Who He Is (FireNine, book 1) (17 page)

I frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m not the guy who should be popping your cherry,” he said, as if that answered my question.

I was still confused. He had the perfect opportunity to have sex with me. From what I’d seen and heard, Gage was a sex fiend… but he was denying me? He had sex with girls he didn’t even know without a problem. I felt kind of offended by that and the emotions intensified since I was nearly drunk.

I pushed up on my elbows as he stood and fixed his crumpled T-shirt. “Am I not good enough for you?” I asked.

He laughed, helping me up and then bending down to grab my panties. He placed them in my hand but pulled me forward, placing his lips against my ear. “I don’t eat girls who aren’t good for me,” he murmured. “If I did, it would be just like eating out of the garbage. Consider yourself my… treasure for tonight.”

I clenched below, delightfully of course. “
I just don’t get it,” I muttered, tugging my panties on.

“Eliza…” He shook his head,
running a hand through the dark-brown hair I’d made even messier. A few pieces had fallen onto his forehead, making him look even hotter. “I take it you wanna hear something from me that’ll make you feel good about yourself right now.”

My arms folded. “I do, actually.”

His lips pressed, his features hardening a bit. “Okay.” He then moved forward, hooking his arm around my waist and pulling me against him. His hazel eyes shimmered from the streaks of moonlight beside us, and my breath tangled with his. I couldn’t seem to look away from the eyes that were so focused on mine that it would have made it awkward to look away.

“You’re the first girl I’ve given that kind of satisfaction. I’ve never given pleasure without pleasing myself in return.”

I waited to see if he’d smile, laugh—something. He didn’t. His face was stern with a soft edge, and for some reason I believed him. “Why?” I whispered.

“Well, for one, none of the girls I sleep with are virgins.” He chuckled, pulling away from me.

“Obviously,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. “But that doesn’t mean anything. You could have still… taken it away from me.”

“I didn’t want to.”

“Why
not?” I don’t know why I was getting upset, but it really was bothering me how he could sleep with any other girl without a problem. I felt like some kind of whore for complaining, but I really needed to know what his deal was. Did I seem lame in bed? I mean I know I was a virgin and all, but I could learn.

“
Eliza, I can’t do that to you. I can’t take something that valuable away from you. You’re so innocent and I’m just… me. I’m Gage Grendel, a guy who hardly gives a fuck. You need someone who cares to take that away from you.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve been around you for a while now and it wouldn’t feel right to just… take it. You’re a nice girl. I don’t want to turn you into one of the many whores in this world who thought their first was going to be their everything. I wouldn’t even be able to live up to being your everything.”

His gaze lower
ed and if I wasn’t mistaken, I saw guilt behind his eyes. I wasn’t allowed enough time to speak on it because he was reaching for my hand and pulling me toward him to cup my face. His fingers stroked my cheeks and the sensitive skin behind my ears and his lips were so close that with one tiny inch forward, I would have been kissing him again. I would be tasting the lips I used to dream about. I still couldn’t believe I’d kissed Gage Grendel. “I do want more of you, trust me,” he sighed. “But wait for the right time, Ellie. This isn’t it. I’m not it.”

I stared into his eyes and after watching the sincerity run through his, I knew he was right.
“Fine,” I breathed, forcing myself to pull away from him.

He smiled softly and then
went for the door. Stretching an arm out, he looked at me and flicked his fingertips for me to come to him. “Let’s go finish our dance,” he murmured. “I wanna see what else you can do with those hips.”

We were laughing entirely too much, to the point it started hurting my sides. I just couldn’t help myself, though. With Gage, it felt good to laugh. And to know he was actually laughing with me made me feel even better.

Gage always had a little sadness behind his eyes. He tried to cover it up with joking around, messing around, and other minor things, but I could always tell. I knew when someone carried a burden they’ve tried to forget about. I was one of those people, and the only reason I didn’t bring it up to him was because I knew how much I hated to talk about it. I would rather keep it in the past.

Gage hooked an arm around my waist as we hurried for the FireNine bus. As we got closer, I paused, placing a hand against his chest
and facing him. “Wait, Gage,” I breathed, giggling.

“What?” he asked, laughing with me as his head lowered. I couldn’t help but admire the chink around his eyes. The way his skin wrinkled softly. It was adorable.

“I can’t go in this bus,” I whispered.

He looked around quickly, then looked at me again, his head tilting. “Why not?”

“‘Cause I might see naked girls in there or something.” My nose crinkled in disgust and he chuckled. It was a deep, sexy chuckle. One that made my legs clench and my nipples tighten beneath the fabric of my bra. It was so damn sexy. And I was drunk, which enhanced his sexiness.

“You won’t,” he said. “None of the boys are here and even if they come, we’ll be in my room.”

I paused again.
His room?
What were we going to be doing in there? I knew I was leading Gage on. I couldn’t help myself, though. It was fun to kiss someone for the first time, over and over again. I’d never experienced anyone’s lips against mine or anyone’s body rubbing against me. I was enjoying myself with Gage, but I knew the next morning I was going to hate myself for it. For kissing him, getting drunk with him, and almost having sex with him…
That was a close one.

“Eliza?” Gage murmured, moving in closer. I looked up and his features were
solid. His lips were pressed, but his eyes were lax. “I just—I mean… you don’t have to come in if you don’t want to. I don’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable.” He looked up toward my bus. “I can just take you to your bus if you’d like.” He cocked his head to his left.

“No—no,” I said quickly
, feeling bad for his hesitation. I could tell he was trying to make me comfortable. “It’s fine. I’ll come in.”

“Are you sure?”

I grinned. “Positive.”

Nodding, he grabbed my hand and turned for the door. As he twisted the knob, a nervous spell took hold of me. I really wasn’t sure why. Maybe the alcohol made me antsy. Perhaps it was because I didn’t know what to expect with just us on the bus. At least at the party there were people around. I didn’t mind getting a few more drinks into my system because I knew Gage wasn’t going to want to go to a bedroom with me again.

The first thing that came into view was the large L-shaped white leather sofa facing the huge flat-screen TV that was mounted on the north wall. He complained about his bus before, but already theirs was ten times better than ours.

As he flipped on one of the light switches, I saw the floors were made of hardwood, a dining table with a matching set of grey placemats and silverware was set up in the corner across from the kitchen, and their kitchen was nice, t
oo—black marble counters, oak cabinets. It was way bigger than ours.

“Wow, this bus is nicer than I thought.”

“What’d you expect?” he asked, looking down at me with a smirk. “Stripper poles, butt-naked women, and loads of beer bottles scattered across the floor?”

I laughed. “
Something like that.”

“Nah. I guess they decided to get ri
d of the strippers and poles. There wasn’t enough space anyway,” he teased.

“Oh, funny,” I sassed him playfully. I released Gage’s hand and took a step ahead to look around. It really was nice. There was a drum set in
the corner beside the TV, most likely for Deed to practice on. Three guitars—an acoustic, a bass, and a lead—sat in the opposite corner along with an amp. A few posters of naked women were on the walls (that was pretty predictable) and even some of the FireNine logos were plastered around. A neon red FireNine sign was on the wall in the kitchen.

“Wanna check out my room?” Gage asked over my shoulder. A soothing chill ran down my spine when I realized how close he was. I could feel the heat radiating from his body, ready to consume
me. His breath trickled across my neck and through my hair, causing me to tingle and shudder like I never had before.

“Sure,” I whispered breathily.

He chuckled softly, grabbing my hand and turning me around. He pulled me in close by my hipbone, his eyes locked on mine, his lips so close that, from a bystander’s point of view, it would have looked like we were kissing. His cologne was so strong, yet sweet and delectable to me. I wanted a taste of him—anywhere.
Everywhere
.

In less than a second, I got what I wanted.

Gage moved in slowly and pressed his lips against mine, and I didn’t hold back. I hooked my arms around his neck and he picked me up so my legs could circle his waist. He grunted as he held me in his arms and stumbled down the hallway. I’m not sure which bedroom he kicked open, but within no time we were inside and he’d slammed the door behind us.

My head was still swimming. I was still seeing stars from earlier and it obviously meant I was still in a pretty high state of mind. It was a pleasant high—one I never wanted to come down from because I knew coming down meant facing reality, facing everything I never wanted to recollect. I didn’t want the negativity. I loved the feeling taking over me. I loved t
he Eliza I was while I was with the stars. While I was with Gage Grendel.

“Eliza,” Gage murmured against my neck. He laid my back on the bed and climbed on top of me, pushing my legs apart with his knee to get between them, but he didn’t stop kissing me. I cracked my eyelids open a little. They were heavy and low, and it was then that I realized how
tired I was. I was completely drained. I wondered what time it was and how long we actually ended up staying at the party.

From the window above, the moonlight sprinkled across Gage, revealing his chiseled face. Most of his features had a soft edge. His nose wasn’t too pointy or too perfect. It was slightly crooked, but one could only tell if they were up close. It fit him, though. His jawline and chin were defined, sculpted, and the stubble around his lips and on his chin was faint, but I could feel the roughness of it every time he kissed me. The only
thing baby-like on Gage were his eyes. They were bordered with long, thick lashes. He seemed almost innocent with them, but I knew he was far from it. Besides his beautiful, baby-like hazel eyes, Gage was all man.

“Yes?” I finally answered him, my voice faint. I could hardly hear myself. Lying against his sheets and pillows wasn’t helping the situation, either. I was so close to reach
ing slumber and to top it all off, my head was swimming. The feeling was like being rocked back and forth on a boat during a calm night at sea. Comforting.

Soundless.

Peaceful.

“You didn’t really have anything going on with Montana, did you?” The room stilled. He was probably waiting on me to answer because he’d gotten silent right after, but I couldn’t form the words.
Of course I don’t have anything going on with Montana.
I was about to say it, but he started talking again. “I mean, if so, it’s cool. We can stop what we’re doing. Neither one of us are worth your time anyway. Our lifestyles are crazy… something you don’t need. You deserve someone worthy and that’s neither of us.”

I frowned and my lips wanted to move and speak on it, but they wouldn’t. My body was working against me, begging me to just shut my eyes already. I allowed them to close briefly, but when I opened them again, Gage was staring at me.

I finally asked, “What do you mean ‘worthy of my time?’”

He sighed. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain… I’ll never really be the kinda
guy who knows how to treat someone like you—” He stopped talking abruptly, shaking his head. He then kissed the top of my hand, my knuckles, and then moved up to lie beside me.

Pulling me against him, he sighed while stroking my hai
r. His fingers felt good as they ran along the edges of my hair, but he was making me even more peaceful, which meant sleepier as well. I moved in and snuggled against his chest. I wrapped my arm around his waist and he stiffened. It seemed as if he’d stopped breathing, but I ignored it and moments after, he loosened up.

“Finish what you were you going to say,” I mumbled.

He didn’t respond right away, but I could feel his eyes on me. His thumb was still rubbing across my forehead and his arm was still wrapped around me. I breathed him in, satisfied with where I was. I wasn’t alone like usual. I was with him, and for some odd reason, it felt… good. It felt
right
.

“Never mind,” he whispered in my ear, his voice deep, husky. “Get some sleep, Eliza. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

I don’t know if I nodded for real or not. I may have been thinking I did, but either way I agreed and had completely sunk against his chest. His body was hard but
relaxing. I’d never slept next to anyone, but being here with Gage felt nice. Satisfying.

Soon my breath even
ed out. Gage continued stroking the edges of my hair, placing small kisses on my forehead, and then I fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning with a
dull headache. I groaned, shielding my eyes from the sun blazing in through the window above. My senses were piqued. I smelled strong cologne everywhere and even coffee lingered in the air.

Stumbling out of bed and continuing
to shield my eyes, I wobbled before taking a small look around. My head hurt so badly. I knew I shouldn’t have drunk so much the night before and at the thought of drinking, my eyes stretched. I yanked my hands down and took in the unfamiliar room. There were FireNine posters on each wall, all different with different colors and pictures of the boys. A few half-naked models were plastered on the walls as well and I shook my head because, unfortunately, I knew exactly where I was.

Gage’s bedroom.

The door swung open and my pulse paused as Gage stepped in, his hair wet, floppy, and messy as if he’d recently taken a shower. He had to have taken one because he had on fresher clothes. As soon as he looked into my eyes, his face softened and he clutched the doorknob. “Ellie,” he breathed.

“Uh… hi,” I whispered. Oh, goodness, it had gotten awkward. Seeing Gage made me go over how drunk I was the night before and then I remembered how he’d licked me in a spot that had never been licked or touched before.
Slow, sensuous, and delicately sweet. Thinking of how great it felt caused my face to burn from embarrassment and he took a step in, his head tilted.

“I made some coffee and there’s some water right there on the nightstand.” He pointed at it and I looked over my shoulder.

“I’ll take the coffee,” I murmured.

He nodded, looking me over twice before stepping back. I knew I looked like complete shit, without a doubt. Gage turned around and I followed him down the hallway. To my luck, no one was in the living room and I let out a sigh of relief. I didn’t want the boys to see me looking like trash or even in the same attire from the previous night.