What He Bargains (What He Wants, Book Nineteen) (36 page)

“My story is simple,” she said. “When I was seventeen, some kids started rumors about me—horrible rumors about me being a slut and a whore and they were vicious about it. They were relentless.”

He watched her closely. “Who was it—a group of girls?”

She felt acid in her stomach just thinking about it and she ran a hand through her hair, shaking it out as if that might help shake off her nerves. “It began with a couple of boys who started the rumors and then some girls picked up on it. Before I knew it, all of the things they said had spread like wildfire and the lies were being repeated everywhere.”

Jake nodded as if he understood. “And then you got depressed?”

She sighed. “Yes, Jake, then I got depressed.”

“I know it’s unpleasant to talk about, but you’re going to have to do it soon.”

“I understand that,” she told him, “but I’ll do it when I’m ready.”

“Kurt already booked you a speaking gig at a benefit for a foundation to fight bullying late next week,” Jake said, “so you better get ready.”

Raven was stunned into silence. She blinked, swallowed, tried to get her bearings. “You booked me a speaking gig?” she said, aghast.

“That’s how Kurt and I thought it best to bring up the conversation around you being a victim of bullying. We won’t even announce it to the press, we’ll let it filter out naturally so it doesn’t come off as a ploy.”

Raven put a hand to her forehead. She was getting a throbbing pain behind her eyes. “Jake, you never even asked me.”

“Listen,” he said, “you’re the one who told me you wanted to do this for me. You said you would use your history to help me fight the negative press I’ve been getting.”

“I know I said that, and I meant it. But I need to be included in these kinds of decisions.”

“This is my career,” Jake said.

“And it’s my life,” she replied, pointing at her own chest. “I’m the one who has to open up my old wounds, and the least thing I should get is the courtesy of a discussion about what scenario is best for me.”

“Kurt would have put you on stage tomorrow to do this,” Jake said. “I had to fight hard to back him off. The longer we wait to put you out there, the more people condemn me and the worse my chances get to fight this thing off.”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it,” Raven said. “What’s so hard for you to understand about me wanting to be included in the decision making process?”

He sat back folded his arms. “You don’t want to step out and do your job,” he said.

“That’s so not true.”

“It is, Raven. Face it,” Jake told her. “I had to push you to bring me back to Southbridge to meet your family and do the photo op together. You didn’t want to do that and now you don’t want to give this speech next week.”

“I keep telling you, I just want to be involved—“

“You are involved,” Jake interrupted, his jaw tense, eyes narrow. “But you don’t get to waltz into my life and take over the operation. This is business, and I decide what works and what doesn’t work. You follow my orders.”

Raven sat back and closed her eyes. “Fine,” she said. “We’ll do it however you want to do it, then. You tell me how it goes.”

“Good,” he said. “Now you’re getting it, finally.”

She laughed harshly. “Maybe you should come up with a nice story about what happened to me in high school, too. Why let the truth get in the way of whatever helps you the most?”

“That’s not fair and you know it, Raven. I didn’t tell you to lie about anything.”

She opened her eyes and glared at him. “No, but you sure don’t seem to mind it, either. Why stop at lying about our relationship? Why not just make everything up?” she said. “We should say and do whatever we need to as long as it makes for good press for you.”

“Exactly,” Jake replied, his nostrils flaring. He sat forward. “And next time you decide to have a temper tantrum, save it for someone who gives a shit.”

“Point taken,” Raven said calmly.

She looked away from him, he looked away from her, and they didn’t speak the rest of the way back to Massachusetts.

R
aven was already exhausted
and they hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet.

But as they got off the highway and she saw the old Ramada Inn that she remembered passing so many times driving with her parents, it truly hit Raven that she was home again.

It was like being transported back in time, because so much of Southbridge was the same as it had been when she’d left at seventeen. All of the little details were still intact—the restaurants, the convenience store on the corner of Main Street where all the kids had hung out, the tiny independent movie theater that played second run movies, where Raven and Caleb had kissed for the first time.

It was like a movie playing in her mind—the movie of her childhood, and although the last bit had been quite awful—there were lots of good memories mixed in too.

She stared out the window, in awe of the power of this place, these streets, this town. The hold it had over her was almost like black magic.

“Are you okay?” Jake said, sounding genuinely concerned.

She was surprised, turning a little to look at him. “I didn’t think you cared.”

“Of course I care. I’m not a monster.”

She raised her eyebrows. “The jury’s out on that one.”

“Very nice, Raven. Very nice.”

“I know I’m being difficult, Jake, but you really don’t understand how hard it is for me being back here.”

Jake laughed. “You think I don’t understand the kind of demons the past can throw back in your face? Baby, you really don’t know me at all.”

“Don’t call me baby,” she said, noticing that they’d just passed the public golf course, and that meant they were about to go by the second house she’d lived in before her parents had moved to their most recent home.

“You seem determined to piss me off,” Jake told her. “But I’m not going to give you the satisfaction. If you’re freaking out, you’re not going to have me to blame for it.”

“I’m not blaming you, but you’re not helping, that’s for sure.”

“You won’t let me.”

Raven sighed, but didn’t say anything back. Maybe Jake was right, she didn’t know anymore who was right and wrong between them. All she knew was one moment he was like prince charming, come to rescue her, and next he was acting just like every other man who’d hurt her.

As the limousine progressed, Raven’s hands started to tingle and she started feeling short of breath. Now she could recognize certain houses, and remembered the people who’d lived in them.

She recalled riding her bike down one hill and practically going over the handlebars when she’d hit the brakes too quickly at the bottom.

And then they were on her old street, and she was counting down the houses, knowing that in ten, nine, eight…soon they would arrive.

Finally, they turned a bend in the road and her old house came in sight, looking smaller than she’d remembered it, somehow. It was a little two-story white house with red shutters and a red door.

There were a couple of cars parked in the small driveway.

Some children in a neighbor’s lawn stared with their mouths open as the limousine pulled up in front of the house and came to a stop.

Raven tried to take a deep breath.

I can’t do this. I left for a reason. And seeing everyone again, knowing what they think of me…I can’t stand it. Not for one minute.

But just when she thought she wouldn’t be able to step out of the car, a warm, strong hand had taken her hand and was gripping it tightly.

“We can do this,” Jake said softly.

She turned and looked at him with wet eyes. “Why do you always end up proving me wrong when I start to doubt you?”

He smiled a little, his brown eyes sparkling with mischief. “I guess I’ve always liked a challenge,” he said, and in that brief moment, she swore that she loved him totally and completely.

And the way he was looking at her, she thought that he must be thinking the same thing.

“Okay, let’s just get it over with,” she told him.

Jake signaled to the driver, who got out and went around to open the door for them. They got out and Raven saw that the front door of her house was opening, and her heart was beating so fast and hard that she was going to break a rib.

“Oh my God,” Raven muttered, as she stood frozen, rooted to the ground, watching the door swing wide.

“You’re going to be fine,” Jake said, squeezing her hand. “I promise.”

“Thanks for being here,” she whispered, grateful for his presence.

Raven’s mother was coming outside, and she looked just the same as she’d always looked. She was short, with a wide smile and silvery hair that fell about shoulder length. Raven had always been told that she resembled her father, whereas her brother Danny had always looked more like Mom.

And as her mother came down the steps, Danny followed her out, and she saw that this was even more true now. He was only a few inches taller than their mother, with her same crooked smile, although his hair was still dark.

Danny’s smile died on his lips the moment he saw the limousine, and his eyes seemed to harden.

But then her mother and Danny were approaching, and she went to meet them, hugging her mother first and then Danny.

Her mother smelled like cinnamon, and she was crying a little. “Oh, I can’t believe you’re really here,” she told Raven as they embraced.

“Mom, this is Jake Novak,” Raven said, and they hugged too.

Jake shook Danny’s hand, and Danny looked him over with skepticism. “You always travel by stretch limo, Jake?”

“Sometimes,” Jake laughed. “I thought it was appropriate for Raven’s homecoming. Like, I don’t know, prom or something.”

“Yeah,” Jake said, “I don’t think prom or anything to do with high school is a very welcome memory for my sister. I guess you don’t know her that well.”

Jake didn’t react to Danny’s barb. “Beautiful home,” he said, admiring their house.

“Oh, thank you, Jake,” her mother smiled.

“Where’s Dad?” Raven asked.

“Oh, he’s inside,” her mother replied.

Raven glanced at Jake and he looked away. She got a strange feeling in her stomach and then the four of them started walking towards the house together, and soon they were going inside.

It smelled familiar, as if the very same foods and clothes and plants and furniture had been here since she’d left. Nothing much had changed, except for one major difference.

Her father.

He was in a wheelchair with a tube going to his nose. Raven stopped, totally shocked by how frail and gaunt her dad looked. The hose was connected to a large oxygen tank that was attached to the back of his chair.

“Oh, Dad!” she cried. “What happened?”

Her father smiled. He looked at least fifty pounds lighter than when she’d last seen him, and his hair was grayer, and he looked sickly, his skin almost jaundiced.

“I’ve had a few health things pop up,” he said, shrugging, as if he was talking about getting a splinter and a broken two. “But I’m okay, don’t look so frightened. Come hug me.”

Raven couldn’t believe what she was seeing, and her heart was breaking as she went and hugged him. As he embraced her, she sensed his weakness, much different than the strong man that had still been exercising and lifting weights four years ago.

But he’d also been smoking back then—chain smoking, actually.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him. “You can’t walk?”

He chuckled, but there was a wheezing sound in his chest as he laughed. “I can walk just fine. All of my extremities are intact and in fine working order. It’s my lungs that seem to have gone on strike.”

She turned to her mother and Danny. “I wish someone had told me what was going on with Dad.”

Danny made a face. “I think you made it pretty damn clear you didn’t want to hear from us.”

“But if something was wrong—“

“You didn’t care what was right or wrong with anyone but yourself,” he interrupted.

“This visit is going well so far,” Jake mumbled, only loud enough for Raven to hear it. He extended his hand to her father. “Jake Novak, pleased to meet your sir.”

Her father beamed, shaking his hand with enthusiasm. “Jake, I love your films. I’ve watched most of them, and I can’t tell you what an honor it is to meet you in person.”

“The honor is all mine,” Jake told him.

“Are you two hungry? Do you want to go to your room and decompress for a bit?” Raven’s mother asked.

“Our room?” Raven said. “I thought we’d stay at the Ramada.”

“Don’t be silly,” her father said. “You two can stay in the guest room.”

“What about my old room?”

“Your stuff went into the attic,” Danny said. “Now it’s my room.”

“You’re still living at home?”

He shook his head and snorted. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, you just got home and you’re already making snap judgments and looking down on everybody.”

“Danny, that’s not fair.”

He waved her off. “Whatever, I’ve got to get some work done. Tell me when dinner’s ready,” he said to their mother, and then left.

An awkward silence descended on the room.

Jake smiled and looked at Raven’s mother. “So where’s the guestroom?”

“I’ll show you,” Raven’s mother said. “Come you two. We’ll get you settled in, plenty of time for catching up later.”

A
fter Raven’s
mother had shown them to the guestroom and left, Raven sat down on the bed and put her head in her hands.

Jake was opening his bag and rummaging around inside. “Hey,” he said, stopping for a second to look at her. “Are you upset that they put your stuff and storage and relegated us to the guest room?”

“This is just my brother’s old room, and no, I don’t care about that,” Raven said, running her fingers through her hair. “I just hate that it’s like this. This is exactly what I was afraid of.”

“Of course it’s going to be tense at first,” Jake said. “You haven’t shown your face in a few years and nobody knows how to act around you.”