When Karma Comes To Call (13 page)

“Is this about the drug problem?” I ask.

“No.” She looks up and I can see the pain in her eyes. “When it came to my mom, my father was an abusive asshole. But to me he was … I don’t know, a good dad. He took care of me, feed me, showed me the ropes.”

“Wait, what?”

“I took his side. I thought my mother was weak and if she’d just stood her ground, he’d back off. I didn’t understand growing up that … it wasn’t normal or she was a victim. I couldn’t wrap my tiny brain around the duality he possessed, and then when I was older it was too late. He’d brainwashed me.”

“Shit, that’s fucked up, babe,” I whisper, thinking of my own mom. When my dad had taken to hitting her more than he should, she’d formed a plan, saved up money, and left. When he tried to take us back to him by force, she’d put a bullet in his brain. The courts made her do time for involuntary manslaughter because back then abused women had no protection or sympathy. We got set up living with Uncle Carl, better known as Spike, and his old lady. It’s how I ended up with the Dueling Devils.

“I know, and I have to live with that,” she says. Her voice shakes and I know there’s more to it. “I worked for my father for a long time, it was expected I’d be his right hand and eventually take over one day.”

“What? You ran fucking drugs?” I can’t even put the image of the girl she’s describing with the one I’ve come to know.

“I did. I can’t change my past, as much as I wish I could.”

“This is bullshit. How long?” I bark.

“Years. T-till I was nineteen.”

“Then what happened?”

“I-I found my mom lying in a tub full of her own blood and she left me this letter.” Tears stream down her face. I’ve never seen her so subdued or broken. Not even after all the shit went down with O’Shay. The sight is painful.

“And then you just got out?” I say skeptically.

“I begged, I pleaded, and I rebelled. Eventually he agreed to let me try to go straight. I had to cut ties and go it alone with no help. I wanted to hate him but I couldn’t. I never could. He’s my father and despite it all … I love him.” She bows her head.

“And now he hears that you’re walking back on the wild side?”

She nods.

“Fuck. Why didn’t you tell me this could happen? I would’ve put up safe guards and put people on notice. Jesus! This could be a cluster fuck. You got any other shit you been keeping from me?”

“N-no. I didn’t think.”

“No you fucking didn’t,” I roar, upturning the vanity table beside me as she jerks. “I told you no fucking lies.”

“I didn’t lie—

“You want to split hairs?”

She shakes her head. The fear in her gaze is gasoline on the fire.

“You’re just like that bitch. Lying, scheming, doing what it takes to keep your own ass covered while you leave everyone else in the wind.”

“No I didn’t. That’s not me—”

“Shut the fuck up.” She clamps her jaw shut. “I can’t even fucking look at you right now, Karma.” I clench my fists. “I need to get the fuck out of here before I do some shit we’ll both regret.”

“No, don’t go.” She jumps from the bed and grabs the edges of my cut. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it mattered. That he would care. I–I practically forgot about him until Tommy showed up with his fucking smirk and reminder that he’s been keeping tabs on me.”

“Let go, Karma,” I bark.

“Don’t go away upset. Please.”

“Karma, you need to listen to him,” Duff says.

I turn to see the pale faced boy hovering in the doorway.

“Get her,” I demand.

He rushes forward and pries her off me. I turn on my heels and walk out, already consumed by my past.

~~

PAST

I sit in the van, breathing heavily. I never in a million years saw this coming. But the club wants me to prove my loyalty. Some of the boys wonder about me. I can’t exist in this life with the stigma of possible rat hanging over my head. I guess I know why they let Lydia get off so easily. They were waiting for me to finish cleaning up my mess. Bile rises in my throat. I hate her for what she did, but I never wanted to see her dead. Now my hand’s been forced. I understood that an old lady is your responsibility, but I never got how high a price you could pay for that. I crack my neck, and step out of the unregistered black van with the fake plates I parked three streets away from her bungalow.

I cover the ground, hopping a fence, and sneaking into her background. I know they’ve disabled her camera and alarm. I use my lock pick and creep inside. She’s alone. Her new old man has a business trip. Never figured her for the type to fuck a yuppie, let alone settle down and play wifey with one. The lock on the sliding door gives and I’m inside. I force myself to remain focused. Snooping around and getting personal will only make this shit harder. I pull out my 9mm, and cock the gun. I know she’s asleep. I waited for her lights to go out and gave it another hour. I navigate the house using the specs they pulled up. The master is at the back of the house. I pause in front of her door, guts twisting, dry heaves threatening, and my heart disintegrating. I ease the door open and freeze in the doorway.

She looks fucking angelic with her face highlighted by moonlight, and her hair spread out on the pillow. Dressed in a white night down, she’s like a virgin sacrifice waiting to be offered up to the gods of old. I can’t let her take everything from me. If I drop the ball I lose my family and the life I’ve worked so hard to create. I lift the gun. My hand shakes. She stirs in her sleep. I pull the trigger, emptying the clip. The room turns into a horror scene and her nightgown turns pink. A part of me dies, and I know I need to leave. I have to go nomad and leave or I’m going to break down. I will never be this exposed with another human.

***

KARMA

I can’t stop crying. Tears roll down my face.

“Don’t do that, he’ll be back,” Duff says, patting my shoulder awkwardly.

“I ruin everything and everyone.”

“What? You’re crazy. I never saw him so … well hell, happy. Everyone has fights.”

I shake my head refusing to believe him. I’m a curse. A blight. I will never be able to pay for my sins.

“Look, I-I’m going to get Chase,” Duff says. I vaguely register him leaving, but I’m too caught up in misery to care. I will never find someone like Arsen who could see into the darkness where I’d been and not find me lacking.

“K, what’s going on?” Chase asks.

“I ruined it like I do everything,” I whisper.

“H-hey, hey. Don’t say that. Duffy says you and Arsen got into it pretty bad. I’d say I’m shocked it hasn’t happened already. The man is a ticking time bomb on the best of days.”

“You don’t understand. He’s seen the real me now and he hates it. He hates me because he knows what I did.” I’m chocking on my tears.

“No he doesn’t. I doubt he ever could. What do you mean what you did?”

“The things I did for my father.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Karma. Did that son of a bitch—”

“No, no. I ran drugs for him, I was a mule, a dealer, a cutter, you name it I did it, and I helped him run my mother to her grave. God, there was so much blood.”

I’m taken back to the single day in my life I wish I could forget.

Chase cups my face in her hands. “K, what blood?”

“My mother’s everywhere. God. The bathtub looked like it was filled with Kool-Aid. And it ran down her wrist and onto the floor.” I gulp down air, determined to remain in the present. “I helped push her to that. I thought she deserved what my father gave her. That he would stop if she was stronger. That he was trying to teach her how to survive in a world where only the strong survive. I was so, so very stupid, and in the end, she saved me with this letter and her diary. God, seeing our life from her eyes.” I shook my head. “I was horrible, taunting her right along with him. I thought the man could do no wrong. What does that say about me?”

“That you’re loyal, and he’s a horrible human being. All that matters is you saw the error of your ways and made a change.”

“How can it matter? No matter what I do with my life, I know I drove my mother into the ground as surely as if I slit her wrists. I don’t deserve to be happy when she’s six feet under.” I pull away from her arms and rock back and forth.

“Yes you do, that’s bullshit and you know it. Don’t you feed that monster, babe. It’s a long, lonely, painful road to travel with it. And I’m speaking from experience. Did I make my husband beat me?”

“No,” I wail.

“And you didn’t make your father brainwash you either. You were young and didn’t know any better. And yes, your mom may have been weak, or too scared to fight back, but that wasn’t on you. It’s sadly something that happens a lot until you find a way out. Her way was permanent. I know one thing, though. She wouldn’t want to see you like this, using her death as a block.”

“Fuck you, Chase.”

“No.” She grips my face hard. “That’s exactly what you’re doing. Convincing yourself you deserve the shit that comes your way and giving up at the first sign of trouble. You want Arsen? Then fight for him. Show him you aren’t like whoever the hell fucked him over in the first place.”

Her words penetrate the haze of grief that rolled in like a sudden summer storm.

“Fight for him?”

“You don’t think he’s worth it?” she asks.

“Of course.”

“Then get your war paint ready and prepare your battle cry. I been around long enough to know something went bad with him before he got sent in. I don’t know the details, but maybe if you ask he’ll tell you. I’ll tell you this, don’t hide anything else from him or me.”

She looks like an avenging angel with her blue eyes blazing, nostrils flaring, and stern expression.

“I’m not hiding anything else.”

I meet her gaze. We have a stare down that ends in a draw when she nods. “I believe you,” Chase states.

Leaning over I place my elbows on my knees. Shit went sideways so fast.

“How bad is this, Chase?”

“If you were anyone else, I don’t think you’d still be whole right now. Arsen. You’ve never seen Arsen the way most of us see him. He’s different with you. Now you’re seeing the other side of him.”

I remember his cold gaze. “Jesus. So I just what, wait around?”

“Ball’s in his court, K.”

“I screwed up.”

“Yeah you did,” Chase agrees sympathetically.

“How do I fix this?” I whisper.

“I don’t know.” Chase shakes her head sadly.

I fall back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. Days ago I was wondering about our longevity and my wisdom in remaining with him. Now I can’t even think about us not being together. “Shit.”

“Welcome to the life,” Chase mutters.

“I’m already in too deep and sinking like I stepped into quicksand.”

“With the Slayer?” 

“With all of you. You took me in and I fell completely in love with you. Now I’m caught up in the crazy with the most insane of them all.”

“Babe, you have no clue. I’ve seen him do some seriously demented things.” 

“If I ask you what, will you tell me?” I ask.

“And have him pissed at me? No thanks, babe, you’re his kryptonite. I’d be crushed beneath his steel toes.”

“It’s going to be a long night.”

“Hey, it could be worse,” Chase says.

“It could always be worse,” I agree. I’m wrecked, exhausted, and raw.

I close my eyes and reality slips away.

***

The feeling of eyes pulls me from my slumber. Struggling against sleep I force my heavy lids up. My limbs are tangled with Chase’s. I glance over and find her sleeping heavily and snoring lightly. I smirk and glance toward the doorway. Arsen’s silhouette is there. I swallow hard.

“You up now?” he asks.

I nod.

“Come to the kitchen, then.”

I untangle myself from Chase and creep into the kitchen. He sets down a bottle of Jack and two tumblers. After climbing onto a black stool, I silently wait for him to speak.

“I ain’t been that mad in a long time.”

He pours me half a glass, slides it over to me, and fills his glass. “Got me to thinking. Shit between us is serious. Way more than I wanted. I don’t do lies. Most people say it, I mean it. If I can’t tell you something I’ll be straight up. But I won’t lie. When that shit came out today, I felt like a sucker.” He downs his glass and I take a sip, letting the fire burn down my throat. “I don’t have to tell you, I don’t play the role of sucker for anyone. Did that shit once before. Had a so called old lady who sold my ass up the river and got me locked down for five years.”

I gasp and cover my mouth.

“Said then I wouldn’t do this shit again. Then here you come with those fucking eyes and that mouth. I couldn’t resist. You got me, I thought you were different.”

“I am.”

“See before I would’ve agreed, now I’m not so sure, and that’s a problem,” he says.

“What can I do, Arsen?”