Wilde, Jennifer (71 page)

"If
I didn't know better, my dear, I'd think you were trying to seduce me. You come
down wearing an elaborate gown, smelling of perfume, radiant and smiling. You
chatter most engagingly, and you look at me with eyes that are suddenly full of
admiration."

"I
was merely trying to be friendly."

Helmut
curled his lip. "I suspect you're beginning to feel a bit deprived."

"Deprived?"

"You
want a man; my dear. It's obvious. It's been quite a long time, hasn't it? We
must do something about that."

"I—if
you want to—"

He
chuckled, delighted. "I'm flattered, Marietta. My cool, haughty wife has
finally decided to warm to me. You want me to come to your bedroom? You want me
to give you a good, rousing session in bed?"

I
stared down at my plate, trying not to tremble.

"I'm
afraid I must disappoint you, my dear," he continued. "I appreciate
your efforts, but, as I've mentioned before, you fail to appeal to me in that
particular way. We really must find you a lover soon, though. I wouldn't want
you to suffer unduly."

I
tried my best to look disappointed. Helmut was extremely pleased with himself,
feeling he had just scored a small triumph. He was still in that expansive,
self-congratulatory mood as we left the dining room, and I managed to look
slightly dejected.

"What
are you going to do this evening?" I asked.

"Since
Meg is ill and you've expended all your charm, I imagine I'll do a bit of
paperwork. Several accounts need my attention. After I've gone over them, I'll
probably go to bed rather early myself."

I
hoped he wasn't planning to go to Meg's room. My remarks seemed to have
convinced him that she genuinely needed her rest and wasn't faking illness as
she had done earlier. I felt a wave of relief. There was just one more thing I
needed to take care of. James and Meg would need money. I had little of my own,
but I did have the diamond and emerald necklace and earrings Helmut had given
to me. Although they were a "gift," he kept them locked away in his
office safe, taking them out only on those occasions when he deemed it fitting
for me to wear them. I had to get them, and I knew it would be quite impossible
to break into the safe.

"I
suppose I'll go through my wardrobe and pick out something to wear to the
Holburns' next week," I said casually. "I had thought the blue
velvet, but as Meg will be wearing blue—" I hesitated. "I suppose
you'll want me to wear the necklace and earrings?"

"But
of course. Mrs. Holburn will be dripping with jewels—all paste, no doubt."

"Then
I'll need to have them tonight," I remarked. "I'll want to make sure
they won't clash with what I select to wear. If you'll get them out of your
safe, I'll return them in the morning."

He
seemed to find this reasonable enough and, nodding, sauntered out of the room,
returning a few minutes later with the long black leather case containing both
necklace and earrings. I took the case, amazed that it had all been so easy.

"Be
careful with them," he said. "They represent quite an investment, you
know."

"I
will be, Helmut."

"I've
been very pleased with you of late," he remarked. "I've found our
arrangement extremely satisfactory. If you continue to please me, I might
decide to purchase another little trifle. Your lovely neck would look fetching
draped with several strands of pearls, or perhaps a web of rubies. Your good
behavior shall not go unrewarded."

"I'm
glad you're pleased."

"I
must get to work now. See you in the morning, Marietta."

When
I finally got back to my bedroom I was exhausted, and my nerves seemed to
shriek from the strain I'd been through. It was after nine. There was almost
four hours to wait. I prowled around restlessly, unable to relax. I tried to
read. I couldn't. I kept remembering Helmut's insane rage on that afternoon we
had first encountered James, kept remembering the way he had seized the whip,
wielding it with murder in his eyes. When he discovered that Meg was gone... I
fought back the fear beginning to well up inside.

There
was no reason to be afraid, I told myself. He wouldn't dare do physical harm to
me. My knowledge was a powerful weapon. He wouldn't risk my using it against
him. There were laws against incest and, if I told the authorities what had
been going on at Roseclay, Helmut could be imprisoned. I held all the cards,
and I would play them ruthlessly. I would demand that our marriage be
annulled—that would be easy enough to arrange if the right palms were filled
with gold—and I would demand a very large settlement. It wouldn't be pleasant,
but he wouldn't dare refuse to meet my demands. I would leave Natchez a free
woman, and I would never set eyes on him again.

First,
though, I must get Meg safely away. I looked at the clock again. Only ten-thirty.
Two and a half more hours. I opened the leather case and took out the necklace
and earrings. Emeralds flashed with deep green fires. Diamonds shimmered with
silver and gold lights, alive, lovely, each gem exquisitely set. With the money
they would realize from the sale of these gems Meg and James could go anywhere
they pleased, start anew, together. How fortunate she was to have someone who
loved her so recklessly, so intensely. I put the gems back into the case, and a
few minutes later I head Helmut come upstairs and go to his room.

As
I waited, nerves on edge, the hands of the clock seemed to creep. If I was
tense and edgy, Meg must be doubly so, but at least she would soon be united
with the man she loved. She had something to look forward to. I had nothing.
Nothing. No, I wasn't going to start feeling sorry for myself. Not at this
point. I had made this marriage with my eyes wide open. I had brought this all
upon myself, deliberately. It was almost... almost as though I had wanted to
punish myself for causing Jeff's death. I had thought I was marrying Helmut for
his money, but perhaps there had been another reason, one I hadn't been
consciously aware of at the time.

At
twelve-thirty I blew out all the candles and opened the hall door. I stood
there listening. Roseclay was silent. It had never seemed so cold and
formidable. I hated this house. I had hated it all along, even though I hadn't
admitted it. Roseclay had been built for an evil purpose, and for all its
beauty the place seemed cursed. No one would ever be happy within these icy
walls. I shivered, forcing myself to wait a few minutes longer, and then I
started down the hall. My eyes had already grown accustomed to the darkness,
but even so I could barely see two feet ahead of me. Only a few rays of
moonlight spilled through the windows at the very end of the hall.

Nearing
the door to Helmut's bedroom, I held my breath, moving past on tip toes. My
yellow brocade skirt rustled crisply, and the sound seemed like great noise in
the tense silence. Finally, reaching the door to Meg's room, I tapped lightly.
She opened it immediately. There was enough moonlight to reveal her slender
form and her pale face. I saw that she was carrying a small bag. Meg stepped
into the hall and closed the door behind her. She was trembling.

"Is
everything all right?" she whispered.

"Helmut's
asleep. We have only to go downstairs and go outside. James will be waiting in
the gazebo."

"I'm
so frightened."

"There's
nothing to be afraid of. Come."

I
took her free hand, and we started toward the staircase. We had gone only a few
yards when Meg stumbled, dropping her bag. It landed with a loud bang that
reverberated in my ears like an explosion. She gasped. I tugged her hand,
motioning her to be still. My heart was pounding now, and Meg was trembling
more than ever. Both of us expected Helmut's door to be flung open and him to
come charging into the hall, but he didn't. A minute passed. Another. I sighed
with relief and, still holding her hand, reached down to pick up the bag.

"I'd
better carry it," I whispered.

"I'm
sorry. I'm just so—"

"Come
on. Let's go downstairs."

We
started down the stairs, descending into darkness, and it was only after we had
gone halfway down that I realized I had forgotten the jewels. I stopped and let
go of Meg's hand. She stiffened, terrified.

"What's
wrong?"

"You'll
have to wait here for me. I have to go back to my room. Here, take the bag.
I'll only be gone a minute."

"Marietta—"

"Take
the bag!" I hissed.

I
left her standing there on the dark staircase and moved back up to the hall,
cursing myself for my stupidity. It seemed to take me an eternity to get back
to my room, and then I couldn't remember where I had left the leather case. I
didn't dare light a candle. Groping around in the darkness, I almost sent a
vase crashing to the floor. I caught it only as it began to topple off the
table. That completely unnerved me, and I wanted to scream. I stood very still,
forcing myself to be calm, and then I remembered placing the case on the table
beside the large chair. I found it immediately and hurried back to join Meg on
the staircase.

"Is
that you?" she whispered.

"Of
course it is. Come. We'd better hurry."

We
moved on down the staircase and along the lower hall, reaching the back door a
few moments later. What a relief it was to step outside into moonlight that
streamed down in mellow rays. I pulled the door shut behind us and led Meg
toward the gardens. The elm trees traced lacy black patterns over the silvered
lawn. The carriage house and slave quarters were quiet. Both of us moved
rapidly now, hurrying along the path with skirts flying.

Hearing
our approach, James stepped out of the gazebo and stood sculptured in moonlight
like some beautiful Greek statue incongruously dressed in modern attire. Meg
gave a little cry and dropped the bag, flying toward him. James clasped her to
him in a passionate embrace, covering her lips with his own. Meg wrapped her
arms around his back, clinging to him with a desperate urgency. I picked up the
bag and waited for that tumultuous kiss to end. When James finally drew back,
Meg began to babble in a breathless voice, and he placed his hand gently over
her mouth. Her tears glistened in the moonlight.

"Hush,"
he said tenderly. "There's no need to talk. There's no need to cry, either.
I've purchased two passages on the boat leaving for New Orleans at six o'clock
in the morning. I've got a buggy waiting for us on the road beyond the woods.
Kirkwood loaned it to me."

He
removed his fingers from over her mouth and brushed away her tears. Looking
down at her, eyes aglow with love, he folded her against him once more.

"We'll
be married as soon as we get to New Orleans. I'll find some kind of work.
It—the going may be a bit rough at first, but we'll survive. I can't give you
luxury, Meg, but I can give you such love, such love—"

Meg
sobbed, resting her head on his shoulder, and James held her fast, stroking her
hair. Both of them seemed to have forgotten my presence, but I didn't mind.
Seeing them together like that was deeply moving, and it was painful as well,
for their closeness, their joy made the emptiness inside me seem all the more
difficult to endure. I had deliberately dismissed love from my life, and now I
realized that life without that vibrant, exultant emotion was hardly worth living.
I thought of Derek again, and the sense of loss was like a sharp stab in my
heart.

"We'd
better go now," James said quietly.

"Yes.
I never want to see this place again."

"You'd
better take your bag," I said.

"Marietta!"
Meg exclaimed. "I'm so sorry. I forgot—"

"I
understand, dear."

James
took the bag. "I don't know how to thank you," he said.

"No
thanks are necessary," I replied. "Just remember what I told you this
afternoon."

He
nodded curtly, and I handed the case to Meg.

"What's
this?" she asked, bewildered.

"When
you get to New Orleans, I want you to sell these. There's a man named Dawson.
He's a crook, but he'll give you as much as anyone if you're firm and don't let
him bully you."

"I
don't understand." She paused, her eyes widening. "Marietta—surely
not your diamond and emerald—"

"I
want you and James to have them," I said firmly. "It's—it's the least
I can do."

"But
they're worth—"

"I
don't intend to argue, Meg. Consider them a dowry. With what you'll get for
them the two of you can go anywhere you like. James can open some kind of
business. I'll feel so much better knowing you're provided for."

"Marietta—"

She
flew into my arms, hugging me ecstatically. The moonlight was radiant, and I
could see her face clearly. She was smiling, and her eyes were filled with
happiness. For the first time I realized that Meg was a beautiful girl. Love
had made her beautiful. With James at her side, she would be able to forget all
that had gone before. I kissed her cheek, and she hugged me one more time.