one of the beds
,
painting their toenails. My first thought is I sure hope they don
'
t expect me to share a bed with Sebastian. He
'
s my boy and all
,
but there
'
s no way I plan to stay in the same bed as him all night.
Which is probably the stupidest thought I could have.
Like he won
'
t want to sleep with Aspen
.
But
then that leaves me with
...
yeah. I
'
m totally going to die on this trip.
"
Took you guys long enough.
We
'
re starving.
"
Aspen gives us a look that says Bastian is totally in trouble. I look at Pris
,
the idiot in me wondering if I
'
ll see the same look
,
but she
'
s staring at her feet.
"
Wanna go grab something
,
baby?
"
Bastian asks her.
"
Yeah.
"
Aspen starts walking toward him all funny
,
I
'
m guessing because of her wet toenails.
"
And I
'
m thinking I deserve an ice cream too. Come on
,
Pris.
"
Pris looks up for the first time since we walked in. Her dark eyes skate over me quickly before landing on Aspen and Bastian.
"
I
'
m okay
,
actually. I
'
m kind of tired. I think I
'
ll stay.
"
I jerk forward as something hits me in the back. After catching my balance I turn toward Sebastian and give him a dirty look. Yeah
,
like I need him to elbow me to clue me in that I should be staying too.
"
Umm
...
yeah.
Me too.
"
Half of me
expects
Pris
to suddenly get really hungry
,
but she doesn
'
t. She just starts painting her nails again.
"
We
'
ll bring you guys back something in case.
"
They
'
re already walking toward the door. Before they go out
,
Sebastian adds
,
"
Don
'
t do anything I would do.
"
Then
,
laughing
,
he slams the door behind them.
Idiot.
"
Wha
'
cha
doing?
"
I ask her.
H
er eyebrows
rise
. Yeah
,
dumb question. I get it. I
'
m actually sort of freaking out
;
I don
'
t know what to say to her. I don
'
t like it
,
not only because I should know what to say to a girl
,
but I should know what to say to
this
girl.
"
You want to go for a walk or something?
"
She looks up at me
and it
'
s almost as though she
'
s trying to tell me something with the look
,
I have no idea what it is. I
'
m positive she
'
s going to say no
,
when she shrugs and mumbles
,
"
Sure.
"
Slowly she gets up and slips her feet into a pair of flip-flops. She grabs the key card and slips it into the back pocket of her shorts and
,
again
,
she has me wishing to be something I
'
ve never wanted to be before. At this moment
,
that key card is the luckiest thing in the world.
The street in front of the hotel is packed with businesses and shops. Cars
pass
every few seconds. Definitely not the best place to talk.
We stand
out here for a few seconds and I already realize this was a stupid idea. It may be after seven now
,
but we
'
re also in Nevada and it
'
s
hot
.
Looking around
,
I remember the pool around back and head that way. We go around the corner and for once I get lucky because no one is there.
"
Come on.
"
I nod my head toward the pool and she follows me over.
I open the gate and she walks in. Priscilla heads over to the far corner and I follow her.
"
It
'
s hot. We can go back to the room if you want to.
"
"
I
'
m good if you
'
re good.
"
Still no eye contact from her.
"
I
'
m good
,
too. We can put our feet in.
"
But then I remember her nails.
"
That might mess up your nails or whatever though. We could go back to the room
,"
I say again.
"
We should have stayed in the room.
"
Pris slips out of her shoes
,
sits down
,
and puts her feet in the water.