“Okay,” she said, her voice quiet, low, and timid.
And so it went. They hadn’t even done much; this round of vehement denial couldn’t touch what had happened in the past, the guilt, the manipulation, the use of her love to keep her in line. She didn’t even think they were consciously aware of how difficult this was for her, how much seeing them like this hurt her. But it didn’t matter; it never had and she didn’t think it ever would. Some part of her, maybe the little girl who still loved her parents, or the grown woman who was consumed by guilt at the way she’d treated them, was unwilling to risk hurting them more, even though she knew things had to change. But today was not that day, so, as always, she folded.
They saw it too. She could tell because her father’s smile returned as if it hadn’t left and her mother nodded again, this time with approval.
“Come sit,” her father said, nodding at some indistinct area to his left.
“I’m fine,” she responded, and after a beat, he launched into a fairy tale about how he was going to repair his cars and sell them, just as soon as…
••••
Too many hours later, Blakely finally made it back to her car, hungry and exhausted beyond belief. Her mother had practically begged her to stay for dinner, but she’d refused. She couldn’t contemplate a scenario where food from that house would enter her body, felt her stomach churn at the thought of clearing off a spot and sitting among the mountains of refuse to break bread with those flawed people who, despite everything, she loved. Another wash of shame rushed over her at that thought. And again, she was assailed by the utter confusion her parents created. She loved them with a fierceness that sometimes shocked her with its intensity, but yet being with them brought her to her knees.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. She’d finally figured that out, but she didn’t know how to change it, how to change them, how to change herself.
A fresh round of tears sprang up, and this time, she didn’t try to stop them. They ran down her face freely as she cut the duct tape wrapped around her ankles and then her wrists. Uncaring that she stood on the road, she removed her boots, then her jeans, shirt, and hat. After quickly dressing in the change of clothes she’d brought, she placed the discarded items in a large trash bag and taped it closed with duct tape. She then put that bag inside another and taped it closed as well. She’d once thought her behavior was excessive, but the last time she’d been here, ten years ago, a thirty-minute visit had turned into a three-month flea infestation in her Seattle apartment, and she was unwilling to risk that again.
What she’d do with the items, she hadn’t yet determined, but this gave her some measure of comfort. She wished something else would. As she drove back to her house, the scenery failing to make an impact on the return trip, her melancholy and anxiety only increased. The prospect of spending time in her own home was more disquieting than it should have been, and she racked her brain for an alternative.
Verna was away in California visiting with Joe’s family. She briefly considered calling Matt, but he was far too close to the past and besides, he’d take one look at her and all the things she wanted to ignore would come spilling out. As a fresh wave of tears flowed, she was struck by inspiration.
A quick shower and she knew exactly where she’d be headed.
Chapter Six
Once she got home, she changed into a pair of denim capris and a sleeveless silk top and headed out. Doing so risked running into some random townsperson or old acquaintance that she had no inclination to talk to, but the alternative was staying home and mopping the kitchen floor again, and she wasn’t in the mood. If she kept her demeanor especially cold, she’d probably cut most idle chatter off at the pass, and if any of the particularly brave townspeople were feeling talky, she wasn’t above running.
Focused on the destination she had in mind, she tried to fall into the bubbling excitement that was pushing at the lump of nerves lodged in her gut. She hadn’t been to this place in a long while and was looking forward to seeing it again. When she turned left on Maple, she stopped short as she saw a familiar form. Her gaze clashed with his, and he lifted the corner of his mouth.
“We have to stop meeting like this,” Cody said, blue eyes taking her in with a quick once-over that gave her a flush that had nothing to do with the evening heat. This was a troubling development. As wired as she was, she knew she was in no frame of mind to deal with Cody and the emotions he stirred. Sure, they had a chemistry that she wanted to explore, but there was more to him, a depth that made her want to trust him, open up, and she had too much baggage for emotional entanglements. She should have stayed home and mopped, maybe scrubbed the bathtubs while she was at it.
“Sommers. Hello,” she said.
She’d intended the words to be brisk, frosty, but they were anything but, the low-voiced words revealing that she wasn’t nearly as detached as she pretended.
“Ms. Bishop.”
He nodded and came two steps closer and though her mind said move, her feet stayed firmly rooted. When he was just close enough to touch, Cody stopped and looked down at her. She loved his physique and couldn’t stop herself from admiring it as they stood on the sidewalk, watching each other, neither saying a word. He was tall, but not so tall that she, who was rather on the short side, felt dwarfed. Muscular but not bulky and she could easily imagine the feel of him in her arms, solid and warm and strong, could easily imagine the feel of being in his, knowing he would make her feel safe.
As she pictured herself and Cody in an embrace, everything else flew from her mind and she felt the telltale tingle in her nipples, the first skitter of arousal following after it. She’d said she didn’t like to play games, and she very seldom went against her word, but if he could stir her this way in the middle of the sidewalk, he was definitely worth an exception.
“You up for a walk?” she asked.
••••
The flare of arousal in her eyes was unmistakable, and Cody clenched his hands to keep from reaching out for her right where they stood. Instead, he nodded, intrigued by the prospect of seeing more of this side of her. They strolled at a leisurely pace, seeming to be headed out of downtown.
“I think you’re warming up to me, Ms. Bishop,” he said after a few moments.
“Why would you think a thing like that?”
The sharpness in her voice drew his gaze, and when his eyes clashed with hers, she smiled wryly, a look of triumph on her face that revealed she’d one-upped him.
“Just kidding,” she said. “And besides, if Matt and Joe call you a friend, that’s good enough for me.”
He’d have to hug Poole the next time he saw him.
“So where are we headed, new friend?”
“To the most beautiful place in the world.”
Now she really had his interest.
“You don’t strike me as the type to throw around accolades, so this place must be something,” he said.
“I’m not and it is. I’ve been to a lot of beautiful places but none even compare to this one, at least to my eye.” She glanced over at him. “Consider yourself lucky. Not many people see this, especially not with a personal escort.”
“I do. So tell me about these places you’ve seen,” he said as they continued to walk, the heat of the afternoon still present but not stifling and the terrain shifting as they began moving toward the woods.
“I haven’t done much leisure travel, but I’ve been all over for work. The West Coast, Europe, South America, Asia,” she said. “You must have been all over, too.”
“Yeah, though I rarely get much leisure either. So jungles, deserts, an occasional wetland. You know, the usual,” he said.
“But you like it, your work?”
“I love it. Wouldn’t do anything else.”
“And how did you end up in the Navy?”
“I have five older sisters, and I needed to go somewhere they wouldn’t follow.” He laughed at her curious look. “Army or Air Force, and they would have signed up with me. But three of them get viciously seasick and the other two wouldn’t go anywhere without them, so Navy it was.”
“Would they really have followed you?” she asked incredulously.
“Hey, doubt me if you want, but now that I’ve settled and might be here for a while, don’t be surprised if the whole Sommers crew, kids and husbands and all, decide they want to come down South.”
She laughed. “They must really love you.”
“They do. My parents died in a car accident when I was two, so I was raised by a sister committee and all of them take their role as my surrogate mother very seriously.”
“I’m sorry you lost your parents,” she said quietly, her face taking on a sadness that he hadn’t expected.
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago, and besides, I have my sisters.”
She smiled tightly. “I’m jealous,” she said.
“Why?” he asked.
“It’s just me, but I’ve always wanted brothers and sisters. It would have been great to have built-in friends when I was a kid. Someone to help—”
She cut off abruptly, and he didn’t probe the matter, her suddenly withdrawn expression keeping him from pushing the issue.
“Well, it could get pretty rowdy at times and to this day, at least three of them are always arguing about something, but we’re tight, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. And you, what do you do?” he asked, shifting topics.
“I’m an accountant and actuary,” she said.
“That sounds…mathematical,” he said, to which she laughed out loud.
“We can’t all be SEALs,” she said around her giggles, which were light, bubbly little sounds that he wouldn’t have expected but that he now thought were perfect.
“So true. So do you like it?”
“Since you already think I’m the world’s biggest nerd, I’ll confess. I love it, especially the actuarial work. I help people assess risk, try to give some semblance of predictability to this crazy world.”
“No such thing,” he said with conviction. “Life can’t be predicted and even if it could, you can’t control or change it.”
She looked ready to retort, so he said, “Take this little meeting. Did you predict when you left the house you’d run into me? And if you had, what would you have done about it?”
Rather than respond, she said, “It’s up here.”
As she spoke, her eyes brightened, the conversation of moments ago seemingly forgotten as she sped up to their destination. They walked through some fairly thick underbrush, Blakely seemingly uncaring of the rough grass and branches that whipped against her smooth calves and left faint red marks. Cody was at the ready, arm extended and prepared to reach for her if she showed any signs of distress, but she navigated like she was a pro, which, he supposed, she was.
When they broke through the underbrush, she stopped, and he stood behind her. It took a moment for him to realize that he’d lifted his hand to her waist and on second thought, he left it there, acknowledging how natural it felt and how much he didn’t want to remove it.
“Wow,” he whispered as he took in the space.
“Told you. Beautiful isn’t it?”
It was absolutely breathtaking. It appeared to be a small lake filled with crystal-clear water so translucent he could see directly to the bottom.
“We think it’s runoff from one of the springs. Probably an accident. We looked for the source for years, but we couldn’t ever find it,” she said as she stared down into the clear water.
“We?” he asked.
She turned then and stared up at him. “Yeah. Me and Matt. We spent hours and hours and hours here when we were kids. Of course, that was completely innocent,” she said, her eyes going dark with desire, “unlike what I have in mind for you.”
With that, she closed the distance between them, moving her hands to his back and letting her breasts and abdomen rest flush against his. She stood up on tiptoe, the motion smushing her breasts against his chest further as she moved against him. At the same time, he leaned down.
They met halfway, lips clashing against each other’s. She kissed him wildly, almost desperately, moving her mouth against his at a frantic speed. He put his other hand on her waist and then moved both up her body, stopping briefly at her breasts, the grazing of her hardened nipples through her blouse drawing a moan. When he reached her face, he gently cupped it in his hands and then broke the kiss.
As he watched, she slowly opened her eyes, which were still dark with passion and a desire so fierce, he wanted to take her right there. And she’d let him, he knew that for sure. But that wouldn’t do. When he took her—and he would—it wouldn’t be like this, rushed and hurried. No, he’d take his time, tease and coax her until she lost herself. Only then would he make them one.
She lowered herself until she was again standing firmly on her feet, and then, still gripping her face, he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her full lips. The gloss she wore made them amazingly smooth, so much so that he couldn’t resist pressing his lips against hers again and then again. The passion of the moment intensified and with it, his kisses. When she exhaled a sigh, he swooped in, brushing his tongue against hers and claiming her mouth as he would her body. She went limp against him, the diamond points of her nipples rubbing against his chest testing his resolve.