When I Look to the Sky

WHEN I LOOK TO THE SKY

CARLEE’S JOURNEY

BOOK TWO IN THE ROCK AND ROLL TRILOGY

Barbara S
Stewart

Copyright © 2013 Barbara S Stewart

All rights reserved

             ISBN-13: 978-1477683002 (CreateSpace-Assigned)

                                  
ISBN-10: 1477683003

DEDICATION

To my mom, Alis ~ because I never knew what an important place in my life butterflies would hold until you weren’t here to enjoy them with me.

JUST SO YOU KNOW…

All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means, without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations represented in articles of review.

When I Look to the Sky
is a work of fiction. Any names, characters, places, and occurrences are purely a product of my creativity, or they’re used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, locales, companies, businesses, or events are coincidental.

Unless otherwise noted, the song lyrics contained in the story are my words, poetry that ‘sings’ to me.

Previous Publications

Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under
December 2012

Rock and Roll Never Forgets
August 2012

(Book 1 of the Rock and Roll Trilogy)

Sweet Surrender
– February 2012 (No longer available)

Cover design by Jeff Robin Manalo

Author photo by Tom Johannes

PROLOGUE ~ Moving On

June
2003

Andy sat on the stool behind the glass watching for Marco to give him the thumbs up. When he did, Andy slipped the headset on and listened for a moment. The music began, first a piano intro, followed by violins; finally he leaned toward the microphone, closed his eyes, and sang the words, fighting the emotions that bubbled to the surface every time he sang them.

You are with me always

The things I shoulda have done

It
’s all a dream away

A piece of me

A part of me

My heart a part of yours

The dreams we coulda shared

It
’s all a dream away

A thought

A plan

To be your man

It’s what I woulda done

It
’s all a dream away.

Marco DiMario, Andy’s sound engineer, watched from behind the glass. Andy’s friend, Nathan Perry, was beside him at the sound board as Andy sang. When Andy pulled the headset off, he looked up and saw Nathan with a big grin as Marco rose from the chair and gave him another, enthusiastic, thumbs up. Nathan opened the microphone to the studio up and yelled, “It was awesome! You want to hear play-back?”

“
I’m coming over there,” Andy replied. He was anxious. This song was the last one of the tracks they were recording. He knew he shouldn’t have saved it for last. It was the one that was most important to him; it should have been the first, but he couldn’t do it, so he recorded tracks for every other song until this was all that was left. The studio musicians finished their portion of the recordings and left yesterday. He had no more excuses, and now he was done - he hoped. Exhaustion had finally set in. They’d been in the studio for a couple of weeks, and he had a lot going on outside the studio, as well. He only had a few days left to get ready for his trip, and he was eager to get things done. He pushed the door open and headed to the sound board where Marco and Nathan were waiting.

“
Well,” he said with a chuckle, “by the stupid grins on your faces I guess it was OK.”

“
OK?” Nathan said and thumped him on the back. “Way better than OK…”

“
Are you ready?” Marco asked, but before he started the play-back added, “And remember, this is raw, no tweaks, no nothin’…raw!”

Andy sat down, leaned back in the chair, put his feet up on the console, and closed his eyes as he listened.

“Yeah,” he felt the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile. “I guess we did it, saved the best for last. What time is it?” he asked abruptly.

“
4:10,” Marco told him.

“
She’ll be home now. I gotta call her.” He went to the console where he’d dropped his things when he got there. He picked up the phone and dialed, leaned back in the chair again, and a big smile crept across his face when she answered.

“
Hello, beautiful,” Andy said.

Nathan watched. No one ever saw this side of Andy anymore, unless it involved her, and he smiled. It had been almost nine months since Beth passed away. Nathan worried for his friend in the beginning, for many reasons. Her death had been hard on him, but he
’d had other struggles in the past and Nathan worried about that. He watched as he heard Andy ask how her day was, told her how much he missed her, and that he couldn’t wait to see her.

“
Three more days,” he said. “I love you too, bye sweetheart.”

He looked up and both men were watching him.
“She just got in and she can’t wait to see me,” he chuckled. “Can’t help it, dang, I love that girl!”

Nathan was glad Andy had her in his life.

They stayed at the studio until after midnight. Marco left them, and Andy and Nathan went to the house. Andy hated even walking in the door, but it was almost a done deal. The movers would finish boxing up tomorrow. Everything but the studio was ready for the truck to take east. He worked out a deal with the new owners to convert the studio back into a garage if they would give him three months to break the studio down and ship the equipment. That gave them time to finish the album. Marco would still be going there to oversee things once the tweaking was complete.

“Want a glass of wine?” he asked Nathan.

“
Sure,” he replied and kicked back in one of the reclining ends of the sofa.

Andy returned with a bottle and two glasses, poured, and then sat in the other recliner.

“You nailed that song. I know it wasn’t easy, but damn!”

“
After Marco does his magic I want to release that one as the first single.”

“
I hear ya. It’s good, man. Better than good… incredible,” he said, then added, “big hit, my friend, I know these things! So, where are you taking her this trip?” Nathan asked.

“
I talked her out of Eleuthera, and like any five-year-old, oh wait she corrects me, ‘almost six-year old’, she said Disney World, so we are going to the house of the mouse! Who woulda ever thought…” he laughed.

After Nathan went to bed, Andy wandered around the house. Memories flashed before him as he roamed. He went to a bedroom down the hall, by-passing the master bedroom. He hadn’t gone in that room since he returned to Corpus Christi. The housekeeper cleaned it out and closed the door on all the memories before he returned. Three more days and he would be back in Florida. He was starting a new life, but not leaving the old one behind. He was just picking up in a new place, moving closer to Beth’s daughter, Carlee.

Papa
, he thought, and could hardly wait.

CHAPTER ONE ~ In the Beginning

February
2012

Ralph Waldo Emerson said
:
“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

Carlee learned th
e quote in an English Literature class. It was so profound to her that she kept it on a piece of paper in her wallet. The class instructor talked about what Emerson may have meant by the quote. She used words like; ‘fate’ and ‘karma’; ‘positive’ and ‘negative’, she talked about ‘what goes around comes around’, but when she used the word ‘balance’ it clicked. It all made sense.

Finally
, she asked the students, “What does this quote say to you?” Carlee remembered raising her hand almost immediately.

“
In my life, I’ve experienced life changing tragedies. I’ve lived through pain that most my age don’t experience; but I’m blessed. From my loss I was given the gift of a good man who loves me and cares for me. I gained peace of mind, security, a sense of home, and belonging. I lost my fear.”

“
That’s a great example, Carlee.” Miss Sykes responded to her words.

Oh, you just don
’t know,
Carlee thought, and remembered.

~ ~ ~

She couldn’t imagine what her life would have been like without Papa. ‘Papa’ was Andy Stevens. Earlier in his career, he was lead singer in the rock and roll band Traveler
.
Now, he enjoyed a successful solo career. Her mama was Beth Morgan Oliver-Stevens; she and Andy had been a couple for almost twenty years. She loved Andy so much that in their years together, she rode along on his rollercoaster life; a ride that took them through many trials, peaks and valleys.

Th
e trials eventually led Beth down a different path. She met and married John Oliver, Carlee’s father, and began a life and a family with him. When Carlee was only three, something awful happened and their family was forever changed.

Diagnosed with
an advanced form of melanoma, skin cancer that had metastasized to her liver, Beth was about to experience one more life changing event. The cancer ordeal brought Andy Stevens back into her life. She and John eventually divorced, Beth and Andy married, and he became ‘Papa’ to Carlee.

When
they discovered the cancer and Andy returned, he made Beth aware of money he’d put aside for her years ago; a substantial amount of money from song royalties. She’d been part of his life for so long that he wanted to take care of her no matter what happened in their lives. As part of the divorce agreement, Beth bought the house she and John had shared to assure there would always be a home for Carlee. She made it clear to everyone that the house was Andy’s until Carlee came of age, but he couldn’t live there. It was too emotional for him. He talked it over with Beth’s family, John and attorneys; all agreeing that selling the house and putting the money in a trust for Carlee was the right way to move forward.

Beth and Andy
were only married a short time when she passed away. Andy took a touring hiatus when he came back into Beth’s life. After she died, he went back to Corpus Christie and into the studio to record. He set a promotion and tour schedule that kept him away no more than two weekends a month, for any reason. Being part of Carlee’s life was important to him. When John Oliver was away, which was often, Carlee spent her time with Beth’s parents, Nanny and Pops Morgan, Beth’s best friend, Kimmy and her family, and Andy. But she loved the time she shared with Andy the best.

Andy relocated from Texas to Florida
, soon after Beth died to be close to Carlee. He bought a house a few blocks away from the home she shared with her dad, and set up his recording studio nearby so he was there for whatever she might need.

~ ~ ~

John Oliver was an absent dad in many respects. He allowed his work to keep him away, When he was around, neither his head nor his heart was there for Carlee. She felt like she was always grasping for something just out of her reach. He kept an apartment in Atlanta because he was there so often.

Once,
Carlee overheard Nanny and Kimmy talking about his absence, and she remembered the conversation vividly, as if it took place only yesterday.

“He runs there to not have to deal with Carlee, or Beth’s memory,” Nanny said.

“
He just never got over Beth; loving her, and the hurt of her needing Andy in her life. He’s missing out on a precious jewel,” Kimmy replied.

“
She needs his love, his time, his attention; she’s just a little girl. Not being around only makes it easier for her to turn to Andy,” Nanny added.

“
Thank God, she has him,” Kimmy said.

Thank God,
Carlee thought, as well, but she didn’t need to hear it from anyone else; wise beyond her years, she already knew what she was hearing.

~ ~ ~

Beth kept journals through the years, and like her mama, Carlee kept her thoughts and feelings in a personal blog. It wasn’t something she shared, but a place where she could retreat, mostly when she was at her dad’s house. She wanted to remember, to be able to ‘go back’ occasionally. She wrote down everything she remembered about her mama, and all the special times since. There were so many memories, and in all of them, Andy was there, even when her dad was not. He’d been there for every milestone in her life. But most importantly, she knew, without question, that he loved her. He always made their time together, special.  

Her first dance recital was just a few months after her mama died. Kimmy, Jenna, Nanny, Pops, and Andy were all there.

I was a flower as I danced across the stage. After the dance, all the other girls’ dads brought them bundles of flowers; all I could think was that my dad wasn’t even there... But Papa was and he gave me Mama’s favorite, calla lilies… “These are so you know she’s here with us,” he whispered in my ear as he hugged me.

He was at every dance recital after that, he never missed any of them.

After Andy relocated to Florida, Angel Mann came to his home to live there, to help care for Carlee when she was with him. Angel was the Hospice nurse who cared for Beth when she was sick. She was happy to work her life around their needs, because when she cared for Beth, she fell in love with them.

Angel was there for bath time, but it was always Papa who tucked me in and read to me. Angel cooked for us when she was there, but it was Papa who made my favorite pancakes for breakfast.

Angel joined them on trips when her dad allowed Carlee to travel with Andy. They went often to Andy’s cottage in the Bahamas. Carlee loved their trips to Eleuthera.

Their first big trip together was in 2004. Carlee had just turned six and she remembered Angel going to California with them. It was an exciting trip for everyone, and ‘everyone’ was a big group of people. All of her mama’s family; including Kimmy and her family were there, as well as the rest of the band and their families. Andy asked her dad to come too, but he did not join them.

In honor of the band
’s thirtieth anniversary, Traveler was getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. When he joined the other band members to go to the podium for the dedication, Angel took Carlee’s hand, but Andy turned and whispered, “It’s OK, she’s coming with me.” She remembered the feel of her hand in his as he held it during the ceremony.

Finally
, they unveiled the star, and everyone was happy, but there was sadness too. Carlee remembered the event, mostly because there was a picture on Andy’s desk of her and him lying on the sidewalk beside the star. Everyone was taking pictures as the two of them laughed and giggled. It wasn’t until much later that she really understood how significant the celebration was.

~ ~ ~

Carlee traveled to concerts and shows with Andy, and spent a lot of time in the studio with him. Sometimes it was him that was recording, but in recent years he also enjoyed the producing aspect of the business. He produced some solo projects that the other Traveler guys were working on, but he also enjoyed finding and producing new talent.