“It doesn’t matter.” She wiped a sniffle with the back of her hand. When she looked at me, her eyes glittered with hope. “I mean, at least I try to keep the girls safe by being there, right? It’s got to help a little.”
I gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’m sure it meant a lot, knowing they had someone looking out for them on some level.”
And that’s the part that terrified me. At least those other girls had Chrissy, no matter how messed-up and pathetic she was. I looked back at the computer and my still-shot. “Were you there with me, too?”
Chrissy nodded.
“And I never did anything…more?”
She laughed. “Is that what you’re worried about?”
It was my turn to nod.
“No. As far as I know, you only made that one commercial.” She traced a cross over her heart and pointed at the computer. “But look at you. You’re so hot you didn’t have to.”
I ignored the heat in her voice. My next question burned like acid on my tongue. “I didn’t sleep with your brother did I?”
“If you did, he never told me.”
Her words offered little comfort. Travis would never believe my innocence based on Chrissy’s proclamation. Not after that debut video.
Not that I believed it either.
Of course, I wouldn’t have believed anything if I hadn’t seen the video for myself. With the gray fog crowding in, I grabbed my messenger bag and computer and headed to my room, leaving Chrissy alone in Granny’s.
It was 3:45 in the morning, and I needed sleep. I doubted very much that I’d gotten any during my second stint at Collin’s apartment. Not after seeing the results of my first sleepover plastered all over the internet.
* * *
Luna waited for James to respond. Her fingers hovered over the keypad of her smart phone.
James:
We need to move forward.
But Luna balked. She didn’t want to take the pills she’d so carefully hidden from the Dozen. She didn’t want to die. Not really. She just didn’t know how to live. Besides, now that Gemini knew them, there might be hope.
As if reading her mind James finally texted a response.
Luna, she will never let you out. She will use you, all of us, to keep herself from feeling her own pain. She always has and nothing will change that now.
I don’t believe you.
Get a grip. Half the time she doesn’t even know you exist. Doesn’t know that anyone exists beyond her own little world.
Luna couldn’t deny that. Her threats had fallen on deaf ears, and Gemini didn’t realize how much danger she was in. If she wanted to, Luna could take Gemini’s life right now.
Do it. I dare you.
Luna folded upon herself, the pain intense. The desire to swallow the pills and end it all almost stronger than she could bear.
If you don’t, I will.
Chapter 26
I barely made it out of the shower before the door flew open under a pounding fist. Travis barged into the room, stopped short of me and eyed my towel-clad body. “Why didn’t you answer the phone?”
Despite the steam from the bathroom behind me, I shivered under his cool gaze. “Kind of hard to do from the shower.”
“I’ve been calling for an hour.”
“It’s only eight. It was a horrible night, I’m exhausted, and I needed….” I turned and ran down the hall with Travis hot on my trail and a sick feeling in my stomach.
“What’s the matter?”
“Chrissy. She should have answered the phone.” I pushed my way into Granny’s room where I’d left Chrissy. Covers mounded up in the center of the otherwise empty bed. “She’s gone.”
Travis put his hands on my shoulders and turned me toward him. Electricity shot through me, and I sucked in a deep breath of pipe smoke and him. My skin tingled under his touch, and I swayed forward, physically drawn to him like a butterfly to the first spring nectar.
I wanted so much for this to be right. My voice came out breathless—“I’m sorry”—and broke the spell. He dropped his hands like he’d been burned. “You don’t have time for this. You’re losing your house.”
I stared into his eyes, unable to register his words. “They can’t take this house away, I own it.”
“Your parents’ house is on fire.”
The air whooshed from my lungs, and I heaved for a breath. I shook my head. “Are my parents there? Are they hurt?”
“It doesn’t sound like it.”
His dad volunteered as a firefighter, and Travis always had the bad news first through the scanner. This knowledge propelled me into action. It gave me something to focus on. I headed to Granny’s room to change. “How long has it been burning?”
“Since this morning. Mr. Parson called it in. Said he saw smoke and that your parents had been gone. He was worried about you.”
I slammed the door between us. “Yeah, right.”
From the other side, “Okay, maybe not. But that’s what he said.”
Within five minutes I was ready to go. We left through the garage so I could grab my purse from the car. Water dripped from the packed snow around the tires, barely melting in the insulated garage.
“Wasn’t this at Grandpa’s office?”
Unable to face him, I nodded. A slight tic of fear raised the hair on the back of my neck. My scalp prickled, making my ever-present headache stretch across my forehead. His truck ate up the miles while my uneasiness grew. The snow from my drive home last night should have melted by now.
“My parents broke into Granny’s.”
Travis looked up sharply. “How do you know?”
“It was a mess last night. Drawers emptied, her coffee cash gone and most of her jewelry missing. I can’t be sure what else, but I bet most of the valuable and easily portable trinkets. It didn’t look like the bigger stuff yet. Probably too hard to pawn. But, they didn’t get the things that mattered.”
He arched his eyebrow at me, softening his features. “Safe deposit box?”
“No. Granny buried them.”
Not really, but close enough. Over time, Granny’s handmade potting bench had turned into a game of hidden treasures. As a kid, I hid rocks, flowers, feathers and any other treasures I found as a surprise for Granny. Each time I left, she would search through the countless drawers to dig up my newest gift. Likewise, each time I visited her on the farm, I’d sneak out to the shed and open the cubbies one at a time until I found a small present to welcome me back.
In the beginning it was a note or a small piece of candy. As I got older, the bench morphed into a giant jewelry box. By the time I finished my junior year, she had passed along her most prized heirlooms this way. Not wanting them to be found and sold by my dad for some quick money, I had left them in the secret compartments. To keep Mom from eying the bench as a future project, I painted it bright orange and left a mess of planting supplies around it.
The fond memories of our hide-and-seek game solidified into realization. Granny and I had our share of secrets too.
Travis concentrated on driving. I concentrated on him. My fingers ached to touch him. “Will you ever forgive me?”
It was a loaded question and unfair. He sobered, his face once again chiseled in stone. “What you do on your own time is your own business.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
Much. I hope.
The radio pulsed in the background, a dull throb that mimicked the one in my head.
“Look, Gemini. I saw the video, and like I said, you are free to do whatever you want.”
Tell him the truth,
Rae urged gently.
What is the truth?
You didn’t do anything.
Obviously I did. Just look online.
But it wasn’t you.
Videos don’t lie.
Tell him the truth, Gemi.
There is no truth.
“It wasn’t me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” The look on his face twisted into something ugly and unfamiliar.
Unable to explain myself, I shrugged. Physically, it was me on the screen. I couldn’t hide from that.
But was it me?
Of course it was. You can’t have it two ways.
“I don’t remember doing that.” I cringed even as the words left my lips, knowing they sounded weak and cheap.
“Convenient, that little memory thing of yours.”
Heat flared. “What does that mean?”
“It means, how long have you used that excuse on me?”
“What excuse?”
“Your wide-eyed confusion. ‘Oh, where am I? What’s the score?’ If you didn’t want to be with me, you just had to tell me. You didn’t have to hide behind your memory loss.”
My heart hammered in my chest, and it felt like Brutus would break free and rip Travis apart. “Is that what you think?”
“You’ve done it before. If it worked once, why not try again? You could conveniently forget about me when someone else came along. Someone you actually wanted to be with.”
“That’s not true.”
When Travis finally spoke, his sarcasm bit deep. “Oh right. The night your granny died you begged me to take you. ”
I shook my head. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t remember? Did I just blend in with the other guys, Gem?” His pet name for me came out a caress. It hurt worse than his anger.
I huddled against the door and tried to bring my empty memories to life. I knew I’d lost time that night, but I had been grieving. Not cozying up with anyone. Not even Travis. It was just too much to contemplate. Especially when I’d just seen a video of myself online. We drove the rest of the way in silence. When I couldn’t stand being with him a second longer, the acrid smell of smoke filled the air. The truck turned onto the gravel road. The view outside the window was surreal. Flames licked a smoky plume as it rose above the tree tops.
Travis parked at the end of the driveway, and we walked halfway up. A fireman stopped us from coming too far and interfering with their job. Old Man Parson paced around in his dirty winter clothes and fur-lined hat. A cameraman stood by, snapping pictures for the local paper. My parents, too, stood on the perimeter, my dad chatting with a policeman. I wondered where they’d found them.
My head spun. I sat on the rusted swing beside the garage to keep from collapsing on the frozen ground. I watched the bizarre dance of water, ice and flame as they fought for control of the house. Firemen aimed streams of water into my bedroom through the busted window, flooding my sanctuary.
Thank God my books were packed away in the unattached garage.
One small favor turned my way.
My world unraveled through dragonfly eyes. I experienced the fire from a multitude of angles. Each one with a set of emotions. Some wept. Some keened. Some laughed. Others tensed with anger.
My parents moved away from the policemen. Travis approached. Sickness filled my stomach, threatening to overflow onto the ash covered snow.
My dad shrunk back. The fire tamed. Applause erupted and Mom wept.
A cold stillness followed.
Travis turned.
I traced every stride of his with my kaleidoscope eyes. A thousand steps, a thousand legs marched my way. The queasiness grew. I toppled out of the rubber seat and retched into the snow.
Travis lifted me back to the swing. I knew he was real from his hands—only one pair under my arms, one heat across my skin, even through the thickness of my down jacket. There was only one Travis now. He let me go and stepped away.
A police officer neared. His lips moved. I stared at him, unable to focus on anything but his nose. Freckled in the midst of his winter pale. His nose creased, and he reached for his phone.
Something deep inside nudged me.
I awakened, a lie on my tongue.
He nodded, relieved, and moved on.
We watched. My dad, Mom, Travis and I.
Someone pressed a mug of hot cocoa into my shaking hands. Mr. Parson.
We stomped to stay warm. We remained silent to conserve our fears.
A flash blinded me. And another. The forced blinks restored my vision of the smoky wall rising into the afternoon air.
The fire trucks left.
The police left.
The gawkers that had gathered faded away with the rumble of engines and the crunch of tires on snow.
Travis tugged my arm. “Gemi, you have to leave sometime.”
I nodded, but when I started to move, my feet carried me toward the house. Yellow tape blocked the entrances and surrounded the house. “Keep out,” it screamed.
I ignored the warning and pushed into the entry.
The kitchen was destroyed. Soot, water and smoke obscured the tile. An ice-crusted tomb encased the cupboards. Water lapped at my calves and soggy cereal boxes floated by. When I stepped into the hall and peered toward the back of the house, I saw sky and trees. Huge holes had been eaten out of the walls.