Wildflower (Colors #4) (18 page)

I felt his chest vibrate with laughter and my arm reflexively tightened around his middle. Undertones of humor echoed through his voice as he said, “God, you’re still a terrible liar.”

“You sound just like Chloe,” I grumbled into his skin as I sense of contentment settled over me like a comfortable blanket.

Noah remained silent for a few seconds, and I thought the subject had dropped. I was wrong. “You might have started a new life with new friends, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t know you better than anyone else… at least back then.”

His words caused a sharp sting behind my ribs. “What are we doing?” I asked, lifting my head and resting my chin on my folded hands. His features were hardened with determination as he focused on me.

“We’re starting over,” he declared seriously. “What just happened between us changes everything, Harlow. There’s no going back.”

My stomach flipped with a combination of excitement and anxiety. I just couldn’t tell which one was the strongest. “But we’re a disaster,” I whispered.

The hardness melted from his face and his eyes grew soft. “We’re not. It’s easy to hold on to all the bad shit when a relationship ends, but you’ve forgotten about all the good. We had a lot of good back then, baby. I just need to remind you of that.”

My nose tickled as a lump formed in my throat. “I can’t go through that again, Noah. You make it sound like we ended because of a meaningless fight. It was so much more than that, and you know it,” I spoke in a ragged voice.

Noah’s abs flexed as he pushed to sitting, taking me with him so I was forced to straddle his thighs. Wrapping his fist around my hair, he pulled down slightly so our gazes met. “You have to
trust
me, Har,” he insisted vehemently. “You said you forgave me, but you haven’t, have you? Not really.”

I tried unsuccessfully to turn my head, I couldn’t stand to see the disappointment shining back at me. Because what he was saying was at least half-true. I just hadn’t realized it until that moment.

There was no mistaking the hurt in his voice when he asked, “What do I need to do to earn your trust back? Or is that even possible?”

“I just… I’m not…” I stumbled over my words, trying to figure out what it was I actually wanted. I was so confused. The push and pull of wanting Noah and fearing more heartbreak was tearing me in half. “I don’t know,” I whispered in frustration. “Can we just… go slow? I’m not saying I don’t want this, or that I don’t want to try. But I need this to move at a pace I’m comfortable with. My head feels like it’s about to explode. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore.”

His eyes seared my skin as he watched me intently. I began to fidget under his scrutiny before he finally spoke. “I can give you that.”

Five simple words from him were all it took for relief to wash over me.

“Thank you.”

“But…” he continued, “slow doesn’t equal space, wildflower. Just keep that in mind. I won’t push you to go faster than you’re comfortable with, but this…” he waved a finger between the two of us, “…is happening. You made that decision earlier when
you
kissed
me
. If this is going to work, you can’t keep me at arm’s length.”

“Okay.”

His head jerked back, his eyes growing wide in shock. “Okay? That’s it?”

My brows furrowed in confusion. “Well, yeah. What you’re asking for isn’t unreasonable. I can handle that. As long as you’re okay with keeping this between ourselves for a little while.” I felt his body grow tense and agitated and hurried to clarify. “I’m not saying I want to keep this a secret. But we need to take time to get to know each other again. Besides, the whole town knows what happened between us before. Do you really want to deal with all that gossip while we’re trying to work on building something together?”

His body relaxed, but his face remained somewhat stormy as he grudgingly admitted, “I see your point.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at his disgruntlement. I gave his shoulders a gentle push and tried to stand, only to have Noah jerk me back into place.

“Where do you think you’re going?” His voice rumbled against my ear, sending shivers across my skin. I wanted him again, there was no doubt about that, but I needed to get home.

“I have to get back to Ethan. We didn’t leave things on the best of terms and I kind of stormed out of there to come yell at you.” I pushed again and this time he let me go. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and began dressing as he stood and pulled his flannel pants up.

Once I was properly covered, Noah wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest. “We need to figure out how to tell Ethan about this. We might not want the whole town to know, but we can’t keep this from him.”

I let out a breath and dropped my forehead to his chest. “I know. I’m just worried about doing something that’ll set him off. He’s had enough upheaval in his life already.”

“Hey. Look at me,” Noah said softly, tipping my chin up. “This isn’t a bad thing, okay? Us being together isn’t something that’ll disrupt his life. This is good.”

I nodded in agreement even as uncertainty raged inside of me. I wanted so badly to believe him. I wanted to trust that it was a good thing. However, my sense of self-preservation refused to let me look at the situation through rose-colored glasses.

That niggling doubt remained in the back of my mind, reminding me of just how badly things could get.

After kissed me good bye, branding my lips with his before letting me go, I climbed into Grammy’s truck and started home. As I tried my best to ignore the frigid chill filling up the cab thanks to the malfunctioning heater, I got lost in memories of the past.

That one fateful day, where everything turned from wonderful to bad standing out prominently among the rest of them.

Noah’s knee continued to bounce up and down so rapidly the cheap Formica chair I was sitting in next to him continued to shake.

“Will you stop?” I whispered harshly. “You’re stressing me out even more than I am already.”

His knee stopped moving and he cut his eyes to me. “Well, excuse me. So sorry to stress
you
out. It’s not like this is affecting
my
life or anything.”

Dropping my chin to my chest, I ran my fingers through my hair agitatedly. It had been like this since that stupid stick turned pink. Constant bickering and snapping was adding intense tension to an already shitty situation.

“Can we please not fight?” I asked in a weak voice, barely able to speak through the tears clogging my throat. I couldn’t stand fighting with Noah. It wasn’t something we’d done often in the time we’d been together. But the fact that we were both freaking out about our futures had us at each other’s throats. I hated it. I needed him to tell me it was all going to be okay. I needed to know we’d get through this. Noah was the only person, other than Grammy, who was a constant in my life. I couldn’t lose that.

“I’m scared out of my mind, Noah. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

I could see the struggle on his face as he pushed aside his own fears in order to comfort me through mine. “It’s okay, wildflower,” he soothed, wrapping his arm around his shoulder and pulling me into his side. “We’ll get through this, okay? Everything’s gonna be all right. I promise.”

It was in that moment that I was reminded of exactly why I loved him so much. Despite his own worries and concerns, he was my rock. He was the shoulder I could lean on when things got hard. As I melted into his embrace, I kept telling myself that he was right. We were strong. Everything was going to be okay.

Because as long as we had each other, nothing else mattered.

Right?

“Prewitt?” A short, stocky nurse called, holding the door that lead to the exam rooms open with her ample behind. “Harlow Prewitt?”

“That’s me,” I answered, nerves causing my voice to break as I stood from my seat.

“Right this way, please.” Noah stood next to me and took my hand, leading me toward what I had come to view as the door of doom. “Sir, I’ll have to ask that you wait out here.”

“Like hell,” Noah shot back. “I’m going in there with her.”

I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do more, kiss him for his show of support, or kick him in the shin for causing a scene on the lobby of the Planned Parenthood office. I didn’t get a chance to decide before the bitchy nurse from hell spoke again.

“You’re not allowed back in the examination room, sir. It’s policy”

“Look,” Noah shot back. I could see his jaw twitching as he worked to contain his anger. “She’s my girlfriend and I’m not letting her do this by herself. I don’t give a shit what your policy is. She’s not going in there alone.”

With nothing more than a roll of her eyes, the nurse stepped through the door and led us to the cold, sterile exam room.

“What are we going to do?” I sobbed.

“I don’t know.”

I looked across the cab of Noah’s truck to see him white-knuckling the steering wheel as we made the drive back to Pembrooke from Jackson Hole. When we first walked into the doctor’s office, I was so hopeful that we’d find out the test was wrong. Hope wasn’t on my side.

“We c-can’t have a b-baby, Noah,” I hiccupped through my tears. “We’re teenagers for Christ’s sake! I don’t know the first thing about babies!”

Noah’s jaw ticked. It had been ticking from the moment we walked into that god forsaken exam room and hadn’t stopped since.

“Just… calm down.”

“
Calm down
?!” I shrieked. “I’m pregnant! I’m in high school and I’m freaking pregnant! How am I supposed to calm down?!”

“I already told you, it’s all gonna be okay. We’re seniors and the year’s halfway over, anyway.”

“But what about college, huh? You have a scholarship to Ohio and I got in to NYU. What are we supposed to do with a baby? And… oh, God. What are we going to tell your parents?” I dropped my head into my hands and cried even harder. Everything was such a mess.

“I…” he started, but suddenly stopped. “I don’t know,” he finished in a quiet, defeated voice. “Shit. I don’t know.”

I woke with a start, feeling disoriented. Dreaming of the past was most definitely taking a toll on my sleep, and quite possibly, my sanity. Rolling to my back, I stretched my arms and legs, feeling the slight ache in muscles that hadn’t been used in years, reminding me of the evening before and just how spectacularly Noah had manipulated my body.