Wicked Fate (The Wicked Trilogy) (39 page)

In my t
imeless haze of life, a month has gone by since his death. No one ever comes
to take
me away from my home. I think Bernie’s mom
made some kind of arrangement with
the officials. I never asked, but I appreciate whatever she did.

Since waking up in
the
hospital
,
I’ve tried to think of different ways to bring him back. I’ve searched for potions and spells in the journals in the libr
ary, there’s nothing
. If only
I could still see Thaddeus,
he could tell me how to bring Adam back. I don’t care how he co
mes back as long as he does
.

My plan is to never give up on him, to search for a way
to get him back even if it takes
the rest of my l
ife. I can’t live without him, there’s no future without him in it
. 

I should’ve enjoyed my time with him more, loved him harder. I regret breaking his heart the night before his death and I can only pray that he understands why I did it.

I was too afraid, too scared that he would get hurt if he was close to me. If I wouldn’t have spent so much time
trying to protect him, I could’ve spent
more time
loving him.

I wish I could see spirits again. Because I can’t, I feel like I’v
e lost everyone that I love all at t
he same time.
I lost my grandmother, my grandfather, Thaddeus, S
ire, and Adam all in the same week. South Carolina’
s never seen so much snow; especially in May.

There are days w
hen I feel him near me, like I can reach out and
touch hi
m.
I can’t see him
, but
I k
now he never leaves me. That could just be my crazy coming out though. I’m pretty sure I’m going crazy
.

Sometimes I talk to him and I smile to myself beca
use I can only imagine what he’s saying back to me—something witty and sarcastic or something flirty and full of sexual innuendos. If only I could
hear his voice again just one more time.

I leave my house for the first time today. I don’t go past the porch, but at least I’m outdoors. I secretly don’t think I’ll make it through this. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of one day seeing him again. I know in my heart we’ll be together again.

I haven’t used my magic since that day on the
beach. If it was up to me I’
d nev
er use it again once I bring my family and Adam back.
This
torture, this hurt, it’s all
b
ecause of my magic. If I lived a normal life, I
wouldn
’t know this pain.
Then again
, I
wouldn’t have k
nown Adam either. It’s a double-
edged sword that stabs regardless of which way it’s turned.

Tonight
,
I
sleep alone in my quiet room. My house has life now that Bernie and Lesley live here. It’s even livelier when her brother Ben visits; still, my room has an unsettling silence. I relax in my bed and listen
to the sounds from the floor below
me. So much life and I’m not a
part of it anymore.

I suddenly have
the fee
ling I’m not alone
.

I si
t up quickly expecting to see someone standing across th
e room from me. I hope to
see Ad
am staring back at me. I sense him—I know he’s there. I look
across the room to the big empty
space and cry. I miss
him so much!

I feel warmth cover me as if I’m being hugged. There’s no one there, but I’m
definitely bein
g hugged.

“I can’t see you, but I know you’re t
here,” I whisper
into my d
ark room. “I miss you so much. I
love you
,
Adam.”

I fall
asleep wrapped in
warmth. It’s possible that it’
s all in my head
, my crazy getting worse
. I do
n’t care though. I spent the night in Adam’s arms.

I used to see spirits so I know it’s possible.
My grandfather once told me that he felt my grandmother near. He said their love was stronger than death. It’s the same for me and Adam.

The next day
, I spend
hours in the library searching
for something that will give me my eye back. I want
to see him; I
need
to see him. It’s awful when you know
the person
you love is standing right next to you, but
you can’t see them.

I’m standing on the
top of
the library ladder when I lose my footing. I grab
onto the top s
helve and hold on as the ladder slips
from underneath me.
It’s been a while since I’ve used my magic so my fingers tingle. But before I can save myself, I feel two strong hands grab me from behind.

Adam!

When my feet touch the floor I spin around expecting to see his face—it’s Ben.

“Lucky for you
I was passing by the door. Otherwise you could’
ve fallen and broken somet
hing,” his handsome face smiles
back at me.

I stare
at his
perfect smile until his eyes catch
my atten
tion. I can’t look away, I stand there gazing into his eyes likes he’s the love of my life.

“There you are!” I hear
Ber
nie from the door
. “You’re not in here harassing Mage
,
are you?”

He looks away.

“What do you want, brat?” he asks jokingly.

“I don’t want you, Mom does,” she sticks her tongue out at him.

They look nothing alike. They have the same mousy brown hair, but it ends there. He’
s tall, not short and chunky l
ike Bernie. Instead of the brown eyes, he has
mesmerizing green e
yes that are
gorgeous and famil
iar. Every time his eyes connect with mine, I think
of Adam.

Chapter
29

Intruder Alert

The College of Charleston
i
s having some
kind of student holiday. Ben’
s coming to stay with his mom and sister for a few weeks
and since they live here now—he’s coming to stay in my home.

Three weeks ago, t
hey got out of their p
revious lease and
mo
ved all their things in. This i
s
good and bad.  Good because I’m not alone and I’m not sitting in some foster home somewhere—bad
becaus
e even if I wanted to I can’t use my magic when they’re around. The worst part is Ben’s staying in
my ho
me. He’s a nice guy and all, but every time I look
into his big gree
n eyes all I see is
Adam.

I spend my days avoiding him at all costs. Something about him s
et
s
off an alarm wi
th me. We don’t
talk much; mostly
just stare
at each other strangely.

His eyes
are too much for me, I can’t look away once they catch me. Three days pass and I still haven’t
had any kind of real co
nversation with Ben. It’s what I have to do to keep my sanity, even if he thinks I’m rude.

Its Saturday
today, and the weather outside
is nice compared to
the huge amounts of snow we’ve
been getti
ng. The weather forecasters are
calling the state of Sou
th Carolina possessed.  I can’t remember the
last time
the town of Summerville
had weathe
r that was forecasted. But it’s
not raining or snowing today and that’s always a good thing.

I venture out of the house, finally leaving the front porch. I find myself in Adam’s garden and I’m reminded of
my
sixteenth birthday. I remember
the butterfly and the happiness I felt in that moment. For a brief few minutes
, I sit on the marble bench and become
bathed
in a stream of sunlight that’s
managed to escape through the gloom of clouds.

I reach
insi
de my shirt collar and collect
the necklace that Adam
had given me for my birthday. I sit and hold
the cha
rm in my hand relieved that I still have it.

“This place is beautiful, almost as beautiful as yo
u.
”

I open my eyes and find Ben
leaning against a magnolia tree with a coy smile on his
face.
T
he heavenly piece of sunlight i
s covered inst
antly by a dark cloud. He doesn’t
see
m to notice.  He slowly steps away from his post and starts
towards me.

Something about him mak
e
s me uncomfortable. He doesn’t give a bad feeling, but he’
s sh
owing me too much attention—
smiling at me i
n ways that remind me of Adam. I don’t
like it.
His smile makes me feel guilty.

“I was
sorry to hear about your friend.
Bernie told me a little bit about what happened.”

“Thank you,” I respond
politely.

I need to get away. The mention of Adam makes me feel panicked and I have the sudden urge to run back to the house. I turn quickly and start walking. He follows
behind me.

“Wait,” he calls out. “Did I do something
to
you to make you hate me so much?
”

“I don’t hate you.
I don’t
know
you,” I keep walking
.

“Then
why do you look at me like that?
”

That catches
my attention and I st
op
to face him.

“And how exactly do I look at you?”
I say rudely.

“Like that—like you hate me—l
ike
I
…”
he stops.

“Like you
,
what?”

“Like I broke your heart, like I ripped it
out and tore it to pieces. Mage,
if there’s anything I’ve
said or
done
,
I really am sorry.”

I stare back at him in shock. Do I really look at him like that?

My heart
was
ripped out and torn into tiny pieces. My heart’s been stepped on and spit on and the pain is unbearable. I feel
a surge of
that exact
pain stab
me in my heart. It’s not my fault that Ben’s eyes look exactly like Adam’s. It’s not
m
y fault that every time I look at him I die
a little
more inside.

“Wow,” he says as he takes a
step back.

I sud
denly feel
uncomfortable with him st
aring at me—like I’m exposed.  He’s looking at me like I’m
some
kind of wounded animal that he wants to rescue, an orphaned child that he wants
to give a home to.

“What?” I ask
.

“You’re
really hurting, aren’t you? I’
ve never seen so much pain on someone’s face in my life.”

Had my face really showed that much pa
in
? Is it possible to make a facial expression and not
know you’re
making it? Why do I even care if someone knows I’m hurting? People hurt, that’s what we do!

The tears come before I can stop them. It’s been days since I’ve cried and it feels
good to release some
of the pressure and pain from
my chest.

I feel Ben put his arms around me and i
nstead o
f pushing him away like I want
to, I
stand there and relish in his warmth. As sick as it sounds, I close my eyes and imagine that it’
s Ada
m who’s hugging me. It works.