White Girl Problems (17 page)

His eyes widened. “No. That’s not what I mean. I like that you aren’t like that.”

“Why would I be?”

“Well, American girls of your social status are known for climbing the—”

I put up a hand. “What the fuck did I ever do to you to be treated like that? You know, my New Year’s ressie last year was to stop saying the word fuck, but you have me slipping all the time.” I walked past him, turning back. “My mom got pregnant by my father by accident and died in a marriage she couldn’t be herself in. She was miserable when she died because she was trapped in that life.” I held my hand out for Linna and walked away. My heart was pounding in my head.

I wanted to cry, but my inner bitch was done with crying over him. I was done.

“So why the mobster henchmen?”

I laughed instead of crying. “He’s a prince.”

“He’s a dick.”

I glanced at her. “No. For reals, in real life, he’s a prince. That ring he gave me used to belong to his ancestor, Henry the Eighth.”

Her jaw dropped. “Go back. He loves you. I can tell. Go back and beg him to take you back.” Her blue eyes were wild.

I laughed. “Are you high? He essentially just said all girls like me are social ladder climbers and money-grubby whores.”

She nodded. “We are. Go back.” She stopped walking and pulled on my arm. I ripped it from her grip. “You think I should act like Sheila because my life will be filled with jewels and secret trips and fancy things?”

She nodded. “YES!”

“He doesn’t want to be with me publicly, Linna. He wants it to be a secret. He’s ashamed of me being… a peasant.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re hardly a peasant. Your dad is in banking and your house is huge. Your family is rich. It doesn’t matter anyway—who cares how he wants it? Just the fact that a prince—a real prince—wants you is awesomesauce.”

I slumped. “I need a drink.”

She beamed at me. “We can drink tonight and you can tell me all about Mr. Prince.”

I gave her a look. “He was ‘new guy’ like five minutes ago.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh my God. I completely forgot to tell you. We got another new guy. He’s like mad hot, but Carter says he’s gay. I plan on converting him tonight if I can.”

“Dude!”

“I want princely stories later, bitch.” She laughed wickedly and waved as she walked away. I turned and walked into class. My chest felt empty. I was pretty sure my heart was sitting in my throat.

Carter came and sat beside me. “You look hot. Did you get a boob job?”

I scowled. “No. I gained a little weight lately, but thanks for bringing it up, ass.”

He winked. “Me likey the extra pounds, Fin.”

I laughed. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know. But I’m still that idiot who wants to scre—”

I put my hand over his mouth, “Don’t say that. Screw is a dirty word and I might have to kill you if you say that.”

His eyes sparkled with mischief as he pulled my hands away and kissed both palms softly. “I would let you kill me, but I choose how I die. Death by sex.”

“Oh my God, you are a cheesy dork. That can’t possibly work on girls.”

“I’m having my end-of-year Christmas party tonight. You can come and let me know if it works.”

I nodded. “I’ll come to the party. I could use some eggnog. But I am not letting you kiss me under the mistletoe just for that.”

He nudged me. “You will, and we both know it. You’re still as flirty as ever.”

I didn’t think that was true anymore, but it didn’t matter. I was moving on. I’d seen Aiden. I’d told him to eff off. I loved him, but that would go away, eventually.

Every minute of the day turned into a struggle. My brain worked against me, taking the things he’d said and making them somehow not bad. I thought about him constantly, but I pushed on. I made myself think about other things and I forced myself to be present in my last day.

At the end of it, Jess met me in the hall. “You want a ride home with me and Aaron?”

I was beat from not sleeping and the whole Aiden thing, but I needed a walk. I shook my head. “No, that’s cool. You go on.”

“You coming to Carter’s?”

“Yeah. I’ll meet you at the house and head over with you guys.”

She gave me a look. “Did he come here today, for real?”

“Yeah.”

“The whole school knows he’s a prince now, huh? No more ‘new guy.’ Now he’s ‘that prince Finley screwed.’”

I laughed. “I think it was the other way around, but awesome. Everyone is going to be like Linna about it and tell me I should settle for whatever he can give me. I should be grateful he chose me to be in love with and ashamed of in the same breath.”

She winced. “Screw them. If he doesn’t shout it from the rooftops and tell the world, screw him.” Her cheeks brightened. “I mean, don’t screw him.”

I laughed. “I’m not going to.”

I left the school and walked along the sidewalk. The air was cold. Mid-December usually brought us snow. I wasn’t worried about snow. I was worried about never getting past him.

It didn’t help when I looked up and he was standing in his pea coat and dress pants, looking sexy and conflicted, under a tree in front of me.

I stopped dead in my tracks. “Come on, seriously? Did you forget to mention another mean thing? Your parents don't approve ‘cause a scamming whore of an American isn’t enough for you?”

He put out a hand. “I have to say something. Just let me try to get it all out, before you interrupt and think I’m saying something horrid.”

I took a step back for every one he took forward. I was shivering cold, but I didn’t want to be near him. He sighed. “Okay, I’ll remain here and you there, and I’ll speak and you’ll listen. I won’t move so long as you listen.”

“Fine, but hurry up. I’m cold.”

He nodded. “I have always known how my life would be. I imagined it like Cinderella’s prince. A list of eligible girls would be presented and I would pick from that.”

I scowled, making him laugh. “Let me finish. Having grown up so close to Jack, I knew it didn’t have to be that way. He denied his birthrights and chose a girl no one would have thought suitable. He ran a successful business after the war and made himself a very rich man on his own. The entire time, he was madly in love with the girl he married. It is a rarity in my world, but it happens. Not without great sacrifice and the possibility of being disowned, but it happens. Because Andorra’s monarchy is so young and fragile, I knew I didn’t really have that option. I knew what was expected of me and what I would do to ensure my family’s reign was a success.”

I wrapped my arms around myself. “I know you like the long way, but can you shorten this up? I’m cold and I don’t give a rat’s ass about your family’s shit.”

His eyes burned. “I can’t choose you over my country. I don’t have that luxury. I am second in line for the throne and I have to act like it.”

I took another step back. “I don’t want to know about your troubles, okay? I don’t have room for this in me.” I stepped back again. He walked toward me, quickly.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his embrace. “The thing I’m trying to say, and failing at miserably, is that I want to make it so you are a viable option for me. I want to be with you. I want both, you and my country. I want us to date and for the world to know, and for it to be no different than any other prince dating a beautiful girl.”

I pushed back. “How could that happen?”

“You would need to learn how to fit in and be one of us.”

“So you want to change me, mold me into one of you?”

He shook his head. “It’s educating you in the mannerisms of my world.”

I laughed bitterly. “That’s changing who I am but saying it in your fancy Shakespeare way.”

He smiled down on me, staring at my lips. “I never want to change you. I lo-love you exactly as you are.”

I sighed. How could I argue with that? He lowered his face and pressed his mouth against mine. It was that held-back kiss again, but I’d missed the feeling of his self-control wavering when he kissed me. His fingers dug into my back, pressing me into him, but his lips lightly roamed mine with a delicate kiss. When I opened my eyes, snow was falling around us.

He kissed my cheek. “Be my girlfriend.”

I nodded against his kiss. “Okay.”

I suddenly noticed the guys standing off to the side. “Who are they?”

He looked back. “Ignore them. They are something you will have to get used to.”

I whispered. “Are they your chaperones?”

He chuckled. “Bodyguards.”

“Creepy.”

He kissed again, taking in a deep inhale of me when he did. “You have no idea. It’s going to get a lot creepier, and you’re going to want to do your typical runaway thing, but you have to try and see everything past how it looks.” He pulled back. “Including me. You have to know things between us will look one way and be another.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

He kissed my nose. “It means that I have to be a certain way in the eyes of the people. I have to maintain my composure. And so do you.”

I gulped. “What about the video of me fighting and stealing the lip-gloss?”

He smiled. “I have the lip-gloss one from the security guard and the copy he made of it for their records. But I can’t do anything about the one of you fighting. Fortunately, it is impossible to see who the girl is. We will just have to deny anything that comes out about it.”

“You mean lie.”

He tilted my chin. “Don’t tell me you’re above lying to the press who would want to ruin you? Think of them as Sheila. They make more money if you are ruined.”

“I’m cool with lying. I just need to know who and what I’m allowed to be, I guess.”

He winced. “My girl, and that’s all that matters.” He encircled me with his arm and led me down the road. The snow was starting to build, making the roads quiet. The first snowfall always silenced our city. I leaned against him and let him walk me home, with the two weird-looking dudes following us like we were important people.

When we got to my house, I went into my closet and got out the ring. I turned and passed it to him. “I can’t keep this though. It makes me feel weird.”

He looked at it and me through his inky lashes and nodded. “I am truly sorry for that. I had no idea.”

I shrugged. “It’s whatever. I just want it gone.”

He took it and placed it in his pocket and then lifted my hand and kissed it.

I smiled. “Why do you keep stuttering when you say love?”

He shook his head. “I used to stutter when I was younger. My mother said it ran in the family. I had to go to speech therapists in secret. I only do it when I’m really nervous. Well, only around you. I haven’t stuttered in ages.”

A slow smile lifted my lips. “You stuttered when you were little?”

He looked pained. “I don’t like the way you’re saying that, like I’m an adorable little boy and you might pinch my cheeks.”

“It’s just cute, and I like that you only do it around me.”

“Yes, me as well. I always dreamt that one day I would meet a girl and fall in love with her and then stammer my way through every sonnet I spoke.”

I laughed. “Oh, I missed your Shakespeare impersonations.”

His eyes got the look that they got when we were watching
Joe Dirt
. He reached down and lifted me into his arms and carried me to my bed. He laid me back and kissed my cheek, so close to my lips I could taste the kiss.

“No matter what I say, don’t let this get too far. You have to be the voice of reason.” He pulled off his coat and got up. He locked the door to the room and switched off the light. It was late afternoon and still snowing, so the room was just light enough to see his beautiful face as he pressed his mouth against my neck. I wrapped around him, getting lost in the embrace.

His lips ran down my neck to my chest as his fingers slipped up the back of my blouse. I started to undo the buttons, but he grabbed my hands. I kissed him, sucking his bottom lip. “I want you, Aiden.”

He didn’t wait for anything else to be said. He pulled off his sweater and undershirt. We hadn’t ever swam together or seen each other without anything on. I pulled back, running my hands over his bare chest and muscled stomach. “Impressive.”

He smiled down on my chest, running his hands over my push-up bra. He kissed at the top of my chest where my heart was. “Do you love me?”

I looked down at him, sighing. “I do love you. I think I have always loved you.” He climbed on top of me, hovering. “You sure about this, because you were supposed to be the voice of reason here?”

I nodded. “I’m being the voice of reason.”

Slowly, he lowered himself on top of me, pressing me down into the bed. His fingers traipsed down my stomach and hips to my butt. He lifted my skirt and ran his hands across to my ass. He gripped firmly, and from there, everything got lost.

I gripped the bed, moaning into him as he explored me. Our kisses were clumsy and chaotic, sucking each other’s lips and tongues, writhing against one another. He couldn’t get enough of me, and I was desperate to have all of him.

When it was time to put the condom on, he pulled back and gave me one last heartfelt look. The steam in his eyes vanished for a moment. “Are you sure?”

I bit my lip, scared yet excited about taking everything to the next step.

Sometimes I take too many selfies and I don’t know which one I should post, and I want to post them all, but then I don’t want to look narcissistic.

Chapter Thirteen

Maiden’s Sheets

I was no longer a virgin. It was gone. Vanished. Finished. Over. And I couldn’t have been happier. I imagined I might have mourned its passing. I had held out for so long. All my friends had been doing it since we were fourteen. I was the only one who held out, and I still felt young to be making the choice.

Perhaps, deep down I knew that my mom had been trapped by the choices she had made. When her choices became mine, I got scared.

But lying there in his arms, curled against each other, I was ecstatic. He was nattering, which was odd. “So then I was thinking we could Christmas with my parents and you could bring Jess, since your family is so awful. The two of you could spend it with my family and we could ski. There are resorts in Andorra like nowhere else in the world. What do you think?”