Wild Ice (23 page)

* * *

He’d been a fool. Since when did he ignore what his gut was telling him? Since when did he move out to the middle of nowhere just because life knocked the wind out of him? His gut had told him to hang on to Lauren and never look back. What were the odds of finding a woman like her? He was smart enough to know that those odds were slim to none. Maybe that’s why he’d sabotaged himself. Because it all seemed too damn good to be true, especially after the shit storm he’d lived through. N
o. Good things had happened to him before and he’d never gone and questioned them. Now he was just making excuses so he wouldn’t have to deal with real life and real emotions. He’d been picking at the same scab for months, making it impossible to heal.

His gut was telling him to march over to the cottage and grab her by that floppy hat of hers and kiss her until he couldn’t think straight.
Then he wanted to get down on his knees and tell her what an idiot he was—in case she hadn’t figured that out yet on her own—and beg her for forgiveness. After that, he’d thank her for seeing something in him that he couldn’t see for himself because he was blind as a goddam bat.

JD stood in his kitchen and stared at the hummingbird feeder stuck to the window. The nectar was already half gone—or was it half full? JD saw it as half empty.

He wanted to go to her, he really did, but he was afraid of what she’d say. No, that was a lie. He was afraid it was already too late. She’d been naked in his room, her hair mussed from their lovemaking. She’d looked at him with hopeful green eyes and he’d turned away from her and turned back to what was comfortable. The past. She probably hated him. He’d strung her along all summer. When she’d given all of herself to him he’d given only a fraction in return because that’s all he thought he had left.

But that wasn’t entirely true either. She didn’t hate him. She couldn’t. She wasn’t capable of hate. There wasn’t a hateful bone in her
beautiful body. And that was one of the many reasons he loved her. She hadn’t pressed him too hard or asked him to give what he couldn’t. She’d only talked to him without pity in her voice, shared her passion for birds with him, and had been a shoulder to cry on.

As much as he wanted to, h
e couldn’t face her yet. It would just have to wait. He was used to having things hang over his head anyway.

It had taken him over a year to be able to skate again, so it was understandable that when he found himself
falling for another woman it would spook him a little. Or a lot.

He’d been overwhelmed. So he did what came natural—he pushed her away. Everything bubbled up all at once. Rediscovering his love for the game, discovering his love for Lauren, letting Darla go
... It was all too much. Now he would punish himself by wallowing in his own self-pity.

Chapter Twenty

Teammates

JD never should have skated that day at Valley IcePlex. Just spending an hour on the ice had rekindled his love for the sport. Just one hour had his mind racing and thinking about things like training camp and his old team and his lifelong dream of winning the Gordie Prince Cup. There was still time for all that. He couldn’t make up for the past year, but he could set things right by moving forward.

One thing was for sure
, though. With all the emotions swirling around in his head about Lauren, JD knew he was ready for some more “therapy”.

When Cody
, the Razors’ team captain, called, JD agreed to meet him at Razors’ Ice. Cody’s calls were usually just a ploy to get JD to an ice rink anyway and this time he didn’t refuse. This time he was ready.

JD
didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up—especially his own—and he knew Cody wouldn’t make a big deal out of his return. JD thought they could just run a few drills to get him back into the swing of things. They agreed to shoot a few pucks and then go for dinner afterwards.
Then
he would figure out how to make things right with Lauren.

Driving up to Razors Ice felt just like old times. During his career, JD had spent countless hours inside this building skating drills and playing scrimmages and preparing for games.

JD found Cody in the locker room taping his stick.

Cody looked up with a grin.
“It’s good to see you, man.”

“You too.
” JD sat down beside Cody and pulled the gear from his bag. “How are the kids?”

“
Good. Growin’ like weeds. Thanks for comin’ out.”

“
Hey, I’m glad you called.”

“
I’ve left you a bunch of messages.”

“I know. I
guess I finally pulled my head out of my ass.”

“
Good. You ready?”

“
Yeah. I’m ready.” Man, that felt good to say out loud.
I’m ready to play hockey again.
By admitting that one little thing to himself everything seemed possible.

JD would
honor Darla’s memory by living life to the fullest and not squandering away what little time he had on this earth by hiding from himself. And he’d honor himself by letting himself love Lauren freely.

Love
. Wow. Somewhere between walks on the trail, making waffles in his kitchen, and kissing her in the field, he’d fallen in love with her.

JD
remembered something he had told her once. “It’s the circle of life.” Now the words brought greater meaning and didn’t fall flat.

But he’d already screwed it all up with her. Somehow he’d make things right between them. Right now he needed to see if he still had what it took to be a hockey player.

After changing out of his street clothes, JD laced up his skates and taped his stick. His gear felt good. Padding was his exoskeleton, the practice jersey a second skin, his skates an extension of his body.

Out on the rink, JD grabbed a
handful of pucks to throw on the ice.

Cody put his hand up to stop him. “We’re only going to need one.”

JD’s brow furrowed.

“I hope you don’t mind
, Mase, but I called a few friends.”

JD looked up and couldn’t believe his eyes. One by one, his
former teammates took to the ice and skated around him. All of the Razors were here. Patrik Levine, Jace McQuaid, Alexandre Sebastien, Nathan Connors, Pete Fontaine…

Cody must have had them all wait in another room until JD had gone out onto the ice because he sure as hell hadn’t seen them in the locker room.
JD’s chest swelled and he blinked back the emotions.

Wow.
It must have taken some serious finagling to get everyone here during the off season. The players technically didn’t have to be back in town until training camp which wasn’t for another few weeks. During the summer they were scattered all over the globe in their hometowns and on vacation.

Both goaltenders,
Sebby and Nathan, were decked out in their goaltending pads and they took their places in front of the nets at each end of the rink.

“Didn’t know they’d let just anyone in here,”
Trik commented and slapped JD on the back.

“Yeah
,” Pete agreed. “I thought they tried to keep the riffraff out.”

“This better be good,”
Seb joked. “I flew all the way here from Moscow.”

Nathan
tapped his stick on the pipes on either side of the net. “All right, Hollywood,” he said and assumed his crouch position. “Let’s see if you still got it.”

“Welcome back,
Hollywood,” Jace said with a smirk.

“Yeah,” Cody
chimed in. “Welcome back.”

* * *

The knock on the front door of
the cottage came as a surprise. Was JD here to set things right? Did he have a nice long think about things and realize how much she cared for him?

Lauren took a sip of wine to steady her already frayed nerves.
She had had plenty of time to have a long talk with herself and realize that she was in love with him. The love she felt for JD was deep and intense and it scared her. It wasn’t the same as what she’d felt for Daniel. She’d never been frightened of Daniel not returning her love, only blinded dumb by it. When she realized JD didn’t love her in return, it hurt worse than a hundred jilted weddings.

Lauren went to the door and braced herself. She had no idea what to say to him but she knew the words would come. They always did.

Lauren opened the door and blinked. It wasn’t JD at her door, it was… “Daniel?”

Chapter Twenty-One

Exes and Oh’s

Lauren stared at the man in front of her, fully aware that her mouth hung open like a trout. He looked the same, but a heck of a lot different too. His hair was a little longer and highlighted by the sun. This was the boy she’d told all of her hopes and dreams to from the time they were teenagers. This was the boy who’d held her hand on the school bus before he was old enough to drive. This was the same boy who cheated off her math quizzes and skipped out on Psych class because he didn’t like the teacher. This was the boy who took her to homecoming and prom. This was the boy who had skipped out on their wedding without so much as a goodbye. This was the same boy who was terribly unreliable and who always charmed his way out of trouble with a crooked smile and a twinkle of his baby blues.

This was the boy she’d lost her virginity to and the man she’d wanted to marry
, but this was no man standing in front of her. She’d already spent a lifetime with him, but he wasn’t the one she wanted to grow old with.

“I had a helluva time finding the place,”
Daniel said with that boyish grin of his.

Lauren
never could resist that grin. Now she could see right through it and the sight of it just annoyed her.

Seeing
Daniel didn’t sting as much as she thought it would. She’d prepared herself for this moment, imagining her heart being ripped out all over again, but it wasn’t like that at all. The only emotions she felt were relief and pity. As strange as it sounded, she was relieved about what happened inside that church in South Oakdale. The choice he made that day set her free to find her own way. In a way, she felt sorry for him because he was the same old footloose and fancy free Daniel. He’d never allow himself to really care for someone so deeply it hurt and that was a shame.

Lauren had
had enough time to grow from the experience and enough sense not to stay on her backside after being knocked down. One thing remained clear. She did not let Daniel break her spirit then and he sure as hell wouldn’t now.

There were so many questions blazing through her mind that she just
blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “What are you doing here, Daniel?”

It was a sensible question.
Straight to the point. Right there along with “Where in the name of all that is holy have you been?” She even worded the question politely, omitting any curse words that he rightly deserved.

Forgetting about the glass of wine in her hand, she gestured to him and sloshed wi
ne onto his white tee shirt.

The look on his face was priceless and a part of her wanted to laugh but the situation was so ridiculous that all she could do was groan in frustration.
“Oh jeez. Come in and take your shirt off. I’ve got some stain lifter in the laundry room.” She took a step back and Aunt Cora’s slippers scraped against the wood floor.

Daniel stepped inside and
pulled his shirt off over his head and handed it to her. The soft fabric was still warm from his skin. She grabbed the shirt from him and hurried into the laundry room.

* * *

JD couldn’t wait to
talk to Lauren. He’d been nonchalant about his skate at VIP, but this time he couldn’t keep it bottled up inside. And hockey wasn’t the only thing JD was excited about. If he had any doubts about his feeling for her, they were all shadowed by the new feelings swirling through him now. He loved Lauren and he wouldn’t wait another day to tell her.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her. Sometimes when he thought about her, she was on the trail with her binoculars mashed up against her face, looking at a bird
or those basket weavers or whatever they were called. Other times she was standing in his kitchen, staring intently at the light on the waffle maker waiting for it to go out. Or she was out in the field, throwing a tennis ball to Mel and laughing as he offered it back to her covered in slobber.

She
had opened his eyes to the beauty of Hayley’s Point. She’d shown him there was indeed life after death. She’d even given him a glimpse inside her heart.

JD had
let go of Darla months ago, but was too scared to admit it to himself. Now he was ready. Hockey had fit back into his life and now Lauren was the final piece of the puzzle.

He
turned his SUV onto Blue Heron Lane and rolled his head around his shoulders to ease the ache. No matter how much he’d worked out during the past year, it wasn’t a replacement for being on the actual ice. He and the boys had played a scrimmage game of three-on-three and his legs ached and his lungs burned. He was definitely going to be sore in the morning.

And i
t felt absolutely wonderful.

No
ne of his teammates mentioned his absence, they just played hockey. The game was therapy in itself, just like Quinn said. His teammates being there was just a bonus.

Cody had pulled off one helluva surprise. And that was just the beginning.
Cody also arranged for the Razors GM and Coach Baker to stop by “coincidently” to watch their scrimmage. In the end, JD returned home with an invitation to Razors training camp and a grin on his face that rivaled a Cheshire cat.

The phone call from his agent during the drive home had sealed the deal
and finalized his decision. Come September, JD would be a Razor again.

He couldn’t wait to go
over to the cottage, pick Lauren up, twirl her around and tell her the news.

It was a beautiful night.
The sun had disappeared behind the mountains for the night and left streaks of pink and orange in the sky. Birds chirped from their nightly hiding spots. JD’s hockey career had been resuscitated, he had his head on straight for the first time in a long time, and everything was falling into place.

When JD pulled into Lauren’s driveway, he noticed a catalogue
sticking out of her mailbox. The mailbox was stuffed full of a
Birds & Bloom
magazine,
Birdwatcher’s Digest
and a stack of junk mail. JD decided to bring the mail in for her on his way.

Lights were on inside the cottage and it glowed from its spot nestled in the trees. He smiled at the downright coziness of the place. It was everything Teal Manor wasn’t and everything he wanted
after all. He’d just been too stupid to realize it.

JD
strode up to the porch and rapped his knuckles on the door. A sandy-haired man—minus a shirt—answered the door and JD took a step back. Who in the hell was
this
?

“Hey,” the guy said, looking right at home in Lauren’s doorway.

“Hey.”

“What’s up?”

JD handed the stack of mail to the guy. “I got some of Lauren’s mail by mistake,” he lied.

The guy took
the pile and smiled a lopsided grin.

Lauren’s voice called from inside.
“Daniel?”

“Thanks, man
,” Daniel said and shut the door.

JD star
ed at the doorknob in disbelief.

Daniel, the man who abandoned Lauren on their wedding day
, was in her cottage—minus his shirt.

JD walked numbly to his SUV.

* * *

Lauren sprayed the stain remover onto the shirt and saturated the spill. “Daniel?” she called.

She thought he was right behind her
, but apparently he wasn’t. He’d probably stopped off to greet Marsh with a friendly pat on the head. Yeah, right, Lauren laughed to herself. Marsh was probably cowering under the bed right where he belonged. Just when she’d finally gotten him to make nice, now she’d have to start all over again, all because of her stupid ex-fiancé.

Daniel
came into the laundry room making the small room seem even tinier.

“
This is the first time we’ve seen each other in months and you’ve already got me half naked,” he joked.

Lauren snapped her head up and glared at his smug face.
His blonde hair fell over his eyes. She’d smoothed that same lock of hair out of his eyes countess times, but she wouldn’t do it this time. Or ever again for that matter. They weren’t together anymore. He’d left her without any consideration of her feelings. He’d cheated on her and humiliated her in front of all their friends and family. And now he was back. Why?

“What are you doing here Daniel?” she asked for the second time. He’d gotten out of answering it the first time because of her klutziness, but he wasn’t going to get out of answering it a second time.

He lifted his shoulder and let it drop.
“I wanted to see you. Your mom told me where you were staying.”

“
Why
? To see for yourself how devastated I was after what you did to me?” She flung one of Ellie’s oversized flannels at him. “Put this on.” The sight of his bare chest just made her that much more angry.

When s
he went to move past him, he blocked the doorway like the stubborn mule he was. He put his hands on her shoulders and she shrugged away.

“I’m sorry, Lauren
,” he said, searching her eyes. What he found there wasn’t the warm homecoming he’d naively hoped for. She was hurt and she had every right to be. His charm wouldn’t work its magic on her any more.

She snorted at the paltry apology. It wasn’t nearly enough to make up for what she’d been through because of his coward
liness. “Where have you been for the last six months?”

“I got a job on my uncle’s fishing boat
,” he said proudly. “It was good money and I managed to put some away for us to start over with.”

“
Start over
?” Her voice went so high that it cracked. “You really think I still want to be with you after the way you treated me?”

“We could still get married, Laur.” “We could run over to Reno.”

She threw her hands up into the air. “I
don’t
want to
marry
you!” She pushed past him and stalked into the kitchen. It wasn’t much bigger than the laundry room, but at least it had a window. She spun around and shot darts at him with her eyes. “You had the chance to marry me,
remember
? And you didn’t bother to show up. You betrayed me, hurt me
and
humiliated me.”

“I
…I couldn’t…I didn’t…” He sighed and finally looked frazzled. After a deep breath, he started again. “There was someone else…and I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Oh wow! Thanks so much for sparing me the humiliation. Oh wait,” she said tapping her finger on her temple. “You
didn’t
. You left me with a church full of people because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants!”

He looked insulted.
“Yeah. Like you can say you weren’t ever with any other guys,” he retorted.

“No!
” she exclaimed with a stomp of her foot. “I wasn’t. You were my first and my only. You were always the only one.”

Daniel
seemed surprised. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “She’s out of the picture now.”

Her mouth hung open in disbelief.
“Oh, well now we can live happily ever after and pretend like none of this ever happened then.”

The look on his face told her that was exactly what he was hoping to do. He’d come back trying to make things right the only way he knew how
, but it was much too late for that now. Somehow she had to hammer that into that thick skull of his.

Daniel’s
shoulders slumped and the flannel sagged around him. “Didn’t you ever wonder what it would be like to be with someone else?”

“No!” she said defensively. “I wanted to be with
you
.”

“You still can,” he said, his eyes hopeful again.

“That’s the
last
thing I want. Go home, Daniel. I’m taking a walk. When I come back, you’d better be gone.”

Lauren stalked outside and let the screen door slam ceremoniously behind her. Daniel had never been the sharpest knife in the drawer
, but man did he have some nerve. Did he really think she would just take him back with open arms after he’d proven to her how little she meant to him? He’d made a choice that day and as a result, she’d made a choice of her own. And that choice was to move on and not settle for anything less than being the first priority in a man’s life and her own.

There was just enough light left in the evening sky to make out the bench in the distance
at the edge of the property line. Lauren made it to the bench before she realized she was still wearing Aunt Cora’s house slippers. She sat down and tried to sort through her feelings. Several deep breaths did nothing to help her clear her head. The sound of the ducks settling in for the night just rattled her even more.

Daniel wanted her but she didn’t want him anymore. She wanted JD but he didn’t want her in return. It was a heck of a conundrum.

After a few minutes, she heard footsteps and knew without looking up that it was Daniel. He always was lousy at being told what to do. He sat down next to her and the flannel shirt brushed against her arm.