White Lace and Promises (39 page)

Her hand went to her stomach. Surely, if she’d lost the child, she would remember that? Yes, she’d be sore in her pelvis or something.

She arose from the bed and reached for her wrapper. The effort made her breathless in a way that made panic arise in her. She forced herself to slow down. She had to speak with Grey. She must make sure he knew about Jan.

Chapter Twenty-Three

At the sound of the door opening, Grey looked up from his desk. Beth stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame. Her pallor sent a pulse of fear through his heart. He dropped his quill and rushed to her side, then he put his hands to her waist. The heat of her flesh seemed to scorch him through her nightdress. “What the devil are you doing out of bed?”

“I…have to tell you…something,” she gasped.

Her breathless tone caught at his heart. “Hush now,” he said, gently urging her towards a chair. “Sit here.”

He settled her into the chair, then hurried to pour her some watered claret and took it back to her. “Drink this.”

She took a brief sip. Her chest rose and fell several times, her breath wheezing out in a way that made him wince. “I must tell you now. Jan…”

“Jan’s gone back to Red Oaks. He left about an hour ago.” Grey was still uneasy about the way Jan had left. Quiet and sudden. Still, it was understandable. The boy had been quite shaken by Watson’s accusations and the embarrassment of having his private scribblings revealed. There had been no reassuring him. Grey compressed his lips. Maybe he just hadn’t tried hard enough. But damn it, he’d been so distracted with worry over Beth.

“No.” She placed her hand to his chest and gripped his lapel. “He’s gone to…to meet Watson.”

Meet Watson? He stared at her dumbly. Her words seemed so unthinkable, he couldn’t comprehend her. Then realisation dawned. His mouth went dry. “My God.”

Jan was going to meet over pistols with Watson. Over that nonsense about what had happened on the balcony?

“Why would he do such a thing?” Grey wondered aloud.

“Watson has been…bothering me. Jan knew. I didn’t want you to know.”

His brows snapped together. “Watson was bothering you? How?”

She waved sharply. “That doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that Jan thinks to take it upon himself to settle this.”

“But Thomas wouldn’t accept—not without speaking to me first.”

“No, Watson accepted his challenge last evening, Jan said.”

His son—his beloved son. Horror washed over him. “Christ, I’ve got to get there.”

He walked to the window and threw open the curtains. The sky was turning from inky night into a bright blue. Jan would have gone to Weehawken. just a few miles away, but dawn was already breaking. He might not make it there in time. Even if he did, he might not find the exact spot in time. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach at the thought.

“Grey.”

He looked down into Beth’s eyes, large pools of sky blue in her too-pale face. He took her hand from his lapel and caressed it. “What, my love?”

“You must do more than stop this duel. You must take Jan’s aimless, self-destructive bent seriously. You must take him in hand before it is too late. You must, or else this shall only be the beginning.”

A dull ache began to gnaw between his temples. Why was she bringing all of this up now? But she was ill and he did not have time to argue the matter. He kissed her forehead. It burnt his lips. “Come, let’s get you back to bed and then I shall leave right away for Weehawken.”

* * * *

On the little beach beneath the high cliff, Grey stood with Jan in the leaden, cloudy light of the December dawn, watching the Hudson for Watson’s arrival.
If
Watson showed. They had walked a pace away from Jan’s second, the boatmen and the physician Grey had woken from his bed and dragged along.

“Have you taken leave of your very last sense?”

Jan scowled. “Someone had to take action. He’s your friend, but she’s your
wife
and you were too blind to see what was happening. Or were you too afraid of damaging a favourable business relationship?”

Grey’s jaw hardened. A cutting breeze blew, carrying scattered snow flurries. He reached out and pulled up the collar of Jan’s greatcoat. “Have a care for yourself. I don’t need you ill as well.”

Jan kept scowling at him. “She’s been unhappy. You haven’t cared. You’ve just kept on living as if you were still unmarried. She was terribly ill, all night, and you couldn’t—or wouldn’t—see it. She’s a true lady in every sense of the word and you don’t deserve her.”

“Jan, these things are not your affair.”

“It was Watson’s fault she fell from her horse.”

Grey’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Yes, he followed us to Red Oaks. He tracked her down while she was out riding. I saw them together and he put his hands on her—treated her quite roughly. She denied it and I didn’t push for details. I don’t know what he said to her but it upset her enough that she rode her horse blindly.”

Grey turned from Jan, staring intently at the Hudson. With every heartbeat, grim determination pounded into his blood. He knew what he must do. “Go back to the boat, Jan. Wait for me there.”

“But, Father—”

“It’s my quarrel with Watson, not yours.” He caught Dr O’Brien’s eye and motioned him over. He would serve as well for a second as a doctor.

Grey turned to head up the narrow, rocky path to the duelling area he and his associates had been using for as long as he could remember.

“But, Father, I can go with you.”

Grey stopped, turned around. Jan stared back at him, so very earnest. So ready to be of help, to be needed. It was almost painful for Grey to look at him.
Beth tried to tell me—I wouldn’t listen.

“I can be your second,” Jan added, his voice tense with the emotion he was so obviously trying to conceal.

Grey shook his head. “Go and wait with the boatmen.”

Turning away, Grey resumed his climb up the narrow path. Beth was right. He had not valued his son’s individuality. But she had seen Jan all along the way as he truly was. She had a woman’s kind of wisdom. A strength in her softness. He hadn’t valued her. He had almost lost her and Jan and everything truly important to him. He had not properly honoured her place in his life or admitted to himself what he truly needed from her.

And what did he really need from her?

He needed her to provoke him and get him out of his head and make him feel. He needed her to save him from himself and his isolation from those around him. Thank God for Beth—he needed her fire in his life. He also needed to live up to what she needed so she could believe in him.

He needed her to truly love him.

But for that he’d have to make it safe for her to do so. He had to fully open his life to her. He couldn’t be partway a husband. He’d have to dedicate himself to her and to Jan and to their children. The business must come second now.

How odd that the thought rested so easily with him now. There was no panic, no anxiety about things spiralling away from him. There was nothing but sure resolve.

As he came to the halfway point, the snow was falling steadier, sticking to the path.

“Sexton!”

It was Watson’s voice. Grey stopped and faced the dark-looking river and the bleak clouds resting low on the horizon. Farther back on the path, Dr O’Brien gave him a quizzical look.

“You’ll face me today, Thomas,” he called down to the beach.

“The boy challenged me, Grey, not the other way around. I’ve got no quarrel with you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” He didn’t want to say more with the physician and the boatmen there. But his eyes met with Thomas’ and locked. He let all his deadly intent show. He’d either hear Thomas’ apology and gain some concessions or he would indeed face him—and he wouldn’t delope or intentionally misdirect his aim.

Thomas had crossed an uncrossable line. Gentlemen understood these things.

And Thomas did understand, for he paled and twisted his mouth. He turned away and gazed out at the river for a moment. Then he turned back and smiled a tortured, forced-looking smile. “Well, good God, Sexton, come back down here. We’ve got some serious talking to do.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

“I took his place.”

Grey’s words fell on Beth like a deluge of cold water and she set her cup of steaming liquorice tea down on the night table. “You what?”

“It took some doing, but Jan convinced me it was my honour at stake, and I took his place.”

With terror crawling over her scalp, she gaped at him. He looked fine but—“Oh God, are you hurt?” She gingerly touched his wool-covered chest.

“No, I am not harmed.”

Relief made her so weak she had to lie back on her pillow. “What happened to Watson?”

He reached for her hand and threaded his fingers through hers. “Fortunately, he offered me a grudging apology.”

At least there would be no blood between them over this whole overblown matter. But she dreaded the next question. “And your friendship?”

“It seems over, Beth. I can forgive but not forget his attempt to place a wedge between us.” He caressed her hair. “Darling, I don’t want you to fear him any longer. He has decided to return to Boston.”

She couldn’t believe her ears. “Boston?”

“Yes, New York is a growing town. He thinks Boston shall be more copasetic for him now.”

At the hard note under Grey’s tones, Beth understood. He had made moving back to Boston a term of his acceptance of the apology from Watson. She couldn’t be sorry.

Grey’s hand stilled on her hair. “But I can’t for the life of me figure out why he would turn on me like this. To attack my wife, provoke my son to a deadly duel… Good God, I begin to think I never knew him at all.”

“Jenna…he wanted you free for her.” It was hard to speak. She had to conserve her voice. “Maybe he reckoned if you thought Jan had real reason to duel with him over my honour, then you’d turn on me.”

“I thought he’d accepted that I was never going to marry Jenna.” Grey took her hand and drew it to his lips. “I was never going to marry anyone else ever again, until I met a certain young lady in a Philadelphia bookseller’s and she led me on a merry chase.”

That brought back the disquieting spectre of his upcoming trip. “When are you leaving for Philadelphia?”

“I am not going.”

Hope sprang within her. “You’re not? But the
Pride
?”

“I am sending Jan.” A small smile curved his lips.

“Jan?” She couldn’t have been more shocked.

“You said he needed some real responsibility.”

“But it seems so sudden.” She coughed. “So much responsibility.”

“I am sending him with detailed written instructions for Mr Heron. It’s going to be Jan’s responsibility to keep me informed on how Mr Heron follows my orders.”

“But the risk?”

“Mr Heron is trustworthy and capable—he really doesn’t need anyone, not even me, breathing down his neck to do a good job. But, yes, I could lose the case. It’s just the cost of one cargo. Perhaps I have been overly concerned about this. Blown it up out of proportion in the larger scheme of things. Our reputation has always been good. We’ll weather a charge of fraud. Jan needs this. If this is what it takes to prove my caring and how much he is worth to me, then I shall risk the loss.” He kissed her forehead. “Besides, my place is here in New York with you, my love.”

She glanced up at him. “Grey, are you—?” Her voice broke. “That mansion in Long Island?”

He squeezed her hand and smiled at her, his silver eyes full of soul-deep tenderness. “I think I shall buy it for us both. We need someplace close, of our own, to go away to together.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. They were not going to part. Not now.

“When I am well I shall return to teach at the school,” she said.

“Yes, I think you should. You need something of your own. I am a busy man and I doubt that will change any time soon. However, I promise I shall be more selective in the engagements I choose to attend in the evenings. I have always been mindful of maintaining my contacts but now I see it is more important that I spend time with you and, when our child comes, it shall be even more imperative. I pledge to you that I shall spend no more than two nights a week away from home without you. Will that suffice?”

She smiled, her eyes blurring with happy tears. She nodded.

He cupped her face. “Thank you for being patient with me, my love.”

“The fault wasn’t completely yours.”

His eyes shone like silver stars. “You own my heart. Now and forever.”

“I love you completely.” She croaked the words without any reservations.

The heaviness she’d lived with for so long lifted from her heart. They were going to be all right. She, Grey, Jan, and however many children they were blessed with, would be all right. She would have everything she’d ever wanted. They would be a real family.

“If you must have your sister and her girls here in your life, then I shall not gainsay it. I’ll buy her a house—a nice one. But you must swear you will allow me to handle her financial needs. I’ll even get Charlie a small house in Philadelphia. However, I must have your word—no more giving them money from that which is yours and yours alone.”