When the Heather Blooms (21 page)

‘I'll leave you to it then,' Willie said, pushing his chair back. ‘I like to have a last look round the hill while it's still light.'

They praised Mimi's scones and gingerbread and helped her clear the table.

‘I've the hens and things to tend,' she said, ‘so I'll leave you now.'

‘Hey Mimi, before you go,' Peter put a hand on her arm. ‘How would you like to drive into Dumfries and go to the cinema? If we went to the first house we wouldn't be late back. That would be all right, wouldn't it Josh?'

‘It's all right for me,' Josh nodded. ‘I'd like a good talk with your father, Mimi. I'm wondering if he knows what he's letting himself in for, with the upheaval and the expense.'

‘Please don't let him spend more than he can afford, Uncle Josh. It would be lovely to have a cooker like yours and an electric washing machine but I don't need anything else.'

‘All right,' Josh promised. ‘Don't look so anxious Mimi. I'm sure Willie will never get into debt over house improvements, though I know he wants the best for you.' He grinned, ‘and who can blame him, eh, Peter?'

‘Who indeed?' Peter smiled at her. ‘We'll need to eat early if we're going out …'

‘That's all right. ‘I'll go and see to my hens and collect the eggs. I've boiled a piece of ham for supper and there's lots of chutney in the pantry.' Her face clouded, thinking of her mother bottling the summer fruits and making the chutney and jam. She would have to deal with all those things this year. Peter saw her pensive face.

‘We don't have to go to the cinema if you don't want to …'

‘Oh I do! I-I was just thinking about – about Mother making the chutney.' Her voice shook.

‘Well Charlotte has already ordered a bigger freezer so I'll be bringing you ours soon. You'll find that a lot easier,' Josh said. ‘It's hard to believe you've just left school the way you cope, lassie.'

By the time Mimi returned with her baskets of eggs Josh and Peter had measured the scullery and kitchen, the pantry and the wash house, and there were sheets of paper and sketches littering the table.

‘Goodness, you seem to need a lot of measurements!' she exclaimed.

‘I want to do it right while I'm at it,' Josh said.

‘Oh, Uncle Josh, I don't think we ought to make many alterations.'

‘Don't worry, Mimi! You'll be proud of your house by the time I'm finished.' Mimi looked at him. She would never be able to share the thoughts which were in her mind.

‘I'll go and milk the two cows and then we'll have supper if you clear the table.'

‘You still milk the cows? Couldn't Fraser bring you a can of milk from Langmune every couple of days? It would save a lot of time, Mimi.'

‘I don't mind,' she said.

‘Do you use the downstairs bedroom?' Josh asked, his thoughts reverting to his plans. He had discovered he enjoyed this sort of project since he and Charlotte had almost rebuilt Lintysmill. He studied the planning regulations and he was getting well known with the local planning department. They knew he didn't take shortcuts.

‘The bedroom?' Mimi frowned. ‘No, of course we don't. We haven't used the dining room or the sitting room either since – since …' Josh nodded, understanding.

‘It'll not always be like this, Mimi,' he said gently and she wanted to cry. ‘Someday you'll want to entertain your own friends, or have the family for a special dinner. Then you'll be pleased if you have a nice house.' Mimi chewed her lower lip and didn't answer. She was struggling to hold back her tears and fears so she made her escape to the two cows in the little byre with the familiar smell of sweet hay and animals. One of the cats had kittens in a spare stall and they were adorable, two fluffy black ones with white bibs and paws, almost like twins, and the other was a tabby like a miniature tiger. She loved all the animals and she loved her home and her way of life, but did she want to stay at High Bowie for ever and become an eccentric spinster? She felt restless in a way she had never experienced before. She had enjoyed each day and each season and she had never looked to the future or yearned for anything different.

‘Something's troubling Mimi,' Josh frowned. ‘I thought she would be delighted that Willie is planning to improve the house and make things easier for her. She must know he'd never do anything he couldn't afford. It will be cheaper in the long run if he does all the alterations at the same time, if he can afford it. I'm going to ask him whether he's considered putting in central heating. It's quite a decent house. It will never be anything like Home Farm and Langmune, of course, but it's a damned sight better than Lintysmill was before we added an upstairs.' Peter nodded. His thoughts were on Mimi, wondering what was on her mind. Was he going too fast, pushing her to go out with him? Would she tell him outright if she didn't want to go to the pictures? The last time he mentioned taking her she had said she didn't want to leave her father alone, but tonight she didn't have that excuse when Josh was here; he had seized the opportunity to have her to himself. 

Chapter Twenty

Driving demanded all Mimi's concentration and she was slower than an experienced driver would have been but Peter was patient. When Mimi parked the car between too others she expelled a huge sigh of relief. Her eyes were shining as she turned towards him.

‘Did I do all right, Peter?' she asked. ‘I'm so relieved I didn't scratch your car or anything.'

‘You did well,' Peter said, feeling his spirits rise again as he looked at Mimi's animated face and sparkling eyes. Whatever had been troubling her earlier it couldn't have been the prospect of coming out with him. She gave him the keys but he kept hold of her hand as he locked the car and they hurried into the cinema together. The short film was in black and white and it had already begun but the usherette showed them to a couple of seats near the back. Mimi had only been to the cinema two or three times before and she gave the screen all her attention and was soon absorbed in the story, but when the heroine seemed likely to be killed she grabbed Peter's arm with both of hers and turned her face into his shoulder.

‘Tell me when it's safe to look,' she whispered. Peter decided it was a good enough excuse to put his arm around her and hold her close for the rest of the film. Mimi seemed content to stay that way even when the big film came on in all its glorious Technicolor. It was a love story but there were some sad moments before a happy conclusion and Peter sensed Mimi was trying hard to prevent a few tears running down her cheeks. He wanted to gather her in his arms and kiss away her tears but he contented himself with holding her closer.

It was dark when they came out so Peter drove home, much to Mimi's relief.

‘Thank you for taking me tonight, Peter,' she said as they left the town behind and the headlights carved a path of light. ‘I hope you weren't too ashamed of me for being scared. I mean I know it's stupid and I know it's a story but it seemed so real.'  Peter gave his warm deep laugh and glanced at her.

‘I can't imagine ever being ashamed of you, Mimi.'

‘Can't you …?' Mimi's tone was bleak; her thoughts returned to High Bowie and all the money her father was going to spend on the house to make her life easier. She shuddered as her earlier misgivings returned. Peter would be ashamed of her if he knew how selfish and ungrateful she felt. Peter sensed her change of mood like a heavy curtain coming down. They drove on in silence until they turned onto the track leading up to High Bowie then he drew the car to a halt in the shelter of some trees. He turned towards her.

‘Did you want to come out with me tonight, Mimi?' he asked his voice low and intense. He had to know even if he didn't like her answer.

‘You know I did!' Mimi turned to him in surprise.

‘Would you tell me if you didn't? I mean tell me straight, no using your father as an excuse?'

‘Of course I would, Peter. But you know I don't like leaving my father alone too often. He's better since Granny talked to him but he still has awful dark times when his eyes go blank and I know he's thinking of mother.'

‘Then what is it that's troubling you? I do understand you must miss your mother too, but it's not just that, is it? You've been so brave about everything.' In the dim light of the dashboard and the sliver of silver moon Peter saw Mimi's small face twist in a spasm of pain, but then she set her firm little jaw and turned towards him.

‘There's nothing troubling me, Peter. You're imagining things.'

‘Is there someone else you'd rather go out with Mimi?'

‘Oh no! Of course not!' She had always loved Peter, but the way she felt now was different to the adoring ten-year-old she had been. He would think she was crazy if she told him though. He'd always treated her as his young friend, almost as an adopted cousin. She chewed her lower lip.

‘Then can't you tell me what's bothering you?'

‘I told you there's n-nothing …'

‘And I know you too well to believe that, Mimi. I thought we were friends, and good friends confide in each other.'

‘We-we are friends …' In the dim light he saw her mouth tremble and two tears squeezed beneath her thick lashes. He couldn't bear to see her hurting and not know why. He pulled her into his arms and with the pad of his thumb he wiped away each tear in turn.

‘Do you want to come out with me again, Mimi – for a drive or to the pictures or a dance?'

‘You know I'd love to, b-but I can only come when it's c-convenient.'

‘Your father you mean?'

‘Yes. Oh Peter, I'm not a reliable companion for you. I can't leave my father when he needs me. He loves me so much – too much perhaps,' she added in a low voice, but he heard.

‘Nobody can ever be loved too much, Mimi. So long as I know you want my company we'll arrange something to suit both of us.'

‘Shouldn't you be taking your girlfriends out instead of wasting your time with me?' It hurt Mimi to say the words and she knew her voice sounded high and brittle.

‘I'll tell you when there's a girl I want to take out, Mimi Pringle,' Peter said. ‘Right now all I want is to see you happy again.'

‘I'm not a little girl anymore, Peter, skipping through days of endless sunshine and smiling all the time.' Her tone was as cool as his.

‘I know damn well you're not a little girl!' he growled and clasped her chin, lifting her face to his. His mouth was hard and his kiss none too gentle but she didn't draw away. Instead she lifted her arms and clasped them around his neck. In the confines of the car she was pressed against his chest and he felt her firm young breasts against him. His loins clenched and his kiss deepened. Just as suddenly he drew away and Mimi felt as though a chill wind had swept through the car.

‘I'm sorry, Mimi, I shouldn't have done that,' he said. He started up the car. They drove up the rest of the track in silence but Peter knew he couldn't leave her like that. He laid a hand on her arm as she was about to get out.

‘If Josh is coming to see your father about the alterations to the house, will you come out with me again, Mimi?' She hesitated for a split second and Peter rushed on. ‘I'm sorry about tonight. I promise I shall not treat you so …'

‘I'd like to go if Uncle Josh is here,' Mimi said. How could he be so blind? She longed to be with him. He had awakened some primeval desire in her and she wanted more.

When Josh and Peter had gone Willie showed Mimi a rough sketch of the changes Josh had suggested. She was dismayed.

‘He's measured everything up, lassie. He thinks you would be happier if the washing machine and the deep freeze are in the scullery. He suggests we should build up the outside door and make the pantry into a downstairs cloakroom with a toilet and wash basin. The plumbing and drains are convenient for that and we could make a door into the hall. It would be right next to the downstairs bedroom.' Willie sounded enthusiastic but Mimi was silent. ‘There's room for a refrigerator in here and we can still keep the big kitchen table if we put cupboards round about as Josh suggests. What d'you think, lassie?' Mimi knew her father was expecting her to be pleased and excited.

‘Won't it cost an awful lot? We don't need so many changes …'

‘Don't you worry your head about the money, Mimi. Josh is getting estimates. The insurance money will pay for most of it. You're all I have and this will all be yours one day so I want to do things right. By the way, did you know Libby's friend, Alma, is going out with Jim MacLean, the plumber?'

‘I heard a rumour,' Mimi said, but without much interest.

‘Maybe Peter will need to look for a new tenant soon.'

‘Mmm, maybe. I think I'll go up to bed now. Good night, Dad.'

‘'night, lassie. Sleep well,' Willie said, his eyes returning to the plans Josh had left. He thought Mimi seemed dejected rather than enthusiastic, but maybe she was tired. 

Lying in bed, alone in the darkness, Mimi's thoughts went round and round. She felt trapped, as though her life was already mapped out for her. She loved her father and he loved her, but he had always regarded her as a fragile child, ever since the polio. He was convinced she would never live a normal life as other women did, just because she was small and had a limp and a weakened hand. She had coped with most things at school, including some cruel taunts when she couldn't run as fast or jump as high as the rest of the class, but she had gritted her teeth and survived. Now she was doing most of the work her mother had done. It was true she had never climbed to the top of the hill or gone herding the sheep with her father as she had longed to do. Her father and his two collies managed the sheep wonderfully.

Her thoughts returned to Peter. Did he realise she was no longer the little girl who had welcomed him eagerly? Did he know about the feelings he aroused whenever he touched her, let alone kissed her? Even if he did know, and even if by some miracle he could feel the same, there was nothing to be done about it. She couldn't desert her father; he was right, she was all he had; he needed her but his life centred on High Bowie and he would never want to leave it. He was planning to modernise the house, spending a small fortune on it, and all to keep her here and happy, but it was beginning to feel like a prison closing in on her. She knew should be grateful but she felt as though the cords which bound her to High Bowie and her father were growing tighter. She would never be able to leave. As the thoughts went round in her head she felt mean and wretched.

She had been to Peter's house twice. It was intended for a married man with a family and it was roomy with a small walled garden. Peter had furnished one bedroom and the kitchen and even they contained the minimum a single man required. She longed to make it into a cheerful, happy home for him but he had made it clear he had no intention of staying there as a manager for ever. His ambition was to rent a farm of his own where he could breed his sheep, graze his own land, and harvest his own crops. He was prepared for a struggle and sacrifices so long as he achieved his dream. Where would he go? Would he return to Gloucestershire? It was unlikely he would ever ask her to go with him, but even if he did …' Mimi stifled a sob and punched her pillow with a small clenched fist. Her thoughts had come full circle – even if Peter asked her to go with him she could never leave her father alone at High Bowie.

‘Oh Mother, why did you have to leave us?' she wept. In the four months since her mother's death she had managed to suppress her own sorrow and sense of loss. She had sensed that her father was struggling with his own black devils and he needed her. Now he seemed to be climbing out of the trough of despondency but Mimi felt she was slipping into it. Her mother had done her best to make sure she lived her life like every other girl her age. As a little girl she had made her persevere with the exercises which Doctor Ritchie had promised would help overcome some of the effects of the polio, and as she grew she had been diligent about buying her special shoes to help her walk straight. When her father had thought she should be wearing pretty dresses her mother had understood her desire to wear trousers to disguise the fact she had one leg thinner and less shapely than the other. She had bought her the smartest trousers she could find and several pretty tops and she had persuaded her father to let her go to the dance with Peter. Without her mother there was no one to make her father see she was growing into a woman with a woman's feelings and desires. The polio had done nothing to lessen the thrill she felt at Peter's kisses. She longed for more, even if she longed in vain.

As soon as the lambing was finished Lachie returned to Langmune and Mimi missed his company more than she had expected. They had always been good friends and shared the same sense of humour. Lachie could often make her laugh with no more than a twitch of his dark eyebrows, and he had never treated her as being different to the rest of his friends. Sometimes Aunt Victoria had remonstrated with him and told him to be more considerate but he only grinned and went on as before, and she had been more than happy to tag along. Even then she had hated to be different.

A steady stream of tradesmen began to appear at High Bowie. The house seemed to be in a constant upheaval but Mimi was surprised to find her father enjoyed their chat when he came in for meals. They were all local to the area and they had worked on Josh's house. Jim MacLean, the plumber, was a pleasant man and he was considerate too. Mimi mentioned this to Libby one afternoon when she called to collect a blouse which Libby had been altering for her. She admitted she was not very handy with a needle, except for sewing on buttons and doing rough repairs.

‘I suppose Uncle Willie welcomes their company,' Libby sighed. ‘It stops him thinking so much and missing Aunty Mary. What about you, Mimi? I've never seen the watch your mother gave you.'

‘No, I know. It's beautiful but I've only worn it twice. It reminds me of Mum so much I want to cry and I know she intended me to be happy. It cost ever such a lot. I know that because it was in the cheque book and we couldn't help but see it when Aunt Victoria helped me get Dad's bills up to date when he was so depressed.  If I pass my driving test I thought I might enrol for evening classes in accounts at the technical college. I'd like to learn to type as well.'

‘I think that's a splendid idea,' Libby said. ‘In fact if there's a suitable class for me on the same night we might go together. I fancy learning to make sugar flowers or cake decorating. Mum says it's just practice but those things come naturally to her.'

‘I'd like it if we could go together.' Mimi grinned. She felt the gap in their ages seemed to have lessened since her mother died. She was no longer a little schoolgirl cousin seeking help with homework.

‘Speaking of driving lessons I hear Peter has been teaching you, Mimi. If you see him will you tell him Alma is going to marry Jim MacLean and they'd like to buy the cottage? It has a big garden and Jim thinks they could extend it if it was theirs. I think it was love at first sight,' she chuckled.