What a Woman Needs (4 page)

T
WELVE
teenagers, their parents, and a few “drop-by” neighbors weren’t too much of an intrusion as it turned out. Plus, Beth got to see a few people she hadn’t seen since the funeral.

Had she really been busy for that long? Come to think about it, other than the monthly get-together her friends dragged her to at one of their homes, and the few disastrous dates they’d insisted she go on, the only times Beth had been out of the house were for school functions. Really, it was amazing she even knew who Bryan was, because she’d probably only seen one of his movies in the entire last two years.

But that one could get her through many lonely nights . . .

She shook off the image of him rising from that water like a god, sluicing his hair back off his forehead as the water rippled down his chest and abs. How his biceps had flexed and the shorts had hung low on his hips, the weight of the water dragging them down even further.

Bombs had been going off behind him, gunfire erupting all around him, but Beth’s heart had tripled in speed solely because he’d been on that screen.

And now he was standing in front of her asking what more she wanted from him.

Let me count the ways . . .

“You’re sure none of the bathrooms need cleaning? It
is
my job, you know. I actually came here to work.”

“I know you did, and I thank you. But, really, I just did the bathrooms.” Three days ago. But she didn’t want anyone, least of all
the
Bryan Manley, seeing the havoc five kids and a menagerie could wreak on a bathroom. She’d clean those after the kids went to bed tonight. “You can get to them tomorrow. I can only imagine this isn’t a normal day for you and you’re bound to be tired.”

He arched that one eyebrow that had the power to make masses of women swoon at once.

Geared toward just one woman, however, its effect was magnified. Beth had to poke her fingernail into her hamstring to remind herself where she was. And what her name was. But not what his was.

“But I barely got through anything today,” he said, hiking the bucket of cleaning tools in his hand. Which caused his biceps to do that nice flexing thing she was so fond of. “And you do know that I can do other things besides clean, right? If there’s something you need fixed . . . Handyman stuff.”

Don’t get her started on what he could be handy with . . .

“Trust me. It’ll all be here tomorrow. Pretty much just as you found it today.”

“Like
Groundhog Day
?” His smile was as potent as his flexing muscles.

“Yes, just like
Groundhog Day
.” It figured his reference point would be a movie. Thankfully, that one hadn’t been released in the past two years, so she actually knew what he was talking about. The only reason she even knew any of the current singing stars was because of Kelsey and Jason’s love of their iPods and the portable speakers Mike’s parents had bought them for Christmas.

Mike’s parents. Oh, crud. The kids were supposed to spend one of the upcoming weekends with them at their shore house. They’d wanted a week, but Beth wasn’t ready to give the kids up for that long. Sure, the kids were a lot of work and, yes, she wouldn’t mind the break from the responsibility, but the truth was, she needed them just as much as they needed her. A weekend apart was all any of them could manage right now. She’d been both dreading it and looking forward to it since Donna had asked. She’d invited Beth, but they both knew Donna and John wanted and needed the time alone with their grandkids without their daughter-in-law around. Celebrate Mike’s life instead of the constant reminder that he was gone with his widow hanging around. Beth got it and, really, she was fine with it, but no matter how much she tried to convince herself that she was looking forward to the peace and solitude of that weekend, it was a lie. It’d just give her more time to think about Mike being gone.

“Bryan!” Maggie came running out of the laundry room dragging a sock on her sneakers’ Velcro closures, and threw herself into his legs. “You’re coming back, aren’t you? Tomorrow, right? You promised!”

Bryan, God love him, didn’t hesitate, prying Maggie’s little arms off and hunkering down to look her in the eye. “Of course I’m coming back. I told you I would. I’m just going to my house now. Work is done for the day.”

“But we’re not done. We live here. We can’t go anywhere. Why can’t you stay here? You could be my daddy now.”

Silence.

Even the grandfather clock seemed to stop ticking.

Or maybe that was just because everything in Beth’s body had gone numb.

Numb was good. Numb meant she couldn’t feel pain.

Wrong.

It seared through her like a bolt of lightning. Her daughter wanted a father. God knew, Beth wanted her to have one. It wasn’t fair that Maggie didn’t have one. Wasn’t goddamned fair.

She’d said that a lot in the past two years. But no one had promised her fair. Mike had often said that; that life wasn’t fair. It’d been her mantra during the months after his death. And now . . .

“You’ll always have your dad, Maggie.” Bryan ran a hand over her hair. “I lost my dad when I was little, too, you know. You miss him being able to give you hugs and talk to you, but he’ll always be with you right here.” He touched Maggie’s heart and Beth’s throat closed up.

She had to look away, blinking like mad to keep from crying. She’d done so much crying. Too much.

“You’ll never forget him and he’ll love you forever. You just have to remember that when you get lonely, okay?”

Maggie scrunched her little face that was so much like Mike’s it always took Beth’s breath away. “That’s what Grandma said, too. But he used to toss me in the air and now no one does. Mommy’s not strong enough since I growed.”

“Ah, well, that’s easily fixed.”

Bryan stood up, hiked Maggie up under her arms, and tossed her above his head.

Beth had never heard a sound so sweet as Maggie’s laughing shriek.

“Do it again!”

Well, maybe that was just as sweet.

Bryan did it again. And again. And again.

He did it so much that tears of laughter were running down Maggie’s little cheeks.

Tears of a whole different kind were running down hers.

“Aw, don’t cry, Mommy. Bryan won’t hurt me.”

Beth knew that. She also knew he just might break
her
heart if she let him.

He glanced over with a worried expression. “Beth?”

She bit her lip and shook her head, clearing her throat to get the words out. “I’m fine. It’s fine. Go right on—” She waved her hands and ran into the kitchen, mumbling something about dinner.

There was no dinner to see to. She hated cooking. Hated the planning and the preparing and the cleanup and who liked what and who had what practice and, oh God, she was going to fall apart again.

Beth gripped the edges of the countertop by her sink and sucked in a couple of ragged breaths. She should be over this by now. Or, at the very least, have a better handle on it, but the word
daddy
had the power to set her back eight hundred and eighty three days in one fell swoop.

It wasn’t fair.

“It’s not fair. I know.” Bryan echoed her thoughts as he walked into her kitchen.

Beth glanced over her shoulder at him. It also wasn’t fair how composed and put together and perfect he looked as she stood here, hunched over with bloodshot eyes she was sure, trying to catch her breath and still her racing heart while putting on a brave front for the kids.

“You don’t have to be so brave.” He was behind her now. “The kids will be okay. I know. I’ve been there.”

That’s right. She remembered something about him being raised by his grandmother. But he’d only carried
his
loneliness. She was carrying the kids’ and hers. It was too much to bear. Too big of a burden. These past two years . . . She’d
gotten
through
them; she hadn’t
lived
them.

“Beth.” Bryan’s hands skimmed up her arms. He squeezed her shoulders gently. “It’s okay to break down once in a while.”

“No it’s not. I can’t.” Her voice came out a hoarse whisper, but at least it came out.

He put some pressure on her shoulders and the next thing she knew, she was in his arms. Surrounded by him, his arms wrapping around her, safe and tight and blocking out the crushing pain in her soul. And when he pressed her face into his shoulder, when he gave her the permission to lean against him, it was almost her undoing.

She hadn’t been held like this . . . since Mike. And she’d been carrying the burden ever since. The lone parent. The lone source of income. The only thing standing between her children and destitution or not having a family. Instability. She had to hang on. Every single day. There’d never been a respite and, oh God, it was hard. So hard to bear all the responsibility.

“Maggie’s okay, Beth. She’s going to be okay. All of you are.” His words were soothing and so were the soft strokes against her hair.

Beth drew in a ragged breath and clamped her eyes shut, allowing herself to feel the warmth. To accept his comfort. If only for a few short moments, she needed this. Simple human contact and compassion. So easily taken for granted and so very much missed when it was ripped away by the fickle nasty whim of fate. Or sheer winds on an icy runway.

“It’s okay, Beth. It’s okay.”

No it wasn’t, but she wasn’t going to argue with him. For this moment, now, here, she was going to take this from him.

She clutched the sides of his shirt, not quite willing to wrap her own arms around him, but she hung on. She buried her face into his shoulder, inhaling the warmth and scent of him. It’d been too long since she’d smelled that masculine scent. Too long since she’d felt strong arms around her, the tickle of his arm hair on her skin, the taut hardness of his abs against hers, the breadth of his shoulders harboring her from all the pain.

God, he felt good. So good.
Too
good.

Beth inhaled. One last time. That was all she needed. Just a moment more. A moment to compose herself. To settle her world back into its rightful order. Bryan didn’t belong in that order and she couldn’t forget it. He was being kind. Compassionate. Anything else she turned it into would just be foolish. But she’d always be grateful to him for this moment.

Another deep breath and she pulled back. “Thank you.”

She cleared her throat and sniffed, thankful she hadn’t gone all blubbery on him. It was one thing to allow a guy to comfort you, another to turn into a dishrag while he was doing so. Especially since the guy—for all she’d seen of him on screen and heard about him around town—was essentially a stranger.

But this stranger slid a hand beneath her hair and cupped her cheek, tilting her face to look into his. “It’s okay, Beth. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I do understand what Maggie is. She needs her mom to be there for her and you’re doing a great job. She’s always going to miss him, but as long as she knows you love her and are here for her, she’ll be okay. But don’t forget to allow yourself to grieve, too. To feel the pain. You don’t have to be a rock all the time.”

He was right, she knew that, but the reality was that she could only be so strong and if she let her guard down, it might not come back up.

She licked her lips and swallowed, trying to rein in her careening emotions. “Thank you. For this. For . . . that. Tossing her. I didn’t know she missed it so much.”

“And you’re not supposed to. You do other things for her. Don’t forget that.”

She worked a smile onto her face. Probably not her best, but then she wasn’t exactly
at
her best right now. Probably had blotchy red cheeks and eyes brimming with tears and, hell, her nose was probably running. “I won’t. Thank you.”

He looked at her a little longer, his green eyes searching hers, his fingers tightening just a bit on her scalp, then he took a quick breath and let her go. “You’ll be okay.”

She would. The question was, when?

 • • • 

B
RYAN
didn’t know how he managed to get out of there without embarrassing himself. He’d been
this
close to offering her comfort of another sort but sanity had reared its head and saved them both the awkwardness of that. Jesus. What was
wrong
with him? Okay, so she wasn’t married, but still. A mother. Of five. Suburbia. And harboring a boatload of emotions for her dead husband that, even if she
was
ready to move on, would have him triple-thinking it even if he
was
interested in starting something with her. Which he wasn’t. Not really. Sure, his body was all set to go, but Beth Hamilton wasn’t made for a casual fling. Her kids certainly weren’t and Bryan had been in their position. Knew what they were going through. The man who came into Beth Hamilton’s life had better be not only prepared to take on five kids, but ready, willing, and able to do so.
He
was able, but the ready and willing parts? Not quite.

So he walked out of her kitchen, met all the kids’ friends, finished his job for the day, and left the domesticity behind. He ruffled Mark’s hair on his way out, gave the high sign to Tommy, returned Jason’s nod, and gave Kelsey the Manley smile that would make her the envy of all her friends, his good deed for the day.