Where You Can Find Me (5 page)

M
onday dragged on
. My experiment in the lab failed and I didn’t have enough of my solutions to perform the procedure again. I went to my office to order more and bang my head on my desk in failure, also known as making notes about how to not screw up again. This of course was broken up by me repeatedly checking my phone to make sure I didn’t miss anything from Jack.

Much to my disappointment, I went home with a heavy heart and nothing from him. With the recent switch from Daylight Savings Time, it was dark by the time I had to walk across the street to the parking garage. Jack may have filled my thoughts all day, but as I strode through the quiet garage with only the sound of my heels clicking on the pavement and the buzzing of the lights from above, my mind conjured all kinds of images of murdered bodies. I made a note to cut back on the crime shows as I placed my cold keys between my knuckles and squeezed tight enough to feel the grooves of the keys. When a door slammed I yelped and jerked, looking side to side for its source, as my pace to my car increased. When my eyes landed on night security opening a stairwell door, I did a quick wave and rushed to my car. The deep breath trapped in my lungs seeped out with relief at hearing the clunk of my car locks. Laughing at my overactive foolishness, I started the car and drove home.

Later that night I found myself on a repeat of Sunday night, my hamster wheel of thoughts spinning out of control sending me into a restless night of sleep. I wasn’t typically one to be so obsessed with hearing from a guy, but Jack made me excited about possibilities and he pushed me into trying a restart of our relationship. And then it turned into me not hearing from him. It made me go crazy with all my thoughts.

That was my cue to give into the exhaustion settling deep into my bones. My heavy eyes drifted closed and off I floated into a night of tossing and turning.

T
his message waited
for me when my alarm jolted me awake.

Immediately, sleep was forgotten as excitement rushed through my limbs. My hands started to shake with the rush of adrenaline, my body still clinging to the last bits of slumber. My cheeks stretched and I bit my bottom lip. Smiling this early felt good. This new relationship excitement always gave me butterflies when first getting to know someone, but with Jack it was heightened by the intensity with which I liked him.

I didn’t get a response, but since his message came in a little after three in the morning, I assumed he was still sleeping. I, once again, tried to not check my phone every few minutes and managed to make it to lunch before finally giving in. I smiled once again upon seeing a message from him.

With that vague response I realized he wanted me to make the next move. I guessed I would have to make him feel worth it because he most definitely was. I chewed a bite of my turkey wrap as I contemplated what to say. After long deliberation I decided to keep it simple.

He responded immediately.

After glancing at my calendar, I saw I still wouldn’t able to do my work until the replacement shipment came. For once, I was excited about the delay..

W
e met
at the Potbelly’s located next to the University of Cincinnati. Jack said he was doing work in that area and it wasn’t far for me. Approaching the corner building, I saw Jack leaning against the brick in a long sleeve gray t-shirt. The Indian summer we were having made a jacket unnecessary. Not that I was complaining because the shirt molded to his shoulders and biceps, causing me to check that no drool was coming from my mouth.

My heels clicking on the sidewalk alerted him to my approach and he looked up while pocketing his phone. When his eyes connected with mine a sexy smile formed on his face and the wind was knocked out of me. It had been only a week, but somehow I had forgotten how beautiful he was. I stopped walking involuntarily, standing rooted to the spot. I was sure I appeared as if something was wrong with me. Looking at him just caused my other motor functions to quit. He wore black denim jeans and his whole ensemble alluded to this dark appearance.

A desire pulsed through my veins, turning me on. My fingers tingled with the need to move closer and run them across his broad chest.

Reminding myself that we were taking it slow, I tried to make myself appear calm, cool, and collected.
Don’t be a floozy, Lu!

My cool went right out the window when Jack pushed off the wall and approached me, causing my body temperature to rise. When he was close he wrapped his arms around me and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “I missed you, Luella.” He pulled away with a light, lingering kiss to my cheek. “I’m sorry. Is hugging not allowed?”

“What?” It came out as a whisper. Not even a whisper; more like it just fell from my mouth on a breath. I couldn’t feel my limbs. I could only feel the tingling parts of my body that came into contact with his. His strong arms embraced me. His lips pressed against my cheek. I existed solely at the places touching him.

He cocked his head to the side and squinted his eyes. Talking slowly, confusion evident in his voice he said, “Usually when someone gives you a hug, you hug them back. You’re kind of just standing there. I wanted to make sure hugging was okay.” His arms fell from around my back and I realized that I had stood there doing nothing while he hugged me. My mouth probably hung open and my poor brain melted as it tried to process his body being so close to mine.

I started to giggle at how uncomfortable I had made the situation. Not a cute giggle like oh-silly-me. Instead it came out like an I-was-insane giggle; high-pitched and awkward. He cocked an eyebrow and I mentally shook myself, trying to get my shit together.

I scrunched my eyes closed, shaking my head ‘no’ in embarrassment. At last I lifted my eyes with a smile. “Of course hugs are fine. I think I just got caught off guard. Sorry. It’s been a busy morning.” It hadn’t been a busy morning. But I needed an excuse for acting like a complete lunatic.

“No problem. I completely understand,” he responded with a small laugh. He reached to open the door while his other hand reached back for mine waiting for me grab on. “Shall we have some lunch?”

I placed my palm in his and felt a fire move up my arm and down to my core. With a solid nod in answer, we made our way inside. We chose our selection from the chalkboard menu and grabbed a booth along the wall under the decorative loft. Looking at the table nearby with two girls giggling over their textbooks and their hair haphazardly piled on top of their heads in that perfect stylish way, I started to feel old. Their short denim shorts and crop tops made me feel drab in comparison.

Then I remembered the mistakes I made as a young and reckless student and I felt immensely better about being older, wiser and stronger. You couldn’t make me repeat those years for a million dollars.

Since we both had to get back to work soon, the conversation was simple, allowing us to get to know each other. Throughout the meal he gave me his full attention. He never made me feel weird, but actually laughed at my usually awkward comments. I warned him of my peculiar and sometimes inappropriate sense of humor. He just laughed and said he might find it a sexy.

Sexy? Sexy!

I couldn’t believe my luck that I had found a guy who thought my lame jokes were
sexy
. I would not look a gift horse in the mouth.

To top it off, all throughout our time together he found ways to touch me. A lingering caress to my hand, bumping his knees against mine. It all seemed simple, but the feelings those small grazes evoked in me were anything but juvenile. Trying to not fall at this man’s feet and beg him to take me to the bathroom
again
, became more and more difficult with each touch. I was surprised I didn’t have flushed cheeks from how hot the rest of my body was getting.

I thought my knees were going to give out when he placed his hand extra low on my back to walk me out of the restaurant. Standing on the sidewalk he kept his hand at my waist when I turned to look up at him.

“Luella, thank you for an amazing lunch. I know it wasn’t long but it was enjoyable.”

“For me, too. We’ll have to do it again.”

“Definitely. I’m not sure what my schedule is looking like right now, but I’ll call you and hopefully we can see each other this weekend?”

“Okay,” I breathed, nodding my head.

After a small pause to think about what to do next, Jack leaned down to kiss my cheek. I quickly turned my head and he caught the corner of my mouth, landing partially on my cheek, partly on my lips. In an instant I remembered how his lips felt on mine. How they felt on my skin—my nipple. I took a deep breath through my nose and stepped into him. He pulled his head back enough to look in my eyes. I peered through my lashes to see the heat in his. One side of his mouth quirked up in a smirk and he leaned into me again. Instead of kissing me he leaned toward my ear and whispered, “As much as I want to take you up on the promise your eyes are making me right now, this sidewalk isn’t quite as private as the bathroom. Otherwise I wouldn’t hesitate.” He lightly bit my ear and my breath caught in my lungs while I shoved my chest into his in reaction. “So for now I will let you go.” Jack pulled back and bent at the knees to make sure he could see my face. “But remember how you look at me next time. While I will always respect your wishes, sometimes I might push your boundaries.” And with a wink he stepped away turning to walk back to his car. “Until next time, my sweet Luella.”

I raised my hand for a small wave. My stunned body wasn’t capable of anything else. My breath released and I finally blinked my wide eyes as I clumsily turned to head back to my car, daydreaming of next time.

T
he next two
weeks flew by. November gave way to December and our Indian summer disappeared with it. Thanksgiving passed in a blur. It was never a big deal in our family after our parents passed away, but Jameson and I started our own tradition of spending Thanksgiving at a Japanese hibachi grill. The holidays made me miss Asher the most and I could see the sorrow on Jameson’s face. While we made the best of our quirky traditions, we missed the family we once had. Sometimes, like this year, Evie would join us when she didn’t have the time to travel home to California. She said she preferred our hassle-free tradition to the craziness of her family. I think she really just liked torturing Jameson. Evie naturally had a carefree, whimsical attitude toward life, but I thought she enhanced it for the sake of getting on his nerves. I preferred to lean back and enjoy the show.

Jameson fought his attraction to Evie and the more he fought the more frustrated he became. It never failed to amuse me when he got his panties in a bunch. Evie and I would always give each other knowing looks and laugh at my brother’s expense. I somehow managed to always be surprised by the shade of red his anger brought on. One day those two were going to collide. I felt both dread and excitement for that day.

Jack took some time to go see his family in Texas. I didn’t ask him to join my family since we had only been seeing each other for a few weeks and there was no need to rush it. We had spent the last two weeks much like the first one. We met up for lunch every once in awhile and tried to see each other on the weekends. Sometimes we texted all day. Silly messages sharing lame jokes—nothing important. Other days we didn’t speak at all, but I often woke to a message he’d sent in the middle of the night.

I knew he worked on the case which took more time than he wanted. He never talked about it and I never asked, but I could sense the tension that maybe things weren’t going as easily as he had hoped. Sometimes when we saw each other he had dark circles under his eyes and his hair looked like he had dragged his hands through it one too many times. He sounded tired and drained, whether it be emotionally or physically. However, despite whatever he may or may not have had going on, he always made me feel worth it. And that was what I needed in life in that moment. My past was just that—my past—but sometimes feelings linger and cling to you in minor ways. You never notice them because they’re small and insignificant, until they’re not anymore.

Whenever I looked at Jack, part of me was pulled toward my past and it weighed me down. When I looked at how beautiful he was, I questioned my worthiness. I wasn’t necessarily putting myself down, but I understood my average looks. I was fit from working out, but I had never been described as a knockout. My defining feature was most likely my eyes. They were large in a pretty way, and the bright green made them stand out against my darker hair. Other than that, I had accepted that I was average. After some struggles I learned to look on the brighter side of life. I knew beauty was in the eye of the beholder. I knew there were different strokes for different folks, and apparently my stroke was just right for Jack. I tried to let it be at that. I tried to let my insignificant hang-ups be just that: insignificant.

But sometimes the past had a way of butting its head in your business when all you were trying to do was let it go.

T
his message came
late Thursday night as I climbed into bed.

Jack and I had plans to see a movie and he had to cancel last minute because a meeting ran over. I tried to reassure him not to worry but obviously the man couldn’t listen.

I stopped for a minute and considered my options. I knew my next response would be a turning point. I could have made a joke and turned it back to a more friendly conversation or I could have responded the way I really wanted to. That past few weeks had been simple between us. We touched and kissed and sometimes the kisses got a little heated, but we always managed to pull back. We had to because we were usually out in public. But tonight, in the privacy of our homes, I could take this somewhere further. I paused staring at the screen contemplating my options.

I had thrown the ball into his court. I wasn’t saying I wanted to go further, but I wasn’t denying that I wanted to.

My breathing sped up and I felt a flush invade my cheeks.

Shit. My body was on fire. One big throbbing blaze. It roared louder and louder with each message that came from him. I thought I would feel shame when he reminded me of how turned on I was when that guy walked in on us. But instead, what I remembered was the desire to be watched and wanted when it happened. Jack’s approval only ignited the burn hotter. I didn’t need his approval, but I wanted it.

With his words swimming in my mind I set about my task. With a tentative touch, I swiped my thumbs across my nipples. When they hardened I pinched them hard, gasping and lifting my hips in reaction. Lifting my tank to just above my tits, I used my left hand to continue playing with them and with my right hand I pushed into my underwear to feel my pussy. I was so wet from his words that I knew he wouldn’t have to wait long for proof.

With trembling knees, I dug my heels into the bed, my pointer and ring finger parting my lips to expose my clit. The cool air blew against me and I used my middle finger to rub my bud. I continued to play with my nipples remembering how Jack sucked on them, almost making me come from that alone. Pushing two fingers inside, I massaged while my vagina tightened, gaining friction. I pulled out and began to run my two fingers in tight circles around my clit and roughly pinched and pulled on my nipples.

A moan slipped from my throat wishing I could hear Jack’s voice whispering in my ear. All of a sudden his eyes flashed in my mind almost sending me over the edge. Clenching my eyes, focusing on the image, when from behind him my imagination conjured the guy who walked in on us. Jack smiled and made room for the stranger with gray-blue eyes. I gasped knowing what was coming next. Heat spread throughout my body as my heels dug deep into my mattress causing my ass to lift off the bed clenching tight as my pussy began pulsing through my orgasm. Slick fingers rubbed quickly trying to extend the pleasure as my pulse pounded through my body. I stopped breathing and tightened every muscle, making it last.

At last, I took a breath and relaxed back on the bed, slowing my fingers to bring me back down from my climax. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, smiling at how good it felt. Then I thought about how Jack asked me to prove it to him. I grabbed my phone thinking of taking a picture but not wanting to be so obvious. I pulled my fingers away from my clit and heard how wet they were.

So wet I could see my come.

I decided to be a little obvious and took my right hand and held my left breast, letting a little of my nipple peek through. I captured only half my face in the picture showing my glazed eye, the sweat along my hairline, and the pink flush still tainting my skin. Without thinking too much about it, I sent the picture.

I waited, but I didn’t have to wait for long.