annoyingly bad news.
The more the red, foreboding ink glared up at her, the more the words began to run
together. It was all a blur like she was living in a fog. No emotions. No hatred.
No love.
Nothingness consumed her ability to feel.
Yet her hands still shook, and her eyes watered too. How could she possibly feel and
not
feel at the exact same time? Had the meds and alcohol conflicted that badly with her
emotions and personality? Or was this just going to be her natural reaction from now
on?
She barely noticed when the nurse left the room. The letter consumed her and stole
her
from reality. It took every bit of her happily ever after and shoved it down into
the pits of hell.
No matter the bad consequences, she couldn’t stop reading it…
My little beast,
I’m writing this letter from my room, at four o’clock in the morning, and it’s absolutely
killing me to know that you have to read this while you’re still in the hospital.
But it has to be
done, there’s no other way around it anymore.
I’m so sorry for letting a relationship between us get so out of hand. It’s in my
blood to
screw up, and I selfishly thought that maybe, for once, I could get it right with
you.
I was wrong. I’ve never been more wrong about anything in my life.
From the first moment I saw you, I somehow knew that you were the only girl I was
ever
destined to care for. I could see it as clear as a summer sky, and I knew, for your
sake, that I
should have walked away the night we first met. But I was selfish, Harley, and I couldn’t
do it. In
fact, I did the complete opposite, and I went and fell in love you. I fell in love
with your hair that
resembles my favorite ocean waves, your eyes that are darker then the muddy brown
sand on the
beach after the high tide lowers. I fell in love with your heart, your desire to love
unconditionally, and your willingness to accept and see me for the person I could
have been.
I never told you what “little beast” meant, and I’m sure you’ve been bothered by it
the
entire time we’ve been together. I figured now is as good as time as ever to tell
you, so here I go.
When I surf, it’s the most exhilarating experience in the world. I feel like I’m flying
on the
water, with the wind in my hair, and the salty ocean surrounding me. I feel one with
the waves,
like they’re actually a part of me. I’m on a high when I surf. Just like the high
I’m on whenever
I’m with you.
Surfing is serene, almost as if I’m taming the waves myself, while they rock my world
in a
way nobody truly understands but me.
Back home, my dad and I used to call the waves beasts because they were always so
powerful and so captivating, just like you, Har, except for the fact that you are
beyond just
powerful and captivating to me. You’re strong, you’re beautiful, and you’re completely
empowering. Not quite as big, obviously, but still just as consuming.
YOU, Harley Ann, are my beast.
My perfect wave, my high, my one, true love.
This is the hard part though, the one thing that I didn’t think I could do, but have
to
anyways. I’m leaving, Harley. I’m going back to Santa Cruz. I booked a last minute
flight, and
I’m getting ready to go to the airport as we speak. I understand that you probably
hate me and
think that I’m a complete chicken shit for doing this in a letter. You know me, though.
Letters are
my specialty.
I love you Harley Ann. I think I’ve always loved you actually. And I know now, more
than
ever, that I always will. I’m no good for you though, and if I stay around any longer,
then I will
most likely only hurt you more than I already have. So please, hate me, with everything
you have
… but please don’t hate my sister. She’s going to need you, almost as much as I will
always need
you myself. I know I don’t have any right to ask this of you, but I needed to at least
try.
Take care of yourself, live life to its fullest, and don’t take anyone’s bull shit
either. And
more than anything … please know that our time together, will always be the happiest
moments
of my life.
I love you.
Always…
Forever…
Mason
The paper slipped from her fingers, landing on the tile with a whispered swoosh. Harley’s
insides turned to stone no longer running on any high or any low. It was emptiness,
a feeling she knew all too well. She was a vessel of darkness, and it was all because
she opened her heart to a boy who she probably already knew would somehow stomp on
its remainders.
The sound of the doctor’s voice pierced through the empty sounding room breaking
Harley from her anguished void. She sat up. A pained, fake smile covered her lips
as the doctor stared sternly at her over his glasses.
Harley blinked. Now, more than ever, she had to go home. The hospital and its white,
blank walls only meant pain and suffering. She had to find a way to rise above that.
Unfortunately, the pink flowers surrounding her served as a reminder that even a splash
of color thrown in now and then didn’t always help.
“Hello, Miss Anderson. I’m Dr. Donaldson, and I’m here for your psych consultation.”
Harley raised her hand and shook his outstretched palm. She decided right then and
there, that she was going to take back control of her life
And surprisingly, Mason’s heartbreaking letter was what gave her the courage to do
just
that.
Four months … twenty two days … three hours later.
“Holy hell, Har, you do realize that in a matter of two weeks, we’ll officially be
high
school graduates?” Abigail threw another cheese ball at Harley’s face, finally hitting
her mouth that time. She heaved one back before jumping off the couch, eager to get
away from the hideous show they were watching.
“I know. It’s crazy to think that this chapter of our lives is almost over.” Harley
hollered over her shoulder just as the sound of the doorbell interrupted a screeching
noise on the TV.
“David, get in here and watch this show! The lady’s stockpiling her dead cats this
week!”
Harley laughed. Abigail’s cartoon arms frantically swooped through the air. David
chuckled in the distance, most likely enjoying the spazzing of Abigail’s voice. Harley
sighed as she grabbed her wallet and went to the door. It was good they were on friendly
terms again.
They’d joined forces for her after she’d gotten out of the hospital and without their
constant presence over the past four or so months, moving on would have been that
much more difficult.
Harley let out a strangle yip at the site standing on the other side of the threshold.
Maisy.
She stood there, bouncing up and down on her heels, a nervous twitch ever present
in her cheek.
It’s wasn’t that Harley didn’t see the girl anymore. In fact she always made a point
to see Maisy at least once a day at school, but to have her show up at her house was
a shocker.
“Hey, Harley, you busy?” Still stunned, eyes wide open, Harley put on her Martha
Stewart mom hosting skills and enveloped Maisy in a hug.
“Not at all, Maisy! Come in. How are you?” She guided Harley inside by her arm and
the
poor girl’s entire body went stiff.
Crappity crap. Something was wrong.
Harley’s mind began to race, and her heart began to pound. Was it him? Was it …
Mason? Was he hurt? Sick? She sucked in a breath, holding it until Maisy spoke.
“I’m not doing so well, Har. My, um, Grandpa … he passed away this morning. I just
need someone to talk to, you know? Aric and I are, um, over now, my mom’s a hot mess,
and my brother, um, well, you know.” Maisy shrugged, her entire body seemed to sag
as she stared down at the carpet.
Harley exhaled, saddened for Maisy’s loss, for her pain but thankful too that Mason
was
okay, even though
any
thoughts of Mason weren’t exactly welcomed.
Four months, twenty-two days, and three very, long hours. That’s how long it’d been
since she last heard his voice or spoken his name out loud … since the night he’d
broken her soul. She shook her head and sighed. That was all the moping she was going
to allow herself to do today.
She squeezed Maisy’s shoulders. “Well, you came to the right spot,” Harley cleared
her
throat just as Maisy lifted her head. A small, sad smile graced her mouth when she
nodded in response. “Abs and I were just waiting for the pizza guy, so come on in
a wait with us!”
Harley winked, locking her arm through Maisy’s as she pulled her towards the living
room. David had finally meandered in sometime along the way, surely looking for the
promise of pizza. Apparently the heated battle over the remote control with Abs was
winning out over the promise of anything.
“Are they…?” Maisy whispered, gesturing her hands towards the giggling bodies as they
tickled and pushed one another. Abigail was on his lap, and Mason was in his chair.
Yeah, they were definitely back to normal again.
Harley smiled sadly, shaking her head. “No,” she sighed. “And I’m not sure if they
ever
will be.” She glanced down at Masiy just as she nodded all-knowingly up at her. It
was pretty bad when everybody knew what was meant to be except the two people who
actually counted.
Abigail apparently spotted Maisy first. A small squeal of excitement brought Harley’s
focus back to the never-gonna-happen couple. “Well lookie who we have here. It’s the
littlest Daniel. Come on in! Hoarders is rockin’ tonight! You like that show?”
Maisy nodded enthusiastically, biting her lip. She joined Abs as she moved off of
David’s
lap and back onto the couch. David wheeled up next to Harley. His voice was a whisper
as he spoke. “You okay, sis?”
Harley nodded, a gloomy smile barely made its way onto her face. Yeah, she was okay,
but her heart on the other hand, that was a different story altogether.
David stared back up at her. Love and adoration were apparent on his face. She groaned.
Those dang pity-me’s kept creeping up on her. Luckily she had her brother. He’d been
there for her since the moment she came home from the hospital.
He dried her tears, took her painful verbal blows, and graced her with his smiles
each and
every time she didn’t think she could make it through another day. David was the one
person Harley could count on to understand her through and through. He always seemed
to anticipate Harley’s imminent melt down, but thankfully, unlike after Aiden’s death,
it never came.
David had come a long way since Harley’s incident as well. He graduated early, even
agreeing to partake in the school’s upcoming ceremony. Basically he’d become her greatest
inspiration.
Anxiety was a bitch, her worst enemy actually, but with the strength of her family
and
Abigail, she’d made it through the situation unscathed.
The remainder of the evening was actually a lot of fun. They’d all sat around together
laughing, talking, and enjoying each other’s company. Maisy seemingly relaxed too,
and
Harley’s heavy heart lightened just a little bit more because of it. If Harley couldn’t
have Mason in her life, then she was more than happy to have his sweet little sister
as her friend instead.
As the night came to a close, Harley couldn’t resist the one question she’d been dying
to
ask as she walked Maisy to the door. She squeezed her eyes shut, gripping the door
frame as she stepped in front of Maisy to block her way.
“Wait, Maisy. I’m sorry, but I have to know. How is he?” She held her breath, preparing
for the inevitable
he’s fantastic
to fall from her mouth.
She shrugged, “He’s okay, I guess. I haven’t talked to him much.”
Harley studied Maisy. Her lips twitched, and a small sigh had left her mouth. Was
she
lying? Maisy was never a short answer kind of girl. “It hurts though, ya know? He’s
my brother.
He told me he’d always be here for me even if he wasn’t physically here.”
“I’m sorry, Maisy. I had no idea.”
“It’s not your fault, Har. I think he’s just more focused on surfing and stuff right
now
than anything.” She shrugged, fidgeting with the ends of her blonde hair.
Deciding a subject change was in order, so Harley looked down at Maisy’s hands. They
were empty. Had she walked there? “Hey wait a sec, Maisy. How are you getting home?
You’re
not walking, are you?” Her house wasn’t far, but the idea of little Maisy walking
home by herself at eleven at night wasn’t cool.
“I’ll be okay. It’s not that far. Promise.” She threw on her lightweight jacket and
stepped into her pink flip flops, but good old Abigail stepped up behind her before
she had a chance to actually leave.
“Come on, kid. I’ll take you home since we’re neighbors and all.”
“Are you sure?” Her eyes beamed with warmth at Abigail’s suggestion.
“Of course, it’s not like it’s out of my way or anything.” Abigail turned to Harley,
giving her a quick sideways hug before hollering another good bye towards David.
After the door was closed and locked up tight, Harley turned around and leaned her
head
against the glass window, eyes closing as she pondered everything that had happened.
It was definitely was an interesting evening.
Mason wheeled towards her, and she stared down at him. He opened his mouth as if he
had something to say, but Harley stopped him with a quick flick of her hand.