Wild Fling or a Wedding Ring? (15 page)

Ten days.
They were pulling her out of Chicago in ten days. Not even letting her finish the project here. She’d gotten far enough ahead that they’d decided to bring in someone else to tie up the rest, so Cali could get started in London.

She was getting what she wanted.

They both were.

He’d known from the start Chicago was nothing more than a stepping stone in the path of Cali’s career, and it was that very lack of permanence which had allowed him to give in and relax with her the way he had. But, even knowing it was coming, he’d received the news of her assignment with a disturbing mix of relief and distress. And so soon? He’d thought he had close to a month, but she’d come back from the meeting that had run well into the afternoon with a stunned expression, sixteen pages of notes, and a time frame of ten days.

He felt cheated. Angry just
anticipating
waking a few short days from now without her stretched beside him, all rumpled and warm.

When he came home at night there would be no one to
meet him with little stories or silly jokes or soft kisses or quiet company.

He’d date. An endless series of superficial, short-lived encounters that never would have seemed hollow before Cali gave him something to compare them to.

It had been years since the solitude of living alone had even registered with him. When Pam had left, sure, it had been hard. His marriage might not have been the romance legends were made of, but for more years than not Pam had been his friend. He’d liked sharing a life with her—until he’d discovered she’d been sharing it with someone else as well. But being alone after that companionable existence—it had taken time and some drastic measures to fall back into the comfort of bachelor living.

Measures like the obnoxious TV, mounted sports-bar-style in the living room. The exercise equipment side by side with his couch. The steady stream of take-out dinners and take-out sex. And it had worked. He’d adapted to his new lifestyle so completely that once he’d found his groove he’d spent years avoiding anything—anyone—with the potential to disrupt it.

Until Cali. Everything was different with her, and had been from almost the first minute he’d met her.

He’d been looking for ways to have her that didn’t conform to the mold of his life. Thinking that because she was
supposed
to leave he’d be able to have his cake and eat it too. Enjoy that forbidden comfort of emotional and physical intimacy blending together as day chased night round and again. Thinking he’d be able to let her go simply because it had been the plan from the start.

Only he already knew what it felt like to be without her.

Fisting his hands against his eyes, he let his head fall back against the pillows.

Everything was playing out just as it should, except now
he didn’t want it to go this way. Suddenly her impending departure didn’t feel like the free pass he’d once thought it to be. He didn’t want her to leave.

His breath held.

Was he actually considering this?

A soft sigh feathered over his navel, tightening every muscle in his body.

Hell, yes, he was.

“Cali.” He pushed her hair from her eyes and stroked her shoulder before he could come up with a reason not to. “Wake up, sweetheart.”

“Hmm?” She shifted against his chest, resting on her chin to face him. “You okay?”

“Do you ever think about picking a city to settle in?”

A tiny furrow drew between her eyes as they blinked in confusion. “What?”

What did she see? Some jackass leering at her with a phony smile? What had happened to the man who’d made her moan in the phone booth of a bar?

“Chicago. Staying here. With me.” There’d been a hesitance in her eyes when she’d gotten the news. He’d seen it, made sure he didn’t offer even one thing to feed into it. But now that felt like a mistake.

She pushed up from his chest, but he took her arms and laid her back on the pillow, then braced himself on one elbow beside her.

The sleepy fog cleared from her gaze as she focused on him. “What are you asking me, Jake?”

His hand slipped beneath the sheet to cover the smooth, soft plane of her belly, where he traced light patterns over her skin. “We make each other happy. What we’ve got feels good—too good to let it end when it’s barely just begun.”

Cali blinked owl-wide eyes at him. This was a subject care
fully avoided up to this point. He could feel the tension coiling within her. “What does that mean? Are you asking me to—?”

No.

“I’m asking you to stay, see how this thing between us plays out.” He took her hand, stroking his thumb over her knuckles. “I know your plan’s been to go international, but is it so important to go now? Come on, Cali. You feel it too—we haven’t run our course yet.”

The long muscles of her throat worked as she swallowed. She sat up and scooted back, blocking the emotion in her eyes as she slipped from his grasp to leave his hand on the cooling sheet where she’d been. She tugged the edge of the comforter up around her breasts and held it there, her body language conveying the words she seemed to struggle to voice. “I’m committed to this assignment.”

People changed their minds all the time. “The job hasn’t started yet. MetroTrek will find someone else.”

Cali froze, the skin tightening across her body as another man’s words rang through her mind.
“It’s just a job, baby. They can get someone else.”

She shook it off and took a deep breath before returning his gaze. Jake wasn’t Erik. This wasn’t the same. Not really. Erik was a selfish bastard. A liar.

Jake wasn’t. But what he’d offered her—a chance to let the relationship run its course—wasn’t enough. Not even close. And it had taken everything in her not to wince from the hurt of such a limited offer. “I have goals,
plans for myself
.”

“I know you do, but there’s such a thing as compromise. Some of those goals could be met here,” he urged. “You’ll transfer within the company.”

Cali stared up into the deep blue of Jake’s eyes, where his emotions played a peek-a-boo game in the flickering light of the television. Arguing with him was the last thing she wanted
to do. She reached out to touch the line of his jaw, felt the muscle jump beneath her palm. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to tell her he loved her. Give her something solid to hold onto. Not this half-promise to let their relationship “play out”. To try for London some other time. She’d done that once already…and it had led her right back here. This time she owed it to herself to follow through.

Her stomach twisted anxiously as she opened her mouth, but Jake put a finger to her lips, shook his head. “I shouldn’t have started this tonight. Neither of us are thinking clearly. Let’s get some sleep and talk about it tomorrow.”

He eased down into the pillows, pulling her with him. Emotion clogged her throat as the circle of his arms tightened and his lips pressed at the top of her head. There was no denying how good it felt to be in his arms. Just like there was no denying that Cali had nearly thrown her career away once before, gambling on a relationship without a future. And, no matter what Jake said the next day, she couldn’t let herself do it again.

M
OUNTED
on the outer rail surrounding the rooftop deck, lamps flickered and glowed in molten hues against the darkening sky. A perimeter of flames danced in the rising wind, illuminating the MetroTrek crowd gathered at a co-worker’s Bucktown loft condo to bid Cali farewell. It was Friday night, and she was booked on the eight-fifteen, flying out Saturday evening.

Rubbing her arms against the evening chill made worse by the incoming weather, Cali watched the crowd at the bar laugh at something Jake said, while a strawberry-blonde threw her head back and then pressed her chest forward, gripping his arm for support. Jake gave her hand a quick pat and then gently extracted himself from her hold, turning back to Matt.

Women wanted him. All the time, it seemed. Everywhere they went hair swung in provocative fans, beckoning him closer. She knew he noticed, was probably so used to it he simply expected it. He certainly hadn’t been flustered any of the times he’d called
her
out for so blatantly gobbling up an eyeful of his good looks.

He wouldn’t be alone for long once she left. Not even one night—not unless he wanted to be.

A dull ache rose in her chest as she wondered if that was how he would deal with her leaving. The idea of his hands on another woman killed her.

Unreasonable. She knew it. Tried to tamp down the cacophony of emotions rattling her every nerve, shaking her confidence. Her faith.

What was she doing?

Jake pushed a wayward hank of his dark hair back from his brow and glanced up from his conversation with Matt. Their eyes met. From across the space of a building she felt his stare run hot over her cool skin, sparking the smolder of lust low in her belly. Her bar-side savior. Tall, dark, and more devastating to her heart than she’d ever believed possible.

Only one more night.

Oh, God, this hurt. She quickly looked away, trying to hide the pain in her eyes, but Jake was already crossing the deck. Within seconds his hand had closed over her hip, and he’d pulled her into the warmth of his chest.

“Look at me, Cali,” he rasped, somehow making it both a plea and a command.

Her eyes met his. Soulful blue stared back at her, and the first tear slipped from the corner of her eye. Stupid. She shouldn’t have let him see. Shouldn’t have given him another opening to start a conversation that had to end the same way.

Jake’s hold tightened, the muscle in his jaw jumping with strain in his face. “Don’t go. I can see you hurting, but you don’t have to. Just don’t go.”

He didn’t understand. Maybe he didn’t even want to. She loved him, but she would never forgive herself if she didn’t leave. “Please—”

“You’ve turned this job into something it shouldn’t be. London is just another city. It’s not your whole life. You could have success here. Hell, Cali, I’ll set you up with your own
firm if that would make you happy. I’ll give you any kind of business you want. I don’t care if you work at all. Volunteer. Quit altogether and take up yoga.”

She blinked, stunned and confused, trying not to laugh. “You’re trying to set me up as your kept mistress? Do I get my own town house and a yearly income too?”

But for once Jake didn’t share her humor. He shook his head, staring at the sky as he gritted out words she was certain he wanted to yell. “There are other solutions than running a quarter of the way around the globe to make a point just because I won’t—”

She waited, knowing he wouldn’t say the words.
Love her.

She should have been used to it by now, but somehow every time she had to register why she needed to leave it was harder to face than the last. As if she kept expecting at any minute he would see reason and realize he loved her.

“Don’t do this now,” she pleaded. Pulling herself free, she turned away from him, dragging the breath into her lungs.

“Then when, Cali? You’ve been working from six in the morning until ten at night for the last week. You’re leaving tomorrow and we’re spending our last hours together with a bunch of your co-workers who look like they’re more excited about getting liquored up than they are about you actually going to London. You can’t put me off any longer. We need to talk.”

One hour later they were home. Cali watched as rain pelted the windows of her mostly packed apartment, hammering home the fact that her existence in Chicago had nearly been washed away. Jake stood behind her, more ominous than the thunder rolling across the blackened sky.

“You won’t even commit to a visit.”

She turned on him, demanding understanding. “All I asked
was that we wait to see how you feel after I’ve been gone for a while before making those kinds of plans.”

“See how I feel? I’m the one who’s telling you not to go! I think it’s pretty damn clear how I feel.”

She couldn’t keep going round with him this way. Her head was spinning, heart aching, and all she wanted to do was spend the next dozen hours soaking up the feeling of Jake’s arms around her. They weren’t getting anywhere, but he wouldn’t let it go. “You feel that way now, but once I’m gone—”

“So don’t go! Don’t give me the chance to forget about you if that’s what you’re so sure is going to happen.”

“Right!” she lashed back, unable to stop the words spewing from her mouth. “So I give up everything I’ve been working for,
for years
, and then what happens the next time Pam drops out of the sky with some crisis and you’re suddenly reminded of your commitment issues? The next time you decide you don’t like what you see in my eyes? That I’ve overstepped the bounds of our relationship?” She should have stopped, but he’d pushed her, refused to let it go, and now something inside her wouldn’t allow this to remain unsaid. “There’s one thing I can’t forget, no matter how much I’d like to, Jake. You might not have been able to let me go…but you
wanted to
.”

They both stilled. Cali held her breath. Waited for the impact to dull, the words to dissipate into nothing. Only they hung heavy around them, pushing against the backs of her eyes, tightening her throat, weighing on her soul.

She couldn’t even say his name. Try to take it back. Her voice would crack; her tears would spill.

His hands slid over her shoulders, up her neck to cup her jaw in his palms as he rested his brow against hers. “Cali….”

“I can’t fight with you.” Couldn’t he understand? “I can’t bear for things to end like this.”

“Okay. I know. You’re going.” Jake’s gaze, as dark and stormy as the night raging beyond the glass, slid over her. There was hurt there. And acceptance. “Just give me tonight. We’ll end it right.”

“T
HIS
isn’t going to cut it, Marcus. I need the forecast revised to include all of these factors.” Cali turned back to face her computer before he cleared away from her desk, and didn’t bother to watch him close the door behind him. The guy had been pushing her buttons since she’d arrived in London. He was getting careless with his work and becoming a liability to the project. She’d need to make a decision about him quickly.

Her desk phone sounded and she reached for it on the first ring. “Calista McGovern.”

“Amanda, here. What’ve you got for me?”

Cali closed her eyes while she rattled off the projections, numbers and status updates to her boss, forcing her concentration to the business at hand and away from Dr. Jake Tyler, whom it drifted toward without more than the slightest provocation.

Pretty much every call, text, e-mail or report with Amanda’s name on it sent Cali into an emotional free fall. And that was while she was buried alive with work to distract her. At home— Well, she spent more than her fair share of time contemplating what she’d done. What he might be doing. What might have been.

It had been two weeks since she’d left Chicago—two weeks since she’d kissed him, felt his warmth around her,
drawn in the heady scent of his body—two weeks since this ceaseless ache had taken root in the center of her heart.

She’d made the right choice in leaving. Had to believe it, because giving in to even an instant’s doubt was more pain than she could bear. But the distance, the loss, wasn’t getting any easier.

Amanda’s voice brought her back to the task at hand. “You’re ahead of schedule, then. I knew you’d be able to handle the job.”

“Thank you. I appreciate your confidence.”

Her boss hesitated, then asked, “Have you spoken to Jackson?”

Jake.
In her heart, he’d always be hers.

Cali slumped in her chair, hating the tightening of her throat and the tears that threatened to well in her eyes. “No. I left him a message to let him know I’d arrived.” She swallowed past the rising knot of emotion, took a deep breath. “Clean break and all that. It’s probably better this way.”

“He won’t talk to me about you. I worry— Well, never mind. How is London working out for you?”

Cali immediately pulled out the top report from the clutter of her desk. “You’ve seen the numbers—”

“No, I mean aside from the job. After you leave the office. The life part.”

Cali actually pulled the phone from her ear, staring dumbly at the receiver as though it could answer this question for her. There
was
no life.

Amanda’s voice was quiet as it came back over the line. “Have you thought at all about going back to Chicago?”

Pretty much since the minute she’d left. But what she’d had with Jake— If he couldn’t love her, the imbalance of their relationship would be too hard to bear. “I loved it there, but it probably wouldn’t be a good idea.”

Another sigh from across the ocean. “Well, if you change your mind there’s a permanent position opening under Aaron Lansing. I think you’d be an excellent candidate. And, before you ask, this has nothing to do with Jake. It’s just that eventually people in your position find a location they fall in love with and then find a way to stay there. Think about it.”

She
had
fallen in love with Chicago. And if she hadn’t fallen in love with Jake, then maybe. Only she had. “Thank you, Amanda. I’ll keep it in mind.”

A month had passed since Cali arrived in London, and almost as long since she’d realized she would never be a true Londoner. As much beauty, sophistication, history and culture as there was to be had—everything she saw, everything she did, reminded her of another place.

She was forever referring to the Tube as the El, the Thames as the Lake, and searching the skyline for architecture with its foundation at the far side of The Pond. Professionally speaking, the city had become another stepping stone. The new project another rung on the ladder to success. A place to regain her perspective, hone her skills and build her résumé. Personally, it had been the redemption she’d needed, but at too high a cost.

London was not a place she could stay. Everything she’d given up to get there loomed in the shadows of her achievements, like ghosts she couldn’t escape. Couldn’t touch.

Jake.

She was ready to move on. Ready for the next stop.

Pushing through the turnstile door to her building, she shouldered her laptop and headed through the small lobby to the lift that would take her to her fourth-floor flat.

She slumped against the side of the tiny car, blindly watching the floors pass through the iron grate as she let herself drift
back to the easy curve of Jake’s lips and the low rumble of the laughter he gave so freely. Maybe she should call him again.

Her hand was fishing through her pocket before she’d even processed the thought, but as soon as her fingers closed around the phone she recognized her folly.

She didn’t know if he was angry or if he’d already moved on. If he missed their friendship or thought about her at all. The only thing she knew for certain was how empty she felt.

Her eyes closed against the familiar stab of pain that accompanied the tormenting visions of a life she’d sacrificed on the altar of her pride. Visions of waking in Jake’s bed every morning. Pouring him a drink as they listened to jazz by the fire at night. Laughing in his arms.

Loving
in his arms.

She’d been so hung up on the words she’d lost sight of what had been right in front of her. The caring.

People talked of commitment all the time, only to have the relationship turn to dust. She’d been wearing Erik’s ring when he’d betrayed her. Jake had been married when he’d been betrayed. The
words
hadn’t mattered.

But what she felt when she was with him…the way he looked at her…some things—some people—were worth the risk. She just hadn’t been willing to take it. To wait. To see how it played out. And now….

She missed him with an intensity time and distance had yet to ease.

Hell. Her eyes were wet again, and her soul felt as if it was trying to tear free from her body. The lift crept toward her floor, groaning, it seemed, under the strain of her heartbreak.

Her hand was still wrapped around the phone. She pulled it out, and her thumb brushed across the flat screen, bringing up the first of too many ways to contact Jake Tyler.

Blinking back her tears, she swiped at the emotional leakage
with her wrist and shook her head. For a woman so set on moving forward, she wasn’t exactly letting go of the past. The car slowed and Cali adjusted her shoulder bag as she reached for the grate—only to have it opened from the other side.

Her heart stopped.

“Hey, babe. Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.” The low baritone voice came like a midnight fantasy, riding words from what seemed a lifetime ago. It shocked her senses, slipping under her skin, warming through her body and confusing her mind like too much sweet wine.

Jake.
He couldn’t be real.

Her bags dropped to the floor with a loud thump and her breath rushed out in a whoosh, leaving scant air for words. “I’m hallucinating,” she wheezed, certain this had something to do with a serious lack of sleep and an excess of longing.

The corner of Jake’s mouth pulled up to the side as he shouldered into the small car.

He couldn’t be real. Couldn’t—

His arm, solid and strong, snaked around her waist, pulling her into the muscled planes of his body in a mesh of hard against soft, so perfectly right imagination couldn’t have created it.

“Oh, my God, Jake.”

His mouth was a breath above hers, painfully far and teasingly close all at once. “Sorry about the ‘babe’ business, but it does have that possessive quality I’m going for.” His deep blue gaze held hers, searching, pleading. “Cali.”

The arms that had gone limp at her sides were jolted into use by her name on his lips. They shot up and grasped the loose lapels of his open trench coat, dragging him down to her open, desperate mouth.

Jake. Here. An ocean away from where he was supposed to be. She should ask him a question—say something—but
all that mattered were his fingers threading into the hair at the nape of her neck. Tilting her head back, opening her wider to him as he sank deeper into the kiss. Filling her with his tongue, his heat. She melted against his body, her knees went liquid, and her belly turned in on itself.

His arms tightened around her waist and back as he straightened to his full height, lifting her from her feet in the process. His lips never left hers, never stopped moving across her mouth in that sensual glide, his tongue sliding over and around hers.

Heaven help her, she was drowning in the taste of him. The scent. The touch. He shot through her system, a mainline to pleasure, hitting her like a drug she couldn’t give up.

Her mouth moved frantically against his, breaking away only to kiss a new spot on his lips, around his jaw, his neck, ears, nose and eyes.

Again and again she kissed every spot she could find, tasting her own salty relief on his skin. She framed the chiseled features of his beautiful face with trembling hands, stroked a thumb over the slight stubble of his jaw. Met the endless blue of his stare.

“Tears?” he rasped in his husky tone, his gaze brushing her cheeks.

“Happy tears,” she managed. After weeks of agony, one minute in his arms had replaced it all with elation. How could she have thought she could live without him?

“Happy is definitely good,” he answered quietly, then closed his eyes and touched his brow to hers. “I’d almost forgotten what it felt like, but it’s coming back to me fast.”

Cocooned in the security of his arms, she felt a breath she’d been holding forever slip free, pulling the vise around her heart loose with it. “I’ve missed you so much… I thought—” She shook her head, looked into his face, needing to see him, to tell him everything.

Their surroundings caught her attention then—the small lift, her toes dangling inches above the floor. A quiet laugh escaped as a warm flush spread across her cheeks. “We should…my apartment….”

“Yeah.” The corner of Jake’s mouth kicked up in what appeared to be a grin. Then it was lost as his mouth crushed hers again, possessive and hot, blanking her mind of anything beyond the perfection of his taste. Too fast, it was over. She was on her feet, blinking wildly to bring reality back into focus.

Jake stood with her bags slung over one broad shoulder, offering his hand. “Ready?”

She nodded and slipped her palm into his, felt the warmth of his hold radiate up her arm, spread, tingling, through a body that had been numb to anything but pain since the day she’d torn it apart from the man it recognized as her other half.

“Definitely ready,” she answered, and led him down the narrow hall to her door.

Inside the two-room flat, Jake set down her bags. Cali watched as he navigated around the clustered furniture to the window. Drawing the shade to find little more than a facing brick wall, he turned back, a smile tugging at his lips. It was bliss to see him filling the space she’d occupied for the last month, the space where she’d fantasized about him—hungered for him, never dreamed he would actually be.

“Nice place Amanda’s got you in.”

She laughed, seeing the tiny flat through his eyes. “Yeah, I don’t think she had any connections setting this one up.”

He leaned a shoulder against the window frame, crossing his arms over his chest, his chiseled features relaxed, warm, as he surveyed her. “You been doing well?”

She waved a dismissive hand, suddenly unsure of her own response. “There are any number of ways to answer, depending on how I’m looking at it.”

Jake arched a brow at her. “I’m in London for three days, so I’ve got time to hear all of them.”

Three days. Only three. “Work’s been very good. We’re ahead of schedule.”

He chuckled, jutting his chin at her. “Of course you are.”

Cali shrugged, feeling amused until she met his gaze. The smile on her lips crumbled and she began to shake.

Within two strides Jake had his arms around her. He pulled her into his lap on the couch. “Ah, sweetheart, don’t cry.”

“I’ve missed you,” she whispered brokenly, a harsh sob catching in her throat. “So much. Every minute. I knew what I was doing when I left. I knew the choice I was making. But…the way it hurts…. I was so stupid. I thought I’d never get a chance to be with you again.” She choked over the ragged words, blinking in a battle against tears that had clearly already won the war. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I couldn’t stay away,” he soothed, stroking a hand down the soft tumble of her hair, the delicate bones in her back. “I tried. I really did. But life without you was empty.” Horrible. Unbearable. He’d been so angry when she’d left. He’d tried to close himself off from his feelings, tried to believe being apart was for the best, but he’d been a fool.

There had been no peace. No relief. Nothing but the aching void growing steadily within him from the moment he’d left her at the airport. Before that. From the moment he’d realized he wouldn’t be able to change her mind.

The hours had passed, and then the days. The weeks after that. He’d expected it would only be a matter of time until he was back on track, relieved by the return to the life of his design. He’d told himself Cali had been complicated. Messy. Everything he hadn’t wanted but had somehow gotten bound up in. Only it wasn’t true.

He’d gone out. With colleagues for drinks. With friends for dinner.

To the Jazz House for something—something he didn’t find.

The music had poured over him, only he’d been numb to the melodies, refusing to feel the heartache and hope infused in every long-drawn note. A woman had slid onto the barstool beside him and struck up a light conversation, looking for a little company. Sensual invitation had shone in her eyes as she’d mentioned she’d only be in town for the night. At one time she would have been a perfect diversion. Temporary. Sexy. Easy.

But no longer.

He’d left the club with his heart slamming against his chest, his soul an open wound. It wasn’t like it had been after Pam. Not even close. And it wasn’t getting better. Still he’d refused to see the truth. He’d gone home and gotten on the treadmill, determined to beat himself out of his ever-deepening funk by pounding through the miles until his consciousness had been reduced to the draw and push of his breath, the repetitive thud of his feet. Only no matter how hard or far he’d pushed, she’d been there with him. Hovering at the edge of his mind.