Whispering Wishes (28 page)

I press the button to blacken the screen and sniffle.
He has definitely been persistent. The time on the most recent text was just five minutes ago. I feel myself start to soften a little, but as soon as I do, I picture that skanky hoe standing in the living room with next to nothing on and Wes’ hands on her. It’s like a cold bucket of water bringing me back to my senses.

“I’m not ready, nor am I willing to talk to him yet.
I’m too angry. I know I will need to eventually, I mean I’ll see him when I move my shit out of his house –maybe now
their
house- if I don’t see him at work before that. But, I’m not ready to talk to him about this yet.” I can feel tears prickling behind my eyes again at the thought.

“Relax, I didn’t tell him where you are, just told him you were safe.”
She reaches out and rubs my arm soothingly. “Don’t worry, it will all work out and be okay. Just wait, you’ll see.”

“It doesn’t feel like I will be okay ever again.”

“I understand, and I told him that he needs to give you time.”

I don’t know if there will ever be enough time in the world to make this better.
My heart feels like it’s shattered into a million pieces and I don’t know how anyone would ever find them all to put it back together again.

Enough time ended
up being about three days. I felt bad that I ended up calling off of work after all, but I just needed the time to cry, rant, and shake my fist at the universe. Each time Mischa heard me do that she’d say, “She’s going to get really pissed at you if you keep that up.” I gave her a death glare and told her I was pretty sure that she was already doing her best work to make my life miserable.

I look at myself in the mirror.
I still haven’t gone home for any of my things. Mischa has loaned me everything I’m wearing. She’s a little taller than I am, so the dress of hers I’m borrowing for work is a little longer on me that it would be her, but it still works. It’s a blue wrap around dress and it hugs my curves.

I’ve used her makeup to cover the dark circles under my eyes as best I can, and I think I did a good job.
I don’t think anyone will know they’re there unless they were looking for them. My makeup is minimal otherwise, and my hair is straight down my back. I look nice enough, and will be fine to greet people as they come into the bar.

If Wes is there, I want him to ache at the sight of me, so looking good is important.
He told me once he likes me best this way – as natural as possible. I admit it’s partly for myself though, too. If I get emotional, the less black makeup trailing down my face the better.

I finally walk out of the bathroom and see Mischa sitting at her kitchen table, reading the paper and sipping coffee.
“Good morning, coffee is still on. You look better in that dress than I do, you should keep it.”

Smiling at her, I know she’s just trying to build my confidence because she knows I’m nervous about coming face to face with Wes.
“Liar. But thanks.”

“I think it’s great you are going back to work today
. You need to finally talk to Wes.”

“I’m going back to work to work.
Whether or not I talk to Wes remains to be seen.”

“Oh sweets, I think it’s funny that you think he’s going to even give you a choice in the matter.”

“Whatever,” is my immature reply.

She gives me a reassuring smile
. “I said it before, and I will say it again, you will be fine. In fact, if I was a betting woman, I would bet that you will be much happier by the end of the day.”

Shaking my head at her, I glance at the clock and see I need to get going.
After guzzling my coffee, I rinse and place my mug in the dishwasher. When I turn around, Mischa is standing in front of me, and gives me a hug. Pulling away, she kisses my cheek. “Just hear him out, okay? I’m your best friend and stand behind you in everything – you know that. If I’m telling you to listen, then please listen. Okay?”

“I will try.”

Mischa nods as if to say that’s good enough. I grab my purse and keys then head out the door to my car. Mischa took me to pick my little civic up yesterday and it is great to have her back, even if paying all that money to fix her made me want to vomit.

During the entire drive to the bar, my stomach is in knots.
Just thinking about seeing his face behind the bar, his smile, his eyes, that body… it’s going to be tough. Facing him is going to be so hard - like there’s a devil on my shoulder. I swear I keep hearing things in my mind telling me that I knew this was going to happen, and why am I surprised. I feel another pity party wanting to take me over, thinking about all the things that have gone wrong lately. Pushing it away is not an easy feat. I called it from the moment I saw him and thought he was out of my league. I should have stayed away.

When I reach the bar, my stomach suddenly feels like it drops to the ground and I should root around on my hands and knees trying to find it.
I want to throw up but I just got the dang car back, if I muck it up with puke then I will be so mad at myself. I just spent enough to fix it, the last thing I need is to pay a fortune for car detailing to get the smell of puke out.

I clutch my stomach, rubbing it, hoping it will help calm me.
Of course it doesn’t. So I take a deep breath and concentrate on the click clack of my heels on the pavement as I walk to the front door to start my shift.

As soon as I walk through the front door Annie, another hostess, is there
. “Hi Aspen!”

“Hi.
I’m sure you are ready to go on break. Let me go put my things away and I’ll be right back to take over for you, okay?”

“Okay, no problem,” Annie smiles.
She’s so sweet, I like working with her when we are scheduled to hostess together.

I am relieved that I don’t see Wes at all.
Heading to the back room where lockers are kept to store our things, I rid myself of my belongings, check myself in the mirror, and quickly make my way back. “Okay, I’m here. Take off,” I tell Annie with a smile so she can go on her break.

“Okay
, see you in an hour. It hasn’t been too busy.”

“Okay, thanks.”

I’m standing there no more than ten minutes waiting for customers to come in, when I instinctively feel his eyes on me. It’s as if my whole body responds to him when he’s in the vicinity. I refuse to turn around and acknowledge him. I breathe a sigh of relief when a couple walks through the door distracting me.

“Hi, welcome to D’vine.
For two?”

“Yes, please, thank you.”

“Great,” I grab two menus and mark a place on the chart at the hostess desk, “follow me.”

I start leading the couple to a booth in the corner, the whole time feeling Wes’s eyes on me.
I still refuse to look his way trying to lose myself in the job I have to do. “Here are your menus. The soup of the day is tomato bisque. Our special today is our Tuscan Tuna melt on focaccia bread with tomato salad on the side. Your server is Mike and he will be with you in just a moment.”

“Thank you,” they tell me and with a smile plastered on my face I spin around, and head back to the hostess desk
, ready to greet the next people that enter.

I’m not there long before I feel him grasp my arm in his hand and whispers, “Aspen,” the sound is ragged and sad.
I close my eyes at the rush of emotions that come over me. I pull my arm away, and when he realizes I’m not going to turn to face him, he comes to stand in front of me.

I don’t know how it’s possible, but his beautiful face looks ragged – it’s pinched and tight.
His eyes are sad and his lips pursed. He doesn’t look angry, just desperate. I can tell the last few days have been as hard on him as they have on me. I can’t help but feel some satisfaction at seeing it - he should feel guilty.

“Aspen, please take a minute and come talk to me.”

“I can’t. Annie just left on break. It’s just me right now.”

“Okay, but know I’m not going to let you leave here without talking to me first.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Wes. You’ll be lucky if I let you say anything to me again without me screaming bloody murder,” I whisper fiercely, not wanting to be overheard. “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do, so back off.”

He puts his hands up and whispers, “Okay, you’re angry and I understand, but I will do anything to talk to you.
Please, please consider talking to me. It isn’t what you think, kitten. I promise.”

“Don’t. Call. Me. That.”

His face falls and for a moment I feel guilty for hurting him, but quickly put my mask back in place, determined to not show my pain. As he walks away he whispers, “I miss you,” so softly I almost wonder if I imagined it.

A couple hours pass, Annie and I are working the hostess station together and it’s getting busy.
The bar is packed and there are no seats in the restaurant area, so we have a list of people waiting for the text informing them their table is ready. People are milling amongst the seats outside and inside, server’s are trying to bring glasses of wine and start tabs for those waiting to be seated.

I return from showing someone to an open table, when I’m surprised to hear my name called, “Aspen, is that really you?”

I look up and my mouth drops open. I’m surprised to see Ethan, an old boyfriend from college that I dated briefly before Jeffrey. We always had a lot of fun together and our relationship had been purely physical. He liked to party and booze it up a bit too much, but the things he could do with his blasted hands were the reason I kept him around for a bit. Once I laid eyes on Jeffrey, I put a stop to my fling with Ethan. We parted amicably, both of us not taking it for anything more than it was.

He’s smiling at me, and damn but does he look fine.
He looks like he’s there with a couple buddies, and as his eyes greedily run over my body, stopping at my cleavage. He’s nothing compared to Wes, but I suddenly have an evil thought. I know technically they say that two wrongs don’t make a right, but I’m still angry, and the thought of making Wes a little jealous and seeing how he likes it is just too damn good to pass up.

I walk over to him and hug him, lingering a bit long, and it’s seriously ridiculous how I just instinctively know that Wes is paying attention.
“It’s great to see you, Ethan. What’s it been? A few years? How have we never run into one another if you’re still here?”

“Beats me, but damn, it’s great to see you, Aspen.
You look amazing. Not that I’m surprised.” It isn’t lost on me that after we hug, Ethan’s hand lowered to my waist and he hasn’t removed it. I can almost feel Wes seething from here, his gaze zeroed in on Ethan’s hand. Ha. How do you like it, jackass?

“Thanks, you do
, too. There is a little bit of a wait. Were you gentlemen wanting a booth or the bar?”

“The bar would be great,” Ethan turns to his friends.
“Right guys?” They each nod while they look back and forth between us. “Oh, I’m sorry, Apsen these are my buddies Rod and Tim. Guys, this is Aspen.” As I turn to greet Ethan’s friends, I shift to the side a little and can see Wes out of the corner of my eye. Somehow he has managed to walk within hearing distance. “Aspen and I dated for a little while in college,” Ethan continues explaining to his friends.

I laugh
. “Oh come on, Ethan, I would use the term dating loosely. Did we actually ever really go anywhere?”

He flushes a little
. “No, if I remember correctly, we stayed in quite a bit.”

I give him a flirtatious smile and am in mid laugh when I hear,
“Aspen.”

I jerk guiltily, dammit, I have nothing to feel guilty for.
I look over at him and raise my eyebrows carefully keeping my face blank. The dark look on his face almost makes me flinch. His eyes are flashing with fury, and his hands are clenched at his sides. “Yes?”

“I need your help please with something at the bar.”

I can’t really blow him off without creating a scene in front of everyone and he knows it, too. “Please excuse me, gentlemen. Ethan, it was great seeing you again. Tim, Rod, nice to meet you both.”

“You too,” they say.

I turn and take a step before Ethan stops me with a hand on my arm, “Hey Aspen, find me later? I’d love to get your number. Maybe I can make it up to you, and finally take you out some time?”

I smile at Ethan, but I feel like shit, it wasn’t right to do that to him.
Before I can respond Wes does for me, “She has a boyfriend.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes. You. Do.”

The men and Annie all look at us in confusion.
“Excuse me, again.” I turn and follow Wes without another word. Fury is coloring my cheeks. He had no right to do that.

He has his hand on my upper arm and is gripping me tightly, but not forcefully.
He leads me into the back and takes keys out of his jeans pocket and unlocks the office door. “We can talk in here, Jack’s not here and we can lock the door.”

I round on him immediately. “You have a lot of nerve.”

“I was not going to stand there and listen to you make a date with some asshole.”

“Ethan is not an asshole.”

“I don’t give a shit.
Not happening. He’s lucky I didn’t rip his head off for the way he was looking at you.”

I lose it
. “Are you fucking KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? I came home, and found some hoe practically naked and YOU,” I point at him in fury, “TOUCHING HER. Don’t you DARE act like you have some rights here.”