Authors: Janelle Denison
She frowned at him from over her shoulder as she ripped open a tea bag and dropped it into her mug. “I don’t—”
“Yes, you do,” he countered, cutting off her instantaneous denial. “For some reason, you’re accepting part of the blame for Valerie running off with Rob, and I want to know why.”
Her lips pursed in agitation, and her demeanor was defensive enough that he fully expected her to tell him to go to hell, that it was none of his business why she felt the way she did. But beyond her tough act, there was a hint of vulnerability in her gaze, a desperation that made his gut clench.
“Tell me, Liz,” he cajoled, knowing he needed to hear what she had to say as much as she needed to get it out in the open.
She hesitated a few seconds before deciding to confide in him. “When my aunt and uncle moved to California almost a year ago, they asked if Valerie could move into my apartment with me so I could keep an eye on her. Considering this mess that she’s in, I didn’t do a very good job of that, now, did I?”
“Your cousin is twenty-four years old,” he said reasonably. “She’s legally an adult and plenty old enough to not need a keeper.”
“What was I supposed to do, tell my aunt and uncle no, that I wouldn’t let her live with me?” Her voice rose an octave in frustration and anger. “That I wouldn’t keep an eye on her for them?”
“I’m sure Valerie would have found a place of her own if you told your aunt that you wanted your privacy.”
The kettle whistled, and she picked up the wooden handle and poured a stream of hot water into her mug. A long sigh unraveled out of her. “Look, I don’t expect you to understand my reasons….”
“I
want
to understand, Liz.” And he meant it, in a way that went beyond needing to know details for the case. This discussion
was
personal, for the both of them. There was no fighting the wave of emotion cresting within him that made him a part of her frustration, her pain, so he didn’t bother to try. “I want to know why you feel so responsible for your cousin, and why you seem to be shouldering the blame for her disappearance when it was
her
doing, not yours.”
She braced her hip against the counter and wrapped her fingers around the ceramic mug in her hand. “I just don’t want to disappoint my aunt and uncle. Again.”
He hated the space separating them but didn’t dare close the distance when he was certain his advance would be rejected. “Again?”
She shook her head sharply, sending damp strands of her hair swirling about her shoulders. “It’s complicated, and this is a discussion that you and I don’t need to have since it’s not relevant to the case.” Moving past him, she headed into the living room, sat in the recliner chair, and sipped her herbal tea.
God, she was stubborn, which made him all the more determined to breach those barriers she’d erected around
herself. Ignoring her dismissive tone and action, he followed her into the adjoining room and took a seat on the sofa catercorner from her. “Maybe this discussion is
very
important to the case.”
Skepticism radiated off her. “How so?”
He shrugged, as if the answer was obvious. “You already told me that things have been strained between you and Valerie, and learning the reasons why would help me to get a better understanding of your relationship with your cousin.”
She took another sip of her tea, her gaze narrowing on him over the rim. “And that would make a difference to the case, why?”
He catered to her reluctance gently, because he was coming to learn that this woman needed to be handled with special care when it came to emotional, familial issues. She was strong and diligent on the outside, and fragile and too susceptible on the inside, where she thought no one could see. But she’d given him plenty of glimpses, whether she realized it or not.
“By learning more about Valerie’s personality, I can theorize a motivation for her actions.” His explanation sounded logical, but his excuse was a deliberate ploy to get her to open up to him. To trust him with more than just her body.
Surprisingly, she did. “Valerie’s actions are motivated by her need to get attention from whomever she can. And if it’s her mother and father, all the better.”
There was no bitterness in her voice, just an odd acceptance he ached to comprehend fully. “And what motivates Valerie’s need for attention?”
“Me.”
“You?” This time,
he
sounded skeptical. And confused.
“Yes, me,” she confirmed more quietly, and stared into the depths of her mug. “When my parents died, I was twelve years old, and my Aunt Sally and Uncle Ben
were my only living relatives. They took me into their home and raised me as if I were their own. At the time, Valerie was only six years old, and she was an only child. My aunt had an emergency hysterectomy after Val was born, and since she couldn’t have any more children, Valerie was the center of my aunt and uncle’s universe … until I came along.”
Leaning forward, he braced his arms on his thighs and clasped his hands together. “I assume Valerie didn’t take well to you becoming a part of the family?”
“No.” She lifted pale green eyes to his, a sad smile curving her lips. “She resented any attention I received, though I didn’t ask for much. She saw me as a rival, out to steal or take away half of everything that should have been completely hers.” Her index finger idly traced the rim of her cup. “Everything became a competition with Valerie, but especially when it came to my aunt and uncle’s attention. And since I no longer had my own mother and father, I craved my aunt and uncle’s affection, which in turn infuriated Valerie.”
“Sounds to me like she was spoiled rotten,” he said roughly.
“She definitely wasn’t used to sharing anything; that’s for sure.” Setting her mug on the coffee table, she curled her legs beneath her on the cushioned chair. “I dealt with the situation the best I could. I aimed to please my aunt and uncle. I was a good kid, I helped out around the house, I got good grades, and I stayed out of trouble. Valerie, on the other hand, turned into a wild child and an even more rebellious teenager.”
He scrubbed a hand along his unshaven jaw, knowing good and well that his own daughter never would have gotten so out of hand, that out of control. Her strict but loving mother wouldn’t allow it, and as Steffie’s father, he wouldn’t tolerate such incorrigible behavior, either. Even if he did live in a different state.
But every set of parents raised their children differently,
he knew. “I take it Valerie got the attention she wanted?”
“Yes. My aunt and uncle gave her anything and everything she wanted, in an attempt to keep her happy.” She ducked her head and swiped her fingers through the drying strands of her blond hair. “They made excuses for Valerie’s defiant behavior, and of course, I knew all along that I was to blame for the drastic change in her.”
“You were a child yourself,” he refuted, hating that she’d held herself accountable, and at such a young age, too, when her biggest worry should have been what outfit to wear to school that day. “Any change in Valerie wasn’t your fault.”
He could tell that she disagreed but apparently decided it wasn’t an issue worth arguing with him. “The only way I could make up for Valerie being so rebellious was by being a good kid. I wanted so badly for my aunt and uncle to be proud of me. I never wanted them to regret that they took me into their home and raised me. I always wanted them to know how grateful I was for the sacrifice they made for me, and how much I appreciated their love and support when I could have ended up in a cold foster home.” A shudder shook her.
Yes, she’d been extremely lucky to end up with caring relatives, despite her own sense of misplaced guilt with Valerie. But there was still another point she’d brought up that wasn’t clear in his mind. “Liz, you said you didn’t want to disappoint your aunt and uncle again. What did you mean by that?”
“Like I said, I did everything I could to make them proud of me. I went to college, got my business degree, and when I made the decision to open up The Daily Grind, they believed in my ability to make the café a success and even gave me a loan to help start up the business.” She absently twisted the gold band on her ring finger, the one that made her look taken by another man. “Everything was going so well, until I met Travis.”
Ahh, he knew the story of her deceased husband, but there was obviously more to that tale than she’d originally told him. He waited patiently for her to continue, knowing he’d sit there for hours, days, weeks, to learn more about her. To know her inside and out. Dangerous stuff, that, but at the moment, he was beyond caring about anything else but her—insecurities, painful secrets, and all.
She closed her eyes for a brief moment, as if remembering; then her lashes lifted once again. Her gaze was distant, as though she were caught somewhere in the past. “I told you that my aunt and uncle were less than thrilled about my marrying Travis. That was the first time I’d really defied them. And after Travis died and I ended up on the verge of bankruptcy because of his debts, that was a very we-told-you-so kind of moment for me, though my aunt and uncle were gracious enough not to say anything to make me feel any worse than I already did.”
She glanced back at him and managed a shaky half smile, but the gesture was forced over the emotional anguish flickering in her eyes. “I knew they were disappointed in me, and it hurt to think that I’d lost a bit of their respect for the rash and reckless decision I’d made. They’re the only family I have left, and after everything they’d done for me, I’d let them down.”
Her voice cracked, and she swallowed before speaking again. “So, here I am, just making a comeback after my disastrous marriage, and finally getting my business back to the point that it’s solvent again, and I can’t even handle a simple request to keep an eye on Valerie for them.”
He refrained from grabbing her shoulders and shaking some sense into her. “Valerie is old enough to make her own decisions and suffer the consequences,” he said one last time, but knew that was something Liz had to come to learn and accept on her own. Right now
she was thinking with old childhood emotions clouding her judgment. Nothing he could say or do would make her realize the truth until she believed it for herself, as the adult she’d become. “Valerie is just damn lucky to have someone who cares so much about her, the way you do.”
“I just want to find her and make sure she’s safe.” Liz worried at her bottom lip, the concern she harbored for her cousin weighing her down. “And hopefully, my aunt and uncle will never have to know about any of this.”
Yes, this incident would pass, he agreed, but there would be more of her cousin’s antics that Liz would take upon herself to bear. She’d go on feeling responsible and living her life to please her aunt and uncle instead of herself—because she believed that was what she needed to do to gain back their trust and respect. If she’d ever lost it. So far, Liz’s description hadn’t given him that impression.
She
was the one being so hard on herself.
Everyone made wrong or misguided decisions, along with mistakes they regretted. He had his own burdens to live with, as well—things he wished he could have done differently, like paying more attention to his marriage before it had started to deteriorate. But he’d learned that he couldn’t allow those pitfalls to rule his life, that he had to deal with them and move on. But it appeared that Liz was still living in the past, for fear of failing the people she cared for the most.
At the moment, curled up in the chair all by herself, she seemed lost and all alone, even though he was sitting on the couch merely a few feet away. She was incredibly giving and selfless, to the very heart and soul of who she was. A woman who wanted nothing more than for everything around her to be good and right, yet all she could see in herself were imperfections and flaws.
Aching to bridge the distance between them, and
wanting to offer her a semblance of comfort, he held his hand out to her. “Come here,” he said softly.
She didn’t hesitate to put her fingers into his palm, and the trusting gesture gave him an odd jolt of pleasure that warmed him from the inside out. Gently he pulled her from her chair and draped her across his thighs so that her bottom was nestled in his lap. She fit him perfectly, in ways that went beyond the physical.
“I’m here,” she whispered sweetly, and gave him a tremulous smile that went straight to his heart and tugged hard.
Good Lord, what was happening to him? But deep inside, he knew what was happening, and he was beginning to realize he was helpless to fight the strong, undeniable feelings she evoked—no matter how much those emotions scared the hell out of him.
Placing one of her hands on his chest, she relaxed in his arms, snuggled closer, and sighed. “Tell me, did you and your brothers fight for attention with your parents, too?”
He stroked his hand up her back and lightly massaged the taut muscles at the nape of her neck, loving the silken texture of her hair threading through his fingers. Unlike her own unstable upbringing and the loss of her parents, his childhood had been very secure. “My brothers and I knew we were loved equally, and there was plenty of attention to go around, so there was no reason to fight for it.”
She rested her head on his shoulder, her fingers absently fluttering over the pulse at the base of his throat. “You’re very lucky,” she said, her warm, moist breath drifting along his neck.
He heard the wistful note to her voice and brushed his lips across her temple. “Yeah, I am,” he replied, and felt so damn stingy for possessing the kind of strong family ties and devotion she so obviously coveted for her own.
“Come with me to my father’s party tomorrow afternoon,” he said, expressing the thoughts that had been tumbling around in his mind before he could stop them.
Obviously startled, she lifted her head and searched his expression. Her eyes were wide, and she looked just as surprised as he felt, though he didn’t regret issuing the invitation now that it was out in the open between them. He wanted to share something special with her, to make her forget for a little while about the anguish and uncertainties she’d been living with for the past week. There was no reason for her to be alone with her turbulent thoughts tomorrow while he was celebrating his father’s birthday with his family. Not when he had the power to give her a sense of belonging and unconditional acceptance at a time when she doubted both.