Read What to Expect the First Year Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
Should silence rule when baby is sleeping? Should you tiptoe around the house when he's snoozing? Put your phone to vibrate when she's napping? Ask visitors to knock on the door instead of use the doorbell? Go full-on librarian, shushing the dog and anyone who tries to speak above a whisper?
Maybe not. These typical techniques for keeping a sleeping baby sleeping might work in the short term, but may backfire in the long termâwhen you discover that your little one can't sleep in the real world, a world where phones and doorbells ring and dogs bark. Plus, it may not be necessaryâor even productive.
Just how much noise, and what kinds of noise, a newborn can sleep through depends partly on the sounds he or she became accustomed to before birth (say, that barking dog) and partly on individual temperament. Some babies are much more sensitive to stimulus than others, but others can't sleep without some background noise (after all, the uterus your little one is used to was a pretty noisy place). So take cues from your baby in figuring out how far you must go to protect him or her from noise during naps and at night. If a baby turns out to be especially sound-sensitive during sleep, it's probably wise to silence the phone, to change the doorbell to a less shrill ring, and to turn down the volume around the house. Avoid these tactics, however, if baby sleeps through everything.
“My baby wakes up several times a night to feed, and I'm exhausted. Shouldn't she be getting into a regular sleeping pattern by now?”
As much as you and your aching body (and dark-circled under-eyes) would love a full night's sleep, you'll have to wait a little longer before you can clock one in. Babies aren't expected to sleep through the night in the first month, for a couple of reasons. One, with so much growing to doâand such a small tank to fuel up withâmost still need at least one (and usually more) feeds to get them through the night. This holds especially true for breastfed newborns, who need frequent feeds even at nightâmaking sleeping through the night an impossible dream for the first 3 months or so. Weight plays a role, tooâa small baby will need to feed more often than a large one, and will continue to need during-the-night feeds until she catches up in the pounds department. Trying to start a sleep schedule too soon could not only interfere with the establishment of a mom's milk supply, but also affect baby's growth. Another reason for answering your baby's midnight (and 3 a.m.) calls, whether she's breastfed or bottlefed, small or large: She is just beginning to learn about the world, which is still a new and somewhat scary place. The most important lesson she needs to learn now isn't how to sleep on a schedule, but that when she cries, you'll be there to comfort herâeven in the middle of the night, when you're understandably beyond beat, and even when she's up for the fourth time in 6 hours.
Though you may find it hard to believe right now, your little one will one day sleep through the nightâand so will you.
Any sleep sound good to you right now (preferably at night)? You can optimize your baby's sleep potential (and thus, yours) with these soothing sleep strategies, many of which re-create some of the comforts of home in the womb:
Keep it cozy.
The wide open spaces of a crib can be an unsettling setting, making your tiny newborn feel isolated, vulnerable, and far removed from the cozy confines of mommy's womb. So consider putting your baby to sleep in a snugger space that better approximates the uterine home just left behindâa cradle, a bassinet, or a play yard that has a bassinet top. For added coziness, swaddle your infant or use a sleep sack.
Control for temperature.
After 9 months of perfect climate control, being too warm or too cold can disturb a baby's sleep (and overheating can be a risk factor for SIDS). So keep baby and the room temperature just right (touch the nape of baby's neck to check on comfort).
Rock-a-bye, baby.
In the uterus, your baby was most active when you were restingâwhen you were up and on the go, your baby slowed down, lulled by the motion. Out of the womb, movement still has a soothing effect. Rocking, swaying, and patting will help get your baby to sleep. A vibrating pad that can be slipped under the crib mattress can continue the rocking motion once you've put your baby down.
Sound it out.
The uterus is a noisier place than you'd think. For months, your baby slept to the sound of your heartbeat, the gurgling of your tummy, and the ambient sound of your voiceâwhich can make sleeping without some background noise tricky now. So try the hum of a fan or a white noise machine, the soft strains of baby-friendly tunes from a musical mobile or app, or one of those baby soothers that imitate uterine or heartbeat sounds.
Wait out those whimpers.
Research suggests that a parent's proximity during baby's sleep may reduce the risk of
SIDSâwhich is why experts recommend room sharing for the first 6 to 12 months. The only downside with this arrangement: You'll be more likely to pick up your baby at the slightest stirring. For better sleep all around, wait out those whimpers and pick your little one up only once it's clear he or she is awake and ready for a feed or attention.
Make bedtime routine.
Since your newborn will fall asleep most of the time while nursing or bottle-feeding, a bedtime routine might seem unnecessary. But it's never too early to get in the bedtime routine habitâand while you're at it, a naptime routine, too. Later it can become more involved (and include a nightly bathâwhich isn't necessary yet), but for now it can simply come as a series of predictable steps designed to unwind your little one: Dim the lights, speak in hushed tones, add a little soft music, cuddle quietly, give a gentle massage, maybe even read a story. The breast or bottle can be last on the agenda for babies who still fall asleep that way, but can come earlier for those who have already learned to doze off on their own.
Don't nix naps.
Some parents try to solve nighttime sleeping problems by keeping their babies awake during the day, even if the baby wants to sleep. The problem with this strategy: Overtired babies sleep more fitfully than well-rested ones. It's fine to limit the length of daytime naps if your little one is still mixing up days and nightsâbut don't nix those much-needed naps altogether.
See the light of day.
Infants exposed to afternoon sunlight tend to have a better night's sleep, so try an after-lunch stroll.
Know when to quit the crutches.
For now, as your newborn adjusts to sleep on the outside (instead of snuggled in your cozy womb), a little extra comfortâin the form of soothing motion, white noise, or musicâcan go a long way in encouraging better sleep. Just be ready to wean baby off these comforting sleep crutches later in the first year (usually by about 6 months or so).
“Our baby seems so restless and noisy when he sleeps. Is there a way to get him to sleep more soundly?”
Sleeping “like a baby” sounds pretty peacefulâbut the truth is, baby sleep rarely is. While newborns do sleep a lot (16 hours a day on average), they also wake up a lot in the process. That's because much of their sleep is REM (rapid eye movement), a light, active sleep phase with dreaming, a lot of restless movement, and sometimes startlingâand for babies, a lot of noise. When you hear your baby fuss or whimper at night, it's probably because he's finishing a REM period.
As he gets older, your baby's sleeping patterns will mature. He will have less REM sleep and longer periods of the much sounder, deeper “quiet sleep,” from which it's harder to wake him. He will continue to stir and whimper periodically, but less frequently.
In the meantime, if you're sharing a room with your noisy little sleeper (as recommended by AAP for SIDS prevention), keep in mind that picking him up at every midnight murmuring will disrupt his sleep (and yours). Instead, wait until you're sure he's awake and ready for a feed or comfortâa steady cry will clue you in.
“My 3-week-old sleeps most of the day and wants to stay up all night. How can I get her to reverse her schedule so we all can get some rest?”
Got a little baby vampire on your handsâpartying all night, sleeping
all day? That's not surprising, given that just 3 weeks ago, your baby lived in the dark round the clock. It was also in your womb that she became accustomed to snoozing the day away (since that's when you were most active, knocking her out with rocking)âand kicking her heels up at night, when you were lying down, trying to rest. Happily, her nocturnal ways are only temporary, and as she adjusts to life on the outside, she'll stop mixing up her days and nightsâlikely on her own, probably within the next few weeks if not sooner.
If you'd like to help speed her realization that nighttime is the preferred sleep time (not the preferred party time), a little gentle persuasion may do the trick. Start by limiting her daytime naps to no more than 3 or 4 hours each. Although waking a sleeping infant can be tricky, it's usually possible. Try changing her diaper, holding her upright, burping her, rubbing under her chin, or massaging her feet. Once she's somewhat alert, try a little interaction to stimulate her: Talk to her, sing lively songs, or dangle a toy within her range of vision, which is about 8 to 12 inches. (For other tips on keeping baby awake,
click here
) Don't, however, try to keep her from napping at all during the day, with the hope that she'll sleep at night. An overtired, and perhaps overstimulated, baby is not likely to sleep well at night.
Making a clear distinction between day and night may help, too. Wherever she naps, avoid darkening the room or trying to keep the noise level down. When she wakens, ply her with stimulating activities. At night, do the opposite. When you put baby to bed, strive for darkness (use room-darkening shades), relative quiet, and inactivity. No matter how tempting it may be, don't play with or do a lot of socializing when she wakes up during the night, don't turn on the lights or the TV while you're feeding her, avoid unnecessary diaper changes, and keep communications to a whisper or softly sung lullabies.
“Every time I watch my newborn sleep, her breathing seems irregular, her chest moves in a funny way, and frankly it frightens me. Is something wrong with her breathing?”
Not only is that kind of breathing during baby sleep normal, but so are you for worrying about it (that's what new parents do).
A newborn's normal breathing rate is about 40 breaths each minute during waking hours, but when your sweetie sleeps, it may slow down to as few as 20 breaths per minute. Her breathing pattern during sleep is also irregular, and that's normal (if stress-inducing to you). Your baby might breathe fast, with repeated rapid and shallow breaths, lasting 15 to 20 seconds, and then pause (that is, stop breathingâand this is where it gets really scary), usually for less than 10 seconds (though it might seem forever to you), and then, after that brief respiratory respite, breathe again (which is generally when you can start breathing again, too). This type of breathing pattern, called periodic breathing, is standard during sleep for babies, and is due to your baby's immature (but, for her age, developmentally appropriate) breathing control center in the brain.
You may also notice your baby's chest moving in and out while she is sleeping. Babies normally use their diaphragms (the large muscle below the lungs) for breathing. As long as your baby doesn't seem to be working hard to breathe, shows no blueness around the lips, and resumes normal
shallow breathing without any intervention, you have nothing to worry about.
Half of a newborn's sleep is spent in REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, a time when she breathes irregularly, grunts and snorts, and twitches a lotâyou can even see her eyes moving under the lids. The rest of her slumber is spent in quiet sleep, when she breathes very deeply and quietly and seems very still, except for occasional sucking motions or startling. As she gets older, she will experience less REM sleep, and the quiet sleep will become more like the non-REM sleep of adults.
In other words, what you're describing is normal baby breathing. If, however, your baby takes more than 60 breaths per minute, flares her nose, makes grunting noises, looks blue, or sucks in the muscles between the ribs with each breath so that her ribs stick out, call the doctor immediately.
“Everybody always jokes about parents standing over their baby's crib to hear if he's breathing. Well, now I find myself doing just thatâeven in the middle of the night.”
Anew parent standing over a baby's crib checking for breathing does seem like good stand-up materialâuntil you become a new parent yourself. And then it's no laughing matter. You wake in a cold sweat to complete silence after putting baby to bed 5 hours earlier. Could something be wrong? Why didn't he wake up? Or you pass his crib and he seems so silent and still that you have to poke him gingerly to be sure he's okay. Or he's breathing so hard, you're sure he's having trouble breathing. You ⦠and all the other new parents.
Not only are your concerns normal, but your baby's varied breathing patterns when he snoozes are, too. It'll probably take a while, but eventually you will become less panicky about whether he's going to wake up in the morningâand more comfortable with both you and him sleeping 8 hours at a stretch.
Still, you may never totally be able to abandon the habit of checking on your child's breathing (at least once in a while) until he's off to college and sleeping in a dormâout of sight, though not out of mind.
Wondering if those breathing monitorsâthe ones that clip on to your baby's diaper or slip under the mattress and then sound an alarm when there's been no movement for 20 secondsâwill bring the peace of mind you're looking for? They mightâand many parents are able to sleep more soundly thanks to the security of knowing their sweet sleeper's breathing is being monitored. But before you shell out the big bucks for these devices, keep in mind that the number of false alarms they give may actually cause more anxiety than they are supposed to prevent, and many parents, fed up with the repeated false alarms, end up switching the devices off altogether. What's more, there's no evidence that these monitors prevent SIDS.