When I Surrender (9 page)

“Yes
, you do.”

Realization
flashed across her features.

I wanted to see her wet her palm with her mouth, or even hotter, the moisture that was certain to be between her legs, but instead she did something totally unexpected.

She brought her full lips to the head of my cock, and pressed a soft kiss there. I let out a ragged groan, fighting the desire to work myself deep into her throat. As much as I wanted to take control, I needed to let her do this at her own pace.

Satisfied with my reaction, McKenna did it again, this time letting the warmth of her tongue lave over my rock hard flesh, eliciting another moan from me.
As she grew even bolder, she let her tongue wander the length of my shaft, doing just what I’d asked, getting me nice and wet. Her hands slid easily up and over me, pushing my pleasure to new levels.

Leaning forward, McKenna took me into the warmth of her mouth, her full lips suckling against
my sensitive skin.

Fuck
.

She might be inexperienced, but she certainly knew how to bring me to my knees.
Maybe it was because of her lack of experience that I valued this so much. It meant even more. She was going out on a limb, pushing all her boundaries – for me. It did heady things to my ego.  But tonight wasn’t about me, it was about her. Lifting her chin with one hand, I fell free of her mouth, my dick glistening with her salvia and her lips damp and swollen.

“You’re too
damn good at that,” I murmured, stroking her cheek.

She beamed up at me, clearly satisfied with my compliment.
I wanted to make her feel comfortable and ready for all the new experiences I had in store for her.

“Lay back.”

McKenna obeyed, scooting further up the bed, her T-shirt bunching up around her waist as she moved, the sight of her plain white cotton panties taunting me. She watched me with wide eyes as I slowly peeled her panties down her legs, exposing her most sensitive area, and dropped them on the floor at my feet.

I kissed her inner thigh and felt her shudder. Working my way up her body
with gentle nips and kisses, I took my time, listening to her body’s silent signals. The dip of her belly when my mouth tickled her hip bone, her undulating hips when I got close to her center. A few minutes more and I knew she’d be practically begging me to touch her there.  But not yet. I removed the T-shirt over her head and continued tasting her skin. First mouthing the heavy weight of her breast, then a chaste kiss in the center of her breast bone. McKenna’s frustrated whimper told me I wasn’t focusing on the areas she needed me. Good thing I was about to give her everything she could handle. And then some.

I kissed my way to the tip of her breast and bit down, carefully using my teeth to tug the bud of her nipple. A surprised gasp pushed past McKenna
’s lips and I couldn’t help the satisfied growl that escaped mine. Twisted need and desire spiked through me. She was finally beginning to understand that I was in control, that she’d given me her body and pushed me into this. I needed to do this my way.

I began licking her nipples in the same rhythmic pattern I wanted to lick her clit, eliciting soft groans and pants from her.

Every little moment with her, watching her discover the pleasure I could give her, was like a small victory. She was giving herself to me. Happiness surged through me. She squirmed, struggling against the mattress, her writhing hips making it difficult for me to give her breasts the focus they deserved. Even if her head didn’t want my mouth moving south, her entire body disagreed.

Lifting my head from one breast, my eyes met hers.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to lick your pussy?” McKenna squeaked out something unintelligible and I chuckled against her neck. “Let me take care of you.” I trailed my mouth lower, kissing her navel as I moved down her body. “Just a taste,” I whispered against her pubic bone.

Her scent was maddening – purely feminine and entirely too tempting. I wasn’t going to be able to go slow. My mouth closed around her
folds and I sucked – hard – against her clit. McKenna’s hips shot off the bed and her hands tugged at my hair. But I didn’t let up. I rubbed my tongue against her until her muscles were trembling and her moans were almost loud enough to wake my brothers. I lifted my head just long enough to give her a pillow. “Here. Scream into this if you need to.”

Her cheeks flushed
crimson. “Oh my God. Was I being loud?”

My grin was the only answer she got before I dropped my lips to her sweet flesh
again and gave her a gentle kiss. I considered teasing her – pointing out that just fifteen minutes ago this had been on her list of hard limits. And now I was pretty sure it was her new favorite thing. But I kept that piece of knowledge to myself, pride swelling in my chest.

After a few more teasing flicks of my tongue
I bit down on her clit, forcing a cry from her lips and the first orgasm to crash through her, her body lightly trembling as she laced her fingers in my hair, pulling me closer. I continued licking and softly kissing her as the aftershocks pulsed through her. It was agony knowing how good it would feel to be inside her when she came, her tight little body throbbing around me.

“Knox…
,” she groaned, out of breath, “That was….”

“Shh.”
I pressed the tip of one finger against her opening, finding her wet and ready. I wasn’t done with her. Not by a long shot. I eased my middle finger forward and watched for her reaction. Her eyelids, suddenly heavy, began to fall closed. Inside, her body was hot and silky and never in my life had I appreciated a woman trusting me with her so completely.

Pushing slowly in and out, allowing her to
get used to the sensations, I carefully added a second finger. I felt her tense and a brief pinched expression flashed across her features. “Is this okay?” I murmured, kissing her inner thigh.

She nodded tightly.

She might have thought she was ready, but the way she was clamping down on my fingers assured me she needed more time.
Knowing I couldn’t take what she was offering tonight, my goal became to see how many times I could make her come.

Using the pad of my thumb, I circled her clit while my fingers continued pumping in and out of her. She clawed at the sheets, pushing her mouth against the pillow
, and let out a long shuddering moan as another orgasm wracked her body from the inside out.

Chapter Eleven

McKenna

Blinking
open heavy eyelids, I struggled to make sense of my surroundings. I didn’t remember where I was, what day it was, or even my own name. I felt like I had been drugged. I stretched and turned my head and saw Knox’s sleeping form lying next to me. Memories of last night came rushing back with vivid clarity. Knox’s hot mouth on my most sensitive parts, his fingers pumping into me…I shuddered at the memory.

I’d opened up and told Knox my feelings on
taking our physical relationship to the next level, and while we hadn’t had sex, it felt like we’d grown closer. I was happy, if not a little dazed by the whole experience.

A quick check of the clock told me it was still early, just after sunrise
, and I rolled closer to Knox, snuggling in beside him.

Draping a heavy arm over me, he pulled me tightly against him.
“You okay, angel?” His sleep-laced voice was deep and husky.

“I’m fine,” I whispered, breathing in the masculine scent of his chest.

“I’m sorry about last night.”

I rolled onto my side and looked up at him. “Sorry about what?” From my perspective, I should be the one apologizing. He’d pleasured me until I all but passed out from exhaustion and
I hadn’t taken care of him at all. A fact I felt a little guilty about.

“Are you
sore?” he asked, his eyes like warm molten honey on mine.

I shook my head. At least I didn’t think so.

“I was too rough with you,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

Memories of him biting me – my nipples and my clit
– rushed back in full force. The press of his fingers roughly pushing into me. Knox thought I’d be upset, but I was relieved to see he hadn’t treated me like a china doll. He’d lost himself in me, which was exactly what I wanted, considering I felt so out of control around him, too. Pressing my palm against his cheek, I returned his kiss. “You bit me,” I said, fighting a smile.

“I know.”

“You said you weren’t into pain.”

“Did it hurt?” The warmth and sincerity in his eyes nearly stole my voice. He was so beautiful, this confusing, troubled man.

“Well, no. Not really.”

“I just wanted you to understand that you were mine.”

“Oh.” My heart galloped. I was his. Body and soul. And falling deeper every day.

“Was last night okay
, then?”

I nodded, my head bobbing up and down while he studied me.
“I liked it.” Liking it was an understatement, but the furrow creasing his brow told me not to press the issue.

“Are you sure you’re alright with this?”

I knew he was asking more than his words conveyed. He was asking if I was okay with his nature – his dominant, take charge attitude in the bedroom. The truth was, I was more than okay with it.  With Knox I felt like a woman. I liked him making the decisions and pushing me in ways I never dreamed. He was opening me up to new experiences, just like I was doing for him. “Last night was perfect. I’m just sorry I fell asleep on you.”

He
smiled, the playful gleam I loved returning to his eyes. “Passed out was more like it.”

I gave him a shove, but his body was a solid wall of immovable muscle.
What he’d said was true, though, I’d all but collapsed from exhaustion after the three powerful climaxes he’d given me. If this was what a sexual relationship with him was going to be like, I would be one happy girl.

“I gotta get the guys up and ready for school.” Knox kissed my lips and then climbed from the bed, treating me to a view of his firm backside as he moved across the room and began to dress.

I lazily stretched and then joined him, forcing my languid and relaxed body into yesterday’s clothes before venturing downstairs.

I foun
d the boys were already up and moving about.

“Dude, don’t sit so close to the TV, Tuck,” Jaxon said, nudging Tucker’s shoulder. “You’re gonna get a tan from that thing.”

I chuckled as I watched them. The glow of the television was casting a bluish hue over Tucker’s little face, but he obeyed, scooting backwards on his butt. Knox might have been worried about the second oldest Bauer boy, but I could see that in his heart, Jax was one of the good guys. Or maybe I just had entirely too much faith. I’d always believed the same thing about Knox, too. Yet I couldn’t help the inexplicable feeling that everything good was about to come crashing down around me in a messy heap.

---

“What are these?” I
asked, sniffing a huge arrangement of pink carnations on my dining room table.

Brian appeared in the doorway after changing out of his suit and tie and into
jeans. He’d arrived home from work just a few minutes after me. 

I picked through the pink blossoms, hunting for a card.
There wasn’t one and somehow I couldn’t really imagine Knox sending me pink carnations. Maybe blood red roses, but not these. And when would he have had the time? I’d just left his house this morning and I knew he’d worked all day, too.

Brian watched me curiously. “They’re from me.”

“Oh. What’s the occasion?” I couldn’t recall Brian ever giving me flowers…except the bouquet he’d had sent to the funeral home at my parents’ wake. But those had been white daylilies. For a totally different reason.

“No occasion. I just wanted to…
.” He stopped himself and exhaled heavily. “Come sit down with me.”

“Okay.” He was acting strange. I wondered if he’d caught the flu that was going around.

We sat side by side on the sofa, the TV playing softly in the background.

“I just wanted to apologize for everything lately.
My behavior toward you, and fighting with Knox.” He lifted my hand from my lap and held it. “I know you’ve been through a lot and I just want you to know I’ll always be here for you. I’ll be whatever you need, okay?”

“Okay. That’s sweet of you, Bri.”

Neither of us could deny that something had changed between us since Knox had come into the picture. I remembered Knox’s request that I tell Brian about us, but somehow I knew the moment wasn’t right. He was trying to apologize, to make amends. He’d gotten me flowers, which was sweet, but not necessary. Giving a girl carnations wasn’t a romantic gesture, was it? Pushing all that from my mind, I thanked him for the flowers and headed into the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”

“Starved,” he confirmed.

We were like two ravenous lions come dinner time. We’d been that way since we were kids. Searching through the cabinets, we settled on grilled cheese sandwiches. We worked together in the kitchen, him grilling the sandwiches and me slicing some tomatoes that were about to go bad. It’d been a while since we’d enjoyed each other’s company like this and I was happy to see the previous tension between us was all but gone.

Over gooey, cheesy sandwiches, Brian shoved an envelope at me. “This came for you today.”

The return address was a law firm in Indiana.

My stomach dropped.

I didn’t want to open it, knowing it was somehow related to my parents’ accident. But the letter taunted me, capturing all of my attention.

Brian’s sheepish look apologized for something over which he had no control. I wondered if this was the real reason for the flowers. He knew this would upset me – take me right back to that dark place I was in four years ago. Running to Chicago hadn’t been enough. My past would follow me anywhere.

“Are you going to open it?” he asked, pulling my thoughts back to the present. I looked down at my plate. I’d picked apart my sandwich into little bits. So much for my appetite. “What do you think it is?”

“Not sure,” I said, finding my voice.
“Probably something to do with their will.”

He nodded and pushed away his own plate.
It must be sympathy pains or something since I knew we were both hungry when we’d sat down.

I’d yet to settle
all my parents’ legal affairs, since dealing with it bought up too many painful memories. I’d done the bare minimum, the funeral was planned, and with the help of Brian’s mom and a local realtor, I’d sold the house I grew up in. The movers had packed everything and it was all still sitting in a storage unit in my hometown. All the rest, pension plan, retirement accounts, and insurance policies remained on the back burner, untouched. Dealing with it all would be too final, and I just wasn’t ready to go there. I especially didn’t like this envelope with its shiny gold embossment on my dining table looking up at me, reminding me. It felt like two sides of my life were intersecting. It was childish, but maybe if I just refused to open the envelope, I could pretend that none of this was happening.

For all my running, all my
volunteer work to make things better in this world, I still had to face that there was a bitter force driving me. It scared me to realize that maybe running into Knox’s arms had nothing to do with love. It was about me throwing myself into something even messier and uglier than my own past. It was simply another place to hide.

“You’re not going to open it, are you?”
Brian asked, pulling me from my somber thoughts.

He
knew me all too well. “Wasn’t planning on it, no.” I pushed the offending paper away, knowing it was pointless. I’d likely find it on my dresser later.

“Can I ask you something?” He glanced down at his plate, picking at the remnants of his sandwich.

“Sure.”

“Have you and Knox…
.” His forehead creased. “Are you still….”

“Brian, that’s none of your business.”

“You are,” he said, his voice certain.

I wanted to yell at him for interfering and telling Knox I was a virgin in the first place, but faced with the awkwardness of the conversation, I chickened out. Closing my eyes, I drew a deep breath.

“Wow. I’m surprised. Even after all those nights you’ve spent there?”

I released my breath in a huff. “I know you have a hard time believing this, but Knox really is
a good guy. He would never do something I wasn’t ready for. And he’s been in recovery, so sex really wasn’t on the table for either of us.”

“But it is now?”
His eyebrow quirked up. “And you’re right, I do have a hard time believing that.”

A
heavy silence fell over us and I considered ripping open the envelope just for something to distract me from this awful moment.

Brian leaned closer, plan
ting his elbows on the table. “So if you haven’t fully given yourself to him, does that mean….” He hesitated, drawing a deep breath. “Do you think there’d ever be a chance for us?”

I wanted to set him straight, tell him once and for all it was never going to happen between us, but sitting there, looking into his bright blue eyes, something in me couldn’t crush him. He’d done too much for me. Still, I didn’t want to leave him with false hope. That wasn’t fair to him. “
Brian, I’m dating Knox. You should date other people, too.” It was my subtle way of telling him he needed to stop pining for me.

“Your dad, your parents, they would have wanted you with me. You kn
ow that, right?” he asked. I swallowed a bitter lump in my throat. “They joked we’d get married someday from the time we were six years old, McKenna.”