Where Forever Lies (20 page)

Tyler
pulled back a little and looked down at her, wiping a stream of tears
from her cheeks. “You’ve been holding so much in, Paige.
It’s not good for you. You don’t need to go through all
this alone. I’m here. I wanna be here for you.”

Paige
sucked in a breath, trying to calm herself down. She knew she should
have talked to someone about everything that had happened, but she
just got busy and pushed her problems aside, thinking that in time it
would just go away. But instead, it seemed as if everything had built
up. She was at her breaking point and she hadn’t even known it
was coming.

Wiping her
eyes with her shaky hand, she finally met his gaze. He looked down at
her, his eyes holding on to hers with nothing other than compassion.
It was a look that told her he’d been here before, that he’d
been down this road and knew exactly how she felt. She suddenly
remembered that his dad had died. “How did you finally get over
your dad’s death?” she asked. Her words came out hoarse,
packed to the core with emotion and sorrow.

Tyler
looked away and for a moment she was afraid she’d upset him.
Maybe he didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe it hurt too badly,
even after all this time. When his eyes finally met hers again, she
saw pain hovering just below the surface, threatening to show. Pain
he was trying to keep hidden from her. Finally he said, “You
never get over it, Paige. You can only move forward a little more
each day until it doesn’t hurt quite as much. But it will never
stop hurting; the pain will just become a little more bearable each
day.”

Paige
swallowed hard. She knew this was true. She would always feel this
pain but she was hoping for a better answer. An answer that told her
she would someday be free from all these feelings that weighed her
down. But death always keeps its grip on you.

She
relaxed when she felt Tyler’s hand under her chin, pulling her
attention back to him. “I’m sorry I don’t have a
better answer.”

She half
shrugged, “It’s okay. I know there’s no good answer
for dealing with this.”

“But
you can’t move forward unless you open up to someone about how
you feel. If you don’t, you’ll just be carrying these
feelings around for the rest of your life. You can’t get rid of
all the feelings, but talking about it will give you some relief,”
he said as he leaned against the railing with her. He placed his hand
over hers and squeezed.

Gripping
the black railing tightly, she decided it was time to talk about how
it all had made her feel. To let loose of all the painful feelings
that had been taking up residence in her head. She felt that she was
ready to tell him all that had happened in the past year. Staring
down at her sandals she said, “When Natasha killed herself, it
was so abrupt and out of left field that I didn’t know how to
feel about it. I never knew she was dealing with so much. Every day I
wish I could go back and see the warning signs and do something to
help her. I never expected to have a friend my age die, you know? I
mean, we know our loved ones will die one day when they are older but
this was different. She was so young and suicide is just so
traumatizing to the people who are left behind with questions that
will never be answered.” Her chest heaved as she remembered the
painful memory and the tears started falling again. She clasped her
hand over her mouth as a sob escaped. The crying was getting to her
but the pain was still so fresh in her mind, almost as if it had
happened just yesterday, not eight months ago.

Tyler
pulled her into him again and the tears fell harder as she wrapped
her arms around him. She felt herself draw strength from him, enough
strength to continue on and get this all out in the open.

“There
were so many nightmares that followed her death and I barely had time
to recover from that when Kyra’s dad died. It was just so much
to deal with. And it’s still so much to deal with. I keep
stressing about Kyra’s future and how she’s going to
cope. I just can’t stop worrying about it all and the grief
never seems to let up. Every time I turn around, something or someone
reminds me of them and then all those feelings I was pushing down
start to rise to the surface and then it’s a struggle to push
them back down again.” She squeezed her eyes shut as tears fell
in streams, soaking his shirt. She had to tear the wound open again
in order to let it begin to permanently heal the right way. Letting
him in was the hardest and easiest thing she’d ever done in her
life.

Pulling
back a little, Tyler reached out and brushed her hair away from her
face. “Do you still have nightmares?” he asked gently.

She
exhaled a long breath, “Occasionally. I did have a weird one
the other night.”

Tyler’s
eyebrows rose in question. “Do you feel like elaborating?”

She
crossed her arms as she leaned back against the railing and said,
“Well, this one was a little different than the others. Usually
in my dreams I’d see Natasha rise up out of her coffin, looking
confused as to why she’s there. But this time I was at the
funeral home and both caskets were there but when I got to them, they
were empty. Just their funeral program and pictures were there.”
She looked at him and continued, “I don’t really
understand that one.”

“Hmm,”
Tyler said as he gave it some thought. “Maybe it’s your
mind telling you it’s time to stop grieving. That they’re
gone now and you need to move on?” He paused for a moment and
then said, “I don’t know, I’m just blowing off at
the mouth. I’m not really good at this kind of stuff.”

Paige
thought about his remark for a moment. With every other nightmare,
she’d been reliving the pain of seeing their dead bodies lying
in the caskets but with this one only their smiling faces were
staring at her along with all the good things about their lives. With
him pointing it out, it was so obvious. “Tyler, I think you’re
pretty good at analyzing things,” she said, as she wrapped her
arms around his neck. “It makes a lot of sense now that you
pointed it out. And it makes me feel better, almost like they’re
telling me they’re okay and I can stop grieving for them.”

“I
just want to do everything I can to help you through this,” he
said, as he softly kissed her lips. The comment was so sweet that she
didn’t want to move and risk breaking the moment. The wall was
falling, crumbling in larger pieces now, and bringing them even
closer to each other. She was ready to step over that barrier
completely but knew she needed to take things slowly. His eyes
studied hers and she felt her heart begin to race. She suddenly felt
so close to him. Closer than she’d ever felt to anyone before.
The feeling took her by surprise and she leaned up and kissed him. It
wasn’t just a kiss, it came from deep within her soul. It was
tender, it was passionate, but most of all, it was real. She poured
everything she had into the kiss, wanting him to know how she was
beginning to feel about him. Because, for once in her life, she was
ready to let someone in and she wanted it to be him.

♥♥♥

Feeling
the cool railing against her back, she ran her hands under his shirt,
feeling the heat that was rolling off his chest. He slid his lips
down her neck and towards her ear, making her shudder. There was
something about his touch that made her feel alive, like she could do
anything in this world as long as he was by her side. She tilted her
head up to the stars as he trailed kisses down her neck. She never
knew the stars could be any more beautiful than right now. Tonight
they were not just shining, they were on fire.

She let
out a gasp as his hands found her stomach, making shivers roll across
her body. His lips found hers again and he kissed her passionately,
feverishly, as if kissing her would cure him of anything that
troubled him. Wanting to feel his skin against hers, she gathered his
shirt in her hands and pulled it up and over his head, revealing
toned muscles and—to her surprise—a few tattoos. She ran
her finger along the circle of a tribal design that sat on his chest.
A crooked smile lit up his face and she leaned up on her toes and
kissed him.

“Are
you sure you’re ready for this?” he questioned softly,
pulling back just slightly as he studied her face.

Nodding,
she took off her own shirt. A satisfied smile touched her lips when
she saw his eyes smolder with desire as they traveled across her
breasts. He gripped her arms and turned her around to unfasten her
bra, sliding it slowly down her arms. As he ran his fingers across
each breast, the light touch made her body scream for more. Leaning
against him, she could feel how much he wanted her. His eagerness was
undeniable and she closed her eyes in complete bliss as his hands
began to explore her body, each touch more urgent than the last.

He kissed
her bare shoulder and she scanned her surroundings, it finally
hitting where they were. She’d almost forgotten that they were
outside on her balcony and she hoped no one was around to see her.
This side of the building was pretty vacant, most of the time, but it
still made her wary. “Should we go inside?” she panted
against his ear.

Tyler
casually looked around and then said, “Whatever you want,
Paige. Where we make love doesn’t matter, I’ll take you
anywhere. All that matters is that I have you in my arms.” He
kissed her lips and then said, “Besides, it looks pretty
discreet here. The buildings in front of us are low and look like
office buildings so I doubt anyone’s working right now.”
He gave her a wink and she decided that tonight she’d let loose
and be a little spontaneous. She couldn’t remember the last
time she’d done anything that was remotely daring and they were
on a more vacant side of the building.

Hesitating
for just a split second, she shrugged and slipped her pants off,
pulled a blanket off the chair and tossed it to the ground. She
barely had time to turn back around before Tyler was crashing into
her. “I was hoping for this response,” he breathed as his
hands found her waist and his lips met hers. Within seconds they were
both lying on the blanket. The night was warm, the stars were bright,
and she couldn’t stop the moan from coming out of her mouth
when he entered her. The feel of him inside her was incredible.
Everything about tonight felt right, almost as if her heart had known
this night had been on its way and it knew it was finally able to
begin its healing process. It just needed Tyler to show it how. Even
though she had been through hell and back, he and this moment, were
now here to show her that things were going to get better for her.

As they
slowly moved together, she felt all the broken pieces deep within her
begin to slowly mend. This man from the other side of town was
helping her wounds to slowly heal and he didn’t even know; he
was just being himself.

And as he
kissed her, she saw the darkness slowly fade and finally saw a light
burning for her in her future.

Not able
to hide the smile that wouldn’t go away, Paige skimmed through
the files on her desk, humming as she worked. The other night had
been more than she expected and she couldn’t believe she was
lucky enough to have met a guy like Tyler. He made her feel good
about herself, about her life and about her future. He seemed to calm
her racing thoughts, making her slow down and take the time to enjoy
herself. He was easy to talk to and she found that she could pour her
heart out to him and he seemed to understand her.

“What
is going on with you?” Kyleigh asked, interrupting her
thoughts.

Paige
frowned, trying to look confused at her question. “What do you
mean?” she asked innocently, knowing all too well that her
happiness was displayed on her face.

“Well,
the fact that you’re humming while working is a dead giveaway
that something wonderful has happened, and I’m guessing it has
something to do with a certain country boy named Tyler. So spill it,
girl, before I drag it out of you,” Kyleigh said smiling.

“Okay,
no need to get violent,” Paige laughed. “Anyway, yes it
does have to do with Tyler. We had a really great time the other
night after he took me home from the club. Let’s just say I
hope none of the neighbors saw our show,” she said, with raised
eyebrows.

Kyleigh’s
mouth flew open as her hand hit her arm, “No way! Oh, my God,
Paige, I never would have pegged you as the type of girl to do that
in public.” Kyleigh shouted.

“Keep
your voice down Kyleigh,” Paige demanded as she frantically
looked around for anyone within ear shot. “Well, it just
happened and the mood was right, I don’t know.” Paige
said, blushing. She wasn’t one to go into detail about her sex
life but Kyleigh and Brooke were the exception.

“I’m
so happy for you!” Kyleigh squealed, making Paige cringe.

“Thanks,”
she said as Kyleigh squeezed her neck.

“I
really am glad for you. I think you and Tyler make a really cute
couple. And if anyone deserves a great guy, it’s you Paige.”
Kyleigh said, letting her go.

“Oh,
and he has some kind of surprise for me after work. I’m meeting
him at his place.” Paige looked at her watch and felt herself
get nervous. She didn’t really care for surprises. She liked
things planned out so she knew what to expect but she was supposed to
be turning over a new leaf and letting things go so she could be more
carefree and not such a worrier.

Kyleigh’s
eyes widened. “Ooh, I wonder what it is. I bet it’s been
driving you crazy all day, not knowing,” she said, beaming.

Paige
frowned as she thought about her answer. “Yeah, a little. But
I’m done with stressing over little things that I can’t
control. I’m just going to enjoy the surprise when I get
there.”

“Wow,
he’s really doing a number on you, huh? I never thought you’d
let yourself be so... relaxed,” Kyleigh stated, sounding
completely shocked.