White Lies (17 page)

Feeling sick, she put down her cup. So did he. He drew her head onto his shoulder and left his hand to cradle her cold face while she slipped her arms around him and nestled closer for comfort.

'I found a file of newspaper cuttings advertising for female companions under the age of thirty,' he continued quietly. 'There was a request for details and photographs to be sent to a box number—and that, I discovered, was a cover for one of the partners in Lacey's firm.'

'But Lacey wasn't involved?' she cried in agitation.

'Probably not,' he answered, his mouth against her temple. 'Lacey's partner was dealing with my father's adverts for a companion. I found one dated only last month. When I read a copy letter to Lacey detailing Father's instructions about you, I jumped to the conclusion that you were the companion Father had chosen.' Gently he detached himself and looked deep into her eyes, which were swimming with unshed tears. 'You can see why.'

'Yes,' she said dully.

'Father asked me to meet you and take care of you till he was better. As far as I was concerned you were one of a long line of women who'd turned up on his doorstep.'

She cringed. 'I'm sure Mr Lacey knew nothing about this.. .soliciting of women. He's a nice man with a lovely family.'

'Trust you to know that!' said Pascal wryly.

'Well, I know he wouldn't have sent me out to St Lucia to be a kept woman! He—he honestly believed I was on my way to tracing my parents! It—it looks as if it was all a mix-up!' She winced in distress. 'There's no one here for me at all.'

He went silent. Eventually he said, as if in relief, 'You didn't know anything of this?'

'No.' Her voice was barely audible.

Pascal closed his eyes in pain and then looked at her with such tenderness that her heart skipped a beat. 'I'm sorry,' he said huskily. 'The St Honore men have given you a tough time, one way or another.'

'It wasn't your fault,' she said woodenly, trying not to think of the impending journey back to England. 'You—you kept trying to warn me about your father,' she remembered with a sniff.

'Yes. He's always had mistresses. An old tradition handed on from father to son,' he said bitterly, 'from way back when we were French aristocrats and morals were different.'

'That's sickening!' she said in disgust. 'Marriage is sacrosanct.'

And she had to admit to herself that Pascal wasn't much better than his father. He'd been ready to take her on as his mistress too. Like father, like son.

Suddenly she moved away from Pascal. She needed to be on her own. She had to get used to that idea. Her time with Pascal had been nothing but a brief and intense holiday romance—and just as shallow.

'Come back,' he coaxed. 'Let me hold you. You must be so upset. Don't sit over there and shut me out.'

'Please,' she said, shaking her head. 'I need to come to terms with what's happened. It's such a shock.'

'I know. I remember what it was like when I found out Father was playing around,' he said grimly. 'Even at six years old I was aware of the gossip and my mother's shame when Father brought another woman into the house. My aunt says that Mother had known about his earlier infidelities. But this was something different—a deliberate insult to my mother's good name.' He frowned. 'I imagine she and Father had a row and that's when he hit her.'

Mandy's tender heart softened. 'Have you ever tried to trace her?' she asked gently.

He shook his head. 'When I grew older I thought about finding her,' he replied, 'but even if I could—and did—what then? She hated my father. She couldn't visit me without painful memories. I was afraid I'd ruin the new life she'd made, perhaps with another husband, a new family. She and Father were never divorced, you see. I could hurt her badly, just by satisfying my curiosity and some vague yearning.' Pascal's clear blue eyes blazed a message. 'I don't think it's wise to dwell on the past, Mandy.'

'You think I shouldn't pursue my dream?' she asked tentatively.

He smiled, and the sweetness of his mouth filled her with tenderness. 'That's for you to decide. But I'm glad you did or you wouldn't be here and last night would never have happened.'

Mandy sighed. She would never have known the beautiful island, never have discovered the extraordinary fires inside her or known that two people could create such joy. 'No,' she croaked, and her wistful glance lingered on him as she wished and wished that their union could have lasted more than just a brief moment in time.

Pascal reached out and pushed back the curtain of thick hair that had fallen over Mandy's face when she'd bent her head in regret. 'It was special, wasn't it?' he said softly.

'Mmm.'

'Mandy, I...' His hand fell away. 'I think I need something to eat,' he said unsteadily. 'I'm getting a little light-headed.'

He went over to collect the tray. When he brought it back it seemed to her that his eyes were melting with affection. Trembling a little, Mandy accepted the croissant he put on a plate for her.

'Thanks,' she mumbled.

He leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. His palms came up to cup her face and he regarded her with a limpid warmth that made her heart lurch. 'I hate to think what would have happened to you if my father hadn't been taken ill. You would have been brought to his house as his next mistress. We would have met under very different circumstances.'

As if unable to bear that idea, he scowled and settled down beside her again, moodily picking up a warm croissant and tearing at it savagely with his teeth.

'Horrible!' She wrinkled her brow, trying to remember his words. 'You said something about encountering plenty of women, bright-eyed and hungry...'

His skin drawn tight over his cheekbones, he nodded grimly and said, 'They were always hopeful, looking for the wonderful life that money could buy. Usually I didn't meet the women till they were in trouble and desperate to leave. They'd come to me then and beg for money for their air fare home. Few put up with him for long.'

'How awful. I do feel sorry for them,' she said, her voice low and husky with compassion. 'It's a terrible way to live your life.'

'I feel sorry for anyone who tangles with my father.'

He passed her a jar of guava jam and Mandy suddenly thought how incongruous it was that they should be sitting up in bed eating breakfast like any married couple and discussing his father's mistresses.

'The ones who stayed.. .did he eventually dump them?' she asked tentatively.

'No. He hates change. I got rid of them by bribery,' Pascal said bluntly. 'Some I brought to Beau Jardin. I made them comfortable and did everything I could to talk them out of staying. Father was always threatening to bequeath Beau Rivage to whichever woman took his fancy the most. I couldn't bear to think of living next door to one of his ex-mistresses who worshipped money above decency. I did what I could to persuade the women to go.'

'Even keep them a prisoner.'

'Once. The others accepted money and air tickets home.'

'Did you provide them with a moonlit dinner by the sea?'

He shifted uncomfortably. 'Only one before you.'

And Mandy felt the breath shuddering out of her. 'And did this other woman resist the little stroll along the beach afterwards?' she asked huskily.

'I never offered. I never wanted any of them. They'd been with my father, don't forget,' he said in disdain.

'And... if I had been with him?'

Pascal recoiled, his eyes telling her that he couldn't countenance that idea. 'It doesn't bear thinking about,' he growled.

'Why did you make love to me, Pascal?' She knew what she wanted him to say. And knew that he'd disappoint her. But she had to ask.

'You know why. We needed each other.'

Although he said no more, his mouth had softened, causing her body to shimmy as if he'd caressed it. But she remembered that he'd told her he needed sex without strings. Pascal deplored his father's habit of acquiring mistresses, but he had the same cavalier attitude towards women.

She closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly, blotting out her need for him. It was only a substitute for the love she wanted from her own family. She felt Pascal remove the plate from her lap and lean over to put the tray on the side-table. A long silence fell.

That was it, then. The end of her hopes. Nothing was left. 'Will you take me back to the hotel?' she asked listlessly, opening her eyes at last. She felt dead. The future seemed dark and dreary.

'If that's what you want. You intend to go home on the eighteenth?' he asked gently. Her lip trembled and then her chin wobbled too. 'Mandy!' he sighed, gathering her in his arms and rocking her. 'You fool. You fool.'

'I can't help it! I'm so miserable! I'll be all—all right in—a—minute,' she said jerkily, her voice muffled by his chest. 'I've got to come to terms with not finding m-my family,' she wailed. 'Oh, hell!'

His hand stroked her shining hair soothingly. 'Hush. Hush,' he whispered.

'I arrived with such hopes,' she mumbled.

'I know,' he said fondly. 'I remember the way you looked when you came down the hotel steps—like someone who'd been set alight. God! I could
kill
my father for hurting you!' he growled savagely.

She put her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. It was nice. She felt protected. 'I'll keep trying to trace them when I get home,' she whispered. Pascal murmured something comforting, his mouth on her temple. Being hugged was lovely. She didn't want to emerge from his arms for a long time. 'Dave and I invented wonderful mothers for ourselves,' she reminisced, with a rueful smile. 'They were the best cooks, the best dressmakers and the highest-paid businesswomen in the world!'

'Of course!' Pascal chuckled, his breath warming her scalp, and she hugged him tightly.

'Our fathers were tall and handsome and dignified,' she continued dreamily, 'and worked in one of the caring professions. Dave's was a philanthropist who owned beautiful homes for the elderly; I favoured a paediatrician!'

Pascal brushed his lips over her forehead. 'The perfect family,' he murmured.

'I know it was foolish,' Mandy admitted, 'and we didn't expect anything like that. Normal parents with faults would have been fine,' she sighed wistfully. 'Knowing my luck, I'll discover that my mother is a weather-beaten navvy and my father lives under Battersea Bridge.'

'I'd offer you my father if I didn't like you so much,' said Pascal drily.

She detached herself from him and smiled. 'That's nice,' she said, solemn-eyed. 'Thank you.'

He hesitated, his lips parting. And hers did too. His lashes fluttered down. Mandy knew that he was going to kiss her—a proper kiss—and she waited, excitement building up inside her. Nothing sexual. Just an over-whelming delight and a deep desire to be touched by him.

When their lips met she sighed in her throat and slid her fingers into his fair curls. He was about to draw away but she prolonged the kiss, suddenly panicking. She'd never see him again. They had no reason to be together. 'Oh, Pascal!' she said brokenly when he thrust her back.

'I can't let you go,' he said roughly.

'Pascal,' she said, startled. 'I—'

'Listen. I've got to say this. You'll think I'm like my father but I'm not. I swear I'm not. I've done everything I could
not
to grow up like him. Any similarities I detected were ruthlessly expunged. You've got to listen to me. Don't interrupt. Will you do that?'

'All right,' she said uncertainly, bewildered by his intense expression.

'My wife died nearly ten years ago,' he said quickly, hurriedly, as if he had something urgent to tell her. 'She was nineteen when we married and I adored her. I know how you feel about your late husband. I felt like that about Caroline. She was all I had, the only female love- other than my aunt's—that I'd ever known. When she died with my baby son my world ended. Being in prison didn't even matter.'

He frowned, clearly trying to control his emotions, and Mandy's heart melted in the face of his heartache. 'I tried to forget her. I took off my wedding ring to break the hold she had over me. It didn't work. I believed then that I'
_v
d never know love like that again,' he said huskily, 'and so I shut women out of my life.'

'I understand,' she said quietly.

Pascal held her firmly by the shoulders and fixed her with his sea-deep eyes. 'And then you came along. Last night..'*.' he said softly. 'Last night was something extraordinary for me. I've been celibate for so long, hungry for so long, wishing I could release my physical feelings. But I didn't want to pretend to a woman that I wanted to start an emotional relationship.'

'I—I understand that,' she admitted. Sorrow filled her misty eyes. 'It was nice to be held. To sleep in caring arms again.'

'Yes,' he muttered, his warm breath caressing her face. 'To know the pleasure of being touched. To smell a woman's scent, to stroke her skin, to feci the softness of her body... Sex,' he said bitterly. 'My curse is to have my father's urges with none of his immorality. I don't want to be tied emotionally and yet I need a woman in my life. I don't want to pretend to any woman that I'm capable of falling in love, because I'm not.'

Tenderly he kissed Mandy's parted lips and groaned into them. She shuddered, wrapping her arms around his body. 'A dilemma,' she whispered.

'Mmm.' He smiled, his eyes warm. 'We're so alike,' he murmured. 'Alone, with the same kind of past that we can't forget. Mandy...' He paused, struggling with some question that he felt unable to ask. She waited, her eyes telling him to speak, and he drew in a breath and said, 'Stay.'

Stunned, she stared at him uncomprehendingly. But she couldn't prevent her involuntary delight from showing in her face, or the longing that made her body tense with hope. 'I am staying,' she said shakily. 'Till the eighteenth.'

'And then?'

She bit her lip, knowing that she wanted to delay returning to her empty life—and knowing too that such a decision would only end in sorrow. Her face set in stiff lines. 'I go home.'

'I want to spend time with you. More than a week or so,' murmured Pascal, his velvety voice melting her resolve. 'We need each other, Mandy. We have a world in common and you can't deny that the chemistry between us is spectacular. Last night proved that.'