What the Heart Keeps (28 page)

“
I can’t,” she whispered, with a catch in her throat.

He
thought he understood. “Where is Alan Fernley now? I know he’s away because Mrs. Remotti told me you were here on your own at the present time. I’ll go and see him first if you wish. I didn’t intend to snatch you away without some confrontation with the man. As you say, he’s been good to you and for that reason alone I respect him. I’m even grateful to him for taking care of you. God knows what would have happened otherwise.”

She
regarded him tenderly. “I never thought you could be so changed.”

He
compressed his lips together wryly. “Losing you taught me many things. I was bigoted and jealous in those days. I’ve learned wisdom if nothing else, my dearest love.”

“
Compassion, too?”

“
I like to think I have.”

She
placed her hands lightly on the sides of his face and spoke imploringly: “Then show me compassion by not trying to force me into any hasty decisions.”

“
I was patient all the time I was searching for you, but now that I’ve found you again my patience has run out completely.”

“
Then I beg you to make a special effort to bide your time a while longer. I have others to think about besides myself. Alan is coming home from Seattle today with Minnie, a former Home girl like myself, and she is looking forward to living here. I couldn’t leave within days or weeks of her arrival. She has suffered too many disruptions in her life. Then there is little Harry. I could never give up my right to care for him in any way that Alan would allow, and how would you feel if he came to stay with me for weeks or months at a time?”

“
Anything you wish is agreeable to me.” He covered her hands with his own to draw them down from his face and implant a kiss into both of her palms. “I like children. You know that. I’ll enjoy teaching him to ski and fish and climb and handle a boat.”

She
smiled, a docile prisoner in his clasp. “Thus speaks the true Norseman of his favourite pursuits.”

He
smiled at her. “Those pursuits will make a man of the boy here in the States as in my homeland.” His eyes grew serious again in his love for her. “I want you to bear my sons, Lisa. I want to love you as my wife until the end of our days.”

She
gave a long, blissful sigh. Her head eased into rest against his shoulder and he enfolded her in a quiet embrace. She was too moved for further speech, needing to let all he had said sink wonderfully into her and to contemplate life at his side with no more partings to tear either of them to shreds. He kissed the top of her head, almost in reassurance that he was going to make all her hopes and dreams come true. She felt safe and protected and secure within the curve of his arms, able to withstand any forces that might rage against her. When she raised her face to his again, they kissed lovingly with a soft exploration of lips until such an onslaught of passion for each other assailed them that it was only the anchor of being in Alan’s home that kept her from surrender to him. She broke from his arms and moved away breathlessly, a long strand of her hair disarranged and lying across her shoulder.

“
Not here,” she beseeched, shaking her head as if he might argue with her.

“
I agree.” He was not insensitive to their surroundings and fully comprehended how it was for her.

“
In fact, not until I’m free,” she insisted vehemently. “I won’t deceive Alan.”

He
had always known her to be a woman of conscience. “Then tell me when I shall speak to him. Tonight?”

“
No.” She was adamant. “I’m the one to explain matters to him and ask for a divorce.”

“
I should be with you.” He was anxious for her. “We must see him together.”

Again
she shook her head determinedly. “He’ll not become violent, if that’s what you’re thinking. You see, he loves me.” Her voice wavered and she stood almost helplessly, her arms limp at her sides. When Peter moved forward to offer comfort, she withdrew from him before he could reach her. “Don’t hold me anymore. Not today. I lose my head when I’m close to you and I have to think carefully. I’ll have no chance to talk to Alan this evening with Minnie only just arrived, and he’s leaving again early in the morning. I’ll have to wait until he comes home again.”

“
When will that be?”

She
shrugged in her uncertainty. “Six or seven weeks.” “Are you saying we mustn’t meet during that time?”

She
hugged her arms as if suddenly chilled. Now that they had found each other again she did not know how to endure six minutes or six days without him. Six weeks stretched ahead interminably. “Shall you be coming back to the sawmill before then?”

“
More than that. There’s something you don’t know yet. I’ve been needing a depot not far from Seattle and within easy reach of the lumber camps. That’s why I stayed overnight at the hotel. I’ve rented stables in the settlement and fixed everything with the owner of the property only yesterday. I’ll be moving a new shipment of horses in there before long.”

A
warm wave of relief swept over her. He would be near. She would see him. Times of parting would only be short. “What would you have done about the stables if I had agreed to go away with you today?” she queried.

He
looked amused that she should imagine they would have presented any obstacle. “I’d have soon found some other place. Something nearer Tacoma, perhaps. Who can tell? That doesn’t have to be considered now. I’ll be organised nearer the time you’re ready to leave with me.”

She
closed her eyes briefly in blissful anticipation. “It’s hard to believe I’m not dreaming. Oh, there’s so much I want to hear about your travels and how you started horse-dealing on your own. Why don’t we go for a walk and you can tell me everything on the way?” She felt a great need to be out of the house, wanting to be released from its fetters for a little while. Fetters? She had never thought of her home before in that light. Somehow it emphasised how greatly everything had changed for her since she had opened the door to Peter and had known how it was to have love in her heart again.

They
followed a path well used by local people that took a semi-circular route through forested land to reach the settlement. It took a little longer than walking along the road, but it was more pleasant and they were in no hurry, only happy to be together. She asked about his brother Jon.

“
He’s in a lumber camp not far away. Yes, he’s still in this country. His son is eight years old now and he’s never seen him. It wouldn’t do for me.”

“
Why doesn’t he send to Norway for his wife and child?”

“
Because it is still his intention to return to the farm there one day. It’s greed that keeps him here. He keeps saying he will have one more season before he goes home, but when that season ends he signs on for another. At least he saves what he earns and transfers it regularly to a bank in Norway. Well, most of it anyway. He keeps back some for a binge once in a while.”

“
Do you see him occasionally?”

“
I met him in Seattle only recently. He was wearing a good suit of clothes, but he was still bearded from the forest with his hair down to his shoulders and already drunk. I sobered him up and took him to a barber’s where other loggers were getting trimmed. The floor, gouged over the years by those spiked boots that some of them always wear, was inches thick in hair-clippings. Then my brother found when he came to pay the barber that a poke of golden dollars had been picked from his pocket before meeting me and he was broke. I lent him sufficient to have a good time and get back to camp afterwards. I might as well have saved my money. Can you guess what happened?”

She
smiled at his twinkling glance. “I’ve no idea.”

“
Half an hour later I was having a whisky in Joe’s Saloon. It is always crowded with lumbermen and is reputed to be the longest bar in the West. The doors suddenly burst open and in reeled my brother, drunker than ever and shouting: ‘Everybody have a drink on me!’”

She
tilted her head back and laughed with him. They were holding hands as they always had done when walking side by side. The path was dusty underfoot, for the weather had been consistently hot and sunny for quite a while. When he kissed her before they left the seclusion of the trees, the dust motes hung in the sunshine about them and the air was fragrant with the forest scents of leaf and bark.

She
took her hand from his as they emerged into Dekova’s Place. Gossip flourished as it always did in close communities and for Alan’s sake she wished to give no cause for it. She knew the farrier from whom Peter was renting the stables, which were located behind the smithy. The three of them chatted together until Peter went to check on the property where some feed for the horses had been delivered earlier that day. A loft above the stables would be his sleeping quarters whenever he had to stay there and she resisted the temptation to go and view it.

They
lunched together at the hotel in the section of the saloon reserved for ladies with escorts or family parties. Risto Saanio waited on them, quick and efficient. Mae came to see that everything served was to their liking.

“
My hunch was right then,” she commented, only able to take a guess at what the reunion might mean to them from what she had observed of Lisa’s reaction to the lantern slides and then the Norwegian’s fierce excitement upon hearing the young woman’s name. “I figured you two must be acquainted.”

“
It was kind of you to put us in touch with each other again,” Lisa said evenly.

Mae
eyed her curiously. She was kind but not wise. The un-spoken words hung in the air. “How long since you two last saw each other?” she inquired casually.

“
Nearly five years,” Peter replied.

“
Five years!” Mae almost gaped. That long a time and they could still look at each other as if their eyes were made of velvet, no matter how they might try to disguise it. If there wasn’t some kind of lasting love between them, then her name wasn’t Mae Remotti. Maybe she had interfered unwisely. Alan Fernley was a man she liked and admired too much to want to cause him personal trouble. If he had had a wandering eye she would have directed it towards herself, for he had that look about him of being good in bed, which was instant attraction for her, but he never cast a glance beyond his beautiful wife and she couldn’t blame him for that. Yet had Lisa’s beauty ever bloomed as much as on this day when she sat opposite a man from out of the past? Mae did not think she had ever seen her looking more radiant.

“
Try a slice of the cherry pie,” she advised them as Risto cleared plates away. “It’s fresh-baked.”

But
they only wanted coffee. And each other. Mae could read that thought as she busied herself looking after other customers, her covert attention drawn time and time again to the couple talking quietly together, believing it wasn’t noticeable that they were holding hands. Dear God! What had she started? There was enough misery in this world without stirring up any more. Why hadn’t she kept to the good sense of the old adage about letting sleeping dogs lie?

Peter
came to the cash desk to settle for the meal. “Thank you, Mae,” he said seriously. She knew he wasn’t referring to the well-cooked food or the service or even for the pennies and nickels she was handing him in change.

“
You’re welcome,” she replied, wishing she could give warning that he should go away and stay away before anything went seriously wrong.

As
he and Lisa left the building she crossed to the window and watched them say goodbye. The ache of it reached her and she pressed a be-ringed hand against her bosom as if the pain echoed there. They did not touch or kiss, only gazed at each other as they spoke some soft words of farewell. Then Lisa turned quickly to hurry, without looking back, along the road that led to the habitations around the sawmill. He, as if determined not to make their parting conspicuous, set off in the opposite direction to go striding out of sight.

Late
that night, the bleep of the horn on Alan’s automobile announced his return with Minnie. Lisa flew out of the house as the girl alighted. They hugged each other, exclaiming excitedly until Minnie drew back, straightening her hat, which had been knocked askew.

“
Hey! I wanted to look my best when you saw me again. I made Mr. Fernley stop along the road to let me look in my mirror and tidy my hair. I wear it up now. Can you see?”

“
Only enough out here in the darkness to tell me you’ve really grown up. Come into the house where there’s some light.” Lisa tucked the girl’s arm in hers and together they went indoors while Alan unstrapped the trunk on the luggage rack at the rear of the automobile. Minnie, breaking free, whirled around to face her and strike a pose reminiscent of a mannequin in a fashion magazine.

“
Well, Lisa?” Eagerness and trepidation. “What do you think?”

Ever
the desperate need for reassurance. That, at least, had not changed. Otherwise three years had wrought a remarkable difference. Minnie was still herself in many ways, but she had grown taller with a slight and yet lovely figure which made her simple, home-made clothes appear to be much more stylish than they really were. Her glossy dark hair, of which she was justly proud, was dressed similarly to Lisa’s own with a middle parting and drawn back to a knot at the back of the head, since pompadour fashions were no longer the mode. Her features, always good without a commonplace prettiness, had taken on a beguiling piquancy through which her personality shone with a diamond brightness. When she reached the age of twenty, and some of her gaucheness had evaporated, she would be breathtaking.