When You Make It Home (32 page)

“Thanks for the lift. I’ve got it from here.”

Hauling my bag inside I swung the door shut, but Theo’s hand shot up, blocked the door from closing. “Wait. I’m coming in to talk. We can work this out.”

“No.” I forced myself to look him in the eye. I saw a storm there, pain and regret, longing and need. I felt exactly the same, but I had to—for once in my life—learn from experience. “You cannot come inside. You walked away from what we had. Now it’s gone. Thanks for the ride, but goodbye.”

He didn’t move his hand from the door.

“I love you,” he said. “Give me another chance.”
“Love is not enough to keep people from abandoning you. When people leave you, they never stay when they come back. You have to go. I won’t take a risk with you again. I have to put the baby first. She’s not going to have someone come into her life and leave her behind. Not if I can stop it.”

He stared at me, seeming to weigh how to move forward.

“Just go,” I pleaded. “Don’t make this hard for me.”

“Call me when you’re ready to talk,” he said, waiting.

I slammed the door, but immediately searched for him through the peephole. Finally, I’d gotten what I wanted. I’d explained my side and I’d put my foot down, and I expected to find relief. However it didn’t come with his departure. My heart whispered:
Wait. Ask me again, and I’ll say yes.
The pain threatened to crush me, but I had to make the right choice. For once in my life, I would listen to logic and not be ruled by my heart.

I would protect my little girl.

Chapter Twenty-eight

T
he burden of fresh promises kept me awake. I’d thought I could handle it, but I twisted and flopped about in bed, unable to find comfort, as unsettled as I was on the inside.

And then, I was sick with longing for Theo, for his warmth and companionship. Seeing him again had gutted me.

So when the knocking came and the clock on the nightstand read eleven fifteen, I leaped from my bed, hopeful that Theo had come back to me.

I glanced through the peephole—safety first—before opening the door. “Steve, what are you doing here? You should’ve called.” I stepped back for him to enter.

He walked over to the sofa, dropping down onto it.

“What is it?” He’d been working his ass off to prepare for the Brooke and Bella event. “I’m sorry I missed a few days of work. I’ve slacked off, with all the extra help we’ve been getting from Dad and Nina. Are we ready for tomorrow?”

He gave me a withering look, and the beat of my heart picked up speed.

“You went to Atlanta to go see her,” he said in a furious whisper. “And you couldn’t even tell me first?”

“I’m so sorry, Steve.” I lowered myself next to him, resting my hands on my belly. “I’ve tried to talk to you about her, and you keep shutting me down. When I found her, I didn’t think it through. I—I just… went.” The baby kicked, and Steve stood up. I cringed, realizing he didn’t want to be close to me. He stuffed his hands deep in his pockets and walked back and forth in front of the bookshelves.

“You didn’t think?” He swiveled to face me, threw his hands in the air. “Why can’t you stop and think before you act? You’re going to turn out just like her if you don’t check yourself.” He dragged his hands down his face, his eyes wild.

“How can you be so sure you don’t want to know what she has to say?” I smacked the end table. “We’ve had the same experience. Don’t you wonder at all? Don’t you wish she could be a part of your life now?”

Steve crossed his arms and bowed over. “So what’s her excuse for leaving?”

I hesitated, hearing her plea:
it’s the only thing I ask of you
. I made a promise. I would keep it, even if it ate through my body in layers until I had a gaping hole through me, I would keep my promise. I’d justified my oath of silence with the knowledge Steve didn’t want to know about the past. But still, he deserved the truth.

“Ha! She didn’t have a good reason, did she?” He looked triumphant. What did he think he’d won?

“She loved us, Steve. I believe that now.”

“Never mind. I don’t want to hear about it.” He came over and sat next to me again. He glared at me and then looked down at my belly, his attention caught by the sudden movement from a good, hard baby kick. “Oh, wow.” His face relaxed a bit, the lines around his mouth softening. He reached out and ruffled my hair. “I couldn’t believe it when Theo told me you flew out there.”

“What? I thought Ellie told you.”

“Again, I’m the last to know these things.” He put his hands on his knees and stood up. “He didn’t think you should go through this alone.” Steve let out a bitter laugh. “He can’t seem to get it that you do everything alone because it’s easier than actually having faith in someone.” Steve stopped at the door, his hand on the knob, and turned back. “We have a big day tomorrow, but after that, if you want to talk, I’m here. Or if you want to keep it all to yourself, then I guess that’s your prerogative.” He shut the door behind him with a slam.

Chapter Twenty-nine

T
he day had arrived, and I had to be there for the biggest event ever scheduled at The Book Stack. I dragged myself—and the little one—out of the cocoon of the bed, splashed water on my face, ate cereal, and headed into work. My world was about to be dominated by Bella and Brooke. People were counting on me, and I would not let them down.

The girls’ scheduled arrival was booked in at 12:00, with an appearance from 1:00 until 4:00, so we’d agreed to meet at the store at eight a.m. Steve and I pulled in our parking spots at the same time, but unlike me, he wasn’t alone. Dad, Chelsea, and “Grandma” Hazel all piled out of the car, and with barely a nod, we all headed inside.

As we converged at the back entrance of the bookstore, Dad put his hand on my neck. “I need to have a word with you.” So much for shuffling through the day in denial.

“Can we do this later? We have a tight agenda and family therapy is not on the list.”

“So how was it?” he asked.

“Come on, Dad. Not now,” I pleaded.

He stood with his hands on his hips, searching my eyes. Dressed impeccably as always, in ironed chinos and a crisp button-down, his calm demeanor was shadowed by the sadness that clouded his eyes. “How is she?”

“Dad.” I stepped forward. “She’s beautiful, energetic… captivating.” My voice cracked and Dad looked over my shoulder, possibly imagining her as only he remembered her. “Her husband passed away.” Dad’s eyes filled with relief. “And she married a new guy, a better guy.” I thought about my unofficial stepfather, Roger. “A better guy” was the best description I could give of him.

“Will she come visit?”

I looked down at Dad’s feet, since I couldn’t see my own. “Nah, she’s got a new life and all.” Dad put his arms around me. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” I said. I pressed my face into his shirt. Our shared heartache gripped me. Damn my hormones and my inability to suppress emotions.

“Did she explain?”

I looked up at him. I had to decide which parent had my loyalty. Would I lie for my mother or betray her?

Dad spoke first. “Because there are things she didn’t think I knew, but now I think it’s better if we all did.”

“Dad?” The word felt tight in my throat. I’d put so much weight on the bonds of a blood relative, but the person who’d have made any sacrifice for my well-being, the man who raised me as his own, had no genetic tie to me. “You know… You knew all along?”

“Honey, relationships are infinitely complicated. You make decisions as you go along, and sometimes it works out, and other times you make stupid mistakes. Back then I was stupid. She didn’t want to tell me things, and I was afraid if I pushed her she’d leave me. I never pushed, but she left all the same.”

“Do you know about the man she was with before you?”

He didn’t answer, but I saw it on his face.

“You know you’re not—”

He put his hand up. “It makes no difference. It changes nothing for me, nothing for you and Steve.”

“Dad…”

“I’m your father. I wanted you before your birth, and I loved you every second since. I will be here for you all the days of my life. When I die I will watch over you. That’s all.”

“What about Steve?”

“He already knows,” Dad said.

“What?”

“I told him after he came back from your place last night. He’s worried about you. We shouldn’t let the past shroud our lives anymore. You have Hazel to thank for that. She’s made me realize our family is ready to bring all the secrets to light.” He kissed the top of my head. “We have to make better choices for this baby.”

The back door popped open, and Steve came out.

“Get in here, guys. Those darling divas are on the way. We’ll hash out our family dramas later.” He crossed the parking lot to me and hooked his arm around my neck. “You stirring the pot, again?”

“I am.” I grinned at my brother. “I’ll be good now, I promise. Let’s do this.”

Nina had outdone herself. The store sparkled, covered in pink, silver, and white balloons, and glitter confetti. Streamers decorated the roped-off area leading to the second floor, where the signing would take place. Dozens of young girls—plus a surprising number of men—already formed a line that traveled through the store and out the front entrance. People wore “Bella and Brooke” shirts or were decked out in the girls’ over-the-top style. We opened shop, and the line moved in as customers purchased copies of
Brooke and Bella, Plus Babies
.

Nina arrived soon after we did and set the staging area for the girls. Thick drapes covered the floor-to-ceiling windows of the two classrooms on the second floor. Keeping with the color theme requested by the Brooke and Bella team, Nina had an elegant sofa and a pair of cozy chairs sent up to the room. The other room was set for the babies and nannies. The Bella and Brooke entourage included a security detail of five men, one make-up artist, a hairdresser, two personal assistants, and a handler, as well as the tag-along camera crew that continuously filmed Brooke’s and Bella’s life.

Nina had also hired The Tasty Tart to bring in the fruit and veggie trays the girls requested. Nina knew the security staff would starve on such fare, so she also had trays of roast beef and turkey club sandwiches delivered. Our employees had a strict warning to stay clear of the food in the break room.

But still, on my way to my office, I caught Hazel with a mini sandwich in each hand.

“Meg, wait,” Hazel said as I moved past her. I wasn’t surprised to see her doing exactly what we told the staff not to do.

“Sorry, can’t chat now.” I moved toward my office, but she blocked my path. A brownish-pink sliver of roast beef fell from her sandwich and landed between us. “I got it.” I reached for a napkin, squatting down to clean the mess in spite of the ache in my back. When the signing was over, I planned to spend a week in bed. Everything was catching up with my body, the last thing I’d taken care of lately.

I pulled myself upright and stood face to face with Hazel, who was grinning madly, with soft bread squished between her coffee-stained teeth.

“You saw my Candy girl, did you?” she asked. Before I could respond, the grin slid off her face, and her eyes twitched and then watered.

“Yes, I did.”

“The last time I saw her was the day she told me about you. Before that, it’d been two or three years. I was a terrible mother.” Her eyes were wide as if the truth shocked her, too. “I dabbled on the dark side a little, back in the day… ended up in jail.” She rubbed her nose with the back of her hand.

“I’m sorry,” I said. She seemed to want me to say something more, but I had trouble connecting the woman in front of me to the woman I had met in Atlanta.

Hazel grabbed my arm.

“After I got sober, I tracked Candy down in Atlanta. She told me to stay away. I begged her to forgive me—she was the only family I had. That’s when she told me about you. She said if I wanted family, I could go find you and Steve. So here I am. I should have told you I was your grandma from the beginning, but I didn’t want you to reject me, too.”

“But you’ve worked here as long as I have.” I couldn’t remember a time when Hazel wasn’t part of The Book Stack staff.

“I took this job when I found out your grandfather owned the place. I figured we could get to know each other. Anyhow, back then I was struggling to stay sober. My past is nothing to be proud of. I didn’t want to embarrass you with the truth.”

“It wouldn’t have mattered.”

“Oh, I don’t know. You’ve never really liked me. I’m just the crazy old lady who works here.” Her eyes lit up, and she grinned again. “Boy, did I fall in love with this place. I discovered that reading mysteries was my secret to staying sober. Those stories take me away from my problems better than the drugs ever did. Meg, you saved my life by leading me here, and you didn’t even know it.”

I smiled at her. Finally, something we could agree on. “Books saved me, too.”

“Excuse me, miss?” In the doorway stood the largest man I’d ever seen, wearing a suit with a little black bow tie.

“Are you with the Brooke and Bella team?” I asked.

“Yes, ma’am. The ladies are prepared to enter the back door.”

“It’s through here.” Hazel stepped aside, and the mountain reached the door before me. I thought he was mumbling to himself until I noticed his Bluetooth. His meaty hand flipped the latch and pushed the door open, revealing a cream-colored Cadillac SUV and four large men holding black sheets on either sides of the door to prevent anyone from photographing Bella and Brooke as they entered the store.

Brooke appeared first, leaping from the SUV in six-inch stilettos, black pants that fit like a second skin, and an equally tight, plunging-neckline top. She wore clothes in a way that made her seem naked. Her hair, a thick mane the exact color of cinnamon, flowed down her back. My fingers itched to touch it. I hated reality TV, but my job was to make her shine.

“Hi there.” Her melodic voice hit me, and I was overwhelmed with a childlike urge to become her best friend.