While Angels Slept (13 page)

“It’s not as if
you can marry her,” she said softly.

He hung his
head, staring at the floor. “It’s strange,” he muttered. “But that fact never
bothered me until you just said it.  Louisa has been gone so many years now
that I do not feel married. I haven’t since the day she ran off.”

Val hated
bringing up the old shame, but given Tevin’s train of thought, she had to. “She
may very well be alive,” she said. “But then again, she may not. We simply do
not know. But you cannot take the chance that she is still alive, somewhere.”

Tevin grunted,
still staring at the floor. “The woman is not a part of my life, yet I am
married to her.” He lifted his gaze from the ground, staring off across the
room. “Until this moment, it never bothered me.”

Val squeezed his
hand. “Then you feel something more for Lady Penden than simple pity,” she
murmured. “But whatever it is, you must stop. It is not fair to the lady. She
is still young and beautiful and will make some man a fine wife. You cannot let
her fall for a man who will never be able to marry her.”

Tevin looked
sharply at his sister. She could read the turmoil in the dark eyes and it
pulled at her heart. She could already see that he was far gone for the lady. 
She put her hands on his face.

“Tevin, for her
sake, you must stop this,” she whispered. “The death of her husband has already
broken her heart. You cannot possibly think to destroy it further.”

He opened his
mouth to argue with her, but just as quickly closed it. A sarcastic smile
creased his lips. “Louisa and I were so young when we married. I never even
knew her until the day we said our vows. And after she left… I just forgot
about her. I didn’t care. She left Arabel with me and that was all that
mattered. Just so long as she did not take my daughter, I did not care where
she went. But now… now I have, in the most unexpected of places, found a woman
I would give up the entire world for and I cannot have her. The irony of the
situation is unfathomable.”

“I know.”

“Nay, you do
not. I want her, Val. I cannot stomach living the rest of my life without her.”

“Then it would
be only as your mistress, not your wife.”

“She is far too
worthy to be a mistress. She comes from a long line of consorts to kings.  She
deserves more.”

“More than you
can give her,” Val said softly.

His gaze was
piercing. “I can give her everything but marriage.”

Val didn’t say
any more. She had said her piece and the rest was up to her brother. Mostly,
she couldn’t say any more because she could see the pain in his eyes. Whatever
he was feeling was consuming him. He needed time to sort it out.

“Well,” she
stood up stiffly, favoring her torso. “We can talk about this at another time.
I fear you have much on your mind with the approach of Geoff.”

He stood up next
to her. “You and Cantia must leave before Geoff gets here. I do not want either
of you here with him around. “

Val nodded in
agreement; her cousin could not control himself around women, even a blood
relative. “Where shall we go?”

Tevin thought a
moment. “Rochester has other holdings, including the fiefdom of Gillingham. I
shall ask Lady Penden about it. Perhaps she knows of a place you can go until
the storm blows over. In fact, I’ll send Myles with you. I’m not sure he should
be here when Geoff arrives, either.”

They moved
towards the door of the solar. “Then we should probably start making some
manner of preparation,” Val said, not entirely upset by the prospect of going
into seclusion with de Lohr.

“I’ll know more
after I talk to Lady Penden,” Tevin said. Noting his sister’s expression, he
held up his hands in supplication.  “I’m simply going to talk to her about
Gillingham and nothing more. And stop looking at me like that.”

Val stuck her
tongue out at him and made her way to the stairwell that led to the second
floor. Tevin stood at the base of the steps, making sure she didn’t falter as
she mounted then. When he was sure she was safely on her way to her chamber, he
went to seek out Lady Penden. While the knights had gathered in the solar, she
had taken her son out into the kitchen yard.  He would start looking for her
there.

***

Tevin found Cantia
far beyond the kitchen walls. Far beyond Rochester’s walls, in fact. It seemed
that Hunt wished to chase rabbits and she had followed her son out into the
flat, vast plain just to the west of the castle.  His momentary annoyance at
her leaving the safety of the castle was dashed when he saw her face. She was
laughing as her son would run after a rabbit and then trip over himself in his
efforts. She was having a marvelous time.

Cantia noticed
him approach and she turned to him just as her son fell flat on his face when a
rabbit slipped away from him.  Before she could speak, Hunt waved and called
out.

“My lord,” he
picked himself up off the grass. “I am catching rabbiths!”

Tevin gave him a
short wave. “I can see that,” he said, turning his focus to the boy’s radiant
mother. “Why aren’t you helping him?”

She smiled.
“Because he and the rabbit are much faster than I am.” She watched him snort.
“Is there something I can do for you, my lord?”

Tevin’s dark
gaze lingered over the topography before settling on her. “I need to speak with
you when you are free of rabbits,” he said. “Something has come up and I
require your assistance.”

“Oh?” she cocked
her head, shading her eyes from the sun overhead. “Is it serious?”

He nodded
faintly. “It could be. My cousin, the Earl of East Anglia, is coming to
Rochester.”

Her eyes
widened. “How marvelous,” she said. “When is he due? I must make all necessary
preparations for the.…”

He cut her off.
“’Tis not a grand occasion, I assure you.” Hunt was off on another rabbit and
Tevin lowered his voice as he watched the lad leap over the tall grass. “I do
not want you or your son here when my cousin arrives. I would ask your advice on
where to send the two of you for the duration of his visit.”

She gazed at him
a long moment before lowering her hand from her face.  She seemed to lose her
good spirits. “Of course,” her voice was strangely cold. “We would not want to
be underfoot.  We will certainly go away for the duration of the earl’s visit
if that is your wish.”

He sensed that
perhaps she had taken his meaning wrong. “Cantia,” he said softly. “It is not
that I wish you to go away. It is a necessity. My cousin is, shall we say, a
less than scrupulous man. I am even sending Val with you because I do not trust
him where women are concerned. Especially around you.”

Her momentary
offense at what she thought had been trying to tell her vanished with his quiet
explanation. She should have known better.

“Why especially
around me?” she asked.

Tevin’s dark
eyes glimmered warmly at her. “Because you are the most beautiful woman in
England, if not the world, and my cousin would not be blind to that. He might
very well try to make you another one of his conquests and I would not stand
for that.”

She gazed up at
him, her lavender eyes luminous.  A hint of pink crept into her cheeks. “You
wouldn’t?”

He frowned. “I
do not wish to commit murder, which is exactly what would happen were he to so
much as look in your direction. You are not a woman to be trifled with.”

She lowered her
gaze, humbled with his words. Or so he thought. As Tevin watched, she slowly
reached out and took his fingers in her small, warm hand.

“How fortunate I
am to have a protector such as you, my lord.”

He gripped her
hand strongly, bringing it to his lips for a tender kiss. “In private you will
call me Tevin,” he rumbled. “And I will protect you, always.”

Cantia felt the
heat from his kiss course down her arm like a river of fire. She remembered the
kiss in the church, the force of his passion, and it made her knees weak.

“Because it is
your duty?”  she asked breathlessly.

 He shook his
head. “Because I want to.”

She smiled at
him, a dazzling gesture that sent bolts of exhilaration pulsing through Tevin’s
big body.  He kissed her hand again, forgetting about the boy chasing rabbits
or the fortress behind him. There could have been eyes watching them at that
moment and he could have cared less. All he cared about was that beautiful face.

“God, I wish I
could kiss you again as I did at the cathedral,” he murmured, his mouth against
her fingers.

She put her hand
on his head as he bent over her hand, feeling the soft copper tendrils beneath
her fingers.  “As do I,” she whispered. “Yet I suspect this is not the place
for it. But at least there are no candles.”

He lifted his
head, fighting off a grin. “You will never let me forget that, will you?”

She shook her
head, an impish grin on her lips.  At that moment, Hunt suddenly popped up with
a tiny rabbit in his arms. He struggled with the little creature as he made his
way to his mother.

“Mam!” he
called. “Look, I have one!”

Cantia
discreetly took her hand away from Tevin as Hunt approached. “My, he is a
little one,” she said to her son as he drew near. “Perhaps he needs to go back
to his mother.”

But Hunt was
firm. “I will take care of him. I will be his mam.”

“He is too
young, Hunt,” she insisted gently. “He will be missing his mother. Would you
not miss me if you were taken away?”

Hunt cocked his
head just as Brac used to.  Squinting in the sunlight, he looked curiously at
his mother. “But I will go away, some day. I will go away to learn to be a
great knight.”

Cantia’s heart
just about broke.  Tevin eyed her, remembering their conversation on fostering
and knowing how she had reacted to it. Hunt had unknowingly reopened the tender
wound.  He took control of the conversation before Cantia could react.

“You do not have
to go away to be a great knight,” he said, moving for the boy and pretending to
inspect the little brown bunny. “But your mother is right, Hunt; this rabbit is
too small to be away from its mother. You had better let it go and try your
luck with another.”

Hunt hesitated
for a split second before doing as he was told. He brushed his little hands off
on his breeches as he watched the rabbit hop away.

“Can I go with
you to learn to be a great knight?” he asked. “I couldth live with you.”

“But what of
your mother?”

His little brow
furrowed thoughtfully. “Can’t she come, too?”

Tevin fought off
a smile. “Mothers do not usually follow their sons to foster.”

Now Hunt’s
little mouth twisted as he thought of a solution to the situation. He didn’t
particularly want to leave his mother, but he wanted to be a great knight.  His
turmoil was evident and Tevin laid an enormous hand on his downy head. “We do
not have to decide this today,” he told the boy. “Now, if you’re going to catch
another rabbit, you’d better hurry up. The day grows late.”

Hunt turned
around and went in search of his prey. Cantia watched her son, her gaze moving
between the little blond head and the massive dark knight.  When Tevin turned
to look at her, she smiled sweetly.

“You are very
good with children,” she said. “I think he likes you.”

“And I like
him,” his dark eyes were on her, “as well as his mother.”

Cantia didn’t
know what to say; she simply smiled.  Tevin moved back to stand next to her and
the two of them stood in silence as Hunt went off on another chase. 
Eventually, Tevin moved close enough to hold her hand. He tucked it into the
crook of his elbow, his fingers playing gently with hers.  

“How did you
come to be so comfortable with children?” she asked, simply making conversation.
“Most men are not so practiced.”

But it was not
idle conversation to Tevin. He had been dreading a line of discussion just like
this one. He could be evasive, but that would only delay the inevitable. Val
had been correct; Cantia had to know, right from the start before things got
out of control and it would be increasingly difficult to tell her.  He felt so
strongly about her that he would not disrespect her by lying or withholding the
truth. He could only pray that she understood, for this was a situation he’d
never before faced and he was unsure how adequately he could explain it.

“I am
comfortable with them because I have one,” he said simply.

Cantia’s head
snapped to him. “You have a child?”

He looked down
at her. “Aye.”

A look of
bafflement swept her. “But if you have a child…,” her eyes suddenly widened.
“You must have a wife.”

He sighed
heavily, holding her hand firmly as she tried to pull it away. The more he held
on, the harder she pulled. “Stop, madam,” he commanded softly. “It is far more
complicated than that.”

For too many
reasons to guess, her eyes began to well. She lowered her head, but she also
stopped pulling. “Please let me go,” she whispered.

“Nay, not until
you hear me,” he sounded strangely as if he was begging.

“There is
nothing to hear,” she hissed through clenched teeth. “You have a wife, yet you
have openly displayed feeling for me and.…”

She suddenly
yanked hard and dislodged her hand.  As she quickly walked away in the
direction that Hunt had been leaping, Tevin followed.

“Cantia,” he
called after her quietly.

She whirled to
him, still walking, almost tripping over her skirts as they became entangled in
the grass. “No,” she jabbed a finger at him angrily. “No more. Never again will
you say those things to me. I will not hear you.”

He took two
giant strides and grabbed her. She struggled against him but she was no match
for his strength. “Cantia, please hear me,” he very nearly pleaded. “It is not
what it seems.”