I’ve been putting it off, running away from it for so long. Katie will be starting school soon. Imagine! My baby starting school. It’s all happening so quickly. Katie will be meeting new people and beginning her life and I have left mine behind. I need to pick myself up and stop feeling so sorry for myself. Life is hard, so what?
It’s hard for everyone isn’t it? Anyone who says it’s easy is a liar. There’s this huge divide between me and Alex right now because I feel like we’re living in such different worlds, I don’t know what to talk about with him anymore. And we used to be able to talk all night. He phones once a week and I listen to what he’s been up to during the week and try to bite my tongue every time I go into another Katie story. Truth is I have nothing other to talk about but her and I know it bores people. I think I used to be interesting once upon a time.
Anyway I’ve decided I’m going to visit Boston finally. I’m going to finally face up to what my life could have been like had Alex gotten on that plane and made it to the debs with me instead of . . . well you know who. I could have a degree now. I could have been a career woman. I know it seems silly to put all that’s happened down to the fact that Alex couldn’t make it to the debs but if he had come then I wouldn’t have gone with Brian. I wouldn’t have slept with Brian and there would be no baby. I think I need to face what I could have been in order to understand and accept what I am.
All my love,
Rosie
Stephanie,
Honey it’s Mum here. I was wondering if you would be able to get in touch with Rosie and maybe have a word with her. She just returned from Boston a week earlier than expected and she seems a bit upset about something, though she won’t say what it is. I was afraid this would happen. I know she feels like she has missed out on huge opportunities, I just wish she could see the positive side to what she has now. Will you get in touch with her? She always loves hearing from you.
Love you sweetheart,
Mum
You have an instant message from: STEPH
Steph:
Hey you, you’re not answering your phone.
Steph:
I know you’re there Rosie, I can see that you’ve logged on-line!
Steph:
OK I’m going to stalk you until you reply Steph:
Hellooooo!
Rosie:
Hi
Steph:
Well hello there! Why do I get the feeling I was being ignored?
Rosie:
Sorry I was too tired to speak to anyone.
love, rosie
53
Steph:
I suppose I can forgive you. Everything OK? How was the trip to Boston? Was it as beautiful as it looks in the photos?
Rosie:
Yeah the place is really gorgeous. Alex showed me around everywhere, I hadn’t a minute to spare while I was over there; he really took care of me.
Steph:
As he should. So where did you go?
Rosie:
He showed me around Boston College so I could see what it would have been like for me to study there and it is so fabulous. Oh Steph, it was so romantic and magical and beautiful and the weather was just fabulous . . .
Steph:
Wow it sounds great. I take it you liked it then.
Rosie:
Yeah I liked it. It was even better than the photographs I saw of it when I was applying. It would have been a nice place to study . . .
Steph:
I’m sure it would have been. Where did you stay?
Rosie:
I stayed in Alex’s parents’ house. The house is really lovely, it looks like Alex’s dad is making loads of money in that new job. Well it’s not so new anymore really is it?
Steph:
I suppose it’s not, time flies by, but the place sounds wonderful.
What else did you two get up to? I know there has to be some exciting story here! There’s never a dull moment when you two are involved!
Rosie:
Eh well we went looking around the shops, he brought me to a Red Sox game in Fenway Park and I hadn’t a clue what was going on but I had a nice hot dog, we went out to a few clubs . . . sorry I’ve nothing interesting to tell you Steph . . .
Steph:
Hey that’s a hell of a lot more interesting than what I did all week believe me! So how is Alex? How does he look? I haven’t seen him for ages. I suppose he’s all grown up now too!
Rosie:
Yeah he is actually. He looked really well. He’s got a slight American accent although he denies it. But he’s still the same old Alex. As lovable as usual. He really spoiled me for the entire week, he didn’t let me pay for a thing, he brought me out somewhere new every night, and it was good to feel free for a while.
Steph:
You are free, Rosie.
54
Cecelia Ahern
Rosie:
I know that. I just don’t feel it sometimes. Over there I felt like I hadn’t a care in the world. Things felt so good and it was almost as if every muscle in my body relaxed the moment I landed there. I haven’t laughed so much in years. I felt like a 23-year-old, Steph. I haven’t felt like that much lately. I know this probably sounds weird but I felt like the me that I could have been.
I liked that I didn’t have to look out for somebody else while I walked down the street. I didn’t have the fifty near heart attacks per day that I usually get when Katie goes missing or puts something in her mouth that she shouldn’t. I didn’t have to dive onto the road and hold her back just in time from being hit by a car. I liked that I didn’t have to give out, correct people on their pronunciation or make threats. I liked laughing at a joke without my sleeve being tugged at and being asked to explain. I liked having adult conversations without being interrupted to cheer and applaud a silly dance or the learning of a new word. I liked that I was just me, Rosie, not mummy, thinking just about me, talking about things I liked, going places I liked to go without having to worry about nappy changes, bottle feeding or sleepy-head tantrums. Isn’t that awful?
Steph:
It’s not awful Rosie. It’s good to have time to yourself but it’s good to be back with Katie, isn’t it? And if things were so great then why did you come home so early? You weren’t supposed to be home for another week. Did something happen?
Rosie:
Uuuugh not really worth mentioning.
Steph:
Oh come on, Rosie, I know when something is bothering you, and you can tell me. It’s obviously worth mentioning if you had to come home early because of it.
Rosie:
It was just time to go, Steph.
Steph:
Did you and Alex have a fight or anything?
Rosie:
Ha! I wish.
Steph:
What?? What happened?
Rosie:
No too embarrassing to explain.
Steph:
Why what do you mean?
love, rosie
55
Rosie:
Oh I just made a show of myself one night.
Steph:
Oh don’t be silly I’m sure Alex didn’t mind! He’s seen you make a show of yourself in your lifetime.
Rosie:
No Steph, this was a different kind of making a show of myself.
Trust me. Not the usual kind of Alex and Rosie thing to do. I kind of threw myself at him and the next day I was mortified.
Steph:
WHAT?? Do you mean that . . . ?
Did you and Alex . . . ???
Rosie:
Calm down Stephanie!
Steph:
I can’t! This is too bizarre! You two are like brother and sister! Alex is like my little brother! You can’t have!
Rosie:
STEPHANIE! WE DIDN’T!
Steph:
Oh. Then what happened?
Rosie:
OK I realize that this was a very silly thing for me to do and I am extremely embarrassed so don’t go mental at me . . .
Steph:
OK go on . . .
Rosie:
Well it’s really far more innocent than you think but equally embarrassing. I kissed Alex.
Steph:
I knew it!!!
And what happened???
Rosie:
He didn’t kiss me back.
Steph:
Oh and do you mind that?
Rosie:
The unsettling thing is that yes I do.
Steph:
Oh Rosie I’m so sorry . . . but I’m sure Alex will come around, he was probably just shocked, oh I’m sure he feels the same!! This is so exciting! I always knew something would happen between you two someday.
Rosie:
I honestly don’t know what happened to me. I’ve been lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling ever since I got home trying to love, rosie
57
figure out what came over me. Was it something I ate that made me feel light-headed? Was it something he said that I could have misunderstood? I’m trying to convince myself that it was more than just the silence of the moment that changed my heart.
At first we had so much to catch up on we were talking a hundred words a second, barely even listening to the ends of each other’s sentences before moving on to the next. And there was laughing. Lots of laughing. Then the laughing stopped and there was this silence. This weird comfortable silence. What the hell was it?
It was like the world stopped turning in that instant. Like everyone around us was wiped out. Like everything at home was forgotten about. It was like those few minutes on this world were created just for us and all we could do was look at each other. It was like he was seeing my face for the very first time. He looked confused but kind of amused. Exactly how I felt. Because I was sitting on the grass with my best friend Alex, and that was my best friend Alex’s face and nose and eyes and lips but they seemed different. So who was this man that was sending my heart into a frenzy? So I kissed him. I seized the moment and I kissed him.
Steph:
Wow. And what did he say?
Rosie:
Nothing.
Steph:
Nothing?
Rosie:
Nope. Absolutely nothing. He just stared at me.
Steph:
So how do you know he didn’t feel the same?
Rosie:
Sally came bounding over. We had been waiting for her. She was all excited. Wanted to know whether Alex had told me the good news or not. He didn’t seem to quite hear her the first time. So she snapped her fingers in front of our faces. Then she repeated herself.
“Alex, honey, did you tell Rosie the good news?”
58
Cecelia Ahern
He just blinked so she wrapped her arms around him and she told me herself. They’re getting married. So I came home.
Steph:
Oh Rosie.
Rosie:
What the hell was that silence?
Steph:
It sounds like something I’d like. It sounded nice.
Rosie:
It was.
Phil:
What kind of a silence?
Alex:
Just a weird silence.
Phil:
Yeah but what do you mean by weird?
Alex:
Unusual, not normal.
Phil:
Yeah but was it good or bad?
Alex:
Good.
Phil:
And that’s bad?
Alex:
Yes.
Phil:
Because?
Alex:
I’m engaged to Sally.
Phil:
Did you ever have “the silence” with her?
Alex:
We have
silences
. . .
Phil:
So do Margaret and I, you don’t always have to talk you know.
Alex:
No this was
different
Phil. It wasn’t just a silence, it was a . . . oh I don’t no.
Phil:
Bloody hell Alex.
Alex:
I no. I’m all over the place.
Phil:
OK so don’t marry Sally.
Alex:
But I love her.
Phil:
And what about Rosie?
Alex:
I’m not sure.
Phil:
Well then, I don’t see a problem here. If you were in love with Rosie and not sure about Sally
then
you’d be in trouble. Marry Sally and forget about the goddamn silence.
Alex:
Once again, you’ve put my life into perspective Phil.
love, rosie
59
Dear Rosie,
I am so sorry about what happened. You didn’t have to leave Boston so soon, we could have worked this out . . . I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Sally before you got here but I was waiting until you met her and I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. Maybe I should have . . .
Please don’t distance yourself from me, I haven’t heard from you in weeks. It was wonderful seeing you . . . please write soon.
Keep in touch,
Love,
Alex
TO ALEX OR SHOULD WE SAY DR. ALEX!
CONGRATULATIONS!
GIVE YOURSELF A BIG PAT ON THE BACK . . .
YOU MADE IT!!
WE KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!
Congratulations on graduating from Harvard, you genius!!
Sorry we couldn’t be there,
Love Rosie and Katie
Xxx
You have an instant message from: ALEX
Alex:
Rosie, I wanted you to be the first person to no that I’ve decided to become a heart surgeon!
Rosie:
Cool, does it pay well?
Alex:
Rosie, it’s not about the money.
Rosie:
Where I come from, it’s
all
about the money. Probably because I don’t have any. Working part-time at Randy Andy Paperclip Co.
isn’t really as financially rewarding as it sounds.
Alex:
Well in my world it’s all about the lives you save. So what do you really think? Do you approve of my choice of employment?
60
Cecelia Ahern
Rosie:
Hmmm . . . my best friend, the heart doctor. I like the sound of that.
Alex:
Thanks Rosie.
from:
Alex
to:
Rosie
subject:
Thank you!
I forgot to thank you for the congrats card you and Katie sent me, the last time we spoke. It has taken pride of place on the mantel in my new apartment, in fact it’s about the only thing I actually have here. Sally and I just moved in a few weeks ago, you and Katie are very welcome to come over and see it whenever you like . . . it can be Katie’s first time on a plane to visit her godfather in Boston!