Authors: Deila Longford
“Come on; let’s get you looking
like a million dollars.”
The air is hot and the beach is busy. Couples frolic on the sand and children play in the shallow ends of the ocean. Sydney and I
find some sun loungers at the furthest away end of the beach. I place my towel down onto the bed, and Sydney gladly leaves the one next to me free. I smile and thank her. It’s really hot and thank God that I remembered to bring my sun cream. I strip off my white maxi dress to reveal a hot pink bikini –Sydney’s choice. I apply some sun cream to my legs, stomach and arms. Sydney kindly applies the cream on my back. I repay the favour, and then I push my large sunglasses onto the bridge of my nose, as I rest on the lounger. I have brought my iPod and I shove one earphone in my ear and press play. The sound of ‘Rihanna’ floods my hearing. I smile and mouth the words. Sydney has brought her own iPod and as always, she’s brought her sketch pad along with a large pencil case that’s stuffed so much. That it won’t close. She says that she feels most inspired to draw when she’s in a public place. She draws inspiration from the people. Her drawings are amazing. She’s really talented.
“You look so happy,” Sydney says looking at me through her dark glasses. I smile and press pause on my iPod.
“Really?” I ask.
“Don’t you feel happy?” I sigh
at her question.
“I don’t know. I feel … odd, it’s strange, you know?” Sydney fixes her poker straight hair as she replies.
“It must be. You’ve spent the past year trying to block yourself off from feelings. Now that you’ve opened yourself up again, you’re bound to feel odd.” As always Sydney puts everything into perspective. “I guess the question is, are you ready for what’s gonna happen next?” she says looking away from me. I turn my head to see what she sees. Jonathon is walking along the beach. He’s wearing a white vest and red swim shorts. His Gucci cap is turned backwards on his head. His smile is devilish. He isn’t alone. There’s another guy with him, a tall guy with longish sandy blonde hair. He’s wearing black shorts and a matching black vest. He’s handsome and very manly. I wonder who he is. Sydney can’t take her eyes off ‘Mr Newbie’; yeah I have given him a pet name. They reach us and Jonathon’s eyes fall onto my swim wear. He looks impressed as he takes in my appearance. He smiles at me and introduces me to his friend.
“I hope you don’t mind
, but I invited my friend Austin to join us,” Austin, that’s a pretty name, it suits him. He looks like an Austin. I smile at the guy and say.
“No not all, it’s nice to meet you Austin,” I extend my arm and he shakes my hand. He looks at Sydney and I remember to introduce them. “Austin this is my friend Sydney,” he smiles and shakes Sydney’s hand. Jonathon smirks at me as he flops down onto the lounger next to me.
Austin gladly takes the free lounger next to Sydney. Jonathon takes off his vest to reveal that stunning physique. He reaches into his pocket and he pulls out his aviators. He places them onto his face and he reaches over and grabs my free earphone. He lodges it into his ear and he signals for me to press play. My heart skips a beat as the music erupts through me. Jonathon looks at me and raises a dark eyebrow in my direction. I think he disapproves of my music choice.
“Rihanna,” he says wickedly. I blush. I remember last night. We danced to ‘what’s my name’
and that very track is playing for us again. He bites his lip as he extends his arm. He grabs onto my hand and his fingers intertwine with mine. My breathing quickens, but I manage to remain cool. He sighs and judges my hand. He brings it closer to his face, breathing soft, fragile breaths as he does. “A tattoo?” he says locking those eyes on mine. I smile at him. Is he really just noticing my hand- ink now?
“Yeah what of it?” I say holding back a little giggle.
“Nothing, nothing,” he says sarcastically. I pout at him. I know he wants to say something, yet he’s holding back.
“C’mon what’s your opinion on tattoos? Do you not approve or something?” I push the subject. His lip quirks up at one side. That line forms and takes my breath away.
“What makes you think that I wouldn’t approve?” he states.
“Well do you?”
he laughs at me –again. He’s so annoying, yet stunning. He torments me with his devilish smile.
“It’s not that I don’t approve of you having a tattoo. But, by you having that on your body,
it makes me feel that there’s so much more to you. I think that you aren’t letting me all the way in. I wish I knew what I could do to make you open up.” I bite my lip. Would it really be all bad if he knew the truth about me? Would it make him hate me? Would he feel disgusted by my past behaviours? If he were to hate me, I couldn’t survive it.
“I have nothing to tell. No reason to let you in. There’s nothing that you need to know.” I lie. The alternative isn’t worth the sorrow. I couldn’t risk losing him. I have come so far by letting him
this
far in. I don’t know that I can go beyond my own lines. My guards and walls that I have formed to protect myself, are too high and precious. Can I really give all that up because I think that I care for this guy?
“If that’s your answer then I have nothing more to say.”
he says in a soft voice. I smile at him. Aching inside as his deep brown eyes stare deep into mine. His lips form a sweet smile and he rests his head against the lounger.
We have been at the beach for about hour or so. It’s so hot. Sydney and Austin have seemed to hit it off. They went to grab us some bottles of water from the beach-bar, but that was twenty minutes ago and there’s
been no sign of either of them since. Jonathon and I are melting from the heat, the water looks tempting. He makes a darting look at the ocean and lunges off of the lounger. He grabs onto my arm and try’s to pry me off the bed. I protest. I love to look at the ocean, but I hate to get in water. He doesn’t know this about me, and persists on trying to pull me off the lounger. I begin to get flustered and push him away. He has a wicked look in his eyes. He lightly pats the top of my head, before he swoops me into his arms. He runs with me in the direction of the water. I laugh and playfully slap his arm. He ignores me and runs wildly into the water with me still in his arms. The water cascades his body and lightly splashes onto me. He spins me around and it feels like I am flying. I let out a hysterical giggle and he spins me again. I am floating in his strong arms. The sea breeze is blowing through my loose, caramel hair. Jonathon frees one of his hands and takes the cap off his head. He places it onto mine and he smiles at me. He slowly eases me into the water. His hands slide down each side of my body, sending chills and a divine sensation throughout my entire being. He pulls me further into the water, and now the level is beyond my waist. My eyes close and I can feel him holding onto me. I love this tender side to him. This feeling is like nothing that I have ever experienced before. Why did I resist him for so long? I feel stupid in my poor attempts. Look what I was missing. He’s amazing and nothing at all like Brandon, or am I just blinded by my feelings for the second time in my life?
“You’re so beautiful,” he says as his han
d slides through the ends of my hair. My head is exploding with thoughts and images of what our life would be like together.
Give in Ashley.
My subconscious is screaming at me. I do as she says and I lunge forward into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck and I pull him close to me. I stand on my tip-toes and place my lips onto his. We kiss as the water cascades our bodies. It feels right, dangerous, but right none the less. He deepens the kiss the by pulling me closer. I have caved in. I am his for the taking. I have sacrificed everything, my heart included for this moment. I pray to God and to him. Please don’t hurt me.
Jonathon and I dry off in the hot sun. Sydney and Austin have returned with our drinks, better late than never. When
we asked about why they took so long, they blushed and said that there was a line. Jonathon and I shared a disapproving look and they both blushed. I’ll get the full story from Sydney later. It seems as if they really hit it off. I am glad. Sydney deserves to be with someone awesome, and Austin seems like the perfect version of what she finds attractive in a guy. He has an edgy look. He doesn’t seem pretentious or too into himself, and I know that’s what has Sydney smitten. She hates guys who are over-groomed and into their looks. This guy seems really laid back and from the way they are talking about some band that I have never heard of, it seems as if they have a lot in common. I have long waited for Sydney to meet someone. She’s never interested in anyone –ever. So it’s really refreshing to see that she has fallen for Austin. Jonathon seems happy by the new couple. It’s as if he takes pride in what is unfolding in front of us. Perhaps he planned for the two of them to meet. He probably knew that they would get on like a house on fire, and decided to invite him to the beach so that they could meet. I look at him as he watches them. Yeah that’s a look of ‘well done’ to me. I smile at him and he returns my gesture. He melts my heart and I blush. It feels really good to see him smiling at me. I have resisted him for so long, that it almost paralyzes me, to think that I have finally given into my feelings.
I know you’re crazy about him Ashley, but please take it slow this time.
My annoying subconscious screams at me. I know she’s right. If this thing with Jonathon is to become something … special then it can’t be rushed. I used to be a sucker in love. I was blind and I let Brandon walk all over me. I can’t let that happen again. I have to be true to the girl that I have become.
Sydney and Austin leave together. That’s a promising sign. I’m happy that Sydney has met Austin, but that doesn’t mean that I am not worried about his intentions. After all, she has just met him and now she’s swanning off with him in his car. If I am honest it seems a little forced. I am worrier.
I worry and plan everything out in my head. That’s just who I am. Sydney knows this about me. I need her to put a bullet in my fears.
“Ashley,” she whispers, pulling me to one side. Austin has called Jonathon over to his car. Austin is leaning against the paintwork and Jonathon looks intrigued by whatever their talking about. I tear my eyes away from the guys. Sydney enthusiastically pulls me by my arms towards her. “Isn’t he amazing?”
he gushes. I smile.
“Yeah, he seems … nice,” I murmur. Sydney narrows her eyes. Cleary she disapproves of my tone.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she snaps. I am shocked.
“It means he’s nice, seriously Sid, what’s wrong with you?”
“I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little defensive.” I half smile at her. I am still surprised at how sharp she was with me. I have never known Sydney to get like that. I am really shocked.
“Anyway, you still coming to my show tonight?”
she narrows her eyes again at me. This is weird. She’s weird and rude. Maybe she turns into a demon when she’s dating a guy. Her shifting moods are really in your face and quite worrying to me. I shake myself. Maybe I am reading too much into it.
“
Of course I am. Austin and I both are. He’s taking me out to dinner, you know.” I smile at her. She seems really smitten by him. I can overlook her sharpness as long as she’s happy. She’s my best friend, one that has helped me through so much drama. I could forgive her anything.
“Okay, have a great time with Austin. He really does seem like a nice guy.”
“I know. Oh and don’t worry about the car, I’ll pick it up later.” I smile and nod as I look over at Sydney’s old stang in the lot. Sydney wraps her arms around my neck. We hug and then she runs over to join Austin at the hood of his red BMW. Jonathon excuses himself. He glides over to me. He slides his arm around my shoulder. He walks me to his car. I flop into the passenger seat and I let my head rest against the leather head restraint. Jonathon folds his tall body into the car. The engine roars, and the music blasts through the expensive sound system, as we merge onto the busy streets of LA.
Fourteen
“So where are we going?” I say as I try to take control of my busy hair. The wind has picked up and it’s not helping my wavy hair in the slightest. I manage to remain cool, as Jonathon briefly makes eye contact with me. Crap those eyes are like diamonds. They consume me.
“I thought you could use a new outfit for tonight.”
he says in smooth yet firm voice. I shoot him a darting look. I hate this side to him.
“Ah no, I have plenty of outfits,” he sighs and
I can see his eyes slightly close in frustration.
“Ashley, if I see one more of your shorts and t-shirt combo, I think I’m gonna scream.”
“Hey, don’t mock my style,” I say lightly slapping his thigh. He laughs.
“What style?” I scold him with a cold look. How dare he mock me like this. He thinks that he has the right to change everything about me. I have news for him. I am not a soft touch, well not anymore at least.
“Excuse me, but I’m not the one who dresses head-to-toe in Gucci. You know that there are other brands out there!” he exhales and bites his lip.
“Now who’s the one that’s mocking?”
he says looking deep into my eyes. We have stopped at a red light.
“Well you deserved it,” he laughs at me.
“Maybe, now what stores do you like? Please don’t say GAP.” I frown at him.
“What’s wrong with GAP,” I ask. He sighs.
“Everything, don’t get me started. Now where do you wanna go?”
“Home,” I say bitterly. He tenses. Clearly, I am annoying him.
“Ashley don’t test my patience, its really thin and running out.” his voice is assertive. I hate this side to him. Why does he have to be like this? We were having a great day and now it’s turned sour. All because I won’t do as he says. This isn’t what I want. I thought that he was different. Was I just blind, yet again?
“Jonathon, I want to go home.”
he pushes his foot down onto the gas pedal. His nostrils are flared and his eyes are raging through his dark glasses.
“FINE,” he screams.
The car comes to a screeching halt. The parking lot of my building is quiet today. There aren’t many cars around. Jonathon jumps out of the car and marches over to my door. He pulls open the door and impatiently holds out his hand for mine. I feel bad that I have angered him. He seems really annoyed and maybe I was a little bratty by making him take me home. Sometimes I could strangle myself for being so head-strong. I hate people telling me what to do. I guess I’ve always been this way, ever since I was a little girl. My mom would have the hardest time. I would never to do anything that I didn’t want to do. I believed why make yourself unhappy. Why do something that you don’t like. I lost that part of myself whilst I was with Brandon. But now that I have moved on from him, my proud ways are stronger than ever. I take his hand and I step out of the car. He slides his free hand onto my waist as he walks me over to the door of the building. The door opens, some guy is on his way out and he has kindly held open the door for us. I smile at the guy and Jonathon thanks him. He pushes me up the stairs and into the apartment. The door bangs and he pins me against the wall. My heart rate plummets as he leans in towards me. His lips roughly collide with mine. His hand slides into my hair. His breathing is tense and angry. The salt water hasn’t washed away his cologne. It’s strong and tickles my throat, as I lightly kiss his neck. His eyes are franticly scanning my body. He pulls away from me. I sigh and scold him with an annoyed look. He laughs, that smile, that line, oh my.
“You’re crazy, you know that?”
he whispers. I smile.
The street is lined with cars and the lot is over flowing. Jonathon drives behind the building
, and he parks his car in front of the back entrance. My heart is pounding, are all these people really here to see me? Jonathon escorts me into the club. It’s hot inside and the dark hallway is crowded with security, band members and what looks like groupies. I walk past them, smiling as I do. No way they’re here for me. Jonathon leads me into a small room. There’s a table, with fruit and bottles of water on it. He grabs two bottles, one for him and one for me. I sip the water as he dials on his phone.
“Claire where are you?”
he says in a firm voice. She answers him, he tenses and hangs up.
“Miss Harper,” he says filling the gap between us.
“For the millionth time Jonathon, it’s Ashley,” he laughs at me.
“Not tonight it’s not. We’re working and things have to remain professional, okay?” I nod. I know he’s right. “Claire is on her way. She’ll help you warm up. There are a few things that I gotta take care of. But I’ll see you before you go on.”
he leans in a lightly kisses the top of my head. I watch as he walks towards the door. He pauses and looks back at me.
“
Missing you already Miss Harper,”
“Right back at ya Mr Wilde,”
I pace the room, waiting for Claire. The crowd is roaring and my nerves are starting to kick in. I feel tense, scared and utterly awful. What if this goes badly? What if the crowd doesn’t warm to me and what if I am a total flop? My heart is racing as Claire finally bursts into the room. She’s talking on her cell as she strides over and air-kisses me on both cheeks. I wait for her to end her call. My heart is drumming. I can’t breathe. Clair snaps her Blackberry shut and slides it into her designer purse. She gazes at me and senses my tension. I break a smile from my lips and meet her stare. She’s smartly dressed in white jeans and a red button up vest. Her short dark hair is slicked and her fierce green eyes are nothing short of stunning. She slides her manicured fingers through the ends as she talks.
“Ashley, how good to see you again. Are you well?”
she gushes.
“I’m good, nervous but good,” she smiles and ushers me over to the large, crowded dressing table that takes over the entire room. She sits me down in front of all the make-up
and hair products, and then she dashes over to the table of water and fruit. She grabs two more bottles of water and three slices of lemon. She shoves the lemon slices into the water and she hands her concoction to me. I thank her and politely sip the water. Claire’s attention turns to the racks of clothes behind us. She rolls her eyes as she sips her water.
“Let me guess the spare outfits were Jonny’s idea?” I nod. Although I had insisted on choosing my own outfit, he had insisted on having his stylist or someone he knows in the fashion industry
, bring some outfits for me to scan through. I tried to fight him on the decision but he was having none of it. He scowled and shook his head when he saw my outfit choice for tonight. I thought I looked alright, dressed in my short leather skirt, heels and tank-top. He admitted I looked sexy, but he said I would look even better in one of the designer outfits that he had selected for me. I haven’t given the rack of clothes a second glance, and if I’m honest, I don’t think that I will. I don’t want to accept gifts and new outfits from Jonathon. I feel that would send him the wrong message. I don’t need him to buy me designer clothes. That’s what I had with Brandon, and I most definitely don’t want to have that type of relationship again. I know that I frustrate him by constantly deifying his efforts, but if he knew my reasons, then I know that he would understand them. The problem is that I can’t tell him. I couldn’t risk losing him, especially now that we have taken the next step in our awkward yet thrilling relationship.
“Yeah, you know what he’s like. But I’m happy with my outfit choice.”
“Babe, don’t let the guy turn you into his idea of perfection. Stick up for self and say no. You’re a knock-out and your outfit is jamming.” We laugh and then the conversation turns to tonight and my performance. “Okay so I guess we better get your voice warmed up.”
Claire instructs me on how I should warm up my voice.
I take in all her advice and perform the exercises. When I am done, Jonathon or Mr Wilde as he is tonight, rushes back into the room. He takes my breath away. His dark hair and eyes are gleaming and his white t-shirt and black jeans are a stunning combination. Why does he have to look so good all the time? Seriously it’s not fair and I’m sure it should be against the law. As I stare at him, he smirks, but quickly returns to his serious, bossy alter-ego.
“How is it going? You ready?” I nod and check my watch. Dam it,
it’s almost time. My heart falls to the pit of my stomach, why am I so nervous. I guess it’s because I know that tonight means everything. I am going to perform my very own single to a busy crowd. This is what dreams are made of and tonight my dreams are coming true. I am terrified because I want this to work so badly. Music is my passion and I am scared that I am going to blow it. I can’t escape my nerves. How am I going to get through tonight?
“Is
it that time already?” I say in a shaken voice. Jonathon moves closer to me and places his hand onto my shoulder.
“
Miss Harper, are you okay?” he asks in a soothing voice. I smile at him and hide my fears. I don’t want him to think that I am an emotional wreck. I do feel like bursting out crying and screaming that I am terrified, but I can’t and most importantly, I won’t.
“I’m good,” I lie. He narrows his eyes at me.
“Really?” he asks.
“Yes, really,” I protest. “Now is it time for me to go on?” Jonathon slides his hand around my waist as he walks me over to the door. Claire follows us
, and I can hear her fingers clicking against the buttons of her BlackBerry, as she walks behind us. Jonathon leads me through the busy hallway and towards the back of the stage. The crowd is cheering, and I peek through the black curtains and almost faint, when I see a large poster of me on the back wall. Jonathon asked if he could take some pictures of me earlier on. I had no idea that he wanted them for such a large poster. I cringe, man I look terrible. I scold him with a cold look.
“You bastard,” I say playfully. He laughs and holds his hand up.
“Well I didn’t want to anger you by asking you for a poster-picture. So I fooled you, so what, you’ll forgive me later.” he smugly says. I roll my eyes.
“Don’t hold your breath!” We laugh then his expression turns serious
, as does mine.
“
This is it,” he says in a soft voice. He smiles at me and turns for the direction of the stage. I lunge and pull him back towards me. He looks confused. “What’s wrong?” he asks. I take a deep breath as I gaze at him.
“Thank you,” he smiles at my words.
“Thank me later,”
My heart is drumming out of my chest as I wait nervously behind the curtain. I can hear the crowd quieten as Jonathon glides onto the stage. He taps the microphone and then his strong voice fills the busy club.
“How’s everyone doing tonight?” he chants. The crowd roars and then quietens again. “You guys ready for some music?” he shouts. The crowd whistles and cheers. “Please give a warm welcome to the lovely and the talented, Miss Ashley Scott Harper.”
The curtain drops and I’m faced with
the sea of club goers. Their whistles and cheers louden as I make my way over to the microphone. The flashing lights tame and one single spot light shines on me. I scan the crowd and I smile when I see Sydney, Zane, Austin and Paul standing at the corner of the stage. Jonathon has jumped off the stage and is now standing next to them. Their eyes are fixed on me. Sydney is smiling and Zane looks amused. Paul is gracious as always and Austin looks a little overwhelmed. Out the corner of my eye I can see a guy with a video camera. Jonathon told me that my performance is going to be streamed live on the labels website.
No pressure, right?
I thank the crowd and clear my throat. The upbeat music to ‘the one that got away by Katy Perry’ fills the club and I don’t think, as I belt out the first line.
“Summer afte
r high school when we first met, we make out in your Mustang to Radio Head and on my eighteenth birthday we bought matching tattoos.”
The crowd goes nuts and I melt into the song, singing every word as if my life depended on it. As I sing the chorus, I look at Jonathon. He’s smiling at me as Sydney forces him to dance with her. The song ends and the cheers are loud. I’m speechless. I don’t have time to think when the next song starts.
“I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell, you rose to claim it, it was dark and I was over, until you kissed my lips and you saved me.
My hands, they were strong, but my knees were far too weak. To stand in your arms without falling to your feet. But there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew, all things you’d say, they were never true, never true. And the games you’d play, you would always win, always win. But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face.”