Wild About the Man (Mills & Boon Modern Tempted) (14 page)

Clem tucked her hands beneath her arms so that he wouldn’t see them shaking. She made herself ask the question, just to make sure. ‘Is this about Cai? About what happened last night?’

Nick shook his head. ‘It’s never been about him. From the first moment you stepped off that plane and looked at me, it’s only ever been about us.’

Clem felt as if she were in a flimsy life raft in the middle of twenty-foot seas. She had no idea what to do but she knew with certainty that she was about to drown. ‘So, what’s the problem?’

Nick jammed his hands into his pockets. ‘Clem, last night we scratched an itch, can we not just leave it at that?’

Clem’s eyes flashed and her voice wavered. ‘Don’t you dare! That’s not fair, Nick. The least you can be right now is honest with me.’

Nick banged his hand down on the table next to him. He scrubbed his face with his hand. This was why he avoided relationships; he felt as if he’d been tossed back five years, arguing with Terra
again. Or trying to sort out his siblings’ hysterics. Or his dad’s temper, his mom’s tears …

He could see that she was utterly at sea. He didn’t blame her—he was acting like a jerk but he didn’t seem to be able to help it. Admittedly, he was exhausted, having spent most of the night loving Clem and the rest of the time watching her sleep. But it wasn’t tiredness that had his heart clenching. No, he could lay the blame for that firmly at the feet of his feelings for this complicated woman.

They were too deep, too intense already. He couldn’t afford to let her stay another day because in one night she’d stolen his body, his heart was in her hands and his soul was about to surrender to her too.

He was too close to love and its sidekicks, fear and pain. Loving would be a series of monumental risks, none of which he was prepared to take.

If she stayed one day, one hour longer he’d be lost …

‘Nick—’

When she looked at him like that, he just wanted to take her in his arms and say,
To hell with it all.
Annoyed that she had so much power over him, he felt his temper heat. It had been simmering since last night, sparked by the jealousy he felt when Campbell had arrived.

It was ridiculous … He’d known her for four weeks! Four weeks was nothing …

‘We can work this out,’ Clem said.

‘There is nothing to work out, Red. We slept together. It’s done. Let’s move on.’

‘Move on how?’

‘Back to our lives. Go and be whatever you are and I’ll do the same.’

Clem looked at her clenched hands. ‘What am I, Nick?’

The words, propelled by fear and pure jerk-ness, rocketed out of his mouth. ‘You’re a flighty, irresponsible socialite who has the means and opportunity to flit around the world like a pretty butterfly. You don’t know anything about the bush—’

‘I’ve been learning—’ Clem protested, his words striking her like bullets.

‘You’ve got the attention span of a gnat!’

‘That’s not fair,’ Clem whispered, wrapping her arms around her middle. ‘That’s so not fair.’

It wasn’t, he knew it wasn’t, but what could he tell her? Stay with me, be with me, knowing that in a couple of months, a couple of years, she’d leave and he’d be left at Two-B with only his ripped apart heart for company?

‘Are you telling me that you want to stay at Two-B with me?’ he scoffed.

Clem shrugged. ‘I want the choice! I want you to talk to me, I don’t want to be dismissed as if I’m a stupid, useless ditz who you’re suddenly tired of.’

That was fair comment but he couldn’t afford to play fair. He forced himself to continue, feeling
more like a worm with every word. ‘Where did you think we were going? Did you honestly think that we had a future? You’d last three months at Two-B before you’d bail, whining about the fact that you couldn’t get a manicure or go and see a movie.’

‘I haven’t asked you for anything other than a couple of days!’ Clem protested. ‘And you’re being spectacularly unfair and unreasonable! Apart from those first couple of days at Two-B, and the other day, I’ve never once nagged or whined or complained. I did everything you asked me to! It’s not my fault that I grew up in a world so different from yours but you can’t say I didn’t try!’

‘Terra grew up in my world and she left,’ Nick said in a monotonous voice. Why couldn’t she understand that he couldn’t live through that again?

‘I am not Terra!’ Clem shouted back, tears streaming down her face. ‘For goodness’ sake, Nick, I stayed in a useless relationship for ten years because I was too stubborn to give in or give up! Why can’t you see that? When I decide I want something, I don’t give up and I don’t walk out.’

‘Yeah, but there are some subtle differences here, Princess. He was a rock star and you have houses in New York, LA and London. When you’re bored with one, you could jump on your private jet and find some entertainment at the other. At Two-B, there’s nowhere to run when you get bored and I’m sure as hell not going to
be your punchbag. I don’t want to feel this way, Clem, not for you and not for anyone. Because I don’t trust easy and I don’t trust quick.’

His unspoken
and I don’t trust you
hovered between them, silent but as tangible as her tears.

I don’t trust you not to leave and I don’t trust myself not to make you the centre, the axis of my world,
Nick silently admitted.
My everything.

Clem sank down onto the couch and dropped her head. She couldn’t, wouldn’t win this argument. Nick had decided that she wasn’t suited to his life and, despite doing everything she possibly could to show him that she wasn’t a flighty girl any more, he still, fundamentally, saw her as one.

This man, the one she thought knew her best, didn’t seem to know her at all. She knew that he couldn’t—wouldn’t—love her but she, at least, had thought that he understood her. ‘I really thought you were the one person who saw me for the person I am. I cannot believe how wrong I was about you.’

How very, very wrong. Devastated. Annihilated. Flattened. Clem couldn’t think which word suited her best. It was a bigger betrayal than she had imagined.

Clem swallowed and thought that, before she walked out of his life for ever, that she should make sure that she was crystal clear on what was happening.

‘You’re calling it … whatever the hell “it” is … over, aren’t you?’

‘I think it’s the most sensible thing to do,’ Nick replied. ‘Call it quits before either of us falls too deep and gets hurt.’

Bit late for that, Clem thought.

‘Besides, I’m nothing more than your rebound fling, your stepping stone to someone bigger and brighter. Just next time, choose a guy who can sing and play music, OK?’

Clem wiped her hands over her tear-stained face.

‘It’s been an … education but it’s time for all our lives to go back to normal.’ Nick’s bored tone sliced hard and deep.

OK, he’d said more than enough and far more than she needed to take. It was time she stood up for herself and what she wanted.

Clem stood up and looked him in the eye. ‘I think you’ve been cruel and nasty. I bought my ticket, Nick. I always knew that I had to go. We could’ve had a fun week and you could’ve put me on a plane and wished me well. Instead, you’ve sliced me and diced me.’

Nick started to speak but Clem silenced him with a hard look. ‘No, it’s my turn to speak. I can deal with you not loving me. I can’t make you feel something for me that isn’t there. But I can’t forgive you for still seeing me as a pathetic, stupid princess without a brain between her ears and a heart that can’t be hurt. Yes, I was spoilt—probably still am in some ways—and I made some stupid choices. But I’m not Terra, I’m not a vapid
society girl. I am Clem and I deserved to be loved because I’m a damn good bet. But if you can’t see any of that then we don’t have anything more to say to each other.’

Clem jumped up and stalked over to the telephone. When the concierge answered, she spoke in her coolest, coldest society voice.

‘This is Clem Copeland. Is Cai Campbell staying in this hotel? Connect me, please.’

The muscle in Nick’s jaw jumped. ‘Are you going back to him?’

‘You are an idiot for even thinking that,’ Clem told him. ‘Cai? Wake up! Where is your jet? Call the pilot and tell him I’m on my way … he’s taking me to London. No? Do I need to tell the press about the plastic surgery you had on your …? I didn’t think so. No, you cannot come with me. I’ve had enough of men to last me a lifetime. Find your own way home.’

Clem banged down the telephone and sent Nick a long, lost look. ‘Goodbye, Nick.’

Using the last vestiges of willpower and emotional strength she could find, she walked to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She thought she knew what a broken heart felt like, she thought as she sank to the floor and curled up in a ball, but she hadn’t a clue until now.

In Soho, Clem climbed out of a taxi and, because she was a little early for her lunch date, decided
to walk the last block to the restaurant where she was meeting Jason.

She wrapped her scarf around her neck and shivered. She’d never been so cold, inside and out. The temperature at Two-B would be scorching today; she knew because she was a hopeless, love-struck twit who’d checked.

And, despite her resolve not to think about him, she was off and running. Nick would probably be in his office right now … Her heart moaned and she fought the urge to double over in pain. This would never happen again, she promised herself. Never. Ever. Again. The pain was indescribable, the constant gnawing of wolves eating her innards.

A month … she’d known Nick a scant four weeks and yet he’d managed to rip her heart right out of her chest. She had all the symptoms—the waves of pain that constantly dunked her, the terrible ache in her stomach, the relentless insomnia. She couldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep and she wandered around London like a ghost.

It wasn’t the first time she was venturing out of her flat—she’d taken to aimlessly walking—but she still felt a little shocked and overwhelmed by the noise, the people and the traffic. It was a normal grey, dismal day in London and she wanted the sun, the cry of the fish eagle, the laugh of a hyena.

Nicks arms, Nick’s smile, Nick’s everything. She wanted to go home.

Jason stood up as she approached and kissed her on the cheek. Unwinding her scarf, she sat down and shrugged off her coat.

He shook his head at her red-rimmed eyes, her sunken cheeks. ‘You’ve dropped the weight you picked up, and more. Are you eating?’

‘Yes.’

‘Liar.’ Jason shook his head again and, without consulting Clem, ordered the soup special for both of them. ‘Clem, I left you in Africa with a bruised heart. I didn’t expect you to come home with a broken one.’

‘Tell me about it.’

‘What happened?’

Clem lifted her shoulders in a sad shrug. ‘Does it matter? It’s over, whatever it was.’

‘Did you sleep together?’ Jason asked.

Clem propped her chin into the palm of her hand. ‘Yes.’

Jason winced. ‘Now I understand why you’re walking around looking like Morticia Addams. You love him; you wouldn’t have slept with him otherwise.’

The knife that resided under her ribcage jabbed her. ‘Yes, I fell in love. Totally, fundamentally, soul-suckingly in love.’

Jason cursed and leaned forward. ‘Seriously?’

‘As a heart attack.’

‘And him?’

‘He thinks we’re too different, that I could
never last on Two-B. He decided to call it quits before it went too deep.’

‘Except that you had already fallen.’

‘Yeah.’ Clem took her serviette and pulled it through her fingers. ‘The vultures were back outside my door today.’

Jason nodded. ‘Your ending with Nick was too abrupt and they know there is more to it … and they’ll keep hounding you until you close that door. Do an interview, answer some questions and the interest will die off.’

Clem wrinkled her nose. ‘I’ll think about it.’

Jason leaned back in his chair. ‘So, what’s the next step? With you? What are you going to do?’

‘Apart from dying of a broken heart?’ Clem asked, her chin in her hand. ‘I don’t know. I’m going mad, so I need to keep busy.’

Jason leaned back as the waiter placed the soup bowls in front of them. ‘If I had to ask you what would you like to do the most, can you answer me?’

Clem nodded slowly. ‘Maybe. I have this idea that won’t go away …’

‘Well, tell me about it while you eat something.’ He pointed his spoon at Clem and narrowed his eyes when she hesitated. ‘Do not even think about arguing with me!’

Clem ate. And told him what she thought she might like to do with the rest of her Nick-empty life.

A month after Clem left, Nick walked into a restaurant in Melville, Johannesburg and saw Jessica’s wave. He smiled when he saw that all three of his brothers were seated at the table with her and wondered when last they’d all had lunch together … it certainly hadn’t been for many, many years. His fault entirely … as so much was.

Another pity party, Sherwood?

Nick walked up to the table, dropped a kiss on Jess’s cheek and greeted his brothers. He took the seat with his back to the door and opened the menu Chris handed him and stared at the offerings. Food, like much else, held little appeal for him since Clem had left but he knew he needed it to function so he ordered a simple BLT and tried to work up the enthusiasm needed to choke it down.

He tried to listen to Chris and John’s discussion about something political and, not caring, switched to tune into Jess and Patrick’s conversation and couldn’t make head or tail of that either.

He wanted to go back to Two-B. He’d been in the city for six hours and he was already feeling claustrophobic.

Nick heard a shriek of female laughter and his head whipped around. Three stylish women sat in the corner, two tables down, and when the blonde caught his eye she gave him a slow, sexy, deliberate wink.

Yeah, thanks but no. Bottom line, you’re not Clem …

Nick excused himself from the table and walked to the men’s room, which was thankfully empty. He gripped the edge of a basin with both hands and stared down at the rusty ring around the plughole. He had to get over her. Get past this full-blown mind-body-heart attack, the constant knot in his stomach, the black hole in his heart. He had to start eating properly, he needed more than intermittent sleep and he needed sex. The blonde in the corner …