When Love Comes to Town (16 page)

“It’s a miracle you didn’t lose any teeth,” Mairead said and Neil attempted a toothy grin.

“You’ll be back and as good-looking as ever in a few weeks,” she added, and Neil noticed a slight flush in her cheeks and a shy flicker of her hazel eyes. God, she was the type of girl he’d marry, he thought, if he were the marrying type. “D’you want the curtains drawn? Have you got enough pillows? Would you like me to read to you? D’you want more food? D’you want me to bring you in some of my tapes?” She was a little treasure, and he was only going to end up hurting her.

Neil had started to pray again since landing in hospital. Not conventional prayers, just talk to reestablish links. It was the least he could do, he decided, because he had definitely called on Jesus the night of the attack, and Jesus had responded in the shape of good old Uncle Sugar. Two outcasts that Jesus would never turn his back on.

Neil wasn’t sure if it was the effect of the drugs or not, but sometimes he was sure he experienced lucid moments of spirituality during these chats, just as he had felt during his younger, more innocent days. But no spiritual high could have compared with the sensation he experienced when Shane walked into the ward that Saturday evening. Kate and Dan and the two kids were in the ward, and Neil was sure that they could hear his heart thumping.

Oh Jesus, thanks for sending me an angel
, he thought. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to laugh, he wanted the whole world to celebrate this moment, but most of all, he wanted to hear Shane speak.

“Never seen you looking better,” he said to Neil, after Dan had got the introductions out of the way. Neil attempted a grin. Suddenly he had fallen in love with the Belfast accent. Dan started to quiz Shane, while Kate was busy trying to stop her two kids from charming candy off Humpty Dumpty.

“I’ve just finished a law degree,” Shane was telling Neil’s inquisitive brother-in-law, making Neil wish he had applied to do law.

“Where d’you do it?” Dan asked.

“Trinity.”

“I thought you might’ve done it at Queens.”

Neil caught Shane’s attention and rolled his eyes, making Shane smile. “I’m a UCD man myself…Commerce,” Dan continued. “I’m in industry now.”

Shane nodded politely. Neil felt like strangling his brother-in-law.

“I suppose you’re thinking of going on to become a lawyer,” Dan went on.

Shane shrugged his shoulders. “Ach, I haven’t really decided yet.”

“Good money in that line,” Dan said, rubbing his hands together. “So, tell me, how do you two know one another?”

An awkward pause followed. Dan looked questioningly from Shane to Neil. But Shane was quick to spot an escape route. “Look at the wee man,” he said, pointing at Danny, who was fiddling with Humpty’s full bedpan. Dan had to dash across the room to prevent a disaster, much to Neil and Shane’s amusement. The three-year-old’s misbehavior signaled the end of the family visit.

And Neil and Shane were left alone. Alone, that is, except for the watchful eyes of Humpty Dumpty. Neil’s hand was trembling as he wrote “Thanks for visiting” on his notebook. Shane smiled and wrote “Don’t mention it” beneath Neil’s note. Neil grinned and scribbled “Do you come here often?” underneath Shane’s tiny printed comment.

“There’s no need to be rude,” Shane whispered, and Neil felt a dart of pain shoot through him as he laughed. But it was a pain he would’ve gladly suffered again and again. Then, his heart skipped a beat when the fuzziness in his head cleared and he saw that Shane was holding the pen with his left hand.

“Left-handers make the best lovers,” Shane grinned after Neil had pointed at his writing hand. This simple remark turned Neil’s heart inside out.

“Here, I brought something for you,” Shane said, handing Neil a cassette tape. It was a struggle for Neil to read the tiny writing listing the music Shane had compiled. Beethoven, Mozart, Puccini, Bach, Chopin; it was all classical music, music that Neil had ignored up until now, mainly because of his dad’s strenuous efforts to get him interested in it. But now he was converted. The moment he got out of hospital, he was going to turn his dad’s collection upside down.

“They’re some of my favorites,” Shane added casually. “Hope you like them.”

But Neil was too happy to concentrate properly. His faith in mankind was restored. The world was a wonderful place. It was as though they had known each other all their lives. As they chatted, they had great fun developing their own language of winks, nods, and hand signals to save Neil from writing everything down. Poor old Humpty was left shaking his head in confusion, and this only encouraged them to complicate their signals even further. It reminded Neil of the signals they used on the rugby team. A half hour flew past before nurse Mairead came in to announce the end of visiting time. Before he left, Shane wrote on the piece of paper and told Neil to read it after he had left. Neil waited until Mairead had left the room before he unfolded the piece of paper. His heart was in his mouth and his hands were shaking as he read the tiny print.

“Hope you let me get a word in the next time we meet.”

Neil’s burst of nervous laughter attracted a peculiar, almost suspicious, look from Humpty. But Neil didn’t care, his heart was on fire. He spent the next hour trying to imitate Shane’s handwriting while he listened to his new tape. Outside, the burning evening sun was sinking low into the red sky. Neil sank back onto his pillows and tried to remember a time when he had ever felt so happy.

Later that night, his brothers, Paul and Joe, phoned from New York, and Mairead had to act as intermediary, imparting the details of Neil’s scribbled notes across the Atlantic. At one stage during the bizarre exchanges, Humpty farted in his sleep, and Neil insisted that the shy nurse tell his two brothers about the nocturnal fragrances he had to endure. However, Mairead was even more embarrassed when they started to warn her about how randy their little brother was. But Neil could sense that Mairead was enjoying her involvement in the family’s transatlantic conversation; it was the sort of desperate straw he had clutched at himself so many times over the years. Those days were over now. A minor panic attack gripped when he realized that he couldn’t visualize Shane’s face. What did his nose look like? What color were his eyes? What shape was his mouth? It was all a blur. If he had Shane’s phone number, he would have called and asked him to describe himself. The thought amused him. He’d probably get reported for making obscene phone calls. Neil lay his head down on the soft pillow and closed his eyes to the sound of Mozart.

At lunchtime the following day, two men in business suits arrived at the ward. Neil barely paid them any attention, presuming that they were Humpty’s visitors. When they stood alongside his bed, he assumed they were doctors or maybe even police detectives. But doctors or detectives would hardly be bringing him a box of chocolates.

“How are you?” the taller man asked.

Neil very nearly swallowed his tongue. Gladys and Penelope were amused by his amazement.

“Our civvies,” Penelope said, holding on to the lapels of his dark jacket.

“Should see what we’ve got on underneath,” Gladys whispered, aware of Humpty’s straining ears. Every inch of Neil’s body ached as he laughed.

Daphne had told them about his hospitalization. He had also told them about Shane. Neil shook his head and smiled; the entire city probably knew about him by this stage. Soon after, some visitors came in to see Humpty, making conversation a little easier. Neil was fascinated when the two men began to talk about their family lives. Both had very differing experiences. Penelope’s wife had left him and had taken their two children to live in England. Gladys’s wife on the other hand was very supportive. She even advised the pair of them on their makeup before they hit the town. It was a struggle for Neil to conceal his amusement at the thought of the two of them being fussed over by Gladys’s wife.

“My children saw me one night,” Gladys told him, pursing his lips into a sigh. Neil looked up at the giant questioningly.

“But they didn’t recognize me,” Gladys smiled. “It was wonderful; they thought I was a friend of the missus.”

“You were wearing the evening dress, weren’t you?” Penelope asked without the slightest glimmer of amusement.

“Yes, the blue one,” Gladys replied in a soft voice.

“That looks really nice on you,” Penelope assured him.

“Thank you.” Gladys blushed slightly.

Neil pinched himself beneath the sheets. He couldn’t believe it; the pair of them were slipping into their tranny mold, but what was funniest was that they didn’t seem to even notice the subtle change in their behavior. The woman in them was bursting for release. A little well-earned lunchtime thrill. The more they discussed their hidden passion, the more uncomfortable-looking their drab suits seemed to become.

Neil’s dad arrived and Neil shivered with fear as Gladys and Penelope introduced themselves.
Relax, Neil, how could he possibly suspect
, he told himself. Maybe there’s a hem on display, or worse still, maybe there’s little traces of nail varnish or mascara showing. But he needn’t have worried, Gladys and Penelope became ordinary businessmen in an instant.

“So, how come you gents have the misfortune of knowing this young tearaway?” his dad asked presently, causing Neil to cross his fingers anxiously.

“Well, it’s a little bit embarrassing really,” Penelope said.

Neil stiffened with fright. His dad glanced from Penelope to Gladys. Neil braced himself, waiting helplessly for the end of family life as he knew it. Maybe he should cause a disturbance. Try and roll out of the bed. Or toss his Walkman across the room and clock Humpty. But he needn’t have worried; Gladys and Penelope had prepared themselves for this scenario.

“This man here was your son’s rescuer,” Penelope said, pointing to the embarrassed Gladys.

Neil’s dad looked puzzled.

“In the road,” Penelope explained.

“Really?” his dad’s eyes brightened, and he immediately extended his arm and shook Gladys’s hand warmly.

“I just happened to be passing,” Gladys mumbled.

“I can’t tell you how indebted I am to you,” his dad added, and Neil saw tears well up in his dad’s eyes. Gladys bowed his head in discomfort. But his dad’s uncustomary display of affection also had Neil blinking to keep his own eyes clear.

“It was very brave of you,” his dad continued. “So many other people would’ve just walked on by.”

Neil couldn’t help smiling while he sat back and watched as Gladys reluctantly stole poor old Uncle Sugar’s limelight.

After Gladys and Penelope had left, Neil’s dad spent the remainder of his visit trying to think of ways of repaying Gladys the rescuer.
Get him a few new dresses
, Neil felt like scribbling on his notebook,
and a couple of good strong girdles
. He tried to concentrate on his dad’s tales about what was happening at home, all the neighbors and all his aunts and uncles who sent their regards, but his thoughts kept drifting back to Gladys and Penelope. He pictured them, shifting uncomfortably at their office desks in their claustrophobic business suits, furtively slipping their hands beneath their polyester shirts to touch those silk blouses, and more than likely sneaking out to the toilet every so often for a quick twirl in the cubicle. What an impossible existence. And he thought his own life was difficult.

“Right…so we’ll see you this evening then,” his dad said, standing up.

Neil nodded to his dad and grinned.

His dad delayed at the bedside awkwardly. “Okay then … eh, d’you want us to bring you in anything?”

Neil crinkled up his nose in thought. Then he slipped his new classical tape from his Walkman and smiled as he watched the look of surprise form on his dad’s face.

“Making some musically educated friends at last,” his dad said, squinting to read Shane’s tiny writing.

Neil winked at his dad, who gave him a thumbs-up gesture before he left the ward. It was just as well he couldn’t speak, Neil reflected, because he knew that if he started to talk about Shane, his dad would’ve quickly realized that he was far more than just a musically educated friend.

The ball is flashed out along the well-drilled back line until it reaches Neil’s safe hands. He ducks inside his opposite number’s despairing tackle. The race is on. Thirty yards to the line. The entire west stand rises to its feet. Shrill schoolboy voices ring in Neil’s ears, a sea of blue and white urging him on. He skips past the fullback’s last-gasp attempt at an ankle trip. The noise reaches a deafening crescendo. He is in the clear. Fifteen yards to go. Suddenly, everything seems to switch to slow motion, the pandemonium fades, he is on his own, effortlessly gliding toward that try-line. Ten yards to go. Clouds skid silently across the sky, his jersey flaps in the spring breeze. Five yards to go. His steel cleats sink into the carefully manicured grass. Seagulls circle overhead. What if he just kicks the ball? Or what if he just stops? But he doesn’t, no, he does what any good Rock winger would do. He reaches the line and touches the ball down victoriously. The cacophony of noise returns, and Neil grins as his teammates rush to congratulate him. One of the forwards pats him on the bottom, rugby-buddy style. Pity he’s so ugly. Another clasps his arm around his neck and kisses him. The opposition hangs their heads disconsolately. One of them is so cute looking, Neil wants to go over and apologize for scoring. Then his brother-in-law vaults the perimeter railings and charges over to lift him off his feet in a bear hug and swing him around joyfully. Now he notices the thousands of delighted faces in the stands and on the terraces. All cheering him. He sees Gary and Tom with their crazy hats and their cheerleader megaphones. He sees his mum and dad and his Uncle Frank. He sees Father Donno with his arms raised in triumph. He blushes in embarrassment. The sea of blue and white are singing his name.

There’s only one Neil Byrne

One Neil Byrne

Only one Neil Byrne

But his grin fades when he sees Yvonne Lawlor taking over as cheerleader. Her leering face seems to expand and contort as she leads the new chant.