What the Duke Wants (18 page)

“I believe it was Sydney Park,” Bethanny answered.

“We fed the ducks! Do you like to feed ducks Lady Southridge?” Berty asked her face lit up in an endearing smile.

“You know, it has been an age since I’ve fed the ducks. Perhaps, if it is permissible with his grace, we could venture out tomorrow and do just that.”

“Oh! Can we your grace?” Berty wasted not a moment to plead her case.

“I believe that will be acceptable. I’ll have cook prepare you a picnic for your excursion. I, however, will remain here. There are several issues on the estate I must address.”

“Has something happened?” Lady Southridge asked, her tone slightly fearful.

“Why, no. Just normal upkeep.” The duke allayed her concern.

“Oh, then if it is not pressing, why can you not accompany us?” Lady Southridge wiped her mouth with the linen napkin and gazed directly at him.

Carlotta could have sworn she saw him squirm.

That is, if dukes actually
can
squirm.

“I have not been to this estate for quite a few months, I have a responsibility.”

“Come, Charles,” Lady Southridge commanded, but her tone was light.

Carlotta decided that she wouldn’t want to be on the bad side of Lady Southridge. She was quite… assertive.

“After all, your wards will want to spend time with you.” She cast a sweet smile to the girls, who upon seeing her gesture slightly with her hand, the one that was out of the duke’s line of sight, they nodded enthusiastically and smiled.

“See! They want you to attend! Surely you can postpone your business till later that afternoon,” she chided.

“Very well. I’ll attend you.” His tone was reluctant and he cast a wary glance towards Carlotta.

Which of course, she didn’t miss.

And because she was already contemplating the complexities of their non-existent relationship —really there was no other word to describe a kiss between a duke and governess!— she decided that she had to control her emotions better and there could not, under any circumstances, ever —ever, ever— be any more kisses.

It was entirely too confusing,

And she was not going to fall for a man who would leave her ruined, because that was the only logical outcome.

After all, dukes did
not
marry governesses.

Either way, at least she would not have to attend their outing tomorrow, as it was her one day off for the week. She doubted the girls remembered, especially since she hadn’t taken a day off since they arrived. There was nothing for her to do unless she wanted to go to Garden Gate, and as much as she missed her home, she didn’t want to revisit the memories that haunted the halls. At least not yet.

“Miss Carlotta, would ten o’clock be an acceptable time for you and the girls to take your leave?” Lady Southridge asked.

So much for keeping her plans silent.

“Actually, my lady, tomorrow is my day off. The girls will be ready for you by that time, however.” She spoke as politely as possible.

“Oh, dear,” Lady Southridge commented, her expression crestfallen. “I suppose I did not consider that.” She took a deep breath. “I know you have no reason to amend your plans, especially for me, but I would consider it a great personal favor if you would go with us tomorrow. I’m not as familiar with Bath and your expertise would be most welcome.”

Carlotta considered her words. “I wouldn’t want to intrude… and seeing as his grace will be attending you, he is likely far more wise to the architecture and layout of Bath than I, my lady.”

Lady Southridge glanced to Charles and cleared her throat. Twice.

When the duke didn’t look up from his soup, she turned back to Carlotta.

If it wasn’t so awkward, she would have laughed or at least smiled.

“I’m afraid his grace, by his own admission, has not been here for some time. I’d much rather have someone more familiar.”

It was a far stretch. Bath was one of the oldest cities in England and not much had changed to its infrastructure. Carlotta knew that, she suspected that Lady Southridge knew that as well. But she couldn’t rightly challenge the lady’s word. So with a resigned nod, she accepted. “I’d be delighted then, Lady Southridge.”

“Perfect! And I’m sure his grace will see fit to give you a separate day off for your leisure,” she gushed.

The duke glanced up, his face wincing as Lady Southridge shifted slightly.

If she didn’t know better, she would have believed that the duke had been kicked under the table by a very pointed slipper belonging to Lady Southridge.

Good thing she knew better.

She smiled regardless, however.

“Yes, yes. Perhaps the day after tomorrow? Will Friday be acceptable?”

“Indeed, thank you, your grace.”

“Yes, well…”

The conversation continued to ebb and flow through the several-course dinner. Carlotta was thrilled to watch her charges use perfect table manners, correct posture, and engage in polite conversation. To see a tangible reward for her efforts quickly outweighed the embarrassing conversation earlier.

As dinner finished, the duke excused himself, only to be called back by Lady Southridge. “Charles? Would you please escort Carlotta to the parlor? I would love to walk with the girls once more and I find that I’m in need of entertainment. Do any of you beautiful young ladies play the pianoforte?” She turned her attention to the three girls.

“Yes, m’um.” Bethanny and Beatrix nodded.

“I’m learning, Lady Southridge.” Berty offered.

“That is wonderful. I’d love to hear you all play! It’s settled. Charles? What room holds your delightful instrument?”

“That would be the green room. If you’ll follow me,” he responded graciously.

Carlotta stood and waited for the girls.

“Oh, do carry on without us. I find I need to finish my wine. I’ll be just a moment. The girls will direct me, won’t you?” Lady Southridge turned to the girls.

“Of course,” Bethanny responded. Then, as if she questioned whether to continue or stop, “I’m sure we’ll be only a moment. Lady Southridge wished to tell me more of the London Season and we’ll simply continue that conversation when we rejoin you.”

Carlotta narrowed her eyes slightly. Lady Southridge was beaming, Bethanny simply looked
too
innocent and Berty had a very confused expression on her face.

“But you weren’t talking about London, you were trying to—”

“Berty! I, er, need your help,” Beatrix cut in, her eyes frantically casting about for something that would make her statement true.

“Oh? What happened?” Berty asked, distracted.

“It seems it is just you and I,” a soft voice spoke from behind her. A chuckle escaped and warmed her insides at the rich sound. “Let them have their secrets, Miss Lottie. Truly, what is the worst that can happen?” he asked.

“You have no idea what you’re saying.” Carlotta turned towards him, prepared to give him a very exasperated expression, but he was much closer than she had expected.

Much, much closer.

Her breath caught as she almost walked into his chest. The scent of cedar and peppermint immediately enveloped her and caused her determined thoughts to grow foggy.

“Shall we?” he asked, his voice for her alone.

She nodded, not willing to trust the strength of her voice.

He reached out and placed her gloved hand on his arm, then led them into the hall amidst whispers that trailed behind them.

She must remember to tell the girls about the difference between the classes. This was one area they were not to meddle with.

“Surely being alone with me isn’t too trying?” he asked, his gaze intent on her face.

“Trying isn’t the word I’d use.”

“Oh, what word then? Charming? Handsomely distracting? Witty, intelligent—”

“My, however am I to choose with such a diverse list of options?” she replied wryly.

“Honesty is always preferable to flattery.”

“Says the duke,” she mumbled.

“Indeed, however I’m curious as to why you said it.”

“So are you looking forward to tomorrow’s picnic?” Carlotta tried to change the subject. She had no desire to explain herself for the slip.

“Yes and no. You are not sufficiently distracting from my previous question. However, just in case my dashing countenance stole your train of thought—”

“Are you always so humble?”

“Yes, and the question was, why does it matter if a duke preferred honestly to flattery? I find I’m quite curious as to your answer, Miss Lottie.”

Carlotta sighed. “If you must know, as duke, you undoubtedly are surrounded with people who wish to flatter you as a way to obtain your good graces. That lends the idea of you surrounding yourself with honesty, quite challenging, your grace.”

“Charles.”

“Pardon?” Carlotta stopped mid stride.

“My name is Charles. You are free to use it, when we are alone of course.”

“No, thank you, your grace.”

“I fully intend on calling you Carlotta so I felt it necessary to be fair.”

“I’d prefer you not address me so familiar, your grace.”

“Carlotta…” He paused, his eyebrows raised in challenge at his use of her Christian name. “Forgive me for being so forward but as a woman I have kissed, thoroughly, and on many occasions I might add, my use of your Christian name is far less scandalous than the previous.”

Carlotta took in a deep breath. “I believe I’ve stated my opinion on the kisses, your grace. To allow you to use my Christian name would simply undermine my previous statement.”

“Ah, yes, the no kissing. Seems to be working rather well, wouldn’t you say?” he teased just as he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her shocked lips.

“Your grace!”

“Charles,” he amended.

“You cannot simply… kiss people.”

“I don’t. I kissed,
you.
”

“I’m a person and I don’t wish to be kissed!”

“Yes, you do. You just are afraid.”

“Yes, no. I mean—” She broke off, sighing heavily and releasing his arm. “Yes, I’m afraid, for obvious reasons we have
already
discussed. I’m not one to trifle with. I have more… respect for myself than that. I ask for you to exhibit that same… respect towards me… please.” Her tone was pleading. In all truth, she was powerless to stop him if he did continue to kiss her. Not only was he stronger, but she had no
desire
to stop him either. She wanted his kisses, but her heart had a quite different view than her mind. And her mind won the logical debate. It had to end.

Now.

“I swear to you that I’m not simply dallying with you, Carlotta.”

“Your grace, you cannot do anything but. I’m simply a governess. Nothing more… but nothing less either. When I left London, you explained that whatever attraction we felt must be denied, that was why you were sending us away. Why then, are you here now? I’ll not say I’m not attracted to you. I am. As much as it terrifies me, I am. But there is nothing that can come of it. So please. I ask, no, I beg of you. Please. Allow me to remain respectable in my own eyes and do not kiss me or try me further. I fear my own will is not strong enough against the force of your own.

Carlotta gazed at him, her heart angry at the unfairness of the situation. How miserable that the longing, the heat in their kisses could never be explored further unless it accompanied a fall from grace.

Life, as always, was never fair.

And Carlotta was quite aware of that fact.

But never so much as right now.

“You’re resolved?”

“Yes.”

“And what if I don’t agree?”

“Then you’ll be going against my wishes, and in that, reacting in a selfish manner that further explains your intentions towards me.” She held her breath, hoping she didn’t offend him by challenging his honor.

But there was no other way.

“Very well.”

A stony silence followed them to the room with the pianoforte. Once the duke opened the door and led her in, he bid her goodnight and left abruptly. A few moments later the girls and Lady Southridge arrived, giggling and smiling. When they noticed the duke’s absence, Carlotta answered their questioning gazes before they could speak.

“His grace retired early.”

Lady Southridge’s brow drew together and she glanced to the door. She took a small step as if debating whether she should drag him from his chambers, but Berty chose that moment to begin to play her latest piece on the pianoforte, stealing Lady Southridge’s attention.

The girls all took turns, playing perfectly and singing together. As soon as it was acceptable, Carlotta ushered them to bed.

As she lay on her own pillow not much later, she reminded herself that it was for the best.

No matter how wonderful his kisses were, they would only serve to destroy her.

After all, Eve’s sin was to taste the forbidden fruit.

And there was nothing more forbidden to a governess than her employer.

Chapter Eleven

The next day dawned clear and bright. Carlotta helped the girls ready themselves after breakfast and soon they were waiting in the parlor for the carriage to be brought about. The girls seemed nervous. Carlotta watched them carefully and tried to reassure them with a hand to their cheek or a slight squeeze to their shoulder.

As the time for their departure arrived, Lady Southridge came into the room, her nose red and her eyes watery. “Oh my dears! I cannot believe it! All our travels and today of all days I am to catch a sniffle! I tried all morning to relieve myself of this miserable—” She coughed delicately into a handkerchief. “But is of no use! How I wish I could go! But you must enjoy your time without me.” She gave a trembling smile.

Then sneezed.

“How miserable, Lady Southridge.” Carlotta felt pity for the poor woman. There was never anything as miserable as feeling poorly.

Except for maybe pining for a duke she could never have.

Yes, being sick was second to that.

“You go on without me,” she said again. As if on cue, Bethanny strode forward and wrapped her arms around Lady Southridge’s shoulders. “I’ll stay with you, that way you’ll have some company.”