Wicked Deception (12 page)

“
I won’t hurt him like that,
Gabriel.”

He saw the wounded look in her eyes and
stiffened, knowing she loved them both. “I don’t ask you to choose
between us, Catherine. I ask you not to deny what you feel. Come
back to me.”

“
It’s wrong to feel as I
do,” she cried and her hands shook as she pulled on her
stockings.

“
It’s wrong to continue to
want us both with no way out as well,” he replied bitterly. “I
offer you a chance to have us both. I will say nothing of it. He
won’t know.”

“
I will know!”

“
I won’t ever stop loving
you, Catherine. What of me? Where does this leave me now?” he
demanded as he gazed at her. “You’re being selfish! I have stood
back and played the part of the wounded lover for your benefit, but
no more. I will have you back. If this is all we are allowed to
have, why not take it?”

“
He’s not stupid, Gabriel,”
she whispered in anguish, eyes shocked at his words. “He will
know.”

“
He loves you as I do,”
Gabriel argued and shook his head. “He’d never accuse you of
anything. He would not dare ask if he even suspected.”

“
What if we are caught? Is
it worth the pain we’d inflict?”

Gabriel came forward and dropped a kiss
across her lips. “You’re worth any agony I could suffer for this
time with you.”

“
He means to leave at year’s
end,” she informed him quietly and saw Gabriel’s expression harden.
“We go back to the islands; what then? You and I will not see each
other again.”

“
Then now is all we have and
we enjoy it,” he responded with a pained look. “All I ask is for
you to stop shutting me out, Catherine. I knew you remembered us.
Why did you deny it?”

“
I’m married,” she reminded
him and slipped under his arm, walking away to find her slippers.
“We can never be together as you want, Gabriel. I won’t leave him
for you.”

“
I would have whatever you
would give, Catherine,” he offered with a solemn expression. “I ask
no more. I know you love him too.”

“
Understand that my place is
with my husband, Gabriel. I can’t promise you more.”

He nodded and watched her leave, his
heart filled with her, his lips tasting of hers, her smell upon his
hands. Even now his body felt more sated than it had in years. The
encounter was enough to remind him what he missed. Even if he knew
it was wrong, he would take whatever she would give him.

~ ~ ~

Catherine was crying uncontrollably by
the time she got to her carriage, sobbing to realize the truth of
his words. She’d been spoiling for a fight all day as she waited
for him to come home, determined to push him to end both their
torment.

She groaned as she fell back against
the seat. She wanted him as much as she ever had, and was tormented
by it. She knew she was the selfish creature he accused her of
being. When the carriage arrived home, she ordered the driver to
take a turn around the block.

She composed herself within the
carriage, mortified to realize how she wanted the argument to end
and was hardly disappointed. She stopped crying
immediately.

Catherine knew this had to stop. She
couldn’t go to Gabriel’s bed behind her husband’s back and pretend
it didn’t hurt them all. Gabriel deserved some measure of happiness
too. She made her choice long ago. She would have to quit trying to
hold onto their past and let him go, or she would destroy them
all.

Catherine cringed when she thought of
how tormented Gabriel must have been to see her with Nicholas only
a year ago when he discovered she was alive with no memory of him.
She dug her nails in her palm to think of how that must have felt
for him. She wished the choices she made could have been different
for all of their sake’s then, but it was done.

Weeks passed and Catherine avoided
Gabriel’s home altogether by taking her son out to parks and other
recreational sites. She was depressed over what happened between
them as she sat holding her sleeping infant in her lap, glad Aidan
was such a calm child. Devlin wept and raged if one looked at him.
Only Nicholas could console him. Brionne was a sunny joy as she sat
with her on the blanket, chattering at Giles until her son joined
in.

She chuckled at their conversation,
consisting of gibberish and other childish gestures. Seeing them
together made her heart weep. One looked like Gabriel and one
looked like her husband. They were two halves of a whole, a cruel
reminder of all that was lost to her that day they were
born.

Her eyes grew murky as she thought of
how this whole situation was affecting her. She’d been even more
passionate in her husband’s bed, as if to make up for her
traitorous betrayal of him weeks ago.

It was only when he slept curled around
her that she felt the bitter self-loathing to want another there.
Not always, but sometimes. She was determined not to appear as if
anything bothered her.

Nicholas gazed at her in surprise when
she spoke sharply to the children or a servant. She wasn’t herself
and she didn’t know who she was anymore. She was losing touch with
what was important. Her past was competing with her present
constantly.

She wept late at night to know the true
source of her unhappiness. She missed Gabriel, wanted him with
every fiber of her being. She wiped at the tears now as her
children dozed in the carriage on the ride back to the Earl’
residence.

Catherine sent her servants on ahead of
her as she entered the manor. He waited for her within, his dark
eyes meeting hers. He understood without words what she needed. He
helped her carry her sleeping children inside. The servants were
dismissed for their evening meal.

When she was assured the children all
slept, she joined him in his bedroom. Her green eyes filled with
need as she rushed into his waiting arms. No words were necessary
as he bore her to his bed, his hands and mouth showing her without
words how he felt about her.

Passion blazed between them that
afternoon. She didn’t try to fight it any longer. Now that she had
given into her passion and feelings for him, she felt more whole
than she had in years. He was correct in one thing, what happened
between them had nothing to do with her feelings for
Nicholas.

Her husband had little cause to suspect
his wife was having an affair with her former lover. Nothing
changed between them. The passion he tasted on his wife’s lips was
for him alone, no ghosts in her eyes anymore.

The ghosts were reborn, her heart
filled with love for both men. The day she would leave London,
never to see him again, hurt unbearably to think about. They didn’t
speak of it. Their time was spent loving, touching and tasting the
other, exploring what years had deprived them of.

Catherine felt little shame to leave
Gabriel’s bed and go home to her husband. She insisted Gabriel use
precautions when they made love. She wouldn’t wonder whose child
she carried again. He appealed to her every desire those long
passionate weeks, reminding her of every moment in their past
together.

Like all things wonderful and
forbidden; it couldn’t go on forever. She knew every time she left
his bed it could be the last. They were careful, discreet, and went
to great pains to hide the affair from the servants. Catherine
wanted no hint of this to reach her husband’s ears. It was her
weakness, not his.

The joy she experienced was something
she would take with her always.

Gabriel unleashed such passion within
her, she was weak-kneed and shaking when she left him. As she sat
in the bath later, she recalled with a satisfied flush how she
spent her afternoons, her evenings spent with Nicholas and his
lusty ardor.

For a moment, she felt decadent and
wicked to think of having both men at once. Her face grew heated.
Shame filled her to know each day pushed her farther to the edge.
She would tumble over the side eventually, but like all things in
her life now, she couldn’t control it.

~ ~ ~

Dartmouth was gnashing his teeth as he
entered his club. He saw Iverleigh there with Nicholas Van Ryker.
Several gentlemen sat with them, all drinking and regaling the tale
of their recent bout. The two men appeared chummy. Dartmouth saw no
sign of the game they played when he approached.

“
Ah there you’re, Dartmouth.
I was just telling the men to not make a wager on the Irishmen,
Dirty Dev and heard you’re sponsoring his next bout. Any thoughts
which way it will go?”Gabriel asked in apparent friendliness. He
smiled slightly when he saw his peer’s interested gazes, making him
the center of attention. He felt himself warming.

“
I can’t let it slip,
gentlemen. I can’t tell you where I put my marker before the bout
even happens. It wouldn’t be fair,” he replied and chuckled as the
men plied him with questions.

Gabriel was aware of Dartmouth’s covert
glances at Nicholas and his eyes darkened. He felt a protective
surge for his friend. He was disgusted when he rubbed the bruise
forming under his eye from his friend’s punch during their bout at
the saloon earlier. Nicholas could take care of himself.

“
My money is on the
Irishmen,” Nicholas told them with a chuckle and the other men
groaned and argued his choice. “If I dare go against the Irishman,
my wife will have my bags at the door, my lords, do not doubt
it.”

Gabriel saw the way Dartmouth glared at
his friend. He longed to say something but they were interrupted
with another development when his servant approached. There was
trouble at his home. He put his drink down and excused himself;
Nicholas fast upon his heels. They arrived at his residence met by
Maggie.

“
Lord Jaime and Lord Cullen
got into fisticuffs with Billy and Winston, Lord Iverleigh. I fear
your wards took quite a beating before we pulled them all apart,”
she informed them apologetically and eyed him worriedly as she saw
his expression darken. “The boys are in the study awaiting you with
two footmen standing by in case they start up again. I’m sorry to
intrude upon your day, sir, but I didn’t know what to do. Mrs. Van
Ricer didn’t come today.”

Gabriel nodded and Nicholas grinned to
hear Catherine’s brothers had the snot beaten out of them when he
followed into the study. Nicholas nearly laughed aloud as he saw
he’d been wrong. Billy and Winston fared the worst, both sporting
split lips and bruised eyes. Gabriel seemed taken aback as well,
his dark eyes twinkling as he approached the boys despite the
seriousness of the situation.

“
What is the meaning of
this, boys?”Gabriel demanded furiously in his best Lord’s voice.
Nicholas rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest.
“There will be no more fighting under this roof. You will all be
punished for this. Who started it? I want to know why I’m called
home in the middle of the day.”

The boys all started talking at once.
Gabriel held up a hand and silenced them, whistling over their
loud, insistent arguing. “One at a time. Jaime, since you’re the
oldest I’m holding you the most responsible. Now tell me what
happened.” And they listened as Catherine’s brother explained how
they caught the pair of orphans in his study pilfering his cigars
and making off with a bottle of his brandy. A fight ensued after
the pair insulted his sister.

Jaime’s green eyes narrowed darkly as
he took a step towards Winston when he chortled behind his hand.
Gabriel stayed the boy, and glared down at all four of them. Cullen
was obviously ready to spring on Billy who taunted him, making
faces.

“
What did they say about
Catherine?”Gabriel inquired testily and Jaime tensed, and looked
down, his lip out, and refused to say it. “You have my permission
to repeat whatever was said, Jaime, now spill it! I’m losing
patience!”

“
They said Catherine needed
a proper bedding at home because she was acting like a bitch in
heat when his Lordship was in residence.”

Silence fell upon the study and Gabriel
could feel Nicholas’s anger. He dismissed the footmen and eyed
Jaime a bit more kindly and sent him and his younger brother out.
He glared at Winston and Billy and they swallowed hard as they felt
his displeasure.

“
You will apologize for what
you said about Mrs. Van Ryker at once!” he said harshly, his guilt
eating at him to know the boys must have picked up on what was
between them over the weeks. His eyes darkened in fury. “If this is
because she caught you at what you were doing in your room, let me
make myself quite clear! When I’m not at home, she has my full
authority here. You won’t speak ill of her again, is that
understood?” Both boys nodded glumly unable to meet his gaze as
they fidgeted uneasily. “Now, since you two have a desire to engage
in manly pastimes; I can only assume you’re ready to be on your own
in the world? Is this the case?” Neither said a word. Winston’s lip
quivered. Billy was memorizing the carpet threads. “No? Well, than
there will be no more smoking, drinking, or card games in your room
from here on out. You will treat Mrs. Van Ryker with respect as she
is due. To atone for your disrespect to Master Jaime’s sister, you
will help Mrs. Van Ryker from now on with whatever she needs, is
that clear?” He relaxed as they both nodded and he excused them,
noting how tense Nicholas was and sought to alleviate his concern.
He hated the guilt within him to know he deceived
Nicholas.