Where the Heart Lies (26 page)

Julie smiled and pulled back the blankets just enough to show him off. William was awake and giving her a toothless grin. ‘He’s still a little small for his age, but he’s a good baby and now sleeps right through.’

Eileen peered into the pram, her arms still tight about her waist as William gurgled up at her. ‘He has Franny’s smile,’ she murmured as she straightened. ‘But I still believe you’re very foolish to keep him.’

Julie bristled but kept silent. Eileen was making overtures of friendliness, and although she didn’t agree with her, it would be daft to fall out again.
She was about to reply when a passing motorbike backfired, making them both jump.

It was Rita, dressed as usual in her leather jacket and old flying helmet and goggles. Julie returned her cheerful wave and looked back at Eileen, who was regarding William with a deep frown. ‘Whatever’s the matter?’ Julie asked, peering anxiously at the happy baby.

Eileen shook her head. ‘Nothing,’ she said.

‘Something’s bothering you,’ persisted Julie. ‘What is it?’

Eileen shrugged. ‘I don’t know anything about babies, and it was probably just my imagination.’ She regarded Julie thoughtfully. ‘Has he had a check-up at the doctors’ since you arrived in Cliffehaven?’

Julie felt a chill of foreboding. ‘He was given a clean bill of health when we left London,’ she replied uneasily. ‘Why?’

‘I just thought it a bit strange that he didn’t react to that backfire.’

‘Is that all?’ Julie looked down at the happy William. ‘He’s just used to loud noises. After all, he was born in the middle of an air raid, and we’ve spent many a night in the Anderson shelter listening to the racket overhead and the bombs going off.’

Eileen folded her arms again. ‘That’s as maybe,’ she said quietly, ‘but you should get one of the doctors to check his hearing.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with him,’ Julie retorted. ‘He’s a perfect baby.’

Eileen’s expression softened. ‘I hope I’m wrong, Julie,’ she said, ‘but when that motorbike backfired he didn’t react at all, and the noise was sudden enough and loud enough to make both of us flinch.’

Julie looked down at William, who was now gaily batting his mittens against the soft blue teddy she’d strung from a ribbon above him. She didn’t want to believe Eileen, couldn’t bear to think that William might not be perfect after all. But there had been moments of suspicion that all was not well, and certain little incidents suddenly made awful sense. She looked at her older sister, unable to voice the growing dread.

‘You didn’t see because you didn’t want to,’ said Eileen softly. ‘You made the mistake of loving him too much, and he’s not even yours, you foolish, foolish girl.’

Julie blinked back her tears and grabbed the pram handle. ‘I’ve got to get back,’ she managed through the lump in her throat. ‘Foolish or not, he’s my responsibility – and yes, I do love him, with all my heart, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure he comes to no harm.’

Eileen grabbed her arm. ‘Just remember that one day you might have to hand him over to his father, Julie,’ she said softly. ‘Try not to love him too much. It will only break your heart.’

Julie pulled her arm away. ‘For someone who’s never had a child and seems not to possess a maternal bone in her body, you’re very free with
your advice, Eileen.’ Without another word, she strode off, blinded by tears of anguish.

Eileen watched her hurry away and knew from the set of her shoulders that she was crying. She hadn’t meant to hurt her, but the realisation that William might be deaf had made it impossible for her to keep silent. She hoped with all her heart that her suspicions would be proved unfounded, but if it turned out she was right, then Julie would have to come to terms with William’s disability. Which could, in turn, become a real burden if the father refused to take him on. Poor Julie, she’d done what she thought was the right thing, but she’d made the fatal mistake of loving William as her own – and now her life would be ruined.

Eileen turned and closed the front door behind her, leaning against it for a long while before she slowly trudged upstairs to her flat. Her advice had come from the heart, and had been given with good intent, but Julie could never know how deeply her parting words had cut.

Julie could barely see where she was going through her tears as she hurried along the narrow lane between the tall terraced houses and through the back gate. How dare Eileen insinuate there was something wrong with her precious William? How dare she spoil what had been a perfect day with her unwanted advice? What did she know about babies?

She refused to acknowledge the niggle of doubt as she wheeled the pram down the path between Ron’s vegetables and into the basement. William was absolutely fine, and all new mothers worried about every little thing their babies did or didn’t do.

She came to a halt, standing there in the deserted scullery, hearing the lively chatter in the kitchen above her as cold reality washed over her. There
had
been times when she’d wondered about his hearing, for he didn’t seem to notice the sirens or the exploding bombs, nor even the terrible shrieking of enemy fighter planes as they streaked overhead. William slept through air raids and the clatter and noise of a busy house. Yet he responded to her voice and touch, returning her smiles and becoming fractious when he needed changing or feeding. Perhaps he was just contented – a naturally sweet-natured baby who was used to loud noises and took no notice of them?

Julie pulled back the covers and lifted him out of the pram. He waved his arms about and grabbed a strand of her hair in his fist, dribbling with delight. She clicked her fingers close to his left ear, and then to his right. He didn’t respond – but then perhaps he was concentrating too much on pulling her hair to notice.

She blinked away her tears and held him close. All the excuses in the world couldn’t allay the fears that had lain dormant until today. But now they’d been woken, she had no choice in the matter. She would have to ask Dr Michael to check him over.

‘But we’ll leave all that until Monday,’ she whispered to him. ‘With Rose coming home tomorrow, we don’t want to spoil things for Peggy.’ She took a moment to compose herself and then carried him upstairs.

Peggy couldn’t bear to see Anne’s distress, and she’d left Martin at her bedside, seeking refuge in the almost deserted corridor outside the ward. She could absolutely understand that a surgical ward was no place for a young baby – and yet it was all so unfair. Poor Anne, and poor little Rose Margaret; they needed one another and should be together in these first few very important months, but Anne’s leg injury made that impossible.

She peeked through the round window in the swing door and watched as Martin put his arm around Anne, their tiny daughter lying between them. Dear Martin, he was such a good man and he was trying so hard to do the best for his little family. However, he could only snatch a few hours away from the airbase, and even these short respites were often interrupted by enemy raids.

She sighed as she watched them. At least he was no longer flying, which gave Anne some comfort, but airfields weren’t the safest place to be these days, and his new role as Air Commodore meant he was often sent to other bases, and he could be away from Cliffehaven for days at a time.

Peggy turned from the window and hobbled back
down the corridor. Her feet still troubled her, and she hated going out in Ron’s slippers, but the stitches would be taken out the next day and she hoped that would be an end to it. There were so many things to be done, so many people who needed her, and she was frustrated at being so hampered.

She reached the vast hall and made her way down the steps and into the sunshine. It was a lovely Sunday afternoon, with a brisk breeze coming from the sea, and fluffy white clouds scudding across the blue sky: a perfect day for Rose Margaret’s homecoming, if it hadn’t been for the regular noisy comings and goings of the RAF planes from the local base.

She eyed the pram she’d left by the steps. All her children had been carried in it, and although it was a bit battered and shabby, it was right that the next generation should use it. With a wry smile she settled comfortably on a low pillar at the bottom of the steps, took the packet of Park Drive out of her pocket and lit a cigarette. It could be a while before Cissy settled down to marriage and babies; she was having far too good a time at Cliffe airbase and hardly ever came home now. And yet Peggy had few qualms over Cissy’s undoubtedly hectic social life, for despite her rather dizzy ways, she had a sensible head on her shoulders and wouldn’t do anything rash that might jeopardise her reputation or her freedom.

Peggy smoked her cigarette, her thoughts drifting
to Julie, who was living proof of how hard it was to raise a child without the benefit of a husband. The poor girl worked long hours and was often exhausted by the time she came home. Yet she’d proved to be a caring, attentive mother to little William, and was never too tired to look after him, even if he woke in the night.

Peggy was glad Julie had fitted in so well at Beach View and that she and the other girls got on famously. She was even making friends through Kath Carter, and Peggy had been delighted to babysit while they went to the pictures or the theatre. A young woman like that needed friends and the stability of a good, settled home after all she’d been through. There was still sadness in Julie’s eyes, and Peggy could only hope that time and distance would eventually chase that sadness away. How the girl would cope if the father turned up and took William from her didn’t bear thinking about, for it was clear that she loved William as her own.

‘There you are!’ Martin’s voice broke into her thoughts. He smiled at Peggy as he carefully carried Rose Margaret down the steps. ‘I’ve never felt more nervous,’ he admitted as he handed her over. ‘All those stairs and slippery corridors to navigate – I was convinced I’d drop her.’

Peggy returned his smile. ‘She was in the safest pair of hands I know,’ she assured him as she tucked the baby warmly into the old pram. ‘How was Anne when you left her?’

Martin smoothed his handlebar moustache and adjusted his heavily decorated uniform cap. ‘Tearful, which is hardly surprising,’ he said sadly. ‘But I’ve promised she’ll see Rose every day without fail, even if I’m not around.’

Peggy began to wheel the pram across the broad turning circle towards the large pillars that had once held ornate iron gates. ‘Don’t worry,’ she murmured, enjoying the feel of pushing a pram again. ‘I’ll make sure they have as much time together as possible.’

‘That is very good of you, Peggy. I wish I could be more help, but . . .’

‘You have heavy responsibilities, and it’s my pleasure to look after her, so we’ll say no more about it,’ she said firmly. They walked in silence for a while, enjoying an easy companionship and the lovely day.

‘I went to see my parents last weekend,’ he said as they reached the line of small shops which were shuttered and abandoned on this Sunday afternoon.

Peggy glanced at him, hearing the bitterness in his tone and knowing how deeply hurt he was that his parents still couldn’t accept her Anne as his wife – not even now they had their first grandchild.

‘They said all the right things, of course, but with my sister’s wedding arrangements in full flood, they found plenty of excuses not to come and visit.’ He dug his hands into the pockets of his dark blue uniform jacket, his chin tucked close to his shirt collar. ‘I do so wish they’d at least try to accept things.’

Peggy remembered his and Anne’s wedding, and
how his snooty family had kept themselves to themselves before leaving the reception early – and how tempted she’d been to give that toffee-nosed mother of his a piece of her mind. She hadn’t, of course – it would have spoiled the day for Anne – but Peggy had never forgiven Martin’s family for snubbing her daughter, and it was probably best they stayed well away from Cliffehaven, for she might not be able to hold back the next time they met.

‘Perhaps, once Rose is a bit bigger, you could take her to see them,’ she suggested. ‘After all, who can resist such a sweet baby?’

Martin nodded. ‘Maybe,’ he murmured, ‘but I wouldn’t count on it. Ma and Pa are very set in their ways, and once they’ve made their mind up about something, nothing short of an earthquake would shift them.’

Peggy simmered with resentment but said nothing. This was a happy day and Martin’s family could go hang for all she cared. She wasn’t going to spoil Rose’s homecoming by giving them another thought.

‘HELLO, DUCKS.’ MAUD
looked up as she continued to wipe the damp cloth over the black-and-white tiles. ‘You’re early today,’ she said cheerfully.

Julie usually enjoyed Maud’s welcome, but she was too on edge this Monday morning to stand about gossiping. ‘Is Dr Michael in yet?’ she asked.

Maud sat back on her heels, her expression immediately alert. ‘You don’t want to be bothering him at this time of the morning, dearie,’ she said. ‘He’s been up half the night with poor old Mrs Wells and needs a bit of time to hiself before the rush starts.’

Julie dithered and then decided she simply couldn’t wait any longer. Carefully crossing the damp floor, she went into the waiting room. Thankfully there was no sign of Eunice and, emboldened, she tapped lightly on his consulting room door.

‘Come in.’

Julie closed the door behind her and shot him a tentative smile as he stood to welcome her. ‘Please, don’t get up,’ she protested. ‘You look ever so tired, and I’m sorry to disturb you, but I wanted to ask your advice about something.’

He waved her to the chair in front of his desk
and sat back down, his dark eyes regarding her questioningly. ‘What is it, Julie?’

‘It’s about William,’ she said quietly. As she told him all the worries that had plagued her over the weekend, she immediately felt better about things. It had been so hard to bottle it all up, to say nothing amid the excitement of Rose coming home.

‘I’m not a specialist in these things, Julie,’ he said when she’d finished, ‘but I know a man who is, and I think you should take William to see him as soon as possible.’