Where the Wild Rose Blooms (45 page)

Clayton found Eddie in the living room. He couldn't tell if she was still crying, but she stood at the huge north window, her back very straight and still.

"Are you all right?"

She didn't answer.

"Maybe I should go and get Robert. May I do that for you?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I have to handle my response. Jackie has to answer for her own. She knows the truth and rejects it, but that's not my fault. It's between her and God."

Eddie turned from the window. "I'm going to lie down for a while now, Tag. Please tell Jackie and Lena that I do not wish to be disturbed."

Clayton didn't speak as she left the room. There wasn't anything to say. He'd known. He'd been suspicious for weeks now but did not want to face Jackie's true spiritual state.

You're a fool, Clayton. You wanted it so badly that you refused to see the truth.

Clayton sat down in a chair. At the moment he had no desire to seek out Jackie and continue their lesson. Clayton opened his heart to God. He prayed and tried to commit the future to Him. Worry was a strong temptation until Clayton remembered verses from Matthew 11—verses that reminded him that the Lord's yoke, the Lord's burden, was light.

This heavy burden I feel is my own doing. If I'll just leave this with You, Lord, You'll be my strength.
And strength was just what Clayton needed as Jackie came to the door.

"Eddie?"

"No." Clayton replied quietly. "She's gone upstairs to lie down. Please come in. I'd like to speak to you."

"Is it lecture time, Clayton?" The voice that was hesitant a moment earlier now turned hard.

"Yes. Get comfortable."

Jackie did as she was told.

"I've been hiding from the facts before me, Jackie," Clayton began quiedy. "Even when I saw the truth, I didn't want to believe it."

This was nothing like what Jackie expected. For a moment she was confused. It showed on her face.

"It's
been
bothering me for weeks now as to why you're so angry and hateful to everyone and everything. I knew the truth, deep down, but I didn't want to face it. I shudder just a little at the thought that we were almost married."

"What do you mean?" She was angry now.

"I mean, the Bible is very clear. As a believer in Christ, my wife must be a believer too."

"What are you talking about?" She half rose from her seat on the sofa.

"I'm talking about my strong doubt concerning your salvation. If the fall had taken your life and not just your eyesight, I find it hard to believe that you would really be standing in the presence of God, Jackie. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you haven't the foggiest idea what true salvation means."

Jackie sat back now, her face a mask of shock.

"It bothered me so much when you said you'd just always been a Christian. I had never heard anyone say that before, and it concerned me. You've gone to church all your life and told yourself you're a good person, just like your father has, but you haven't a clue."

All color had drained from Jackie's face, and her chest rose and fell with her quickened breaths. Thoughts raced through her mind.
How can he say this to me? I am a good person. No one is perfect, but surely God wouldn't
—

For the first time Jackie couldn't finish the sentence. She'd certainly known, but for the first time she accepted the truth that God
would
deny her a heavenly home if she continued on as she'd been. Not because He wanted to, but because His holiness was so great, and as her mother always said, it's God's way or no way. So far she'd lived life all her way, and she had nothing but misery to show for it.

"I'll go now," Clayton was saying, but Jackie barely heard him. "Maybe you'd better have Robert get in touch if you want me to come back and teach."

Jackie couldn't say a word. She turned her head away from his footsteps on the floor and flinched as the huge front door shut. It sounded like a death knell in her ears.

The blackness that surrounded her—not the one that so terrified her when she first woke up and learned the truth about her eyesight, but the one that had been there all along—now crowded in again. She was going to hell, and somehow she knew that the day-to-day blackness she experienced would be nothing compared to the eternal darkness awaiting her.

Her mind raced as a new kind of terror embraced her. Her heart begged God not to let it be too late, but every verse she'd ever heard concerning eternity and salvation had slipped from her mind. John 3:16,17. What were they? And Ephesians 2:8. She was certain that there was another one, but how did they begin? She couldn't find a word.

Steps sounded in the hallway.

"Eddie?" she cried. "Clayton? Eddie? Is that you?"

"No, Miss Jackie, its Lena." She came into the room and saw Jackie's tear-streaked face. "What did you need, dear?"

"Oh, Lena," she cried, on the verge of hysterics. "What is John 3:16? I can't remember. Please help me."

"'For God so loved the world,'" she began calmly, and took Jackie's hand as she joined her on the settee.

'That he gave his only begotten Son,'" Jackie picked it up. ' 'That whosoever believes in Him, should not perish, but have everlasting life/"

"That's it, love."

"But Lena." Jackie's voice was still desperate. "What do I do? How can I believe?"

"It is not hard, Miss Jackie. Belief is to humble your heart and tell God what a lost sinner you are. Then you tell Him that you accept the salvation offered to you because of the cross. Some say to invite Jesus into your heart, but the words are not so important as the belief.

"Raymond and I believed at the same time, Miss Jackie, and all Raymond said was
^C
I have come to You, Lord Jesus, and lay my sin at Your feet. Please make me Yours forever.' And that was it."

"Oh, Lena," Jackie sobbed. "What if it doesn't work? I've been fighting for so long."

"No, no," her voice was tender and sure. "Nothing touches Gods heart like true repentance, Miss Jackie. Confess and believe." Jackie was trembling all over, but with excitement rather than fear.

"Would you like to do this now, Miss Jackie?" Lena asked with bold compassion. "Would you like me to help you pray?"

"Yes, Lena, please. I have so much to say to God. Do you think He'll really listen?"

"Oh yes, my dear. Just open your heart."

Jackie's breath came a little hard, but she began to pray.

"Lord God in heaven, I've always let my pride rule me. I didn't ever want to disagree with my father, and I was so certain he was good enough. Me too." She had to pause to catch her breath. "I've sinned against You, God. I've been headstrong and hated You for my blindness."

Jackie was overcome then, but Lena sat silently nearby. Realizing just how blind she had been was an earth-shattering experience for her. She had walked with perfect vision and a black heart.

"I can't go on alone anymore," she now whispered to the Lord. "Please take me as you did Raymond and Lena. Take all of me and let me into Your sight."

Arms came around her a moment before she smelled Eddies perfume. The three women clung to each other and cried.

"He told me, Eddie. I could tell he was sad and upset, but Clayton told me he thought I was going to hell. It hurt so much, Eddie, but I had to know."

"I know, Jackie; I know. You've taken care of it now."

"You heard?"

"Yes. I didn't want to interrupt, but I was near the door."

"I tried to do it on my own, Eddie." Jackie grew very serious. "Just like Father, and for a while I thought I was succeeding. Clayton was so serious about it in his letters, and I wanted to be like him. I was kind and did things for others, but I was still empty inside. Most of the time I wouldn't allow myself to think about it."

Eddie smoothed the hair from her face and laughed softly. "You have grass all over your hair and dress."

"Oh. I fell outside before my lesson. Lena?" Jackie asked suddenly.

"Yes, dear?"

"Thank you," Jackie said simply.

Lena hugged her close and blubbered all over both of them. A few moments passed before Lena grew flustered by her own show of emotions. She jumped up and declared that the two sisters must be starving. She hurried off to fix lunch.

"Clay left," Jackie said softly.

"He must have wanted to give you some time."

"And take some for himself," Jackie added.

Eddie suddenly kissed Jackie's cheek. The younger girl put a hand on that spot.

"What was that for?"

"For thinking of Tag's feelings."

Jackie smiled just a little. "So much, Eddie. There's so much that's clear to me now. Can it really happen so swiftly?"

"Yes. It may not be like that all the time, but when it is, it's a lot of work."

"You knew, didn't you?"

That you thought you were saved but weren't? Yes. I had a hard time facing the facts, but Robert was very firm with me, and
I
saw
the truth.
Don't forget that we shared a room, Jackie. We were about as close as two sisters could be. I was a fool not to see it long ago.

"Anyone can be afraid of the dark, but sometimes you would be terrified no matter how I tried to comfort you. When Robert spoke to me, it suddenly made perfect sense. I see now that the darkness outside was so frightening to you because there was no light inside."

"Oh, Eddie," Jackie said as the years came rushing back. "It's so true. I would lie beside you in bed and feel like I was suffocating, even when you would leave the lantern on for me. I was black on the inside, all right."
the
younger girl sighed. "I have so many things to apologize for. I have been horrid to you at times. Today I was just awful."

"That's behind us, Jackie. You'll be tempted to beat yourself over the head with the past, but it does no

Jackie nodded, her face filling with peace. "I'm glad of one thing, Eddie."

"What's that?"

"That I didn't lose my sight because of some rebellion. Then I would feel that it's all my fault."

"It's wise of you to think that way, Jackie. You have much to be thankful for. If you had kept your vision, you might have wandered blindly for years."

"Yes. I'd already thought of that. Oh, Eddie, so much has happened in the last few minutes. I feel overwhelmed."

"Don't try to take it in all at once."

Lena came back to the room and told the women she had lunch ready. Their conversation never stemmed all good the way through the meal and into the middle of the afternoon. They talked like they never had before. Jackie had dozens of questions, and Eddie tried to answer them all. Lena came and went as well, but she was already back in the kitchen working on dinner when Claytons name was mentioned again.

"You're quiet all of a sudden," Eddie commented.

"I was thinking of Clay."

"What about Clay?"

"He said he was coming back only if Robert asked him. I'm sure he thought I would never want to see him again."

"Well, maybe a day or two off would be nice. You do want him to teach you?"

"Yes, but some time off would be welcome. Do you think he'll understand?"

"Certainly. I know Robert would be happy to talk to him."

"Who would I be happy to talk with?"

Eddie jumped up and ran into her husbands arms. He was home an hour early, and she barely accepted his kiss before she was talking 15 to the dozen and pulling him by the hand to Jackie's side. Robert cried when he heard her news and hugged her close.

"Oh, Jackie," was all he could say. His heart was so full. He asked
questions of her, and when he learned the story, sought out Lena to hug her as well.

The three of them had a lovely dinner together before Robert told them he simply had to get some work done in his office. The women were left on their own, and Eddie could tell that Jackie had something on her mind. She waited and wasn't disappointed.

"May I ask you something, Eddie?"

"Certainly."

"Why do you suppose God did this?"